Bad Behavior Chapter 18

Baby Steps

Ryan awoke with a start the next morning. There was a loud buzzer going off in the dorm. Frankie bounded down off his bunk and crossed the room to smack the alarm off and get his roommates going. "Come on guys, time to go to work."

One by one all the guys rolled out of bed, except for Ryan. Turning towards the window he pulled his arm up over his face. Through the slits that were his eyes at that hour he could see the sun hadn't even broken through the haze yet.

"Come on man, you don't want to be late," Marco warned, giving Ryan a tap.

"What the hell time is it?" Ryan complained.

"Five a.m. It's the one thing about this place that actually sucks worse than Juvie. At least a guy could sleep until seven in Juvie."

With tousled hair, Ryan looked out his window again with a monstrous yawn. This early morning stuff wasn't going to put him in a better mood anytime soon. Grumpy, he threw off his covers, grabbed his morning case and got up to walk to the bathroom. Adding to his displeasure that morning was a line of four guys in front of him. Rolling his eyes, he leaned against the hallway wall to wait his turn, sighing with disgust.

"Good morning boys," Gina greeted with her usual smile. Doing a quick head count, she marked her morning chart. Her smile turned extra cheerful when she got to Ryan. "Hey you're up! Good boy! Wait till you see what we have planned for you today!"

"Gina the guy didn't even get to take a piss yet, don't be razzing him first thing," Antonio teased them both.

"And Good Morning to you too Antonio!"

"I hate this morning line," Antonio complained, leaning against the wall next to Ryan. "Makes a guy want to run outside and piss in the bushes."

"I heard that Antonio!" Gina barked from down the hall as Ryan snorted a laugh. "We're not doing that today boys, although I wouldn't mind having either of you around for another two weeks."

Pulling his eyes off of Gina, Ryan turned to Antonio for an explanation. "Yeah I did it," he admitted.

"You serious?" Ryan asked with his eyebrows arched. Antonio just didn't come across as a rule breaker.

"Yeah. One of the other bathrooms was being worked on up here at the time so we were sharing ours with two other dorms instead of just one. I got up one morning and there had to be nine guys in front of me. I just couldn't wait. But between you and me, it was a dumb thing that landed me an extra time in this place. Don't do it. If you're in the mood for a demerit, pick something more exciting."

Ryan snorted another laugh.

"So," Antonio eased into a conversation. "You feeling a little better today? After last night I mean?"

Ryan's body language proved he was 'hemming and hawing' at the answer. "I don't know," he replied, focusing his attention on his morning case.

"Well, let me just say this…today will be rough. First one working always is. After today you'll know what your schedule is like and what they expect. You'll feel a little more in control with what's going on around you. Just try to be…open minded today. It'll help."

Preoccupied with Antonio's comment, Ryan moved up in the line and contemplated exactly what the day would bring.

Sandy stood at the kitchen window staring out at the sea. The air was murky and the haze above the waves still hung thick while the morning sun tried to burn through. Sandy noticed his head felt as thick as the air looked outside. Sipping his coffee, he hoped his senses would awaken soon. There was a lot at stake today and he needed to be on top of his game. Mere hours were separating him and his next conversation with Dawn. Inhaling slowly, he considered the challenge that lay before him. It was no secret that Dawn had no interest whatsoever in what was best for Ryan. All she seemed to care about was whether or not she came out ahead in the end. Sandy shook his head when he considered what would happen if Ryan were forced to return to Chino. It occurred to him that Ryan would probably return to the streets and all that they entailed, none of it good. The visions made Sandy sick. Ryan had come so far since leaving Chino. Some how, some way, he had to keep him in Newport…it was just a matter of getting Dawn to let go.

Ryan learned quickly that breakfast moved fast at The Ranch since chores were waiting. After the meal, the boys cleaned everything up and dispersed in different directions according to their own schedules. Unsure of what his role was supposed to be at this time, Ryan was rather relieved when Gina pulled him aside.

"Ready to get started Ryan?"

"Yeah. Sure."

A brief pit stop in the mudroom had them changing into their work boots before heading outside.

Ryan was amazed at the expanse of The Ranch that was hidden behind the main house. There were three storage buildings, two huge barns and three fenced in pastures.

"There's someone special you have to meet. Follow me please," Gina instructed, tugging on the door to the barn.

Ryan immediately wrinkled his face at the smell. They walked about a third of the way through the barn before Gina stopped and turned around to Ryan.

"As you can tell by the odor, there are animals in here. Taking care of the barn has a lot to do with your chores."

Ryan nodded while listening carefully. He wanted to get his right. He hoped the sooner he got to work, the quicker his sentence would go by. His attention, however, was sidetracked by the sensation of hot air on the back on his neck. Glancing over his right shoulder gave him the scare of a lifetime.

"JESUS!" he yelled, stumbling away from the wall. Ryan looked back in horror at the giant creature before him while all Gina could do was laugh.

"Easy Ryan, you'll hurt her feelings," Gina continued to chuckle. Walking up to the horse, she rubbed her nose. "Come on over here, give her a pet."

Ryan threw Gina a look that clearly said 'I don't think so'. "I don't think that's such a good idea. I'm not really into animals. Besides she just about took a chunk out of my neck."

"Okay now that's funny!" Gina laughed again. "You've got this one pegged all wrong Ryan. She LOVES boys! This is Maggie and she's going to be your project while you're here at The Ranch."

"Project?" Ryan asked curtly, dreading the answer that would be following.

"Yep. Maggie's well being will depend entirely on you during your stay here. You'll be responsible for feeding and washing her, as well as keeping her stall clean. You'll also be exercising her in the arena as well as by going on rides."

"Rides?" Ryan's eyebrows couldn't peak any higher. There was no way in hell he was getting on that thing.

"Yes, rides. All the boys here are responsible for a horse. The guys in your dorm go riding together everyday and they're gonna want you to go with them…so…we're gonna have to teach you how to ride."

She saw the terror on Ryan's face. This kid probably never owned a goldfish let alone came face to face with a horse this size.

"Ryan, stop wishing you were at Juvie instead of here right now. Once you get through this first day or two, you're gonna love this and you're going to find Maggie is a very important part of your stay here. Now come on over here and say 'Hi' to Maggie. Just pet her nose up here. She likes this."

Cautiously, Ryan approached the giant animal. Doing as he was told, he stroked the horse's nose with two carefully posed fingers. Enjoying the attention, Maggie unexpectedly lowered her head in Ryan's direction causing him to withdraw his hand and step back quickly.

"It's okay Ryan, don't be afraid. She's just showing you she's accepting your love."

'Love?' Ryan thought to himself. That didn't look like love.

Gina reached over and unlatched the stall gate and slid the door open.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait…what are you doing? She's gonna get out!" Ryan observed, now more terrified than ever.

"Well you can't exercise her in here, there's no room. We have to take her to the arena." Pulling the reigns down, she held them out to Ryan. "Here you go."

"Look, you should have someone more qualified do this. I don't…I don't…"

"You're going to be qualified when I'm done with you," Gina smiled. "Just walk with her Ryan, she knows where she's going."

Hearing Antonio's advise in his head, Ryan trying to keep an open mind. Swallowing nervously, he gingerly took the reigns from Gina but kept his arm outstretched, hoping to keep a safe distance away from Maggie.

"Now to get her to walk, you just do this…" Placing her hand on Ryan's hand, she gave a couple of clicks with her tongue along with a firm tug on the reigns, and the horse led itself out of the stall.

"Okay, okay great so now how do you get her to stop!" Ryan panicked, even though Maggie had only taken a few steps.

"Well, what do they do in the cowboy movies?"

"What!"

"Go ahead, give a tug on those reigns and say it loud and proud!"

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Ryan called out without hesitating and Maggie stopped. Ryan took a visible deep breath of relief. This little task of Gina's was pushing him to the edge.

"See? She's listening to you already."

"Gina, look, there's gotta be something else I can do to pull my weight around here. I can cook every meal if I have to, or fix a broken fence if you've got one…build a shed…something…anything."

"You can do this Ryan," Gina coached firmly. "You just have to believe in yourself."

"I do believe! I know I can't do this!" Ryan explained, exasperated.

"Yes…you…can," Gina pushed again.

Defeated, Ryan closed his eyes and let his head droop momentarily before throwing a sideways and condescending look at Maggie. "Okay. I'll try."

"That's my boy! That's what I want to hear! So how 'bout you get her moving out to the arena?" Off Ryan's look, "I'll be right here Ryan. It'll be fine."

Ryan stood silent for a few minutes hoping Gina would get tired of waiting and take the reigns from him. She didn't. Without making conversation, Ryan turned to Maggie, clicked his tongue and jiggled the reigns and Maggie started moving forward again.

"That's it Ryan, just hold the reigns and walk next to her as if you guys are just out for a stroll and you do this every day."

As they walked through the stable some of the other horses came to their gates as if to watch Maggie walk by. Ryan had to duck several noses on his way out.

"Horses don't get jealous, do they?" he asked, worried about the attention they were drawing.

"Nah, they're just trying to show you their good side Ryan. They want to come out to play too."

Worried about where that comment might be leading, "I can't handle more than one of these at a time," he admitted.

"Oh no no, and you're not allowed to either. You and Maggie are a team. You're not allowed to handle someone else's horse."

When they reached the arena, Gina instructed Ryan to stop Maggie and then she had him clip a long tether to her harness.

"Alright. These little fenced areas are the arenas. We use them to exercise the horses and this is where we teach you new guys to ride. Now I want you to take Maggie and walk out to the center of the arena and give her a 'come on Maggie' with a kissing sound. She knows the routine forwards and backwards and when you do that, she's going to start circling around you. It's just going to be a simple trot for a bit of exercise. It's just us out here so don't be embarrassed. Okay, it's all you guys. Show me what you can do."

After only a few times Ryan found he had mastered the 'click and tug'. Even though it wasn't anything tricky, there was something empowering about controlling an animal that size. Making their way to the center, Ryan moved forward with his lesson.

"Come on Maggie," he commanded, followed by a kissing sound. Sure enough, Maggie broke into a trot with Ryan spinning in the center, still holding onto the tether.

"That's it Ryan! You're a natural! That's great!" Gina praised climbing on the fence to take a seat.

"I'm glad you think so because I don't know what the hell I'm doing!" Ryan yelled back.

"Well then you're faking it really well!" Gina laughed.

After about ten minutes, Gina had Ryan bring Maggie to a halt and walk her over to the fence.

"Very good! I'm impressed! Okay Ryan, time to turn you into the Marlboro Man. Let's get you up there."

"Ah…I'm not ready for that."

"Are you kidding? After what I just saw, you're ready! Come on around this side. I want you to put your left boot in the stirrup here, grab hold of that horn on the front of the saddle and then just pretend you're pulling yourself up onto the biggest Harley you've ever seen."

Standing his ground, Ryan shook his head at Gina.

"You can shake all you want as long as it's on your way up! Let's go."

"No. I'm not ready," Ryan insisted.

Gina cocked her head at Ryan, "Okay. I'll give you a choice and you decide. You can either climb on up there and learn to ride…or…you have to tell me something about your past." She watched Ryan's face get long with disappointment. "It's a choice. Might not be a choice you like…but it's a choice."

Rolling his head to the side with uncertainty, Ryan stared at Maggie's saddle momentarily. "I can't…I don't…" his words faded.

"It's okay to talk about the things that bother us Ryan. It helps us heal and move past them."

Ryan shot her a look she hadn't seen before. For the first time he appeared threatening. His 'don't go there' look clearly proved she'd struck a nerve.

"My past is exactly where it belongs…in the past." Ryan tried to control his breathing. He didn't want Gina to open Pandora's box so he opted for his only way out of the conversation. "So how do I do this?" he asked, turning to Maggie.

Gina was more than surprised. It was rare that a boy turned down a way to get out of riding on their first day, no matter what the alternative was. She knew it would be hard to get Ryan talking but now she was getting a taste of the lengths he would go to in order to keep his past hidden.

"Wow. You really aren't a talker are you? Most of the boys will do almost anything to get out of riding on their first day. Why did you choose riding?" She hoped his reply her question would lead to more conversation. Instead, all she got was another dirty look and more circle talk.

"Look, it took me a long time to put my past behind me. I have no interest in reliving it with anyone…not with the courts, not with the Cohens and certainly not with you." His feelings came through loud and clear and the warning tone in his voice served notice. Whatever was in his past, he wanted it left alone. "You offered me a choice, I made it. Now are we doing this or not?"

Gina was taken back by his forwardness. For someone that didn't talk much, he sure knew how to get his point across. "You're right Ryan. I did offer you a choice. So, let's learn about riding shall we?"

Gina could see she was on the brink of pushing him too far. With the topic dropped, Ryan turned his attention to the horse but Gina could see his demeanor had changed. Ryan may have won that round but there would be other opportunities.

Following Gina's instructions, pulling himself up onto the horse changed his perspective on a lot of things, most specifically how far away he was from the ground.

"Christ this is high," he complained. Leaning forward he put his hands on the back of Maggie's neck. "There's nothing to hold on to."

Pulling the reigns back over Maggie's head, she handed them to Ryan. "Here you go Hon, hold them this way, pinky fingers to the outside at all times. And I need you to sit up straighter. If I let you ride leaning forward like this your manhood is going to be really hurting you after five minutes and you're gonna be sorry you didn't listen to me."

Not liking the sound of that, Ryan immediately changed his position on the horse.

"Perfect. Now we're just going to walk." Before Ryan even had a chance to protest, Gina gave the old 'click and tug' to Maggie and before he knew it, he was riding.

"See? I told you, you're a natural," she smiled. "Okay, time for some stuff you need to know. I think you'll be surprised to learn just how simple it is to control a horse. Whoa Maggie." Reaching up, Gina unhooked the long tether from Maggie's harness and stepped away. Ryan's mouth fell open with new panic, realizing he was on his own.

"Stay with me Ryan. This is going to be easier than you think. Now, you've got reigns in your hands and a foot in each stirrup, not to mention the ever-useful click of your tongue. If you want Maggie to go to the right, you click, tug to the right and tap her right side with your right stirrup. You do the opposite to go to the left. You already know how to make her stop, so go ahead, take her around the ring."

Ryan looked on in horror from atop the horse, clinging to a fistful of hair from Maggie's mane. He wasn't so sure about this.

"Remember Ryan, if you think you can, you can. Besides, you're one of those boys that has spark in his eyes. I know deep down you're wondering if you can control this horse…so let's try it and see what happens."

Ryan was amazed that Gina seemed to know what he was thinking, even after only spending a few hours together. She was right, part of him was curious to know if he could do it or not. Glancing around the arena, he clicked, tugged and tapped to the left. Obediently, Maggie took a casual stroll to the left and followed the path she was previously trotting. Circling around they returned to Gina, where Ryan brought the horse to a halt.

"Ryan, I am impressed," she praised. "Want to learn a trick?"

"You're not going to tell her to jump a fence or anything, are you?"

"Nooo, of course not. You can make her turn in a full circle by pushing your boot into her side and pulling the reigns to the same side."

Without waiting for further explanation, Ryan tried the 'trick' and succeeded.

"I gotta be honest with you Ryan, I don't know what you were so nervous about. Either Maggie loves you to death or you were born to ride!" she laughed. "Okay, it's time to get Maggie back inside."

After teaching Ryan a simple dismount, she let him cue Maggie and walk her, unaided, back to her stall.

"The one task you always want to double, triple or even quadruple check before leaving the barn…make sure Maggie's gate is completely closed and latched. Now you can grab a fist of hay from right there and hold it under her nose so she can snack on it. Just pay attention as it disappears so she doesn't accidentally snack on your fingers."

Grabbing a fist full of straw he held it out for the horse to have, a quick smile flickered across his face.

"Did you just smile?" Gina asked, amazed. Ryan rolled his head away in embarrassment. "You did, didn't you? Damn I'm getting good!" Looking at her watch, "Roughly three hours into your first day and I got a smile!"

Looking at Gina with a tormented smirk on his face, "Alright, you win okay? The horses are pretty cool…now that I know she won't eat me."

"I'm glad to hear you found your happy place…although we'll see how you feel this afternoon when you're shoveling poop!" Gina teased, walking away.

"You just ruined my happy place Gina," Ryan teased back as she left the barn.

The drive to Chino had Sandy's nerves standing on end. It wasn't the traffic or the lack of good songs on the radio, he just wished he was already sitting with Dawn and talking, hopefully with some success, about Ryan's future.

When he finally did pull up in front of the house, he hesitated. He had only met Dawn a few times and ironically each one was a confrontation of some sort. Looking at her front door he could only imagine what would go on behind there today. The sidewalk to the front door seemed to increase in length as he forged his way to the front door. Reminding himself that this was about Ryan, he raised his hand and knocked.

"Go away!" a voice inside the house commanded.

"Mrs. Atwood? It's Sandy Cohen."

There was silence. On the inside of the house Dawn leaned her head against her side of the front door. This was the last visitor she expected or wanted to see right now.

"Mrs. Atwood I just need five minutes of your time. Please."

After a short pause, Sandy heard the lock snap and the door creaked open slowly. Dawn's haggard and embarrassed face peeked through the opening.

"This really isn't a good time. Maybe you could come back?" she asked, almost pleading.

"Actually, I think it's best if we talked now. I promise I'll keep it short."

Shrugging her shoulders she opened the door and stepped back to allow Sandy in. Upon entering, he took in the scene. Furniture was still in disarray and yet things weren't in the same position as his last visit, and he noticed photos strewn all over the floor. Bending down he picked up a photo of Ryan. He couldn't have been but six years old. He was sitting on a chair in his Batman pajama's sporting a black eye. Ryan offered not even a hint of a smile to his photographer.

"I see Ryan liked Batman."

Dawn quickly lit a cigarette, "Yeah he um, he did. He used to have that Bat-car around here somewhere. That was a long time ago though." Taking a seat on the couch, she waited for Sandy to start his plea. She knew that's why he came.

"You have…a lot of photos out right now," Sandy observed, taking a seat across from Dawn.

"You could say I had a bit of a reality check last night."

"Oh?"

"I can't lose him Sandy. He's all I have left. I've already lost everything else." Tears welled in her eyes while she concentrated on her cigarette.

"Believe me, I can't imagine what you're going through. But I also can't imagine how you're going to make this right, for Ryan's sake. Can you kick the booze, for good? Do you even want to?"

"I don't want him to have a new family!" she wailed with deep sobs. "He's my son! I may not be the world's best Mom, but I'm still his mom!"

"You'll always be his Mom. No one will ever take that away from you. That's not what we're trying to do. We are trying to give Ryan a future. This isn't about winning. This isn't about who gets him. This is about Ryan. I'm not sure you're aware of how badly he wants to stay in Newport. I fear if he returns to Chino he'll also return to the streets and get back into trouble. I don't think either of us want to see him in jail again."

Dawn wrapped her arms around herself and looked away. "Sometimes you just have to take the cards you're dealt, you know? Sometimes you're not supposed to have more or better than what you got."

The comment irked Sandy and, speaking of cards, it was time to show his hand.

"Dawn, Ryan wants to go in front of the judge and speak for himself at the custody hearing. He's sixteen and at that age, the judge is going to consider what he has to say and, quite frankly, it could be the deciding factor in his case. He's going to fight for what he wants and I think we both know, deep down, he doesn't want to be here."

Lighting a second cigarette, Dawn's body shook with emotion combined with the urge for a drink. "I can't believe that. Ryan wouldn't do that. It's not true."

Inhaling deeply, "It is true. I have nothing to gain by lying about this. I just want to make sure…if you're going to really fight to keep him here, that you're fighting for the right reasons. And as a parent, those reasons should be what's best for Ryan."

"You have no idea what it's like, this life. You have no idea how hard it is."

"You're right, I don't," Sandy agreed, standing up and walking to the door. "But I do know one thing, if it really was that hard, I'd be standing on my head doing whatever I had to so I could make it better for my kids, so it wouldn't be hard for them. I'll see you at the hearing."

Without giving Dawn a chance to say another word, Sandy gently closed the door behind him and walked back to his car. What he would have given to be a fly on the wall inside that house right now. Wanting to get out of Chino as quickly as possible he reached for his keys only to learn he still had Ryan's 'Batman' photo in his hand. He stared at the child in the photo wishing he could do more and praying he'd done enough to make a difference. Slipping the photo into his suit pocket, he started his car and pulled away.

(TBC)…

A/N Just a quick note for everyone…I'm doing my best to stay on top of the updates for this one but I needed to let ya's know I've been a bit sidetracked. I recently learned that I, Super Chino, am going to have…a Baby Chino: D It might be a Chinoette…I won't know for a while yet! Anyhow, this was a VERY unexpected surprise (on the same level as cardiac arrest)! And anyone that's been pregnant knows…I'm doing a LOT of sleeping these days: D For someone who normally writes chapters late at night, this is cutting into my creative time! It will get better and the chapters will keep coming, I just ask that y'all be patient while Baby Chino/Chinoette gets a little bigger. : D See y'all real soon with the next one: D