Bad Behavior – Chap 9

So That's What Love Is

Ryan awoke to a spinning room. Moaning, he rolled over and looked at the clock on his night table. 1:13 p.m. "Guess I'm not going to school today," he told the clock. With the room feeling as tight as his head was feeling, he thought some fresh air would do him some good. Slowly crawling out of bed, he yawned and shuffled his way to the door and stepped out on the patio where he found Sandy and Kirsten sitting at the patio table. They obviously skipped work in order to keep a close eye on him.

"Hey Ryan," Sandy greeted. "Why don't you come sit down here for a minute?"

Ryan's mouth was dry and his head was still whirling. "Does it have to be right now?"

"Yes," Sandy answered curtly.

Against his will Ryan took his time crossing the patio and gingerly took a seat across from his foster parents. He made a point of looking anywhere but directly at them.

"Ryan we need to talk."

"About what?" he asked, raising his eyes to Sandy's.

"About yesterday and what happened."

Ryan sat back in his chair and waited for Sandy to deliver his speech about missing classes and partying and coming home drunk. A speech he'd heard his mom give him a hundred times or more. He knew it forwards and backwards. But, in his foggy hangover, he forgot to give credit where credit was due. The Cohen's were almost always one step ahead of him. And they were about to do it again.

"Ryan…we know what happened," Sandy started. The comment turned out to be a true attention-getter when Ryan's eyes snapped up and locked with Sandy's. Now he knew they were on to something.

Pretending to brush off his nerves, Ryan narrowed his eyes at Sandy. "Yeah? What do you know?"

"We know everything. Why didn't you come to us?"

Ryan sat quietly, chewing the inside of his cheek. "I don't know what you're talking about. There's nothing to hide."

"No?"

"No," Ryan answered with a little too much strength behind it.

"Ryan, I'm an attorney. It's my job to find out information…especially secrets."

Blinking several times, Ryan forced himself to look away from Sandy and he concentrated on shimmering water in the pool.

"I think he needs some incentive," Kirsten interjected. Reaching into her sweater pocket, she pulled out a pack of cigarettes, the same pack she had taken from Ryan when he came back home.

Ryan's eyebrows furled at the increasing insanity of the game they were playing with him. "You're gonna con me with cigarettes?"

Kirsten nodded, "I've been conned a few times. I had a pretty good teacher." She watched Ryan shake his head and look away. "Here's how it works…you give us the truth. Every time you give us the truth, you get a cigarette. You give me five truths, I'll give you all five cigarettes that are left in the pack."

"And why would I have anything to tell in the first place?"

"Because we already know. We just want to hear your side of it," Sandy explained patiently.

Ryan sat frighteningly still, moving only his eyes back and forth between Sandy and Kirsten. His body language showing he was doing a slow burn all the while. The silence was so thick it was suffocating. Ryan finally dropped his eyes down to the pack of cigarettes. Standing up, he walked over to Kirsten's side of the table and reached for the pack. Expertly tapping it against the heel of his hand, a single cigarette popped from the pack. Putting it to his lips, he removed the solo cigarette and tossed the rest of the pack down on the table. Reaching for the lighter he lit his 'reward'. Sandy and Kirsten watched him with puzzled looks on their faces.

Ryan inhaled deeply. Other than the flick of the lighter, the silence at the table still had not been broken. He let the hand holding the cigarette fall down to his side and his eyes darted between his foster parents again.

He looked at them intently and finally let the smoke escape from his mouth. "You don't know anything…and that's the truth."

Kirsten and Sandy sat dumbfounded at the table with their mouths dropping open slightly.

"Hung over or not, if there's one thing I can recognize a mile away, it's a lying parent. Don't do that again."

Ryan stood steadfast before the perplexed duo. His strength fueled by the adrenaline coursing through his body. "I'm going to walk down the driveway and finish my cigarette. I'll be right back."

"Okay," Kirsten acknowledged at barely a whisper, not knowing what else to say.

When Ryan had disappeared around the side of the house, Sandy turned to his wife and shook his head. "Damn he's good. If we can ever straighten him out, he's got to be an attorney when he grows up."

"Sandy don't make jokes right now. He saw right through us. I warned you, he's smart. We can't just be one step ahead of him, we've got to be five or six steps ahead of him…at all times."

"Unbelievable. Now what do we do? That didn't work," Sandy laughed.

"Well we know about yesterday. He still has punishment coming for that and…"

"You can stop whispering about me now. I'm back," Ryan warned as he approached the patio table. Taking his same seat he glared at the Cohens and waited to see what would come up next.

Stumbling for words, "Um, I…suppose an apology is in order. We shouldn't have lied to you," Kirsten offered. "We're sorry. We just…we know something isn't right and we want to help."

"If I want your help, I'll ask for it. I've come to you twice when I needed it the most. If I need you, you'll know." Ryan's face bordered on controlled anger while Kirsten nodded.

Trying to change the subject, "Okay then let's move on to yesterday," Sandy said, trying to cool Ryan down. "Now the school has already called about the classes you missed. You're going to have to serve detention for a week and you'll have some additional assignments to turn in to make up for those classes you skipped."

"In addition to that, we will be grounding you for the same week," Kirsten added. "And I mean grounded…no going out, no telephone, no TV, no video games, no car and absolutely no bargaining for cigarettes. Understand?"

Nodding his head slowly, Ryan stared holes through his disciplinarians.

"That takes care of school," Sandy continued as he watched Ryan's eyes trail across the table to his. "We still have the party in Long Beach to cover. Any ideas Dear?"

"Actually I do have one. Charity set up. Three of them."

"What?" Ryan contested angrily.

"You heard me. You went out without letting someone know where you went, you were out past your curfew and you came home drunk. That's three rules broken, that's three set-ups you're gonna help with…without complaining. Got it?"

Ryan forced his head to turn toward the ocean. His cheeks flexed from grinding his teeth. "Are we done?"

"No," Kirsten answered, Ryan's eyes returned to glare at hers. "The girl…"

"You're gonna punish me for having sex?" he replied curtly.

"He had sex?" Sandy asked bewildered.

"Unprotected sex," Kirsten explained. "Ryan I think you and I will put in some volunteer time down at the hospital. One day in the Nursery and one day in the ward where the HIV positive patients are located. I want to make sure you get a good taste of what can happen if you aren't careful."

Kirsten rose from the table, reached for the pack of cigarettes and the lighter and placed them back in her pocket. "Let me make one thing clear Ryan…if you do not complete your punishment during the week of your detention, a second week will be added."

"Why are you being so hard on me?" he barked back.

Leaning on the patio table Kirsten got right in his face. "Because I love you Ryan and I will not let you throw your life away!"

That word, 'love', that got Ryan's attention. No one ever used the word 'love' in the same sentence as his name. That just never happened. To hear Kirsten say it with such conviction, he imagined that's what it must sound like when someone meant it when they said it.

"You're excused Ryan. Go to your room."

Part confused but mostly still angry, Ryan stood up abruptly causing the patio chair to screech across the pavement. He hurried up the steps to the pool house and slammed the door behind him.

Still leaning on the patio table Kirsten turned to Sandy. "Why do you look so scared?" she laughed.

"You can be very convincing when you're angry."

"My strengths seem to lie in the "P" categories when it comes to Ryan."

"Excuse me?"

"Uh huh…puking, preaching, punishments and now we can add conversations about 'protection' to the list. Oh and let's not forget his famous peeing incident when he came home drunk the first time."

"You really do have the 'P' categories locked down," Sandy mocked. "How do you think he's going to handle all of this? Do you think we were too harsh?"

"No. Ryan comes from a place where there were no rules. He needs rules, guidance. And he has to learn that there are alternatives to breaking the rules, not to mention consequences when he does."

"I love it when you get all logical on me."

"Don't get too excited. We won't know for a few days if my logic worked."

Seth entered the pool house without knocking and found Ryan sitting on the floor, leaning against the foot of his bed.

"You look like someone stole your last can of beer," Seth jestered, sitting on a chair across from Ryan. "I take it you got your sentencing."

Ryan nodded.

"How bad was it?"

"Bad."

What do you have to do?"

"Let's just say the only things I can probably do by myself for the next week or so are shower and take a leak."

"Ouch. They were really that angry?"

"Your Mom was. She wasn't exactly angry just…very…serious."

"Well, word to the wise…if you're a good boy the first few days and you do what she asks, you can probably weasel your way out of the punishment slated for the rest of the week. I speak from experience."

"I don't think that'll work this time Seth. There's a lot more to it."

"Well you're just grounded right? Give her the puppy dog eyes. She's a sucker for the puppy dog eyes."

"I'm not only grounded for a week for skipping school, I have to do three charity set-ups to make up for the partying I did last night and then she's gonna make me volunteer at the hospital for two days because of…"

"Because of what?"

Licking his lips and tipping his head away from Seth, "Because I had sex with a girl, without using…any protection."

"How the hell would she know that?"

"She saw me with this girl at the party and she asked me about it in the car on the way home. Since I was drunk, I told her the truth."

"Wow, you really did dig yourself a deep hole in just a matter of hours."

"Thanks Seth, that helps."

"Well, was the girl hot? I mean, was she worth getting in trouble over?"

A knowing smile crept across Ryan's face and he looked at Seth. "Oh yeah."

"Cool. So one week of hell huh?"

"Yep."

"You seem okay with this," Seth commented, looking at Ryan rather confused.

"After my punishment was handed out your Mom said…she said she loved me. And that she wouldn't let me throw my life away."

Nodding and searching for the right response, Seth bit his lip. "But that's cool, right?"

"Yeah actually it is. My own Mom has never even said it to me," Ryan replied, his voice trailing off.

"That's great Ryan. Really. I'm happy for you. You know they mean it, right?"

Ryan nodded again, picking at the laces on his boots he avoided making eye contact with Seth.

"I'm gonna run inside and scout out what we're having for dinner. I'll come back and give you the low down. And hey, don't be so down about your punishment…you've still got me and I'm not grounded," Seth smiled slyly, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Yet! Not grounded yet!" Ryan replied smiling. "Thanks man."

"Anytime. I'll see you for dinner.

"And that's five o'clock gentlemen. Detention is over. You may leave. See you tomorrow."

Throwing his books in his backpack Ryan made haste for the door. He knew Kirsten would be waiting in the car in front of the school.

"Hey, did you have a nice detention?" Kirsten teased.

"Not funny," he smirked.

Talk was small on the way home until he realized she passed the turn leading to home.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Ryan felt suddenly nervous. Butterflies in his stomach were flying at full force when he realized Kirsten had turned into the entrance to the hospital.

Turning off the car, "Okay Ryan let's go." She could see he was a bundle of nerves when he got out of the car. "You just stick with me and you'll be fine," she encouraged, rubbing his back while they walked.

The white halls of the hospital made him queasy and he stopped walking at one point. "Kirsten…I can't be here…I can't do this…"

His breathing was heavy and labored and his voice had panic in it. Kirsten worried he might have an anxiety attack. She needed to help him calm down.

"Ryan…"

"You don't understand. I've been to more hospitals than I care to remember. Every visit was because someone hurt me. Broken arms, broken ribs, so many stitches I could start my own railroad. Please, I'm begging you. Don't make me do this. I'll do anything else to make up for this, but I can't do this. I can't be here. Please."

"Ryan, Ryan listen to me," she soothed. "You're fine. We aren't here for you. No one here is going to do anything to you. We're here for the babies."

"Babies?" Ryan breathed out hard, wrinkling his forehead.

"Mmm-Hmm. And we're gonna be together the entire time. I know it's hard for you to be here today but if you can get through this, you can do anything you put your mind to."

He leaned against the wall. "This is different Kirsten. This is like showing me my past all over again. I can't…"

"I want you to try. Come on. I'll be right next to you the whole time." Putting her arm around his shoulders she forced him to walk through the doors to the Nursery. "This is the best part of the hospital."

"The only good parts to a hospital are the exits."

Pausing at the desk, "Hi Susie. This is my son, Ryan. He's going to give me a hand today."

"Sure thing Kirsten. Go on in."

"You ready Ryan?"

He shook his head and glanced at Kirsten with wide eyes.

"Come on, I want you to see this."

Still pushing Ryan forward, they passed through one more set of double doors. "Now," she paused, turning Ryan to face a giant window. "What do you think of them?"

The Nursery was full of new babies. Kirsten watched Ryan's head scan the cribs. What she would have given to know his thoughts at that moment.

"Follow me please," she instructed, leading Ryan into the feeding room. After they washed their hands at the sink, Kirsten threw a hospital gown over her clothes and helped Ryan into his.

"I look ridiculous," he complained. "Why am I wearing this?"

"It's hospital policy if you're gonna be handling the babies," she explained walking away from him. "Do you want to hold a boy or a girl?"

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You didn't say anything about touching them!" Ryan panicked.

Ignoring him, Kirsten picked up a baby in a pink bundle and walked back over to Ryan. "You aren't just going to touch them, you're going to hold them. It's entirely different."

"Kirsten I don't think this is such a good idea. These are someone's kids. What if I drop one of them or something?"

"Try…Ryan. Besides, you're gonna be too terrified and clinging to them to drop one of them," she smiled. "Sit down in the rocking chair. Now bend your arm like this," she instructed. "That's it. Now…here she is." Kirsten watched Ryan go stiff as a board when she placed the baby in his arms. She also noticed him draw his breath in. "It's okay Ryan, breathe," she chuckled, pulling up a chair and sitting down in front of him.

"She's wiggling. What if I drop her?"

"You're doing just fine. Just be nice and gentle."

"Kirsten I'm an Atwood. Those words aren't in our vocabulary."

At Ryan's explanation, the baby started crying and a new wave of terror rushed over him. "You…you better take her. She doesn't want me. Can't say that I blame her."

"Oh that's not the case at all. Give her this," Kirsten aided, handing Ryan a pacifier. Kirsten watched Ryan ever so gently place it in the baby's mouth and the baby calmed down again, the binky dancing on her lips as she sucked on it.

"I guess that's what she wanted," Ryan commented, absentmindedly.

"You see Ryan, children getting what they want from the adult figures in their life starts right at the beginning. They know who's willing to take care of them. And, just like you, who they can trust and who they can't. It's intuition."

"Yeah but, why me?"

"Because I've known from the beginning that there's a good kid under that tough skin of yours. And she knows it too."

Taking Ryan's free hand and laying it against his chest, Kirsten asked him to stick out his pointer finger. Guiding his finger to the baby's hand, the baby immediately latched on, wrapping its tiny hand around Ryan's finger and squeezing.

Ryan's mouth dropped open before tapping into a smile of amazement. The scene brought tears to Kirsten's eyes. Not only was it touching to see Ryan being gentle, a peek into his heart tugged at her own heartstrings as well. While she had Ryan in a vulnerable moment, it seemed a good time to mention some practical advice.

"Now I should point out the obvious while we're here Ryan. If you aren't more careful with some of your intimate activities, you're going to be to holding one of these all the time. And while I'd love to be Grandma Kirsten to your children some day, I hope you realize that now is not the time in your life to be raising kids."

Nodding, "I understand. I'll be more responsible. I'm not ready for this."

"I'm glad to hear that," Kirsten smiled rubbing the baby's head.

"Would you like to hold a boy now?" she asked, standing up.

"No. This one seems to be okay with me. Besides, boys are trouble," he smiled back.

"Ha! They definitely keep you on your toes! I'll give them that!"

"Kirsten?"

"What?"

"I know as part of my punishment we were supposed to go the AIDS ward but…"

"But what?"

"This is the first time I've ever been to a hospital and it was a pretty good experience. I get what you're trying to teach me. I'll slow down. I mean it when I say I'll be more responsible."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"For real right? No 'glove' means no love."

"What?"

"No condom, no sex."

"Oh, right. Never heard it put quite that way before. Anyway, I promise."

"Okay. It's a deal. You ready to go home?"

"Yeah, in a minute."

"So I guess good things can happen at hospitals after all, huh Ryan?"

"You're not…gonna tell Seth about this, are you?"

"Oooh, blackmail. I may have to stow this away in my 'con' file, incase I need it."

"You blow my reputation, I'll blow yours," Ryan laughed.

After sharing a hearty laugh, "Nah, I think I'm gonna save today for myself. I really enjoyed this today."

Taking the baby from Ryan's arms, Kirsten gently placed the sleeping bundle back in her cradle as Ryan looked on. Outside the feeding area they removed their hospital attire and stuck them in the linens bin. Kirsten noticed Ryan had walked over to the window and was leaning against the ledge looking at the babies. She smiled and walked over to him.

"It's time to go Ryan. I'm sure there's some homework in that bag of yours and we still have to get dinner on the way home."

Still looking through the window, "How do always know what to do and say to get through to me? And how did you know I'd go through with this today?"

"I didn't," she answered honestly, leaning up against the ledge facing Ryan. "Most of the time I just do what I think is right and hope that sooner or later you'll realize that we really love you and want what's best for you. Not to mention," she said, turning to face the babies beyond the glass, "this room is all about new beginnings, fresh starts. What better place to get some of the right motivation."

Nodding with a sheepish smile, "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For treating me like a normal human being. I didn't get much of that back in Chino. Matter of fact I don't think I got it at all. My Mom never…" his voice halted, realizing what he was about to admit to Kirsten. "I didn't really know what it meant to be loved…until you guys came along. I'm sure that sounds corny coming from someone like me. Although I'm not sure how you can love me when I'm so much trouble."

Laughing, "You're not trouble Ryan…well okay some days you are!" she laughed louder. "Mostly you're just like a big adventure and that's really all life is."

"You've been talking to Seth too much," he joked back. "Thanks for today. I won't forget this."

"Anytime honey, anytime. C'mon, let's head home."

(To be continued)…

Note – so now y'all have caught up to me! It'll be a little bit while I get the next chapter in order but I will update as soon as it's ready. Lots more good stuff on the way. I got several emails from folks that couldn't post reviews for chapter 8 due to technical glitches on FF at the time I posted the chapter…Thanks for the kudos! Be sure to throw some reviews out there for chapter 9, they make my day! : D Also, a "Programming Note"…I think I'm gonna be changing the rating on this one to an "R". I reread the last few chapters and…yeah…I think they are heavier than the current PG-13 rating. So just make a mental note of that tidbit for whatever it's worth. Thanks again for the great reviews! Happy Sunday to all! : D