Disclaimer: -monotone voice- It's not mine. How many times must I say it? I just play with the characters like little dolls. Then I give them back just slightly beaten. -evil laughter- okay, I'm not quite that evil.

A/N: to the five people who reviewed:

Mr. MooMoo's Unnamed Minion: thank you, for liking it. I know it was extreme, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to get another chapter out before I left anyways. I'm sorry its taken sooo long to get this up. I hope you like this chapter just as much!

HeYiTs...:sorry about not printing your entire name, but its kinda hard to -sweatdrop- anyway, I like messing around with the usual, shaking up the norm. Come to expect that of me if you continue to read my fics ! I'm updating now, and if I get a positive response, I'll try to update more often. Thanks!

Cajun...:well, I know what's going to happen. You don't, but I do. -evil laughter, mad cackles- woah, you even got a couple evil cackles there. You're in trouble now. I'll try to update sooner next time.

Assassin...: hey kat, I'm glad you like it. just remember what I've told you about touching my fictional bull whip. I'll use it on you if you fictionally touch it again, do you understand? Good. I'm hoping chapter 18 of Crazy was the last chapter? I did review. -please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.- I suddenly feel like Benitora from Samurai Deeper Kyo. Strange...hmm... thanks for the tip, by the way. I hadn't noticed it. keep reading!

Sasha: why don't you use your s/n? I would still understand. Oh well. Glad you like it. I'll try to start updating more often. Put helpful ideas in the reviews. Not just one-liners, please?

BTW, I'm having a hard time keeping up with all three stories now that school has started. In your review (you ARE going to review, right?) please tell me which of my three stories is your favorite. By general popularity, that will be the one I work on the most at first. Then I'll switch to a different one and so forth. I thought I'd put that memo in this one so that it'd get more of a chance to catch up, being the shortest one. I might even start a fourth fanfic, just to keep things confusing. I have these ideas in my head and they won't leave me alone, but they don't work in my existing fanfics, so I'd need a completely new one. Maybe over the weekend I'll get that one out and see how you all like it. If you like it, I might work on that one instead of the others. Then again, if a certain somebody (cough cough -not going to mention names- cough cough) actually ties me to the computer this weekend, I might possibly get out the next chapters to a couple different fics. (You never know) On the other hand, if I'm banned from the computer or my kid sister gets it first and behaves like a complete brat, I might not get any up. (You never know)

There was something else I was going to post here, but I forget what it was, so if I remember before I post, I'll put it at the end. Thank you for putting up with me for all of that.

On to the Story!!!!!!!!

Chapter ...

'Which story was this again? Oh yeah. I remember now.'

The Complete Story of my Totally Screwed Up Life

'Man that's long. Mental note: I need to shorten it.'

Chapter 3: Awkward Introductions

Hermione woke up to sunshine coming through the windows in her room. She sat up in bed and

then stopped, confused. This wasn't her room. All in a rush, yesterday's events came rushing

back to her and she felt crushed by the weight of emotion and thoughts. The pounding wave dug

into her mind until she sank back onto the bed a cried because of the enormity of it. Waking up

in the, what was it? a horseportal? Coming through the fireplace, into the room with that old man,

learning that her parents- no, her adoptive parents were dead, that her real parents had been

dead, and that she was to go live with her Godparents and their son. It was all quite

overwhelming, added on top of the fact she couldn't remember anything past yesterday.

She crawled out of bed and started to choose what she was going to wear that day when a

house elf came in with a tray of food. "Here you go, miss. Is there anything else you wish?"

She looked at him, and then the expansive selection of breakfast items on the tray, then back at

him and said, "No thank you. I think this is more than I can eat already. What is your name?"

"Dobby. Dobby the house elf, miss. I will return in an hour to clean." And with that he bowed his

way out of the room and left. Hermione ate some of the food in front of her, and took a quick

shower and got dressed. She considered wearing a long black formal dress, to mourn her

adoptive parent's death, but decided against it and wore a black halter top with blue jeans. 'It's

not like I have to wear a black formal to mourn somebody. I can still mourn while not in all

black. I like jeans better anyway.'

That said, and her clothes on her, she went to leave her room, before remembering that she

hadn't a clue as to her way around the castle. 'I could get lost in this huge place, from what I saw

last night. It would take me a week to find his office. What was his name again? Oh yeah.

Dumbledore or something like that.' She had just sat down to think about what she was going to

do when Dobby came through the door. "Miss, Mister Dumbledore would like to see you in his

office. Would you like me to show you the way?"

"Yes please, Dobby. I think I'd get lost if I tried to find the way on my own."

She followed him through what seemed tike miles of halls, for what seemed like hours, before

finally reaching a statue of a Phoenix.

"The password is Fudge Brownie, miss. I will leave you here." With that he turned and ran down

the hall. Hermione was left alone in front of the statue, with very little idea as to how to open the

door. She couldn't even see a door, for that matter. With a half-hearted sigh, she mumbled

"Fudge Brownies" and, to her surprise, the statue rose to reveal a spiral staircase. She climbed

the stairs and found herself outside a door, hoping it was the door to his office. Upon hearing

voices inside, she hesitantly knocked, not wishing to disturb the conversation going on.

"Come in, Hermione."

Upon hearing that, she opened the door and was greeted by the sight of four people sitting

inside. Only two of them she recognized. One was the lady who had brought her here, and the

other was Dumbledore. The lady, Molly, she thought, was looking very displeased with

something. Dumbledore was calm and collected. Of the other two, she had no idea who they

were. One had long, blonde hair and a sneer upon his face, the other had shoulder-length blonde

hair slicked back, and was also wearing a sneer. She had to admit to herself, though, the boy

with the gelled hair was pretty hot.

"Hermione, this is Lucius and Draco Malfoy." The voice jolted her out of her thinking and

brought her back to the conversation. "Mr. Malfoy Sr. is your Godfather. Lucius, this is

Hermione. Hermione Black."

"How can we be sure this is indeed the daughter of Regulus Black? Regulus's daughter wasn't

named Hermione. She was born Heramy Anne Black."

(a/n: Regulus Black was Sirius's brother. Book five, chap.6, pg.112. Heramy is pronounced

Hair-a-me)

"Because of her birthmark. Do you recall the birthmark on Regulus Black's daughter when she

was born?"

"Indeed. She had a dragon-shaped birthmark on the back of her right knee. I was there when

she was born."

Dumbledore turned to Hermione. "Would you mind showing up the back of your right knee? If

you do have the birthmark on the back of your knee, then I believe Mr. Malfoy Sr. here will

accept you as his long-lost Goddaughter.

Hermione rolled up the right pant leg of her jeans to expose the dragon birthmark clearly evident

on the back of her knee. "Does this prove to you that this girl, supposedly Hermione Granger,

really is Heramy Anne Black? She is your Goddaughter, and so your responsibility. Do you

accept it?" Dumbledore had turned from Hermione and was looking at Lucius. "Yes. Will she be

coming with us back to our manor now?"

Hermione was, to say, quite a bit confused. It would seem like the birthmark she had on the

back of her knee proved that she was indeed Heramy Anne Black, Goddaughter to Lucius

Malfoy. Why hadn't anyone realized she wasn't who she thought she was? What the hell was

going on anyway? Her life had been turned completely upside down in the past 48 hours, and

she didn't know what was the truth anymore.

Heramy sat down on the couch, trying to figure everything out.

"Would somebody please just explain to me who I am? I don't know anymore. I don't know

anything anymore." She was on the verge of a breakdown, and everyone could see that. Even

Draco was taken aback. This wasn't the girl he had known for the past five years. Maybe, just

maybe, she was different. If it was all true, she wasn't a Mudblood at all, in fact, she was just as

pure, or purer than him. He began to see her in a different light. In fact, after getting over the

news that she wasn't the Mudblood scum he thought she was, he began to look at her physical

features more carefully. Her hair was straighter, not the bushy mass it had been. She was actually

very pretty. He mentally slapped himself for thinking such a thing, he'd have to get to know her

better to really see if she was different.

"...I was there when you were born. Sarah, your mother, was my wife's best friend, and so one

of mine. Your father died before you were born. I doubt he even knew she was pregnant with

you. I promised your mother that I would take care of you should anything happen to her. A

couple of months after you were born, aurors stormed your house, and killed your mother. I

never heard anything about you. Until now, I had believed that they had killed you as well."

Lucius was in a corner, talking to Heramy. Draco looked around, and saw that Dumbledore was

in another corner, in a heated discussion with the other lady.

"...Albus, are you sure this is a good idea, sending her off with them? What if her mind becomes

poisoned with the dark side? What'll you do then?"

"Molly, I have faith in her. She's not a child anymore, and she has the right to the truth. We took

her from her birth mother, and placed her into an adoptive family. She was raised right. There is

nothing more we can do for her. She deserves to be with her Godparents. I will look after her,

do not worry. It shall not come to pass."

"But, Albus..."

"No, Molly. We must let her go."

Draco sat there and wondered about this conversation, what were they talking about, it shall not

come to pass?

A/n: I know that in the last chapter I gave a 'coming up in the next chapter' segment. Well, it

never came. And don't look for it in the next one, either. I changed the story line a little. It'll be

good, I promise. Don't forget to vote for your favorite fic of mine! The one that wins is the one I

continue to work on the most. To vote properly, you'll have to have read all of them, now won't

you? So hop to it! Read all my fics and tell me which one is your favorite so far. I'll get back to

you and continue writing. For any of you who were insulted for any reason, get over it. its my fic,

and I want it out-of-cannon. Don't send me flames. Constructive criticism is accepted and

appreciated, though. Review!