Bad Behavior Chapter 13
Just a Number
Ryan paced his cell like a caged animal, a caged animal that had tasted freedom. His nights were plagued by the events that brought him back to Juvie, robbing him of sleep and his days were spent trying to keep his head above water. Juvie wasn't the sort of place to make any friends or alliances, unless you were planning a boost the minute you got out. No, it was best to keep to yourself if you knew what was good for you.
Sitting on the edge of his bunk in the early morning hours, Ryan's mind wandered. He thought about the Cohens and the lengths they went to on his behalf. He thought about his room, the pool house. Looking around his cell made him nauseous. His mind tormented him with all the things he missed, like the great food and the ridiculously humorous rituals Seth would put on during ordering or the fresh scent of fabric softner on his pillowcase and his clothes. He missed the privacy of his room. He would have given anything to be back in his own bed complaining about the lack of blinds in his room. On second thought, he wouldn't complain at all. Instead he'd welcome the fact that he had windows instead of the concrete walls and steel bars he was currently staring at.
Hours had passed. Another sleepless night was coming to an end as the overhead lights hummed to life and the morning buzzer rang out to signal the start of another grueling day. Taking a deep breath, Ryan sighed and dragged himself to his feet. Standing in front of his cell door, he waited for the guard to come by to confirm the morning count. After several minutes, he heard the familiar 'clink' of the cell door allowing him to go to breakfast.
The mess hall was always a zoo, it didn't matter what time of day it was. There were fights even at breakfast and the food was bad no matter what meal was being served. Opting for some oatmeal and orange juice, Ryan took a seat alone. Unimpressed with the tray in front of him, again his mind wandered to the fresh bagels Kirsten would put out each morning and the scent of name brand coffee that lingered in the air in the Cohen kitchen.
"Hey man, you care if I sit here?"
Being snapped back to reality against his will Ryan let his eyes locate the voice before narrowing themselves on the source. Turning away, irritated, Ryan concentrated on his meal.
"You been here long?" the unwelcome guest asked.
"I don't remember saying I felt like talking," Ryan replied without looking up.
Plopping himself down, "Yeah well, with an attitude like that, you're gonna be here for the long haul. Better be mindful of who you talk to like that."
Offering his best look of intimidation, Ryan locked eyes with the stranger. The stare carried on longer than both expected, long enough in fact for a guard to take notice.
"Atwood…Meyers…that's enough. Knock it off and eat."
Meyers gave in first. Obeying the guard he ate his breakfast. Ryan glared a bit longer before looking down at his oatmeal. It seemed even less appealing than it did when he first sat down. Standing up, he discarded the food and turned in his tray. The same guard that put an end to the stare down stopped Ryan before he could leave the mess hall.
"Hey, whatever is going on with you and Meyers it ends here. Understand me?"
Ryan knew better that to look directly at the guards. The guards called that 'eyeballing' and it was considered an aggressive act. He let his head face the ground without saying a word. He knew the guard would take that as an agreement. Sure enough, the guard removed his baton and allowed Ryan access back to the main hallway. He'd only been back in Juvie less than a week but he knew the routines forwards and backwards. Back in his cell he plopped himself down on his bunk again to waste away the hours. After another fifteen minutes, another announcement was made and all the cell doors slammed shut. He was on lock down again until lunch.
Having dozed off at some point, Ryan was startled when he heard the snap of his cell door and the lunch announcements being made. Sitting up on his elbows on his bunk he decided to skip lunch, he wasn't hungry anyways. Laying back down he closed his eyes and hoped to fall back asleep while the corridor was quiet and most of the floor's occupants were in the mess hall.
"Atwood! On your feet!"
The guard from the morning entered his cell and waited for Ryan to stand up.
"Why aren't you in the mess hall?"
"Not hungry," Ryan answered, keeping his eyes off the guard.
"What's the matter? You don't like my food Atwood? Huh?" he asked sternly.
"Just not hungry."
"You wouldn't lie to me would you Atwood?" The guard stepped up, practically right on top of Ryan, causing him to swallow nervously.
"No sir."
The guard provided a dramatic pause before replying. "I guess we'll see, won't we?"
He watched Ryan stand motionless and expressionless before him. He had never seen this kid before but this kid knew how to play the game. Putting some distance between them, "You're wanted down in the 'Kiss and Cry'. I'd get moving if I were you."
The 'Kiss and Cry', that was the nickname for the visitor's area. It got that title mostly for all the parents that would 'kiss and cry' when it was time to say goodbye, but it was also called that because many of the Juvie's couldn't contain their emotions either when their family left.
Ryan obeyed the guard and went to the assigned area. He assumed Sandy was there to talk about his case, either of his cases…or both of his cases. He picked at the cuff of his navy blue jumpsuit, waiting for Sandy.
"Hey man," Seth greeted.
The look of shock was more than obvious on Ryan's face causing Seth to keep babbling.
"Thanks. Yeah I've been fine. It's good to see you too."
"Seth what are you doing here?" Ryan asked, noticing him absorbing every inch of his surroundings, clearly uncomfortable and jumping at every little sound.
"What do you mean? I came here to see you."
Embarrassed, "I know but…you don't belong here…at all."
Hurt by Ryan's blunt honesty, "Yeah but, we're like brothers right? I mean, I need you to know that this doesn't change that."
Ryan could see Seth was still desperately clinging to him even though he was locked up. "It's just…" he paused while Seth jumped at yet another noise. "I don't want you to see me like this," he added quietly before looking down at the table. "Does you're Mom know you're here?"
"Yeah, she's right there," Seth pointed to the windows separating the 'Kiss and Cry' from the main lobby. "They would only let one of us in at a time since you're on the violent floor," Seth quoted the air with his fingers to emphasize the word 'violent'. Hoping to keep the conversation going, Seth started rambling about anything that came to mind. "So, I went out and got some new video games for when you come home and I told my Mom she should order…what? What's wrong? What's the matter?" Seth asked looking at Ryan's frowning face.
"Seth…just…stop. Okay?"
"Okay," Seth obeyed quietly.
Sighing, "Look, there's a really good chance…that I'm going to be stuck in here for a while."
"Yeah I know but…"
"A long while," Ryan explained to Seth's disappointment. "And then there's still this shit with my Mom and the custody papers. I don't know when I'm getting out, or even where they'll send me when I do. I just…I wouldn't go planning any parties right now…okay?"
The reality of Ryan's incarceration hit Seth like a brick. All the happiness drained out of him. Until Ryan made that comment he still had hope that things would work out and Ryan would come home quickly.
"Well, I'm not going to turn my back on you Ryan. As long as you're in here, I'll come see you and that way…"
"Don't."
"Dude you're killing me. Why?"
"Because," Ryan explained, his voice squeaking with frustration, "You coming here only reminds me of how I let all of you down. It reminds me of what I had and how I lost it all. It's just easier for me to forget about it as soon as possible. This is going to be my life for a while and fucking sucks in here…"
"Atwood…lower your voice," one of the guards reprimanded with Seth looking on.
"Seth I'm not going to be let out of here anytime soon."
"You don't know that. You're first court date is next Tuesday. Don't say that."
"It's just going to be easier for me if I get my head back in this life," Ryan struggled with the words. "I appreciate you coming here and all but…don't come back. Take care of yourself okay? Don't let anyone push you around alright?"
Ryan offered a forced smile and then looked away, blinking repeatedly to hide the tears that were forming. Standing up abruptly, he offered a handshake to Seth who pulled him into a 'guy' hug.
"I don't care what you say man. I'm not giving up on you. You watch you're back in here. I want you back in one piece."
Ryan heard Seth's words but did everything he could to avoid letting them penetrate his soul. Raising his eyes ever so briefly to Kirsten, he quickly dropped his sight to the floor and disappeared through the gate, blending back into the population.
"Seth? Is it okay if I come in?" Sandy asked, knocking on his bedroom door. Hearing a faint acknowledgement, he entered Seth's room and flipped on the light.
Seth had tucked himself away in his bedroom since returning from visiting Ryan and he refused to tell his Mom anything about the visit. Kirsten knew something had obviously transpired by Seth's personality. She hoped sending Sandy in to talk to Seth would shed some light on the situation.
"So, I take it it didn't go very well today," Sandy began. When Seth finally raised his head to his Father, Sandy could see his eyes were red and swollen. "Son what is it? What did he say to you? I don't understand."
"He told me not to come back. He said that seeing me reminded him of how he screwed up and how many people he let down and since he's not going to get out of Juvie any time soon, it would be easier for him to just forget about us and get used to that life."
Sandy sat in shock on the edge of Seth's bed. For everything he had prepared to discuss and prepared to hear, this was not among his options.
"I don't want to forget him and I don't want him to forget me. Can't you get him out of there? Isn't there anything you can do? Anything?" Seth begged desperately.
"Seth, Ryan had…Ryan had some things on his record before he came here. He was not a good boy. He knew that one more screw up would probably send him back to Juvie for an extended period of time. This was the third strike as far as the system is concerned. Not to mention, he hurt Blaine pretty bad. That's not going to go away. His first hearing is on Tuesday and there's nothing we can even guess at until he goes before the judge on that day."
"This is a nightmare," Seth complained.
"Just keep the faith son. The important thing to do right now is make sure Ryan knows, despite how he feels and what his wishes are, that we are not giving up on him."
"But he won't see me. How can I be supportive if he won't even see me?"
"Ah, but we have the secret weapon," Sandy smiled, flicking his massive eyebrows at his son.
"And that would be what?"
"Your Mother."
Ryan peeled his eyes open to the sound of the gates opening for breakfast. Closing his eyes for what he thought was only a few seconds longer, he drifted back to sleep and was rustled awake by his least favorite guard.
"ATWOOD! GET UP!"
The guard grabbed Ryan by the front of his jumpsuit, yanked him off his bunk and shoved him up against the opposite wall.
"You trying to make my job difficult Atwood?"
When Ryan didn't answer fast enough, the guard slapped him full force across the face.
"Wake up Atwood! Let's go! I've got a schedule to keep!" Shoving Ryan to the doorway, the guard shouted to his comrades, "Atwood, accounted for!"
"Atwood, accounted for!" The other guard acknowledged.
Giving Ryan another shove back towards his bunk, the cell guard got on his radio. "Command I need a lock down on cell 1423. This Juvie just lost his breakfast privileges for today."
With that, Ryan's gate clanked shut.
"You better get your act together by lunchtime Atwood, or we're gonna go again," the guard warned, tapping his baton on the cell bars. Ryan knew what that meant. The slap from the guard had been a warning as well. If there was a problem at lunch, the baton would do the talking next time and that was a talk Ryan would try to avoid at all costs.
When the guard finally walked away, Ryan laid back down on his bunk and let the sting of his tears seep into his pillow. He felt broken. He missed the Cohens more and more with each passing moment. They didn't treat him like this, even when he screwed up and they never, ever, laid a hand on him. There were still two more days until Ryan went before the judge. Two more days until he found out his fate and how long he'd have to stay in this hell.
Before Ryan could even change his thoughts, the next task to the day was lurking.
"Atwood! To the 'Kiss and Cry'! Let's go, move it!"
Quickly changing emotion, Ryan wiped his face with his sleeve and switched over to a hearty angry attitude. Keeping his head down, he made his way through the crowded corridor, mentally preparing to give Seth a mouthful when he got a hold of him in the 'Kiss and Cry'. What? Did Seth think he explained all of that the day before for nothing?"
Striding through the last gate, he walked into the room with purpose and bursting with attitude. Turning the corner however, his mouth dropped open when he found Kirsten sitting in the 'Kiss and Cry'. Freezing in his steps, his heart lurched unsure of what to do. The guard in Visitation didn't appreciate him standing so close to the doorway so he grabbed Ryan by the arm and forced him up to Kirsten's table where Ryan yanked his arm away from the guard.
"Are we going to have a problem Atwood? Huh?" Ryan jumped at the guard's words. Kirsten could see he was already a different kid in this place. They had spent months breaking down Ryan's walls and in a matter of days he had replaced every single one of them
Ryan licked his lips and grit his teeth, "No Sir."
Taking a seat at the guard's instructions, Ryan slowly raised his eyes to Kirsten's after the guard walked away.
"Oh my God what happened to your face?"
"It's nothing."
"But Ryan…"
"I said it's nothing. Just…just forget about it."
"How can you ask me to ignore that?"
"Because this is as easy as it gets in here."
His explanation gave Kirsten goosebumps. She noticed him keeping tabs on his surroundings, every sound, the location of every guard. She also noticed he had a hard time looking at her.
"Ryan, it's going to be okay. We're going to get through this as a family."
"Yeah, sure." His forced laugh pretended to play along, allowing Kirsten to hear the words she wanted to hear.
"Ryan…look at me…"
He tried, more than once, to meet her eyes but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. It hurt too much. He could feel his eyes heating up with moisture.
"Ryan don't lose your strength now that you need it the most. That strength is going to help you find your way back home."
Home. There was that word again. A couple of tears escaped from Ryan's eyes and found their way to the tabletop where he quickly covered them up with his arm.
"Atwood, that's five mintues…you're done! Let's go!" the guard called out causing Ryan to stand up immediately.
"I have to go."
"Ryan wait…"
"Kirsten if I don't do what that guy says, he's gonna use that baton on my head. I have to go."
"Wait, just…can I say goodbye to him?" Kirsten requested.
"Make it fast lady, his time is up."
Embracing Ryan, she felt him wrap his arms around her back and hold her tight. "Don't you dare give up on us because we're not giving up on you, okay?" She felt him give a quick nod as he buried a stifled whimper into her shoulder. "Okay. Be strong. We'll see you on Tuesday for your hearing okay?"
Pulling away from Kirsten, he nodded again and tried to nonchalantly wipe his eyes.
"Are you done yet Atwood?" the irritated guard called out walking over to Ryan and getting right in his face. "You ready to eat my food now or are you going to insult me a second time today? Huh?"
Again Kirsten watched Ryan jump at the guard's voice. Covering her mouth with her hand, her eyes met with Ryan's one last time before the guard continued his rampage.
"If you're lucky, maybe there's some scraps left for you in the mess hall. Whatever's left you better find something to eat or you can forget about dinner, understand me?"
Ryan swallowed hard and nodded.
"The mess hall closes down in five minutes…I'd run if I were you."
Without looking at Kirsten or the guard, Ryan turned and walked out of the 'Kiss and Cry', when he reached the hallway he broke into a run and disappeared through a door at the end.
Smiling in spite of himself, the guard turned and noticed Kirsten crying. "I know it seems harsh lady, but we've got to have the upper hand at all times. It'd be total chaos around here if we didn't."
"That may work for most of the kids, this intimidation thing that you do…but it's not going to work on him. That's not the way to reach him."
"Lady he came in here as a violent juvenile. When he shows some respect, he'll get some respect. Until then, he's just a number. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go make sure he's eating like I told him to."
Not allowing Kirsten to share any more comments, the guard crossed the room and strode down the same hall Ryan did. Kirsten was sick with worry. Remembering Ryan's redden cheek and his comment, she could only imagine what went on in this hellish place when no one was looking. No doubt an inmate's word against a guard's word would never hold up.
Walking through the parking lot in a daze, she sat down in her car, closed the door and cried hysterically. They had to get Ryan out of there. They just had to. Dialing Sandy on her cell phone, the tears kept coming. She was so worked up she didn't even hear him answer the phone at first.
"Kirsten? What happened? What's wrong?"
"Sandy, I can't stand him being in here another day. This place is horrible."
Sighing, "I know. I sometimes think Juvie does more harm than good but I don't know that there is anything…"
"Anything…do anything. Just get him the hell out of there. Please Sandy."
"I'll see what I can do."
Meanwhile, back in the mess hall, "Time's up Atwood. You better be done eating."
Jumping up from his chair, Ryan shoveled the last bite in his mouth and quickly gathered up his tray to turn it in.
"Let me see that…what did you eat Atwood?"
Attempting to push the food aside in his mouth so he could talk, "Ham sandwich," he mumbled with his cheeks full.
Picking up the milk carton from his tray, "You didn't even open this Atwood. Down it, let's go."
Inhaling the carton of milk, Ryan quickly discarded his trash and returned his tray. Once again the guard stopped him in the doorway.
"So, who was that woman today?"
Ryan crossed the boundaries by raising his eyes to meet with the guard's. "My foster Mom."
Frowning at Ryan, "She's pretty upset that you're in here. What do you think of her?"
"She's great. The whole family is great. Not sure why they are so interested in me." Ryan let his eyes fall to the floor and hoped the conversation would end there.
"She got to you today…why?"
Embarrassed, Ryan turned away from the guard and shifted his weight nervously.
"Come on kid. If you want me to be real with you, you've got to meet me halfway."
Ryan set his sight on the main corridor, "Because her and her family gave me a chance and I blew it."
The guard watched Ryan wrestling with his inner demons before pressing him further. "If you were given the opportunity to go back and live with them…would you go?"
"In a heartbeat."
The guard studied Ryan for a moment longer. "Alright Atwood, get back to your cell and stay out of trouble."
"Yes Sir," Ryan nodded. When the guard stepped aside, he made his way down the hallway back to his cell. All the while his mind was trying to grasp what just happened. The guard backed down. Guards never backed down. Kirsten must have said something to him and whatever she said made a point and got his attention.
Facing the back wall, Ryan heard the gate lock behind him. In less than forty- eight hours, he'd know his fate. He knew he wouldn't rest until he got his sentence from the judge and even then he knew the news would sicken him. 'Be strong' he told himself, echoing Kirsten's words in his head. Had it been anyone but Kirsten he would have discarded the advice the second he got it. But Kirsten knew him, understood him. The Cohens were digging their heels in just like they promised. He'd have to meet them halfway and stay strong and see what the judge would say.
(TBC…)
A/N: Just a couple of quick tidbits…
Mel39 – Thanks so much for religiously pimping this story! : D I VERY much appreciate it! : D
Entis – You didn't leave me your email so I'll address some of your concerns here…Please remember, I noted in the very first paragraph of this story that you needed to have an open mind. This is a 'hypothetical' story about Ryan therefore, yes, he's going to be different than the Ryan on the show. He's also evolving in his character/personality (ie, the tears) so we're going to see him change some more as the story continues. I'm sorry to hear you feel the story is boring (even though you seem to be solo on that limb according to the other reviews)! : D You have a right to your opinion and that's fine. BUT…I gotta give myself a pat on the back! I'm apparently doing something right because it's obviously not 'that' boring if you're still reading with the rest of us 12 chapters later!!! : D (Wink wink)! It takes a lot of courage to put your thoughts and visions out in front of the world for everyone to see. You've told me twice now in reviews that this one bores you…maybe it's time to move on and let this one be and check out some of the other fabulous stories out there. : D Thanks anyways for stopping by and checking this one out! I hope you find something that suits you. : D
Everyone – As always, thanks to one and all for your continued support and the great reviews! I try to read everyone else's work when I can and find many of the stories inspiring! I'm proud of this one so far and hope to do it justice through the end…which has already been written!!! (GASP)!!!
Thanks for stopping by and I'll see y'all in storyland!
Super Chino : D
