Chapter 7: Can He Substitute?

Snape chased after him in a frenzy, bumping into Bob, Voldie, James Potter, Dumbledore and many others. "SIRIUS BLACK! I'm gonna kill you!" Snape then ran around the corner and slipped right over Draco and Harry who were poking each other as hard as they could.

"SNAPEY SUFFER!" Draco shrieked at the dazed grownup, taking a nearby lit candle and proceeding to whack Snape on the top of the head.

Unfortunately, as we all know, Snape's hair is incredibly greasy. This is a bad thing, considering grease and fire are a bad, deadly combination. Draco giggled.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Snape shouted, jumping to his feet. "SOMEONE PUT ME OUT!"

"But there's a lot of us, isn't there? That's dangerous, as you would get really wet," Bellatrix said, picking up the hysterical baby. Everyone else stared.

"WHO CARES!" Snape shouted, running around in a circle. "EXTINGUISH MEEEEEEEE!"

"Okey-dokey, Snapy-o!" Voldemort said, smiling.

Everyone then proceeded to run around like crazy people (which they are) with buckets of water, pouring them all over each other.

"THROW IT ON ME YOU IDIOTS!" Snape shouted.

"Alrighty daddy-o!" Sirius said from behind Snape, dunking a bucket of water on top of him, then covering his head with it.

"I so want to kill you right now," Snape said through clenched teeth. "In fact, I think I will," he said, beaming and pulling out his wand.

"No, no, no, Snapey! Today is a happy day!" Voldemort said cheerfully.

"And?" Snape asked expectantly

"And that means no killing anyone," he said, jamming the wand back into Snape's pocket.

"That's right, Snapey!" Sirius said as Voldemort turned away. "No killing anyone." He then grabbed Snape's cheeks and pushed them together.

"Get away from my face," Snape said slowly, "or I will be forced to hurt you."

"You're not allowed," Sirius said in a taunting voice.

"I'm not allowed to kill you, but I can still hurt you. You see, Lord Voldemort said everyone's supposed to be happy. Hurting you will make me a very happy person," Snape said coldly.

Sirius backed away, letting go of his face. "Why?" Sirius asked.

"Because you'd be in pain, my dear friend."

"We're friends? COOL!"

"WE ARE NOT FRIENDS! WE NEVER WERE AND NEVER WILL BE!" Snape shouted and stalked off.

"Oh, well." Sirius shrugged and pulled out a party hat.

Snape walked towards the party table. Shouting at idiots always made him thirsty. He was almost there when the music started.

"EVERYBODY MAMBO!" some random person (that sounded a lot like Sirius) shouted.

A long line of people came by Sirius in the lead.

"THAT IS NOT HOW YOU MAMBO!" Snape shouted, but nobody heard anyway. After what seemed like forever, the last person in line turned to Snape and threw him into the line.

Remus Lupin stood dancing in front of him. "COME ON SNAPE! GET IN LINE! WE'RE MAMBOING!"

" I'M ALREADY IN LINE! AND THIS ISN'T HOW YOU MAMBO!" Snape shouted. "AND THIS IS A VIOLATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS!"

"YOU'RE RIGHT! YOU'RE VIOLATING THE RIGHTS OF HUMANS HAVING FUN!" Sirius said from behind him.

"WHY?" Snape asked himself and broke down into hysterical sobs.

"Why what?"

"WHY IS IT THAT EVERY TIME SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS YOU END UP RIGHT NEXT TO ME?" Snape choked out.

"Oh." Sirius thought about this. "I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm the person you wouldn't want to be here and, well, here I am."

"I WANNA GO HOME!" Snape sobbed.

"It's okay," Sirius said soothingly.

"NO IT'S NOT!" Snape sniffed. "NOBODY LOVES ME!"

"Well… No, you're right. No one does."

Snape sniffed and looked at him. Sirius smiled stupidly. "MY LIFE'S A MESS!" he shouted.

"Why?"

"You always ruin it!"

"No I don't. Remember the time when you…no, wait. I messed that up." Snape looked at him expectantly. "Or the time when you…no, I messed that up too. Hah." He laughed. "I guess I did mess your life up."

Snape cried. And the others 'mamboed'.


A/N: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FEAR ME AND MY GROUP OF RANDOM MAMBOERS! Even though it's not really how you mambo. The audience started running around in circles, knocking into each other.

"MY LEG!"

"Okay." The author ducked as a chair flew past her head. "OKAY! YOU CAN STOP NOW!" she shouted.

On to my reviewers!

LilStripedTomato: Gee, thanks! Glad you liked it. I'm currently reading Edgar Allan Poe, so I'm depressed, and that's why this chapter isn't as funny as usual. Yes, Snape's gift was creepy. Then again, so is the story. And unfortunately I don't think J.K would be very happy with me if I ended the war with socks, though it would be quite fun. Actually I think J.K. would absolutely hate me if she found out what I was up to. Anyway - MUFWAFWAFWA to you! I left another cliffy! (Jumps around while Bella throws herself off the cliff.) NO, A CLIFFY ABOUT THE STORY, YOU IMBECILE! (Sees everyone staring) YAY! (Squeeglomps her!) You feel better! Sorry about your dog, and I get a box of cookies? Oh you shouldn't have! Anyway, see you and no prob about reviewing the story! I enjoyed it!

BaYer04rulz: Yes, actually that is the point. (Gives a cookie from box) Oh, I love that part, too.

Wicked-n-lazy: Yes, evil cliffies! You shall perish before them! OH, CAKE! (random group of people that aren't supposed to be there in the first place start singing "Happy Birthday") IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! THANKS! Um, just one question, not to be rude or anything, but who's Jason Flemyng?

Miss Piratess: (Also slaps head) I have no idea. Good luck with him though! (hands her Snape)

Super Shayde: You think this is bad? Wait till you see the next chapter. Was that really your favorite part? Because I think I can do better. Oh well. And don't sweat it about your story; I know it's hard to come up with randomness. I got tons of Marauders stories that are insane but Avie won't put them up! (Hits Avie over head) PUT THEM UP!

KitKat88: I'm glad. (hands overcookie)

visual purple: I do too. There's your update!