Bad Behavior Chapter 23
Speaking Up and Being Heard
Rolling over Ryan snuggled against his pillow absorbing the scent of fabric softener. He allowed his eyes to open and slowly scan across part of the room before they zoned in on a cluster of new picture frames on the wall. He hadn't noticed them when he came home last night. Propping himself up on his elbows, he studied the photos. The photo of Seth, Sandy and Ryan from the water balloon fight had been framed as well as some of the photos he'd sent from The Ranch. Two photos of Ryan and Maggie were on the wall as well as the one playing cards with the Cruisers. Ryan smiled at the frames. The Cohens took the time to immortalize some of the happier moments in his life. That was something a real parent would do. It was no different than saving school papers or artwork, or displaying trophies. The photos marked a milestone in Ryan's life. As hard as the last several weeks had been, somewhere in there he came to terms with himself and his life, and he learned how to be happy again.
Rolling onto his back he pulled the covers up to his chin. His mind was consumed and yet he focused on nothing in particular. The click of the door however, drew his attention across the room.
"Morning Ryan," Kirsten greeted. "Well don't you look snug as a bug?"
Ryan just snorted a laugh and smiled.
"I bet it felt good to sleep in huh?"
"You have no idea."
"Well, whenever you're ready there's all sorts of good things for breakfast in the kitchen. I'm also trying to keep Seth out of here as long as I can but it's getting hard to hold him off so, just be warned."
Sharing a smile, Kirsten turned to leave, but Ryan stopped her.
"Kirsten?" he paused, waiting for her to look at him. "Thanks …for not giving up on me."
Moved by Ryan's comment, Kirsten tipped her head to the side before stepping back up to his bed and leaning down to kiss his forehead. "We'll never give up on you. You mean too much to us. I'll see you inside for breakfast."
Turning his head against his pillow, Ryan watched Kirsten walk out, leaving his door open and allowing the ocean breeze in. This is what it meant to be home.
Later that afternoon, Ryan paced the foyer by the front door waiting for the rest of the Cohens to come downstairs. He paused at the mirror and eyed his reflection. His new dress shirt fit him nicely and gave him a very 'responsible' look. He was surprised Kirsten wasn't insisting that he wear a suit today. After all, he was making his post sentencing appearance in front of Judge Whitney in only an hour.
Giving in to his indecision, he headed upstairs. Sandy was nowhere to be found and Seth's room turned up empty as well. Stepping into his foster parent's bedroom, he heard Kirsten humming in the bathroom behind a partially closed door.
"Kirsten?" he called, tentatively.
"I'll be right out Ryan. I'm just putting my jewelry on."
"You sure I don't have to wear a suit today?"
"Ryan, you hate wearing suits."
"I know, but Judge Whitney hates me even more."
Kirsten walked out of the bathroom still fumbling with one of her earrings. "Oh don't say that. She's a judge. She's not there to make friends. I think you look very nice. Today is just a formality Ryan. All she's going to do is acknowledge that you served your time and close the case. When we go for your custody hearing next week…that's when I think you should wear a suit."
Nodding, Ryan turned his head and frowned at what his eyes located across the room. Striding towards Kirsten's nightstand, he stared at the framed photo of Seth and his Grandma. The same photo he noticed when he was searching for cigarettes in that room. This time he noticed a photo laying in front of it. Picking up the photo, he sat down on Kirsten's bed.
Knowing it wasn't like Ryan to hang out in her bedroom, the action got her attention. "You okay Ryan?"
"Where did you get this?"
As she got closer to Ryan, she saw the photo and cringed. She meant to put it away before he came home. When she sat down on the bed next to Ryan, he looked at her, his forehead creased with what appeared to be anger.
"Well, there's a little story behind that picture. Remember before you went to The Ranch, you asked me to talk to Sandy about helping you fight to stay here?"
Ryan nodded.
"I talked to him right when he returned and he agreed that he would do everything in his power to help you. As part of that, he went to Chino to see your Mom."
"He did?" Ryan asked, his eyebrows relaxing for the first time since he sat down.
"Uh huh. When he got there, your Mom let him in so they could talk. He said there were photos all over the place, like she'd thrown them or something. He bent down and picked one up…that one. Their conversation was short and before he knew it, he'd left, but he still had the photo in his hand so he kept it."
"What did my Mom say to him?" Ryan asked quietly, almost afraid of the answer that would follow.
"At that time, she was still pretty steadfast in hanging onto you." Kirsten watched Ryan's eyes close and his body slump in disappointment. "But I'm not so sure she still feels that way."
Ryan opened his eyes and stared at nothing in particular, waiting for more information.
"She came here Ryan. She came here to talk to me."
The crease in Ryan's forehead returned in an instant. "What the hell was she doing here? If she threatened you…"
"No, no, no. It's nothing like that. She said 'if' she were to sign the papers, she wanted to see where you'd be living. I let her see part of the house, and your room. I told her about the school you go to. And…we sat down in the den and that's where I think she may have had a change of heart. I had the photo of you and Seth and Sandy on the coffee table, the one with all three of you smiling. She said she doesn't have a picture of you smiling. I think that photo was a bit of a reality check for her. She knows now that you're happy here."
The room fell silent while Ryan's mind raced forward. Turning his attention back to the old photo of himself, he wished he could have been a fly on the wall to see his mother's expression when she saw the photo of him happy.
"Why did you keep this photo? Look how I look," Ryan said, disappointed in the memory he held in his hand.
"Because that photo makes me want to work harder and harder every day to change where your future is going. I want better things for your future. You deserve it. Besides, I do think you look cute in the Batman jammies," she chuckled.
"I got that black eye for eating cookies," Ryan offered, missing Kirsten's joke and still engrossed in the photo. "She wanted to teach me a lesson for getting into the cookie jar so she smacked me and then she smashed the jar on the floor."
"I'm sorry Ryan. The difference is…you're a man now. You can speak for yourself, think for yourself…stand up for yourself. The little boy in that picture didn't have the choices you do."
Listening, Ryan nodded again. "You're right."
"We're going to get through this Ryan, you'll see."
Outside the door to the courtroom, the butterflies in Ryan's stomach felt like they were dive-bombing all his internal organs.
"Atwood, Ryan!" the Bailiff called. "The Judge will see you now."
Taking a deep breath, they all entered the courtroom. Seth and Kirsten took a seat in the second row while Sandy and Ryan entered the first bench. Before sitting down, something in the seats caught Ryan's eye and it sent his stomach into a somersault. Sitting down quickly, Sandy immediately noticed he was agitated.
"Ryan, calm down. I promise today is just a formality, there's nothing to worry about today."
"My Mom is here," Ryan growled through clenched teeth.
"What!" Sandy panicked, frantically searching the courtroom seats before locating his Mother.
"I swear to God, if she makes a scene…"
"Alright son, calm down. Come on, calm down. Even your Mom should know it would be suicide to pull any stunts in front of the Judge, especially this one. I want you to concentrate on Judge Whitney, pay attention to her and answer all of her questions. Whatever your Mom is doing here, it will wait until after your hearing."
Nodding slowly, it was clear Ryan was still very much irritated with his Mom's presence.
"Let's begin, shall we?" Judge Whitney initiated. "Ryan Atwood, please step forward."
"I'll be right here Ryan. Talk to the Judge," Sandy encouraged before Ryan rose and stood before the Judge.
"Mr…Atwood…," she started, shuffling some papers before her. "I must admit I'm rather impressed with the reports I received from your counselor at The Ranch. I wasn't sure you could do it, but you did. There is one item of concern that came over in your report though."
Ryan felt his stomach knot instantaneously.
"Where is it?" the Judge mumbled to herself, scanning the document in front of her. "Ah yes, it says here, 'no matter what Judge Whitney decides, I'm not going back to Chino.' Did you say that?" she questioned in a reprimanding tone while looking at Ryan over the rim of her glasses.
Ryan's body went rigid, his mouth dropped open and his eyes trailed to the right side of the courtroom where his Mother was sitting.
"Mr. Atwood, I asked you a question."
"Pay attention Ryan," Sandy whispered to himself.
Snapping his eyes back to the Judge. "Yes Ma'am. I said that."
Sitting back in her chair, the Judge glared at Ryan. "Young man, I do not appreciate that comment in the least."
"Ma'am, the comment wasn't aimed at you…it was aimed…at my Mom."
"Does you're Mother know you don't want to come home?"
Ryan could feel himself drowning. "She does now. She's here today."
"Oh my God," Kirsten whispered, feeling Ryan's desperation.
"Now that's interesting. Mrs. Atwood, come forward and stand next to your son."
Ryan cringed. So much for concentrating on the Judge, and so much for there not being a scene.
Dawn was equally horrified at the Judge's request. She'd taken a seat in the back for a reason. Attempting to straighten her shirt, she made her way to the front of the court next to Ryan, who only shot her his best warning look after the scent of alcohol wafted past him.
"Mrs. Atwood, the custody case regarding your son isn't until one week from today but I feel there are a few things we should discuss briefly today so this can be resolved at the next hearing. Are you aware of the fact that your son doesn't want to come home?"
"Well…I…yes. He mentioned something about…maybe staying with his foster family."
The Judge tipped her head down and glared at Dawn over the rims of her glasses. "I detect a bit of a slur in your voice Mrs. Atwood. Please tell me you did not come to my courtroom under the influence."
Dawn's mind raced to find the right words. "I only came to see my son. I wasn't expecting to speak with anyone today."
"Neither was I," Ryan mumbled sideways to his Mom.
Judge Whitney was not amused. "You better make damn sure you're dry as a bone at the next hearing Mrs. Atwood or it could have serious, permanent repercussions on the outcome of the custody case regarding your son. Do I make myself clear?"
"Crystal," Dawn choked.
"Mr. Atwood, is there anything you want to tell me about the comment you made?" the Judge pressured.
This was it. It was now or never…and Ryan chose to jump in with both feet and both barrels cocked. "She's an alcoholic. I've been around it all my life and I've been abused all my life. Thing is…I'm finally old enough to say I'm not going to take it anymore. And I'm not…going to take it anymore," he emphasized, glaring at his mother, before looking back to Judge Whitney. "I want a better life…and I deserve a better life. You're going to do whatever you feel you have to do next week…and depending on your decision, so am I. I will not…live in that hell any more."
"That's it, good boy Ryan," Kirsten whispered to herself, slapping Seth's leg.
The Judge tapped her pen on Ryan's file. "How do I know you won't go down the same path, even if I keep you in Newport?"
"I've kept every promised I've made since I came here," Ryan said confidently. "I promised you and others I'd behave at The Ranch…I did. After making one mistake, I promised the Cohens I wouldn't run away again, I didn't run any more. I promised them I'd go to school, you saw my records, the school wouldn't lie for a kid like me."
"And what about your Mother?" the Judge asked flatly.
"What about her?" Ryan asked sarcastically, irritated that anyone could have such concern for a person who ruined most of his life. "Look at her. She wanted to see me today so she comes to one of my hearings, unannounced…and half lit." Turning to his Mom, "Do you have any idea how important today is? Do you have any idea what I've gone through to get to this point? The fact that I'm standing here, trying to impress one of the toughest Judges in the circuit so she'll close this case, only to have you show up, drunk as usual…what is it going to take before you realize you're destroying me?"
The words severed Dawn's heart and the tears fell like rain. Fighting between her and her son was nothing new, but these weren't fighting words. These were feelings. Something Ryan had only started expressing since he left home. Doing her best to contain her emotions and stay quiet, Dawn thanked the bailiff who offered her some Kleenex.
Ryan was also going through a gambit of emotions, with anger pulling the most weight. He turned his head away from his Mother with disgust and yet there was a fear in him about seeing Judge Whitney's reaction to this whole scene.
Judge Whitney drank in the scene before her, finally getting the full story behind Ryan's troubled past. Notes were scribbled into Ryan's file before she closed it and for the first time, she offered Ryan a softer face in her courtroom.
"Mr. Atwood, I can see now why you made the comment that you did. I assure you, I will take today's statement into consideration, along with all your progress reports, before making any decisions regarding your custody case."
"Thank you," Ryan answered, knowing full well Judge Whitney was about to unleash her wrath on his Mom.
"Now…Mrs. Atwood…you already know how I feel about your current condition in my courtroom, do not let that happen again. At this time I need to make sure you understand something very important. Your son is old enough to fight for the decision he wants and from where I'm sitting, he doesn't want to be anywhere near you. Quite frankly, I share his intolerance with your inebriated appearance today. I suggest you stay sober for a while and do some serious soul searching prior to next week's hearing as to what's best for your son."
The Judge's words pushed Dawn farther into despair. It now appeared Ryan had another person, a powerful person, backing his decision.
"Ryan Atwood, the court hereby acknowledges your time served. The case on this matter is closed. You've shown great effort in making strides in the right direction. I strongly hope that you keep this new head on your shoulders so that your life continues in a positive direction. Court is adjourned."
Ryan nodded at the Judge before quickly turning away from his Mom and taking his place with the Cohens.
"Get me the hell out of here," he pleaded impatiently.
"Easy Ryan," Sandy soothed. "Kirsten, why don't you and the boys head to the car? I'll handle this."
"Sure. Come on guys. Let's go outside and get some air."
Without looking back, Ryan led the way out the courtroom. Sandy on the other hand took a deep breath and prepared for another interaction with the ever-challenging Dawn. Sure enough, she sauntered up to Sandy, immediately putting her hands up in surrender. Now he knew where Ryan got it from.
"Sandy."
"Dawn."
Wiping the tears from her eyes. "I guess I finally screwed up beyond words this time, huh?"
"Dawn, I honestly don't know what you were thinking when you showed up here today. Today was very important for Ryan. Had something gone wrong today…I can't even think about the problems it could have caused him."
"I didn't mean for all of this to happen today," she sniffled. "I just wanted to see him. He really hates me."
"He was angry with your choice to be here today. This was a stressful hearing for him. Judge Whitney is really tough on kids and she expects a lot from them."
"No. He really hates me. He's just never had the balls to say it to my face until today. I think I've known it for a long time. I just didn't want to believe it. But there was no denying what he wanted to get across today."
Sandy stood quietly by, watching Dawn's world fall apart right in front of him. What do you say to another parent when their child doesn't want to be their child any more…and you're the one that's taking their child away? There are no words.
"What are you going to do?" Sandy finally asked as a last resort.
"I don't know," Dawn admitted. "Part of me feels he should come home, I am his Mother regardless of what I am. Part of me is so hurt I just want to turn him loose, be done with him and all his problems. He's not as perfect as he thinks he is."
"Sure," Sandy pursed his lips sarcastically. "Both very motherly and responsible reasons for either forcing him into a dead end life that he knows he doesn't want, or tossing him aside like yesterday's newspaper."
Dawn raised her eyes to Sandy, his tone spoke volumes by itself.
"I gotta be honest with you, this is the exact attitude that makes me sick to my stomach, knowing the court could very well say he has to be returned to you, only because you're his Birth Mother, when I know my family and I would give him a future he could not only flourish in, but be proud of. We want him to succeed. What's the point in having a child if your only goal is to hold him back? My wife is a Mother…you're a Mother…for the life of me, I can't figure out how the two of you could be so completely different and yet fall into the same category."
Sandy could feel his blood pressure rising, not to mention he knew his voice was getting louder. It was time to end this.
"We'll see you next week at the hearing." Turning on his heel, Sandy grabbed his briefcase and walked out of the courtroom, leaving a world of words behind for Dawn to absorb.
With the wind blowing his hair back, Ryan let his legs hang over the edge of the pier and he hung his arms lazily over the railing. The one place that used to offer him comfort wasn't cutting it now. The meeting with his Mother had completely drained him. In his heart of hearts he knew this was going to end badly. He knew her better than anyone because he knew what she was capable of. She'd make him come home just to get even with him for embarrassing her in court today. Ryan stared at the waves wishing they'd drown his thoughts for a while. To his surprise, relief came in the form of a chatty misfit rather than sea foam.
"Hey man," Seth intruded. "Mind if I sit down?"
"Go ahead."
Plopping himself down, Seth was surprised by Ryan's defeated mood and knew he had to tread lightly. The hearing, although it had a happy ending, had been a nightmare for Ryan.
"Is there anything I can do?" Seth offered.
"Know any hit men?" Ryan said dryly.
Seth's head turned slowly and searched Ryan's face for the level of seriousness behind that comment.
"Kidding," Ryan admitted to Seth's relief.
"I'm sorry about what happened today man. No one saw that coming."
"I can't believe she showed up. What the hell was she thinking?" Ryan raged, still stewing about the afternoon's events.
All Seth could do was shake his head and shrug his shoulders while Ryan stared at him, hoping for an answer. It didn't take long before they were both staring at the waves in an awkward silence. Finally Seth found the courage to ask something that was eating at him.
"So, what do you think the Judge thought, about what you said? Think maybe she'll pull for your side now?"
Ryan shrugged. "I don't know. At this point I don't really care."
"Come on man, don't say that. It just might work ou…"
"I'm going to get sent back to Chino Seth," Ryan interrupted. "You may not see it, your parents may not see it…but I know it." Taking a deep breath, Ryan glared at the setting sun.
"But what about the drinking and the Judge's warning?"
Shaking his head impatiently, "Seth, I learned how to be sneaky and conniving mostly because of her. All she's got to do is join AA, bring that paperwork to court next week and manage to stay sober for just one morning and the court will say she's making an effort and they'll send me to live with her. She's an Atwood. She's not going down without a fight."
Squirming in the wake of this new information, Seth could feel the world around him getting smaller and smaller with every passing second. Ryan was his outlet, his escape. If he went back to Chino, Seth would go back to being nonexistent.
"Well, for the record, I hope you're wrong," Seth stammered. "Because I'd really like it if you could stay." Avoiding eye contact with Ryan, Seth was more than aware that Ryan was sizing him up.
Turning his attention back to the ocean, "Me too."
(TBC)
A/N – So thanks for all the great reviews on the previous chapter! (The one I said wasn't my best work)! Man, I poked and tweaked and deleted and added so many times to that chapter, I finally closed my eyes and hit the SEND button! I'm glad to know in the end it all made sense! LOL! I found some spelling "glops" after the fact…sorry about that! That's what I get for messing with it so much!
I'm also sorry for the delay in this last chapter. I've had some complications and I have to let everyone know…sadly…Baby Chino has gone back to heaven for the time being. He/she just wasn't ready for the great big world. It happens. Don't fret though, I'm doing fine under the circumstances and will work on another Baby Chino as soon as the doctor gives us the 'okay'. I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason. The good news is I was actually pregnant in the first place which we didn't even think was possible at this point! There is hope in all this mess after all! And, look at the bright side…I've been on bed rest for the last three days…I managed to get almost 3 more chapters written: D (Gotta keep your chin up!): D Thanks everyone for all your well wishes and support!
Happy Easter to one and all!
Super Chino
