Well…this is my first FF I decided to write after reading JTHM a few times I wish I could have written more but.. Oh well. Well, here goes the disclaimer. I don't own JTHM, or anything else in here created by Jhonen Vasquez. Yep…..

Dear Die-ary,

Is this really what I've become? An insane, homicidal, murderer? What went wrong to make me so….demented? Maybe it was the doughboys. Maybe it was the wall. For all I know, it could have been Squee's fault! But, I doubt it. I was insane long before he moved next door. I know killing is wrong but…the wall… Sometimes I feel like it controls me. I don't want to know what's behind it, so I feed it to keep it "happy". What I want to know is who lived here before I did. Who would leave a house with all of these torture devices and a "thing" behind a wall! WHO! Ahem, but, back to my point. All of this killing is making me miserable. I want to be happy…like the time Devi came over. But, even then, I wanted to kill. I guess my killing sprees are now a frequent desire I seem to come across everyday. But, I have to say, killing is quite enjoyable. Entertaining even. I can't take the noises though….why can't people shut up when they're about to die! They scream, they cry, BUT THEY CAN'T SHUT UP! IT MIGHT BE MORE FUN IF I COULD WATCH BUT NOOOOO! I HAVE TO LEAVE THE ROOM BECAUSE THEY MAKE SO MUCH NOISE! Heh…I like bagels… Anyway, now, I constantly feel controlled by something. Like the doughboys. They're always arguing over something. One wants me dead, the other wants me to go insane. All I have is nailbunny to defend me from the doughboys. Sure, I fed him once and nailed him to a wall, but he's like the angel on my shoulder when Mr. Eff and D-boy are trying to get rid of me. Hm…I've just realized a lot of things…Like, how I'm constantly feeling lost, how I wish I had a real friend for once (…maybe not….), and how I don't like being controlled by inanimate objects. Well, you know what….FUCK ALL OF THIS! I HATE EVERYTHING TRYING TO CONTROL ME! WHY CAN'T I CONTROL ME! WHY WHY WHY? ALL OF THOSE SHITHEADS OUT THERE DESERVE TO DIE! I HATE EVERYONE MAKING FUN OF ME, I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE PERSON CLOSE TO ME, AND I HATE FEELING LOST ALL THE TIME! WHY AM I SO CONFUSED! WHY DO I FEEL SO ANGRY? WHY AM I BEGINNING TO CRY? W…why can't anything go my way…..

Nny