Bad Behavior Chapter 12
Refusing To Let Go
"What?!" Kirsten exclaimed, racing down the hallway toward Ryan's room. Sure enough, the room was empty. He was gone.
"I do not believe this! Seth you don't know anything about…"
"Nooooo. I got here and this is how I found the room. I thought maybe I had the wrong room for a minute but your towel is still laying on the bed so…"
Sandy leaned up against the wall. "I should have seen this coming."
"How could you have known he'd run? I've known all the other times that he ran and I didn't get that vibe today." Sighing, "What do we have to do to teach this kid that running isn't the answer?"
"He doesn't want to go back to Chino," Sandy offered quietly. "We've obviously accomplished what we set out to do. He's gotten sort of comfortable here and now he's threatened with having to leave and he realizes he doesn't want to go. As twisted as this is going to sound, when he broke the car window, it made me realize that he really wants to stay here."
"And to think we just got that whole thing with Dr. Kim off his back and things were starting to look up," Seth observed. "So much for starting over."
The room fell silent. Seth and Sandy were both startled when Kirsten jumped suddenly with a revelation.
"Oh my God! I think I know where he is!"
Running from the room, she yelled over her shoulder for Sandy to finish up the paperwork and meet her downstairs. She hoped her hunch was right. If it wasn't, she would be at the mercy of waiting for Ryan to contact them again.
Bursting through the last set of double doors, she went directly to the desk. "Hi Susie. Is my son here?" She held her breath waiting for an answer.
"He sure is. He mentioned you'd be coming down here in a hurry," she chuckled. "Go on in."
Making her way through the second set of doors, there she found Ryan sitting in front of the big window to the Nursery with his back to her. Instantly she let out a sigh of relief.
"You really need to tell someone where you're going when you take off Ryan. I'm getting old and could do without the heart failure," she stated dryly, walking up to stand in front of him.
"I just couldn't stay up there any more."
Kirsten looked at him curiously, "So why come down here?"
"Do you ever look at them and wonder what their lives will be like?" he asked, nodding at the babies beyond the glass.
Kirsten looked at Ryan quizzically, anxious for him to explain what he was feeling.
"You know, which one will be the prom queen? Which one will be captain of the football team? Which one will end up with the alcoholic mother?" Ryan's voice got quiet, "Why me you know? Out of all those kids…"
The comment pierced Kirsten's heart. Her eyes blurred with tears when she noticed Ryan trying his best to stay strong, fighting off his own tears. When he turned to face her, his eyes bared his soul. He wanted an answer.
"You've had a hard life so far Ryan," Kirsten explained, tears escaping against her will. "I'm guessing you were chosen because you're so strong. You're so much stronger than most kids your age. That strength got you through to this point and it brought you to us. If you had a great life, you wouldn't need us."
"Yeah but…I might end up going back and then I end up with nothing all over again. She doesn't care about me."
"If you think we're going to just hand you over without a fight, you're sorely mistaken," Kirsten smiled through her pain.
"You really want me to stay?" Ryan asked, his eyes still pleading for answers.
"We all want you to stay and we're going to dig our heels in as along as possible."
She offered him a soft smile. His chin shook momentarily before he spoke. "I'm glad someone wants me," he whispered.
Giving Ryan a sincere hug, "How about we get out of here? I think I've seen enough of this place for one day."
"No argument here."
Ryan had dozed off on the couch in the den with Seth sitting on the floor playing video games with the voice turned down on the TV. Sandy and Kirsten moved to the living room to discuss Ryan's situation.
"I don't see how a judge could look at this kid and feel that sending him back to that environment is what's best for him."
"I agree with you Kirsten, but we both know the system is full of loopholes. I'd hate to treat his mother this way because in the end, that's still his mother, but, if we play up her alcoholism and lack of unemployment, it would force an extension on the case. It would buy us some time. The court would allow her time to go into Rehab and find a job. Based on what I've seen, I don't think she could handle either."
"Isn't Ryan old enough to just say what he wants? Can't he choose?"
"Would you want to stand in front of your mother and tell her you'd rather live with a different family?"
Kirsten let her head fall back against the couch. Sandy had a point. There was no easy way around this. They had no choice but to ride out this storm and see what happened when the floodwaters resided.
"Hey." Seth caught them off guard.
"Ryan still sleeping?"
"Yeah," he paused. "Was I the only one scared to death today when he smashed that window? I mean, I've seen him ornery, but that was…that was down right pissed off. I've never seen him that angry."
"Seth, there's a lot you don't know about Ryan," Sandy explained quietly. "He has every reason to be upset over this. Just…don't ask him too many questions. He's got a lot on his mind right now."
Seth nodded and glanced down at the floor. The room was still with each of the Cohens considering the fact they may be losing the newest member of their family.
"Kirsten?" a scruffy voice called from the kitchen doorway.
"Ryan, you okay?"
"No. My hand hurts," he explained, shuffling into the living room and sitting down on a chair across from Sandy.
"I'll get you some Advil and some ice okay?"
Ryan nodded watching Kirsten head toward the kitchen. He allowed his eyes to seek out Sandy who he found watching him. Dropping his eyes to his bandaged hand, "I'm sorry I broke your window Sandy."
"In the grand scheme of things, better that window than my face I guess. I know you're angry son, we all are."
"Can't I just tell the judge I want to stay here? Do I have to go back there?"
"It's not quite that simple. Your Mom has to make up her mind first. We can't do anything until she makes that decision. If she refuses to sign, we can present our side of things but…it's difficult to fight a birth mother."
"She's not a mother…she's a train wreck," Ryan mumbled under his breath."
"Here you go Ryan," Kirsten interrupted offering him some medicine and a glass of water.
"I have to go back to Chino and talk to her." Seeing all the eyes staring at him, "You can come with if you want, but I have to do this."
Sandy and Kirsten exchanged a look. They didn't like the sound of this.
The car ride down to Chino was filled with tension. No one said a word. Seth and Kirsten were anxious to see Ryan's Mom for the first time as well as get a glimpse of her home, a hint of Ryan's previous life. Sandy's mind was consumed knowing full well what was awaiting them. And he had no doubt it would go badly. Just how badly would remain to be seen. Ryan sat staring out the window. He also knew this trip was a shot in the dark but still a chance worth taking. He was more concerned about Seth and Kirsten tapping into his old life, they had no idea what they were getting into.
When the car stopped at the curb, all of it's occupants gawked at the broken down home with the overrun yard. Seth made a mental note about the rusted car in the yard and the boarded up window near the corner of the house.
Ryan took a deep breath before sharing some practical advice with the Cohens. "Look, um, nothing I could ever say could prepare you for…any of this. You're in Chino now and things are different here. Whatever happens inside just…stay out of it and let me handle it."
Making their way to the door, they all stood behind Ryan as he nervously knocked on the warped wood. The sound of something crashing inside signaled someone was home. Ryan shifted his weight as the door opened and a rather worn and disheveled woman answered the door.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, not exactly overjoyed with Ryan's presence on her doorstep.
"I need to talk to you for a minute. Can we come in?"
That's when the woman realized Ryan wasn't alone. "Oh, um, sure. Come in."
Stepping into the house the Cohens, especially Seth and Kirsten, got to see the big picture. The house was not only a mess in the unkept sense, there were items overturned and broken, clearly the scene of many disagreements.
"I'm…I'm sorry. I, uh…I wasn't expecting company. I'm Dawn Atwood. I'm Ryan's Mom."
"Mrs. Atwood, we met in court. My name is Sandy Cohen and this is my wife, Kirsten, and my son, Seth. We're Ryan's foster family."
"Please call me Dawn. So," she asked nervously. "What brings all of you here?"
"My custody papers," Ryan explained flatly, staring at his Mom.
"Oh, um, this sounds like a topic that might require an ice breaker and we're all out of..."
"It's pretty pathetic if you can't even talk to me without needing a drink," Ryan instigated.
"Not to mention, Ryan is too young to drink let alone purchase alcohol," Seth noted.
"Oh Ryan wouldn't buy it, he'd steal…it…for me," Dawn explained, catching herself in a comment she shouldn't have shared.
Ryan's eyes darted to the side where the Cohens were standing. They knew he stole things, this information wasn't exactly new, but putting in their faces like that gave him a shiver of embarrassment.
Dawn took out a pack of cigarettes and nervously fumbled with it. Trying to find some common ground, she offered the pack to Ryan.
Shaking his head, "I quit," he stated bluntly.
She chuckled at him, confused by his behavior. "You quit?"
"There's no smoking at my house."
"Your house?" she mocked, growing agitated with him. "Why are you talking to me as if I'm in your past? This is your house. Your home is with me Ryan! I am your Mother! I have a right to make this decision!" she cried out.
Laughing out loud, "Right! Because you're so into the whole 'Mom' thing! And because you miss me so much you're going to use all thirty days to decide whether or not you really want me to come back home when the Cohens made up their minds the minute they read the letter from the court. How could I not see the obvious? Nothing says 'I love you Ryan' like taking thirty days to think about it!"
Infuriated, his Mother lashed out and slapped his face. Kirsten gasped and Sandy grabbed her arm, he wanted to see what Ryan would do without them interfering.
Unfazed, Ryan turned his face back to his mother after the slap, the Cohens could see his face turning red from the contact.
"Glad to see some things are still reliable…you still think love is shown with your hands. Why do you want me back? Is it because you need someone to steal your booze and your cigarettes for you? Maybe it's because you need someone to call you in sick to work because you're hung over again. Maybe you just need me around to clean up everything after you've spent the night puking," Ryan added, tapping his foot on the carpet, pointing at a stain.
"Ryan, you're my son. Don't talk to me like that," she pleaded.
As cold as ice he glared at her, "I don't want to be your son anymore. I want to be their son. You do whatever you have to do but if you make me come back here, I will make your life a living hell. I'm asking you to let me go."
His Mother turned to the Cohens, "You can't just take him away from me like this…"
As a Mother, Kirsten's heart ached for the woman, dysfunctional as she was. Stepping forward, Kirsten made every attempt to make Ryan proud.
"We just want what's best for Ryan. He's made some really great progress since he's come to live with us. He did indeed quit smoking, he's calmed down and he's not partying like he used to…he's even going to school and he's turning in his homework. He's really trying and we're very proud of him."
Cracking a smile, she just shook her head at Kirsten, "Now I know you're lying…Ryan doesn't go to school."
"I do now," Ryan answered dryly to his Mother's dismay. "Mom…just let me go. I can have a better life there, I can do something with my life."
Missing Ryan's point entirely, his Mother grew angry again. "And what gives you the right to have a better life than me? Huh? What gives you the right to choose a better family or a better life than the one I gave you?"
Ryan exploded. "I didn't choose this life, I got stuck with you! I didn't ask for a Mom that would be drunk and puking seven days out of the week! I didn't ask for a Mom that would beat the shit out of me or allow her boyfriends to use me as a punching bag! I never asked for any of this! Matter of fact, I've never asked you for a damn thing! I've been taking care of myself for as long as I can remember. If you want to be the Mom you think you are, then do this for me. Let me go!"
No one said a word. The only sounds were Ryan's exasperated breaths and his Mother's sobs.
"Please…just let me go," he repeated.
"Ryan, I think we should go," Kirsten urged. "Come on. Seth, Sandy…"
Turning away from his Mother, a disappointed and spent Ryan walked out the front door followed by Seth and Sandy. The two women stood alone, both waiting for the other to say something, anything.
"You're a mother. How can you do this to me? He's my son."
Kirsten felt a whoosh of dizziness from the weight of the words thrown at her. 'Make Ryan proud' she thought to herself. That's what he would want.
"Mrs. Atwood, you don't know us or anything about us. You have no idea the lengths we've gone to in order to help Ryan. He really has made some changes in his life and he's…"
"Help him? You don't know anything about him. Nuthin' at all. You think I'm just not a good mom? You have no idea what a handful he is," she retorted.
Stepping up to Ryan's Mom, Kirsten made a point of maintaining her composure. "You think we don't know the real Ryan? We've seen him drunk. We've seen him steal things. We've seen him get into fights. We've caught him with girls. He can definitely throw down a heavy attitude when he wants to. But what you don't know, is under all of that, there's one hell of a great kid that's just dying to come out, to be normal. I know it, because I've seen it."
Considering Kirsten's words for a moment, Dawn stood staring holes through her. "Why is he willing to be good for you and not for me? What's so special about you? He's playing with you, that's what he does. He's a lying little bastard! You're nothing to him! I am his Mother!" she protested rather emotionally.
"On the contrary, Ryan has had some undeniably honest moments since coming into our family. I think it's because he wants to be treated like a real person…and he gets that in our home," Kirsten replied with quiet confidence.
Knowing she had nothing else to add, not to mention, that was a good comment to leave Dawn thinking, Kirsten turned towards the door. She had only walked a couple of steps before Dawn decided she would get the last word in.
"What about his hand? I saw his hand was bandaged. I'm sure that was from another fight right? He hasn't changed…you haven't changed him. Don't you see he's costing you money?"
The desperate attempt at getting Kirsten to turn her back on Ryan only fueled her desire to see this thing through. "You're right. As a matter of fact he did punch something. He ran out of the house and put his fist through my husband's car window…right after he read the court's letter saying he may have to come back here and live in Chino, with you."
It was now Kirsten's turn to stand and stare at the speechless woman in front of her. The other Mom had a gambit of emotions flashing across her face, anger, hurt, even fear. Having had enough, Kirsten put an end to the stale conversation.
"As his Mother I expect you to fight for him. But, I feel it's only fair to warn you…we've grown quite attached to him and we aren't going to lose him without a fight. When you come to court in two weeks, you better bring everything you've got because I can promise you…we will."
Dawn searched for the right words, words that would sting back. Watching Kirsten open the door she called out, "You can't have him! He's my son! You can't have him!"
Kirsten ignored the voice and walked to the car where she found the rest of her family. Ryan's Mother could see them leaving together through the living room windows. She could see both of the foster parents with an arm around Ryan and their other son walking backwards in front of Ryan with his mouth and arms moving a mile a minute. They definitely did seem attached to Ryan, literally. As they drove away, the gut of her stomach sank with the realization that she may have already lost him.
Time continued to fly by and there was only a week left before Ryan's court date and there was still no word from his Mom. As expected, his behavior had changed to cranky and impatient. Even though the Cohens were doing everything they could to keep tabs on Ryan, they were open minded enough to know it would get worse before it got better.
Open house at Harbor High began at seven o'clock sharp. With Ryan and Seth off in the cafeteria sampling desserts from the PTA, Sandy and Kirsten made the rounds to all of their teachers to pick up progress reports and discuss any potential concerns. While it was made obvious to them that not every teacher was comfortable with Ryan in their classroom, his grades were undeniable and they showed his foster parents he really was making an attempt to turn his life around.
Leaving the last classroom, Kirsten and Sandy were on cloud nine. The evening had been a pleasant surprise of nothing but good news. Holding hands they recounted some of the comments they'd heard that night about their boys. Among many things, they laughed at Mrs. Milling's description of Ryan's 'look of concentration' which she kindly avoided referring to as a glare, even though the Cohens knew that look all too well. They also laughed about Ms. Chao's description of Seth's artistic talents…or lack there of, when it came to sketching still life.
Elated to finally reach the cafeteria and catch up with the boys for a celebration, they wrestled their way through the crowded lunchroom to the boys' location.
"Well gentlemen," Sandy said with fake foreshadowing in his voice. "Okay, I can't tease about this. You both got great reports from all your teachers and we're very proud of both of you."
"Outstanding!" Seth cheered before leaning over to Ryan. "Ryan this is where we ask them for some money, you know, for all our hard work."
"Easy Seth," Sandy warned. "Come on guys, it's time to go."
Making their way out to the quad ahead of the parents, Ryan let Seth ramble on about spending his reward money. Laughing at some of his ideas came to a halt at the bottom of the stairs when they found themselves face to face with double trouble, Blaine and Carter.
"Look how proud. Maybe Mommy and Daddy will give you some candy for your good grades."
"Blaine why do you have to act like this? Why don't you just back off?" Seth asked, hoping to keep things from getting out of hand.
"Oh wait a second, that won't work. Ryan here doesn't have a Mommy and Daddy. It's because you're a pain in the ass and no one wants you, isn't it? What's it like being an orphan?"
Ryan's breathing was picking up and Seth noticed him making fists with his hands.
"He's got a family, he's got us," Seth stated pointedly in a protective manner.
"What's it like Ryan? What's it like to be the ugly dog at the pound, the dog that no one wants? You think the Cohens want you? No one wants you."
"I'd shut up if I were you," Ryan warned.
"Or what?
"Or you'll be sorry."
Laughing, "You think you can threaten me? I'm not afraid of you. More importantly…a week from now I'll still have a home. And you? You'll be back on the street…where all the wild animals belong."
Ryan's heart was pounding so hard he could feel his face flushing and everything around him seemed to turn into silent, slow motion. Lunging forward he tackled Blaine to the ground and let his fists fly. Every ounce of bottled up anger regarding his custody case was released in punch after punch. He could hear Seth's voice faintly in the background. He knew he was pleading for him to stop, but he wouldn't. Not this time. This time Blaine would get what he had coming to him. Ryan's fists made contact again and again. Contact to the body, contact to the face, it didn't matter. He hadn't even realized that Blaine had stopped fighting back and barely had the strength to cover his bloodied face. Ryan could hear more voices calling him…Sandy's voice…and Kirsten's voice. They seemed so far away. Just about the time he was starting to register their words, he was pulled off of Blaine the thrown down to the ground on his stomach. He could feel someone kneeling across the back of his neck and shoulders and he could feel his arms being pulled to his back…and cuffed.
The sound returned to his ears all at once it seemed and suddenly the mayhem around him registered at full force. Everyone was talking all at once. He could hear a woman crying. He could hear police radios and the phrase "juvenile in custody" caught his attention immediately. Two officers jerked him to his feet where he was able to turn his head and look at scene around him. Blaine lay unconscious in the grass with his hysterical mother being held back by other women. The sound of an ambulance approaching cut through the night.
Then he saw them. The Cohens. Seth maintained an expression of horror. Horror at the scene in front of him, horror at the fact that Ryan caused it, and even horror at the fact that this incident probably cost him the only brother he ever had. Turning his head further, he locked eyes with Sandy and Kirsten and for the first time felt truly ashamed about his actions. It wasn't ten minutes prior when they had just congratulated him and told him how proud they were and he had spoiled it. The hurt was apparent on their faces and it was more than Ryan could stand. Swallowing hard he turned away from them just in time to be led to the backseat of a waiting police car.
Before the door was slammed, Sandy squat down next to Ryan even though he refused to look at Sandy.
Clearing his throat, "Strike three," Ryan spat out quietly with a bit of fear in his voice. "I appreciate everything you did for me, I know you tried. I know all of you tried. I guess I'm just not destined for better things."
"You hang tough kid. We aren't through with you. I'll see you at Juvie, just keep your mouth shut for now."
Standing up Sandy put a reassuring hand on Ryan's shoulder. He noticed his chin trembling and single teardrop fall and bleed into the fabric of Ryan's jeans. Stepping back he allowed the car door to close and he watched the red and blues lights speed off and disappear into the night.
(To be continued)…
