I trusted him after that. How could I not? He could have left me there. Despite my miraculous recovery, I was still slowing him down for weeks after the attack. I could tell our travelling speed made him nervous, but he never once tried to push me. I spent most of my time riding Noishe's back, but it was a week before I could walk on my own without pain.
We travelled from place to place, never really stopping. A few days in Luin here, a week camping by Lake Umacy there. Once we went to Iselia; Kratos seemed to want to check on something or someone. He came away from there very disappointed, but trying his best not to show it.
By then we'd been travelling almost a year together, and I discovered I was quite good at reading his emotions. He was most often content, as if this kind of life was something he enjoyed. I supposed that he probably did enjoy it, as it seemed he'd been a mercenary for quite a while.
We spent the most time in Izoold, as it was the farthest from any of the ranches and the Desians seemed to leave it alone. We never stayed more than a week, though- didn't want to change that with our presence.
We were coming out of one such week, catching a ship to Palmacosta. Again, docked in Palmacosta, unable to disembark because of the time. I was at the edge, leaning over it and looking at the reflection of the stars in the water, thinking. A cold breeze whipped past me and I shivered. Wish Kratos were- Were WHAT, Anna? Get your head out of the clouds! I snapped at myself. Such thoughts came to me unbidden pretty commonly nowadays, and each time I ran down his list of faults: Rude, caustic, pessimistic, all the social grace of a boar, nasty- I stopped myself this time. He wasn't nasty, rude, or caustic to me anymore. Still a pessimist and had no decorum, but...
Again the cold wind, again the unwanted thoughts. I sighed. When I was just a girl I swore I'd never love anyone. How did I manage to fall in love with a sarcastic, blunt man like Kratos?
"Anna."
I jumped, startled, and whirled on my heel. "Kratos! You scared me half to death! I could've fallen-" I stopped short as Kratos laughed. "What's so funny?" I miffed at him, ignoring the thrill that shivered through me. I think that was the first time I'd heard him laugh. In love I might be, though, he still annoyed the piss out of me...
"I seem to recall having this discussion quite some time ago," he informed me, coming up next to me and leaning against the rail... just like he did that time.
I grinned sheepishly at him. "Don't jinx us. I'm liable to get stabbed in the back again."
He snorted. "You better not. I'd be tempted to leave you behind this time." He gave me a slight smile to show he was teasing, but his words still cut rather deep. I flinched inwardly and smacked his bare arm, forcing a laugh; I wondered how he could not be cold out in this. He'd left his cloak in the cabin.
"Are you feeling all right?" I asked in concern.
"I'm fine. Why?"
"Because it's freezing out and you don't have your cloak."
"I see."
"You're going to catch a cold."
"No, I'm not." It was such a matter-of-fact statement that I blinked, wondering how he was so sure he wouldn't catch a cold.
I was about to order him to go get his cloak when a piece of news from the captain of the ship came back to me. "Oh! We have to say here two nights."
Kratos raised an eyebrow at me. "No, we don't."
"Yes, we do. There's a moonlight ball tomorrow, and I want to attend it."
The look on his face was incredulous. "Anna, neither of us have anything appropriate to wear-"
"The captain said he'd help us with that since we're such good customers," I cut him off. "Please, Kratos. I really want to go."
"N-" I shot him a pleading look and he stopped in mid-no and sighed. "Fine. But we're leaving first thing the morning after, so don't stay up late."
I clapped my hands and threw my arms around his neck in a hug. "Thank you!" Kratos seemed positively stunned and he tensed, then put his arms around my loosely for a moment. I pulled away, not wanting to outstay my welcome. "I'm going to bed now. Night night!" I sang, bounding down the stairs to the cabins.
The next morning the Captain of the ship took us to the local tailor, claiming to have favors with him. We were both measured- much to Kratos' consternation- and told to come back two hours before nightfall. We went to the Inn to get a room, and then Kratos disappeared after ordering me to stay in the city walls.
I got pretty bored pretty quickly. How dare he order me to stay in the city when he himself left almost immediately? I wondered what he was doing, as I laid in bed, having exhausted myself looking around the city. I fell asleep, and woke up with a start from a nightmare whose details vanished from my mind the moment I opened my eyes. I stared at the window in dismay- it was already dark out! I leapt out of bed and spotted the dress laid out across Kratos' bed, with a note on top of it-
Anna,
You're going to be up all night now.
I've gone ahead to the ball. Meet me there.
-Kratos
I snickered at the note and examined the gown; it was a gorgous deep violet velvet, a little darker than the travelling suit Kratos wore, with long lavender lace sleeves and a lavender cord belt. There was a hairpiece, too, a ponytail holder with a violet iris and baby's breath wrapped on it.
I felt a little sick to my stomach. This was a beautiful dress, and I was plain, to put it lightly. I felt guilty wearing it- it seemed to be meant for a beautiful princess, not a common Jane from Luin. I gave myself a last unsure look in the mirror before slipping out to the ball.
Kratos was easy to find; his messy hair gave him away, although I would not have recognized him at first. He wore a dark blue, almost a navy color, shirt embroidered with a gold design around the seams of it. It was a tunic-style shirt, and a gold cord belt like my own was tied at his waist over plain dark grey pants. Perhaps it was just that I was quite biased by my goddess he was gorgeous.
I called out to him as I approached; his gaze turned to me, confusion for a moment, then recognition and his jaw dropped in surprise. "I don't look that bad, do I?" I asked him miserably when we were close enough to hear each other clearly over the noise of the crowd and the band- which was quite close.
"N-no, you're beautiful."
"Liar."
"I don't lie," he replied a little haughtily, as if I'd wounded his pride.
The song the band was playing stopped, and a new one started, a slow walz. I recognized the song immediately, it was the one my parents had at their wedding when I was six. "I love this song!" I squeaked, grabbing Kratos' hand. "Come on, dance with me!"
"No." He pulled his hand away. "I'm sure there are plenty of men who'd dance with you."
"But I want to dance with you."
"I don't want to dance. At all."
"Won't we attract attention if we're not together? The captain and tailor both seemed to think we were together," I said wickedly, "and we're staying in the same room-"
"Two beds," he snapped.
"So? Not everyone knows that, and I came right over to you when I arrived. People will probably think we're together. Do you want to attract attention?"
He scowled at me, but rose and took my hand a little roughly. I winced at his roughness; perhaps I should have just found someone else to dance with. Such thoughts melted from my mind when his arm wrapped around me and his motions softened as we started moving to the music. I lost myself between the sound of the song, the feeling of being in his arms, the crowd around us, I loved it all. I relished ever second of it, Goddess knew it was the only time I'd ever be in his arms.
But how did his face end up so close to mine?
The song ended, abruptly in my perception; I had been so lost in his eyes I'd stopped listening. It was over too soon, and the moment the last note played Kratos yanked away from me, almost stumbling, and then, regaining his composure, calmly walked away.
I was shattered.
I held my head high, swallowed my tears and made my way back to our room where I tore off the dress as fast as I could, changed back into my travelling clothes, and threw myself on the bed and cried as hard as I could.
Kratos was right. I couldn't sleep, although I wanted nothing more than to sleep. I knew I'd feel better in the morning. It was just the stupid moonlight and the stupid music and these stupid formal clothes that made me forget what I knew- It was impossible.
I laid in the dark for hours. Just when I was getting drowsy, I heard our door open and quickly shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep. Kratos didn't turn on the light; I heard him moving about the room, the sound of a zipper, and then his retreating footsteps. I opened my eyes in time to watch as Kratos, with his pack, shut the door quietly.
I looked around, my eyes used to the dark; he had only taken his personal belongings, none of our provisions or travelling gear. He obviously intended to spend the night elsewhere. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid stupid...
She is beautiful tonight.
I'd never been particularly attracted to her. Her looks were average- I'd certainly laid eyes on more beautiful. Of course, I had four thousand years of people in my memory, most unmemorable. She was quite memorable, but not for her looks.
Until tonight. I never really noticed how the color of her eyes set off the highlights of her hair.
Ugh. Listen to me, I sound like a lovestruck fool.
Now she wants to dance. I knew this was going to be a mistake; I can't dance. In fact, I was notorious in the Tethe'allan capital of Meltokio in my youth for stepping on my consorts' feet. I try to turn her away, but she's stubborn. Fine, whatever...
I let her lead. Martel knows that she will not be able to walk tomorrow otherwise.
Her eyes aren't quite brown. They're more a hazel color. She's got a little red in her hair, too.
Stupid. That's the torchlight, idiot. But she is absolutely beautiful in that gown.
Why is my heart beating so hard? And why in the goddess' name do I want to kiss her?
The song is over. I yank away from her, stumble slightly, and with as much coldness as I can muster I walk away. I don't look back, although I can hear her retreating footsteps with my angelic hearing. I walk right out of the town square, to a small park to the side of it. I walk up to a tree, put a hand on it, and bow my head, my other hand pressed to my mouth in disbelief.
I'm in love with her.
Dear Martel, my friend, what the hell do I do now?
-tos?"
He looked up, startled. "Ah- yes?"
"You're going to hurt yourself if you keep phasing out like that doing the dishes," his companion- the innkeepers' daughter- informed him.
"I wasn't phasing out," Kratos replied sourly, briskly rubbing a plate down and handing it to her. She dried it, staring at him in concern. He'd finally managed to convince them that he had to do something useful, so he was put to work washing dishes. Under protest from the wife, of course.
Kerina, the daughter, set the plate aside as soon as it was dry, and reached out and took another plate from Kratos. "You're doing it again," she said in a matter-of-fact voice. "Listen, you can go back to your room if you feel like it."
"No."
"You've done plenty for today," Kerina tried. "You're still exhausted from your ordeal. Come on, go rest."
Kratos frowned at her, and responded by picking up another plate and washing it furiously. Kerina sighed and simply took the plate as he handed it to her, and his eyes glazed over again with memory and unshed tears.
Was he deliberately holding them back? He hadn't cried at all... she didn't know much of what had happened, but she knew enough to know that what he'd gone through was horrific. Another man might've been broken, but was he truely still whole? Or was this strength merely an act?
An act, she confirmed for herself as she took the plate from him, Kratos still looking straight forward. She had a very, very bad feeling... she feared for him...
