Bad Behavior Chap 21

Facing the Demons

It had been roughly forty-eight hours since Dawn paid a visit to Newport. Ironically neither Sandy nor Kirsten could seem to sleep a wink once they crossed paths with Ryan's unbelievably, undecided Mother. Sandy remained unsettled since his chat with Dawn led him to the photo of young, abused Ryan. And Kirsten was also having trouble trying to grasp the concept that his Mother wasn't jumping at the chance to take him back. As a Mother, that was beyond her.

It was Monday evening and the kitchen was dead quiet. Sandy and Kirsten sat at the table, both lost in thought. Even the grind of their jobs couldn't take their mind off of Ryan, Dawn's flightiness, and the looming custody hearing. They didn't need to talk. They already knew what the other was feeling.

The silence was shattered when a hysterical Seth burst through the front door.

"MOM! DAD! Get in here! Quick!"

Seth's voice was urgent, almost panicked, and Sandy and Kirsten nearly killed themselves rushing into the living room to find out what the emergency was.

"What? What is it?" Sandy was out of breath, ready for 'anything' when he reached the living room.

"Look! We got a letter from Ryan! The envelope is marked that there's pictures inside!"

"Well don't just stand there! Open it!" Kirsten demanded.

Seth gently ripped the perforated tab, careful to not damage anything inside. Tipping the envelope, out slid Ryan's letter and the photos Gina had given him.

"Let's see the photos first," Sandy urged.

Since there were plenty of photos, they each took a couple and passed them back and forth amongst themselves. Seth was the first to make a comment.

"Oh my God! Ryan is….riding a horse?" he asked bewildered, showing his Mother the photo.

Kirsten gasped when she saw the photo. "Look at him up there. If I didn't know better, I'd swear he knew what he was doing!"

"Look at the smile on his face on this one," Sandy boasted, happily sharing the photo of Ryan playing cards with the other boys. The photo brought a smile to each of their faces. It was soothing to see Ryan enjoying himself.

Flipping through the photos in her hand, Kirsten found one that melted her heart. "Aw, look at this one. He's asleep."

Sandy and Seth each took a turn looking at the sleeping Ryan, before it dawned on Seth he was still holding Ryan's letter.

"Oh! Ryan's letter!" he exclaimed, unfolding the paper.

"Yeah let's see what he wrote," Sandy agreed.

Still standing in the middle of the living room, Seth read Ryan's letter out loud…

Hey,

So I'm sure you've already looked through the pictures. Now you have a better idea of what I've been doing. Don't be fooled though, most of our day is still spent doing chores. The guys I'm playing cards with are my roommates. There is one photo of me in the barn…I knew Gina took that one. I had no idea she took the other ones, but they were good photos. They can show you what goes on around here, better than I could explain it.

I got Kirsten's letter. Thanks. It was nice to get that. Most of the guys in my dorm don't hear from their families. They never say anything, but I know how they must feel. To this day, they still brag on the photo of the chocolate cake that was in my suitcase when I first arrived.

I've been spending a lot of time in the barn with Maggie. We get along better than I expected. I sneak out to see her whenever I can. Gina's never really said anything so I guess she's okay with it.

By the time you get this letter, I'll only have about 5 days left here. I'm anxious to come home. Even though time is going fast, I wish it would go faster. I miss my own bed. I miss having bagels with Seth and Sandy. I miss Kirsten's 'mothering'. I guess I just really miss home.

And I guess it's time to wrap this up before it turns into a sad sack letter. This place is worlds better than Juvie, I just wish I were there instead of here. One more week…

See you soon,

Ryan

"Poor kid," Sandy offered when Seth finished reading.

"Poor kid?" Kirsten disagreed. "He's getting his groove on in the barn on a regular basis!"

Seth and Sandy gaped at Kirsten as if she were from another planet.

"Oh come on, you heard what he wrote. Who is this girl Maggie? Sneaking off into the barn! I swear he is the most sexually active boy I know."

"Mom…ew!"

"I hope to God he's not doing what I think he's doing. If he wants to come home as bad as he says he does, then he needs to keep it in his pants and stay out of the barn!"

"Honey, don't jump to conclusions. Do you really think Ryan would admit something like that, and in a letter of all places?"

Sighing, "Alright, I'll let it go. But I'm going to ask him who this girl is when we pick him up."

"You guys realize there's only four more days to wait? On the fifth day we have to drive up there and go get him."

Seth's statement served as a rather large reality check. While they were all counting the days until Ryan came home, it seemed to have slipped the minds of the parenting-Cohens that they had to physically go get him and bring him home.

"I need to reschedule my Friday appointments," Sandy observed, quickly contacting his office on his cell phone.

"I need my tablet. Where's my tablet?" Kirsten wondered out loud, striding towards the kitchen.

"Mom you're not going to make more lists are you?" Seth worried, his face wrinkled. He knew the lengths she'd gone to when Ryan came home for only one day…he could only imagine what it would be like when his sentence was over.

Holding Ryan's photos in his hands, Seth stood alone in the living room. "Five more days Dude and then it's gonna be me, you, the playstation and all the bagels you can eat." Seth couldn't help but smile at the photo facing him. He missed Ryan. Knowing better than to keep them for himself, Seth stopped off in the kitchen to gives Ryan's photos to his Mom. "Thank you" managed to escape from her mouth even though she was already lost in another list. Seth nodded and stole away to his room. He, too, had preparing to do for Ryan's return.

Evenings at The Ranch had slowed down a little. Ryan's dorm was off of kitchen duty and he found he had more time on his hands. Time he preferred to spend with Maggie rather than the Cruisers. The Cruisers were good guys, but let's face it…Maggie never asked any questions or drew conclusions. Not to mention, all it took was an apple slice or two to get on her good side.

After Frankie's episode with his Mom, Ryan withdrew a bit from the group. He almost felt…guilty. He knew now that the Cohen's cared about him. He could even go so far as to say they loved him. No one else in his dorm could say that. It made him feel like an outcast for a whole new set of reasons and he cared just enough about his roommates to not throw such a detail in their faces. There wasn't a guy in that room that wasn't battling demons of his own and that was hard enough on some days.

Ryan entered the barn like he did on most nights. All was quiet at this hour. Even the horses seemed to be settling down for the night. Hanging his arms over Maggie's gate got her attention and she walked over to see him. He patted her massive nose for a moment before grabbing a handful of hay for her to snack on.

"You know Mags, if you and your barn-mates didn't smell so bad, I'd sleep out here with you. It must be nice to have some privacy. The guys are nice and all, it's just, I like doing my own thing you know? And I feel funny being the only guy that keeps hearing from their family. Granted, I only got one letter by mail, but Kirsten made up that whole thing in my suitcase. The other guys don't have that. It's too bad you can't talk. You could talk to Judge Whitney and tell her to let me live with the Cohens. That's all I want. It's all I can think about. You know you've only got me for five more days. Then I have to go back to Newport and figure out what's going to happen to me next. Maybe if you keep your hooves crossed for me, maybe I'll have some good luck this time."

When the cluster of hay disappeared, Ryan shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and stared at Maggie.

"I gotta go in Mags. Five a.m. comes awful fast. I'll see you tomorrow." With one last pat on her nose, Ryan turned toward the door.

The next afternoon was particularly warm for late November. Many of the boys, including Ryan, had taken off their shirts while moving the hay bales. Ryan wasn't sure what was worse, sweating like a hog or the itchiness from the hay without the protection of his t-shirt.

When Gina pulled up in her pick-up truck, she signaled to the boys to take a break. Walking up to the truck the boys were thankful to see she'd brought iced bottles of water with her. With each boy grabbing a couple of drinks, they parked themselves under a tree for a few minutes to rest.

"It's weird out here," Antonio said out of the blue. "When we're out here working like this, it's like we're just doing a job. Like we're not really on lock down."

"Yeah but I'd rather be on the outside any day," Marco added.

"No point in being on the outside if you've got nothing to go to," Frankie interjected. The cruisers all looked at him. Knowing his situation, no one was sure what to say after that comment.

"Ryan man, tell us something good about your foster family," Tommy encouraged.

"What? Why?" Ryan asked, feeling rather put on the spot.

"You know, like you told us about the water balloon fight," Frankie added. "Something like that."

"I don't know. Why do you guys want to hear that stuff? Makes me feel like I'm rubbing it in."

"Gives the rest of us hope man," Marco explained.

Ryan furled his brows while he considered that thought. Hope. The Cohens were the ones that gave him hope and now these guys saw Ryan as their lead to hope. He owed them at least that much.

"Truth is, it's not really the grand gestures that got my attention. It was all the little stuff."

"Like what?" Antonio pressed.

Taking a deep breath, "I screwed up plenty when I first got there. I stole things. I snuck out and came home drunk. I skipped school. I got in fights. You name it, I did it. I kept expecting them to break you know? I kept expecting them to say they'd had enough. But they didn't. They'd still tuck me in at night, even when I came home drunk. They always made sure I had breakfast even on the morning Kirsten caught me on top of a girl in my room. One time after I'd run away, I ran into Kirsten on the street and she gave me some money to get some food…she knew I wouldn't go home with her. I was too stubborn. She said if I played my cards right I'd have enough money left to buy a pack of cigarettes. This is a woman that hates cigarettes…they never gave up on me." Ryan paused, mentally considering everything he'd shared before admitting a realization. "I want to be with them more than anything and yet it won't surprise me if I get sent back to Chino. In hindsight, I don't exactly deserve to be with them."

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that," Frankie protested. "They picked you remember? They…picked…you."

Ryan stared blankly at the ground and his mind raced back to the first day he was released from Juvie into Sandy's custody.

"If you want a family, a real family, as bad as the rest of us do and you want to make it up to them…then you know what you've gotta do when you get back home. Am I right?"

Ryan's head tipped up and his eyes shot over to Frankie. He nodded reluctantly.

"Truth is, we all deserve something better Ryan," Marco added. "Difference is, you're one of the lucky ones that actually gets a crack at it."

"Come on boys! Back to work!" Gina called out. "These hay bales aren't going to move themselves!"

Everyone stood up and got back to work, everyone except Ryan. Noticing him still sitting in the shade twisting his water bottle in the grass, Gina walked over and sat down next to him.

"You okay Ryan?"

With barely a nod, he affirmed her question.

"I know sometimes they boys go a little deep. Did they…strike a nerve?"

Ryan shook his head before standing up. "I just want to go home."

"Hang in there honey. You're almost done here."

Ryan stopped just short of his section and he glanced at the other boys. Of everyone around, he was the one that was given the second chance. Whatever the reason was, this time he'd do everything right. This time he would have the life he'd always dreamed of…with Judge Whitney's help of course.

They were down to only three days left before Ryan would be home. The Cohen household was a-buzz with activity. Kirsten's list making had not only reached record levels, but it was starting to rub off on Seth and Sandy as well. It became a joke when they caught themselves adding things to each other's lists or conferring with each other, making sure certain details were on 'someone's' list.

"Good evening everyone."

The flurry of activity came to a screeching halt at the intrusion of an outside voice.

"Dad…Hi…" Kirsten stammered at his unexpected presence. "I thought you were staying in Paris until next month."

"I was supposed to but I was ready to come home Ki Ki. Sanford. There's my grandson," he added throwing an arm around Seth. "So what's all the hub-bub?"

"We're getting ready for Ryan to come home," Kirsten blurted out without thinking, immediately regretting her reply. Seth and Sandy cringed in unison and managed to make a quick disappearance from the room, much to Kirsten's frustration.

"Who the hell is Ryan?" her Father asked, rather perturbed that they would be more excited about this 'Ryan's' homecoming than about his.

"Oh…Ryan…is…he's…he's a long story…which I'll have to tell you some other time. I need to get dinner ordered. How does Mexican sound? I'll order from The Matador."

Without giving her Dad a chance to respond Kirsten quickly left in search of Seth and Sandy. As if it were choreographed, Seth walked back in from the patio door, automatically assuming all issues would be solved already. Instead, he walked right into a direct question.

"So who is this Ryan person?" his Grandfather asked, still trying to get to the bottom of this.

"Ryan? Well Ryan's sort of…it's just that…it's a long story," Seth answered, skirting the question.

"So I've heard."

Caleb frowned at his grandson and wondered what the big secret was. Stepping out onto the patio, he thought he'd give it one more try with Sandy.

"So Sanford, how are things on the homefront?"

Sandy looked at his father-in-law through knowing eyes. "Since when do you care what goes on around here? What do you really want to know Cal?" Sandy had played these sort of mind games with his father-in-law for years, too many years at that, and he could read him like a book.

"Well, who the hell is this Ryan person and don't tell me it's a long story."

"Don't worry Cal, you haven't lost your position as the biggest S.O.B. in Newport. You'll meet Ryan soon enough. Until then, it can wait."

Caleb didn't like that answer either but apparently it was the best he was going to get for today.

Sandy on the other hand looked out over the ocean and smiled to himself. Ryan and Caleb. Now there was a volcano waiting to explode. Sandy could only imagine the sparks that would fly when the two would meet if Caleb didn't behave himself. And the best part was, he knew Ryan could give Caleb a run for his money. It was pathetic to admit, but he was sort of looking forward to that meeting. In the meantime, he'd relish the thought of only having to tolerate three more days before Ryan's return. The anxiety was killing him and he imagined Ryan felt the same way. Watching the waves out in the distance, he wondered what Ryan was doing right at that moment. He wondered if he was thinking of home.

Ryan kept to himself for most of the day following the conversation with his roommates. He was angry with himself for revealing so much. He knew better that to let too many people in. Sitting on the porch by himself he cringed when he heard the screen door open and Gina's greeting as she made her approach.

"Hey Ryan, doing okay out here?"

"I was…"

Sighing, Gina parked herself on the steps much to Ryan's discomfort. He wore his attitude on his sleeve as he glared at her unwelcome company.

"Oh come on now, there's no need for that."

"Maybe to you."

"Ryan we need to talk. There are some things we need to discuss before you leave here."

"Let me save you the trouble. Yes I'm sorry for what I did. Yes, I've changed since I've been here and I won't do it again. When I get out of here I plan to go back to my family and back to school and stay out of trouble. Doesn't that about cover it?"

Biting her lip, it was her turn to stare at Ryan. "You're telling me what you think I want to hear, not what I want to know."

"Same thing," Ryan mumbled, standing up and starting to walk away.

"Ryan…Ryan wait."

Pausing and making his aggravation apparent, Ryan shoved his hands in his pockets and waited for Gina to continue rambling.

"Please…sit down at the picnic table with me for just a few minutes."

Against his will, and better judgment, Ryan sat down and clasped his hands between his knees.

"This won't be as bad as you think," Gina encouraged. Ryan only shot another glare back in her direction.

"I need you to be completely honest with me right now Ryan. In another forty-eight hours I will be writing your final report. This report will be an overview of your stay at The Ranch. Everything, good and bad, will be noted. This is the report that Judge Whitney will pay particularly close attention to. If there is anything you want to make sure she knows or understands about you, now is the time to talk about it."

Judge Whitney. Now that was one area that he needed to tread lightly on. Ryan tipped his head up to look at Gina, absorbing her words. "It took me months to reach a point where I trusted the Cohens enough to be honest with them. You're asking me to trust you in less than two weeks."

"My job is not to pass judgment on you boys or to make things harder for you. My job is to do everything I can to help you succeed when you leave here. Part of doing my job relies on information from you. Without it, I'm doing a lot of guesswork and I don't want to do that. I'd rather send you home feeling confident about your future."

Ryan sat quiet for a few minutes wrestling with his own stubbornness. For the first time since Gina came outside, Ryan's scowl left his face.

"People have lied to me most of my life. How do I know you're not lying to me?"

"I don't have a reason to lie to you Ryan. I care about all the boys that come through my doors. If I didn't keep my word to the ones that came before you, I wouldn't still be here. Please let me help you."

Taking a deep breath, Ryan swung his leg over the bench so he was facing Gina. He concentrated on the knots in the wood on the table so he didn't have to look directly at Gina.

"I want to stay with the Cohens. I don't want to go back to Chino. If the judge sends me back to Chino…I'll run again." Ryan raised his head slowly to see Gina's expression to his comment.

"Ryan, running away isn't the answer."

"Neither is sending me back to Chino."

Nodding, Gina could see the determination in his eyes.

"If you have any pull with Judge Whitney…that's all I ask. I want to stay with my foster family."

Nodding again, "Is there anything else you would like to talk about?" Gina asked with anticipation of additional information.

"There's nothing to tell. My life sucked until the Cohens came along. My Dad is serving time in jail for armed robbery, my Mom is an alcoholic and I've been abused most of my life. What's the point of going into details and living it all over again?"

"I understand Ryan. I want you to know that I've extremely proud of you for talking to me today. I know it's hard. I'll make sure to comment to Judge Whitney about your foster family and how much they mean to you. While I can't make her decide one way or another, I have the ability to suggest what I think is the best course of action for your future. If there's anything else you want me to add, just pull me aside and let me know."

Ryan nodded and returned his attention to the knots in the tabletop as Gina stood up.

"I know you guys don't think I understand but I do understand, all too well."

Ryan studied Gina carefully, knowing an explanation was about to follow.

"I lived in the Midwest as a child. We had a lot of land and a barn and a couple of horses. My Father was an alcoholic. It took me a long time to come to terms with the things he put me through, the abuse."

Now she had Ryan's complete attention.

"When I was finally old enough to leave home, I vowed I would never go back…and that I would do everything in my power to help other kids so they wouldn't have to go through what I went through. It took a while, but that's how The Ranch got started. My horses were my best friends. I could tell them anything. They were my escape. I wanted other kids to be able to have that outlet. You understand I'm sure. You and Maggie bonded pretty well." She paused for a moment, noting the shocked look on Ryan's face. "If I could take each and every one of you boys home with me, I would. Nobody deserves to go through what any of us have been through."

Ryan swallowed hard and looked away, the weight of Gina's words pressing down on him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Shaking her head, "Not many of the boys know. In that sense, I'm no different than you are. I don't like to talk about it either, and I only talk about it with people I trust. But, if I'm going to help you, we both have to talk about some of it." Again there was a moment of silence before Gina took a deep breath and asked Ryan an important question. "Ryan…did she hurt you?"

Immediately snapping his head in Gina's direction, Ryan looked at her as if she had violated scared ground, and she knew she had. She noticed his breaths were deep and uneven.

"It's okay Ryan. This is between you and me."

"And Judge Whitney," he added.

"Yes, and Judge Whitney. If we want to ask her to keep you away from your birthmother, we have to give her legitimate reasons why."

Wringing his hands, Ryan's gaze darted all over. Finally he looked out towards the empty parking spaces. Clamping his mouth shut, he nodded slowly.

"Okay. Okay Ryan, you don't have to say anything else. That's good," she soothed, putting her hand over his shaking hands.

"I'm not going back there. I don't care what Judge Whitney decides. I'm not going back there. I'm not going to let her hurt me any more."

Ryan clamped his mouth shut again and his chin shook. Even though he was doing his darnedest to hide his emotions, Gina could tell she had finally tapped into the soul of his issues.

"It's going to be okay Ryan. It's going to be okay."