Bad Behavior – Chap 5 Finding the Right Motivation

"I didn't expect to see you home just yet. I guess your Dad paroled you early from the budgets huh?"

"Sandy don't say budgets. I don't want to even want to think about numbers right now."

"The good news is there's only one day left until the weekend honey."

"My father doesn't understand the concept of weekends Sandy."

"Come on, let's go in and get dinner ordered, see how the boys are."

Walking in the door they were met with hysterical laughter emanating from the kitchen. Looking at each other, they couldn't even begin to imagine that the boys' day alone could have been that much of a success.

"I guess that cigarette you gave him really did improve his mood. Can you give him one every morning?"

"Sandy, don't count your chickens just yet."

Entering the kitchen they discovered the source of the laughter and their mouths dropped open. Ryan was sitting slouched at the kitchen table and Seth was on the floor with his t-shirt half pulled off his body trapping his arms and his head inside the twisted material. A bottle of Vodka, three-quarters empty, stood on the kitchen table.

"I don't believe this! What is going on in here?!" Sandy demanded.

Still smiling, Ryan turned his head in the direction of Sandy's anger while Seth mumbled an 'uh oh' from the floor and stopped thrashing against his shirt.

"I don't believe this! You're both drunk!" Kirsten's voice squeaked somewhere between anger, frustration and astonishment.

"I'm not drunk," Ryan argued back.

"Well good for you!" Pointing at Seth she spoke flatly to Ryan. "Then get up and help him!"

Still sitting frozen in his position, like a slug bound by his shirt, Seth let Ryan pull his shirt off the rest of the way. Glancing at his infuriated parents, Seth leaned in to Ryan and whispered, "Hey…do they know?"

Doing his best to control a laugh, "Yeah Seth. They know."

Winking at Ryan, "I got this," he slurred.

"Think so? Okay man," Ryan acknowledged, standing up and backing away.

Looking around at the floor Seth realized he had a problem and waved Ryan back over, "Maybe if you helped me up firs…"

Pulling Seth to his feet, Ryan watched him steady himself against the counter before turning to face his parents.

Not able to hold back his frustration any longer, Sandy exploded, "Just what did you think you were doing in here today?"

"Srues."

"What???"

"Huh? Oh, um…srues. Actually it's sruers. What's that word Ry?"

Laughing out loud at Seth's answer, Ryan caused Sandy to turn his attention to him. Clearing his throat, "He's trying to say screwdrivers," Ryan explained.

"Screwdrivers…well that's just great! Where did you get the booze?"

Suddenly things weren't so funny. Ryan canned his laughter and looked down at the floor.

Kirsten jumped on the opportunity to throw the day's events back in his lap. "I met you halfway this morning. You were told to stay home and to stay out of trouble. I hope you enjoyed that cigarette this morning, it'll be your last."

Drunken Seth quickly piped up, "Oh he doesn't care, he's got two more."

Grinding his teeth, Ryan closed his eyes attempting to stay in control.

"Oh he does? Where are they?" When Ryan didn't respond, "Sandy, take Seth upstairs and let him sleep some of that off. I want him to hear me yelling at him tomorrow. I want to talk to Ryan alone."

Sensing this talk was going to be a heated one, Ryan took a seat on the barstools and watched Sandy direct a staggering Seth out of the kitchen.

Kirsten stood across the counter, drumming her fingers. Ryan had discovered this was one of her 'tells' when she wasn't sure what to say.

"I thought we had an understanding this morning. Did you think you'd get away with this?"

"No. As a matter of fact I told Seth this would be worth getting in trouble over."

"So then why do this? If you knew you were going to get caught?"

Looking Kirsten square in the eyes, "To teach Seth a lesson."

"To teach Seth a lesson? What was the lesson, "How to Become a Juvenile Delinquent in Five Easy Steps?"

Turning away from Kirsten, Ryan returned to grinding his teeth and his chest rose and fell evenly, a familiar rumble of anger growing inside him.

"You've made some poor choices since you came here Ryan and I've got to tell you, this tops the list. I am extremely disappointed in you. Seth isn't anything like you and he'll never be anything like you as long as I have a say so in…"

"Who the hell do you think you are? Huh? Sure this looks great on paper to all the friends you're trying to impress. Right? I can see it now, 'yeah we took in this kid, he's rotten but we're trying.' You don't even know what's going on in your damn house! Before you try saving me maybe you should be looking a little closer to home first."

"Ryan…"

Before she could get anything further out, he was up and gone. She'd started to learn to read between the lines when it came to Ryan and there was obviously something there but damned if she could figure it out. Taking a chance on fueling an already raging attitude, she went to the pool house. There she found Ryan standing with his back to her, smoking a cigarette. Her drunken son had told the truth. Somehow, he had obtained more smokes.

Hearing her enter his room, "If you tell me I can't have this, I'm going to go postal," he warned over his shoulder.

"You're not in a position to be calling the shots. But, for the time being, I'm willing to compromise. I'll let you keep that one but you have to take it outside on the patio, and…you have to talk to me. There's no smoking in this house. You've already bent that rule in half, a little more pressure and I'm sure we'll both hear the snap."

Ryan stood still a moment longer before walking past Kirsten in a huff. On the patio his trademark glare met with Kirsten's own frown of frustration.

"I want to know what happened today Ryan. And I want to know what you meant by what you said in there."

His eyes piercing hers, he raised his hand to his mouth for another hit before finally looking away from her and taking a seat at the patio table. Considering that was about as submissive as Ryan would ever be, Kirsten immediately took a seat across from him. Again his eyes drifted across the table and locked with hers. It was apparent he had his guard up and she expected nothing less from him.

"Okay. Let's start simple. The booze and the cigarettes, where did they come from?"

Narrowing his eyes, Ryan sat back in his chair giving a disgusted shake of his head. All the while keeping his eyes locked with Kirsten's.

"Fine. I'll assume you 'acquired' them through questionable means. Don't do it again…and when I say don't do it again, I mean it."

Ryan's expression hadn't changed and his cold stare gave Kirsten the chills.

"Now, what lesson where you trying to teach Seth? I want an honest answer Ryan."

"You really don't have a clue, do you?"

"A clue about what?"

"Your son. Pffft. I thought it was only my family that didn't pay attention to their kids. No wonder you don't know what to do with me, you haven't even figured out what to do with him."

Holding her breath at Ryan's comment, Kirsten searched his face looking for more information, but got nothing. Ryan was definitely street-wise and his experiences, albeit, not the best ones, had given him a very rough education. It was that background that unnerved Kirsten. He seemed to understand people with frightening accuracy. To hear that he seemed to know something about Seth…well that had her wondering.

"Ryan I don't understand what you're getting at. Sandy and I are very…"

"Clueless. Look, the place I come from couldn't be any farther from what Newport is like and I mean that in every sense. You've never had to steal food because you hadn't had a meal in three days. You've never had to break into a car or a building so you'd have somewhere to sleep for the night that was dry and warm and where the cops wouldn't find you. I'm like Disneyland to Seth. I'm a damn attraction."

Ryan's explanation came to an abrupt halt leaving Kirsten hanging. He turned his attention out to the ocean. He appeared to be regrouping his thoughts. Kirsten on the other hand was trying to absorb every ounce of his explanation. She wanted to keep him talking…she needed something that would grab his attention.

"Do you still go down to the pier, to be alone?"

The question jarred his attention back to the table. He turned his eyes to the side to acknowledge her. She could tell the wheels were turning in his head.

"I only followed you once, back when you first came here," she lied. "I was afraid you were leaving."

"I used to go sit on the pier everyday. Can't do that in Chino. I'd look at the boats way out and wish I was on one of them. I would just wish to be anywhere but here. Wish to be anyone other than who I am."

For the second time in the same conversation he shocked her with one of his comments. For such a tough kid, a kid that previously told her he wouldn't change, he just admitted that he wished he had a better life. That information came through between the lines loud and clear.

"You're life can be anything you want it to be Ryan. We just need to find something that motivates you in that direction. We haven't found it yet."

Letting his eyes drop to the table, her words swirled in his mind. How he wanted to believe that was true. But life wasn't like that where he came from. Where he came from, dreams were built only to be shattered. It was in the middle of this mindset that he realized her anger had subsided to a point. She was no longer yelling and angry. She was talking to him. For reasons he couldn't explain, he felt the need to meet her half way. Just as he had done when he returned after being missing for those weeks.

Biting his lip, "I know I'm not the best example out there. More importantly, I know how you and Sandy feel about Seth. It's just…" he paused trying to select the right words. "Ever since I got here…he wants to be me." Off Kirsten's look, "I know, I know. I agree and I've tried telling him, hell I've even been mean to him since the day I got here trying to put him off but nothing works. He thinks my life is one big adventure."

"He said that to you?"

"Yes. And some days I'm just not in the mood to deal with it and today was one of them." Looking at Kirsten's face he realized he was going to have to spell everything out for her. "Look you and I both know he's not me and he's never gonna be like me. And for the record, I'm not trying to make him like me as a matter of fact I've been trying to get him to hate me. Everything I've done was to show him there's nothing great about anything I do."

Folding her arms, "Everything you've done?"

Ryan's eyes immediately closed, his head rolling to the side in frustration for opening that can of worms. When he glanced back to Kirsten, her raised eyebrows prompting him to provide a suitable explanation.

"Jesus Christ."

"I'm okay with this conversation so far Ryan. I may not like the topics, but I'd rather if you were honest with me. Don't tell me everything from day one, but tell me about today. I'd love to know how he ended up drunk and stuck in his t-shirt on the kitchen floor."

A smile flickered across Ryan's face before he was able to contain it. "That was pretty funny. Honesty. Right. Boredom usually breeds bad ideas and today was no different. He challenged me."

"And?"

"And that's it. Even you knew what I would have done had you said 'no' when I asked you for a cigarette this morning. He challenged me and he tried to portray a bigger set of ba….you know…than he had. I called his bluff and the day just evolved from there."

"Okay," Kirsten paused trying to play out the day's events in her head before continuing. "So, Seth attempted to call your bluff, but since you don't bluff, you acted on it and then you called his bluff and decided to have some fun at his expense knowing he would go to pieces?"

"Yeah. Basically."

"That was an evil thing to do Ryan. He looks up to you."

Ryan stared at Kirsten for a moment trying to make sense of what she just said. The thought of being a mentor for someone never crossed his mind. He thought Seth was just obsessed with his daredevil lifestyle.

"He looks up to me?" Ryan repeated quietly.

"Yes, he does. He doesn't have any siblings Ryan. Good or bad, to him you're the neatest thing since the skateboard."

Ryan looked away, confused. This information was coming of out left field. Kirsten smiled to herself. Maybe, just maybe, she found the right thing to motivate Ryan onto the right path.

"Is there anything else you want to talk about Ryan?"

Still sidetracked by Kirsten's comment he shook his head.

"Alright then Ryan, that's it for today. You go to your room, that's where you'll be spending the evening. I'll bring your dinner to you. I'm going to think on your punishment and we'll discuss it in the morning."

"Okay," Ryan stated softly. Standing up he extinguished his cigarette in the can Kirsten had provided for him earlier that day and headed towards the pool house.

"Ryan…" When he paused and looked at her, "Thank you for being honest with me."

Nodding, he continued on his way.

"Okay Ryan, rise and shine. Time for your sentencing."

Groaning, he rolled over to see Kirsten standing next to his bed. "Kirsten it's seven o'clock. I have no doubt I'm grounded so can't I be sentenced at say, ten?"

Smiling, "No. You're sentencing has to be now, because you're punishment has already started."

"It has?"

"Uh huh. I need you to get up and meet me in the kitchen. I'd hurry if I were you."

Ryan gave Kirsten a concerned look as she left the pool house in a hurry. Getting himself together quickly, he headed toward the kitchen to see what the day would hold for him.

Pausing just inside the kitchen door, his attention was drawn to the objects on the kitchen table. "What's all this?"

"Oh that would be the start of your punishment. You have some cleaning to do."

Blinking in a still half asleep stupor, "Cleaning?"

"Yes. Cleaning. It was your idea to get Seth drunk yesterday so you're going to start your punishment by cleaning."

Wrinkling his face a bit, "I take it he puked…"

"You could say that. You'll start in his room specifically his bed, then his floor…oh and watch where you're walking in the hallway on your way up there."

Ryan groaned again. "Did he even try to make it to the bathroom?"

"Ah, complaining. And this coming from the same guy that drenched my foyer floor not so long ago."

Biting his lip, Ryan looked away from Kirsten.

"He's in the bathroom now. Check on him while you're up there. I'd get started if I were you."

Grabbing the bucket and the cleaning supplies, Ryan walked past Kirsten. She was surprised that he was going along with the punishment. Then again, he hadn't seen the mess upstairs just yet.

Coming across the mess in the hallway, Ryan set down his supplies and began to sop up the mess with paper towels, placing them in a garbage bag. Hearing Seth moaning down the hall, he remembered he was supposed to check on him.

"Hey man."

Looking as if he'd been hit by a truck, Seth kept his head hung over the toilet and wiggled his fingers at Ryan.

"Ryan…make it stop…"

"I tried to warn you man."

"Next time warn me and mean it. I'm dying."

Chuckling, "You'll live. Maybe next time you'll listen."

"How do you do this? I mean seriously Ryan. According to you, you do this often. I don't ever want to do this again."

"I don't know. After a while you get numb to it I guess. You can't live in a house full of alcoholics and not learn to tolerate booze…not to mention puking. So now will you promise me you won't make a habit out of this?"

"Yes, I swear."

"And when I stole the booze? If I ever catch you stealing anything…"

"I won't…I swear. I should have listened to you. I'm sorry…"

Seth's apology was cut short by another round of heaving. "Oh God Ryan this sucks so bad. My parents are going to be infuriated with me. What do I do Ryan? What do I say to them? This isn't like me. You were right, I'm a Mama's boy and Mama's boys don't do this."

"There's nothing wrong with you Seth. I said that to you to make sure you kept away from the things I was getting into. You're a good kid. Me? I'm a mess. What's worse is that your parents are really trying with me. I can see it. I just know I'm going to let them down and I'll be back in Chino, or worse, in no time. It's the curse of being an Atwood. We screw up everything."

Turning to face Ryan, a pale Seth offered his best advice. "You're too hard on yourself man. There's a good guy under there somewhere. Face it, if there wasn't, you wouldn't be looking out for a geek like me."

Keeping silent, Ryan let Seth's words soak in. Kirsten's words from the night before about Seth looking up to him whirled in his head as well. Raising his head to consider those thoughts, he was shocked to find Kirsten leaning against the doorframe to the bathroom, out of Seth's view. She'd heard everything.

Seth continued to wrestle with his upset stomach even though there was nothing left to toss. He had no idea about the silent exchange going on between his Mom and Ryan. "Ryan, tell me what to do," he said softly through a raspy voice. "My Mom's going to kill me."

Looking right at Kirsten, "Tell her your sorry," he replied just as quietly.

Kirsten could tell he was having a sincere moment. Considering what he had shared with Seth and now he knew she'd overheard it all, surely he was feeling vulnerable as well. She enjoyed these genuine peaks at Ryan, when he didn't have his guard up, when he wasn't acting tough. Raising her head in a single nod, she acknowledged his apology. Even though he was talking to Seth, that apology was meant for her and she knew it.

"Seth I gotta get back to work."

"Work?"

"Since I got you drunk I have to clean up the mess you made. You're mom will be coming up soon to make sure I'm doing it. I'll check on you in a little bit."

"Ryan man, promise me this will stop. I can't take much more of this."

Offering a crooked smile to the back of Seth's head, "Hang in there man, it'll stop."

Pushing off the vanity Ryan walked slowly up to Kirsten and regarded her a moment before leaving the bathroom. Kirsten put her hand on his back as he passed through the doorway. Seth had called it. There really was a good kid under that tough skin. Kirsten hoped to see more of him as time went on.

After Ryan had stepped back into the hallway, Kirsten decided it was time to approach Seth. "Seth…"

"Mom," he garbled. "Mom…I'm sorry."