The League of Extraordinary Gentlewomen
Author's Note: Was it really that obvious? Ah well. At least I tried.
Well, 10 reviewers was definitely a lot better than I expected – thank you, you darling things.
Digital Tempest: I must profess, I do agree it's an interesting mix. Thanks for commenting that. In reply :)
Zeggy: My darling Laiqualasseo Indis, you will review this. I repeat, you WILL review this. Even if I have to personally visit your house with my arsenal of weapons – particularly the cookie cutter – and threaten all the Legolas posters you own. So you WILL review. Tu comprends? Bien.
Jojo: Not to split hairs, dear, but actually in truth it was Lara who said it, not me. I don't think I can manage 'A Little Princess', though I do love the book too. I don't think Sara Crewe would survive what I plan to put the League through.
Manveri Mirkiel: So pleased you stopped by, squishenya. I suppose you needn't have been so muffled – it appears everyone else had little difficulty guessing. But you will lock lips about the last two, non? Because I'm sure they will all have much difficulty guessing them. Yes, be glad I update fast. Not something you can say for yourselves, non, ma petite? (Yes, ma petite. I love doing that.)
Sean Malloy-1: Why thank you.
Katatonia: Aha-aha. Touché. You will see. Thanks for standing up for me on the matter of the – bloody lurkers. Yeah. Loadsa love, as you like to say it.
Angel(s and Demons): Yes, the feminism thing. Hee. Mysteriously interesting. I like that. Have you read me new letter in the Yahoo account? Just to let you know…
Angel46: Again, like Katatonia, touché. Thank you for the portrayal praise – I put lotsa work into the descriptions. Glad they're appreciated!
Southerngirl4615: I'm sure you can't wait. Hope you shall be appeased!
Cerse Liminara: A ball of movement is basically a moving ball. There are more complex levels to this, but I leave you to think through them.
Okay, so you all guessed it about the Artemis Fowl business. Ah, I give it up to you lot. But I am quite sure you won't guess the next two so easily…hee. Just a note – I'll be away in New Zealand till Christmas, so I shan't update till then. Sorry. In the meantime, enjoy what I don't own.
2. An Invasion of Mud People
Captain Holly Short was in trouble. Serious trouble. The day had started simple enough – sent off on an assignment to bring in a couple rebel goblins hiding out in a warehouse. Things had gone steadily downhill from there. Firstly, the couple rebel goblins had turned out to be quite more than that – at least five of them. Then they had turned out to be a tinge smarter than the average goblin – one of them had figured out how to trigger the automated door mechanism, which had effectively shut her partner outside the warehouse. And last and worst, the lockdown.
Holly had no idea how this lockdown had come about. There were more pressing matters to consider at the moment than exactly how the humans in question had managed to interfere with the Lower Elements. Firstly, she was outnumbered five to one – and if it really was a lockdown, she wouldn't be allowed to fire her Neutrino 2000, the weapon that gave her her edge. (No unshielded surges of power during a lockdown, in event of a human probe picking it up.) And she had just realised the worst. During a lockdown, all electricity was shut off. And this warehouse just happened to run on oxygen providers – which had been conveniently shut off. Now all that was left was a roomful of oxygen – which soon wasn't even going to a roomful.
Now, she was alone, weaponless, and facing five opponents – which, though admittedly not the most intelligent, had the advantage of firepower. If her partner didn't get that door open in time…if the goblins didn't get her, the oxygen lack would.
The goblins were extremely happy over this. "We got you, elf!" hooted one. "We gonna deal with you, then we gonna burn our way outta this place. You hear that, elf?"
"No," muttered Holly through gritted teeth. She was attempting to keep up a façade of bravado, despite the circumstances. "Now, you will shut up before I shoot your eyeballs out of your slimy head."
She couldn't see the goblin, but most likely he had replied to that by waggling his tongue. Imbecilic, goblins. "You lie, elf. If you could shoot us you would have shot long ago."
At least he had that grasp of logic, thought Holly.
The goblins as one began to cackle. Holly wondered what they had got up to now, but then she saw. Very clearly.
The goblins had fanned out around her, and each of them had conjured up a huge fireball in his hand. The sight of the fireball brought back memories – of all places, from her science classes when she had been in fairy school. She remembered her teacher pushing a glowing splinter into a test tube full of oxygen, and the splinter lighting up into a full flame. As the science teacher had said, fire needed oxygen to burn. It consumed the oxygen around it, and then…and then…
…it went out when there wasn't any oxygen left.
"Put it out!" she screamed. "Put them all out!"
The goblins snickered. "No way, elf! We're gonna get you!"
Without warning, the fireballs were flying at her. Holly just managed to duck as one burst into glowing sparks overhead. A couple of wires behind her caught fire. The flames spread like liquid along the wires, setting virtually the whole ceiling ablaze. The heat was so intense she felt her skin charring beneath the jumpsuit. The goblins (who were unfortunately fireproof) cackled wildly and slung more flaming missiles at her. More of the warehouse caught fire. The fire at once began its work – burning everything in its way and devouring the oxygen.
It wasn't a very large warehouse. And it wasn't at all a small fire. Already Holly could feel the lack of air pressing down on her chest. Yet she was helpless, unable to put out the fire, unable to stop the goblins from conjuring more of it.
Then one of the goblins howled. He had tried conjuring yet another fireball, but was unable to. One by one the goblins realised that the fireballs were no longer forthcoming.
About her, the flames were also dying down. This was a bad sign. No more oxygen.
Too late she realised she had forgotten to seal her helmet when there was still oxygen – now there was nothing trapped in her helmet tanks. Holly felt a dull ache throbbing in her head. The world was growing fuzzy. No air. She needed air.
Holly cast about with her steadily clouding sight for something that had survived the fire that could help her. Stumbling about the glowing embers, she tripped over something. "D'Arvit!" she gasped, and immediately regretted even opening her mouth to swear – it would only use up more of the precious oxygen.
Then she looked down and saw what she had tripped over.
It was a pile of old vehicle tyres. Miraculously they had survived the fire. Holly dropped to her knees beside them, ignoring the incandescent ash that seared at the microfilaments in her jumpsuit. There was still some air in them. Holly ripped out the plug and fastened her mouth over the tube, sucking hungrily at the air in it. For over a minute she knew nothing, except the oxygen rushing into her lungs and being pumped into her veins, and how good breathing felt.
That was how the LEP backup team found her, curled on the ground drawing air from an old tyre. It took them a few minutes to batter down the warehouse door, burst through and surround the situation, putting out fires and incapacitating unconscious goblins. Holly looked up when she felt the air from outside flooding in, and saw LEP Commander Root entering, his face a colour to match the still flickering flames.
Holly scrambled to her feet. D'Arvit. How was she going to explain this to the commander? Especially since she doubted she had enough air in her to so much as launch into an explanation.
But for once it appeared that it wasn't her that Root was fuming at. "Come on, Short," he growled. "Get in the vehicle. There's someone asking for you back at headquarters."
"Who?" managed Holly as she was shepherded towards the LEP van parked outside.
Root made a sound in his throat. It was not a happy sound. "You'll see," he growled, and marched after her.
"Was it supposed to turn out like this?" enquired Anck-su-namun.
The four of them were standing back-to-back in the evacuated chute hangar, surrounded by two dozen LEP officers with two dozen platinum guns pointed at them. Everyone's arms were beginning to ache from being held up so long.
"At least they're setting up negotiations," replied Lara.
It seemed a very long time since that decision had been made. It seemed an even longer time since they had arrived at Stonehenge, poked around the place after bypassing the tourism safety measures, and with the aid of the holographic glasses, found the fairy fort. After which they had broken in, 'accidently' beaten up several chute attendants and hijacked a fairy shuttle going down the chute. Lara did not like recalling that particular part. She had had to stay in the cramped, obviously-built-for-smaller-people, cockpit with one of the .45s at the pilot's temple while her companions effectively terrorized the rest of the crew into silence. Lara's leg bones were now complaining from all that squeezing. Although the pilot had come off worse – he had fainted of trauma when the LEP had surrounded the shuttle and dragged him out.
Beside her, Deathstrike shifted impatiently. Anck-su-namun let out a small sigh. Lara had to agree, this long wait was insufferably frustrating. She would like nothing better than to take out this bunch of gun-toting midgets; but then, if she did, there would have been no negotiations. And negotiations were one thing they needed badly.
"Someone's coming," observed McGonagall in a low voice.
Lara turned to see the new arrivals. She could already hear the bellowed orders of "Move it! Make way for the Commander!" Seconds later, the ring of officers parted, and two elves strode through. The first was the stout red-faced commander she had exchanged shots with earlier. The second was small, even for these fairies, and clad in a camouflage jumpsuit that looked as if it had been through a volcano and back. As they approached, she could tell it was a female, with a shock of fiery auburn hair over a rather pretty face and a pair of quick hazel eyes that gleamed in the midst of the blackened features with a potently strong mix of determination and curiosity.
Lara moved so she was facing – or rather, looking down at – the latter. The gun barrels moved with her, but she ignored them, instead focusing on the elf only. She put on her most persuasive attitude – the one that she used to get what she wanted. And Lara Croft usually got what she wanted.
"Captain Holly Short. I have been so looking forward to meeting you."
Exhausted as she was, Holly could not prevent an overwhelming wave of curiosity from consuming her. Why would these Mud Women want to see her – her, of all the officers to choose from? She concentrated on what the leader of the women was saying. That would tell her what she wanted.
"Allow me to introduce myself," the Mud Woman was saying. "I am Lara Croft. These are my colleagues, Minerva McGonagall, Anck-su-namun, and Dea—Yuriko Oyama."
"What do you want with me?" asked Holly warily.
Lara Croft smiled. "We want to recruit you."
"For what?"
The tall woman took a step forward. One of the officers hurriedly jabbed his blaster into her leg. Without even looking down, Lara slapped him aside, causing the rest to jump violently, and knelt down so she was eye-level with Holly. "We are the League of Extraordinary Gentlewomen. We are, cliché as it might sound, on a mission to save the world. Possibly from robot takeover – we're not exactly sure. And someone of your calibre and expertise is very welcome in our team."
Here Root interrupted. "We don't make deals with the Mud People. What authority have you got to demand this, eh?"
"He's got questions," pointed out the woman behind Lara dryly, the elderly one with glasses perched on her long nose. "You should put him on the line."
Lara Croft considered, then decided to comply. She pulled a backpack off her shoulders, reached into it, and plucked out a mobile phone. She examined it for a while, pressed a couple of buttons, and handed it to Commander Root. "See for yourself. Or rather, listen."
Holly never found out what exactly the person on the other end of the line had told Root. Later she found out that Lara actually didn't know, either. However, one thing was for certain: the message had violently unsettling content, judging from the commander's reaction. His originally red-hued complexion worsened rapidly into something like volcanic pyroclastic material. Then a layer of ugly bruising purple was added, with a final sprinkling of smoking pitch. Not the most pleasant of colour combinations. Holly, and the other LEP officers around who knew Root's temperament, braced themselves for the oncoming disaster.
"Fine," Root finally spat into the receiver. "FINE!" He threw the phone back at Lara, who caught it neatly and replaced it in her pack. That did not seem to improve his mood. "D'Arvit. D'Arvit."
"So?" said Lara softly, with the air of someone who is trying very hard not to smirk.
Root gave her his best thunderous glare. "It is," he declared hotly, "entirely Captain Short's decision. If she does not wish to participate you cannot force her to."
"True," agreed Lara Croft.
Holly was suddenly aware all eyes were on her. This was a fairly uncomfortable development. She did not want to work with Mud People – but on the other hand, she really wanted a bit of fresh adventure. After the Artemis Fowl mindwipe, there had been nothing on her schedule except chasing after random goblins. And that was nothing like fun.
"Well…" she began.
Then Lara Croft played her trump card. She reached into her backpack again – and this time, she pulled out a folder. Swiftly she flipped through it, came to a certain page and handed it pages-up to Holly. Holly saw the photograph on the page, and her heart nearly stopped.
It was Artemis Fowl.
"The League has gathered reports that Fowl is involved in this business," explained Lara. "The information has led us to believe he is manufacturing these robots himself. We know you've tangled with him before; we know you know him better than any other fairy alive. That was why your file turned up in the League database."
Holly did not reply. Instead she gazed as if hypnotized at the photograph. It showed Artemis Fowl sitting before a computer screen, the glow reflected on his pale features. There were hard lines on his otherwise still youthful countenance – determination, the drive of the extreme intellectual she had known tested to its limits – perhaps even hatred. But what she saw most was how tired he looked. He looked almost haggard, like a ghost bleached in the sun. There was strain in every vein of his being. How had he been driven to this? To crime again? The mindwipe? Had they done it?
"Captain?" ventured Root tentatively. "Holly?"
Holly Short looked up. Her face was set, resolve etched into her visage. Her mind was made up – it had been made up from the moment she had laid eyes on that photograph. "I'm going."
Lara Croft smiled. "Excellent. We're very glad to welcome you." She turned to Root. "And we'd like to ask a favour from the LEP."
"What now?" growled Root, who was entirely unhappy with the proceedings.
"A shuttle. We will need a shuttle, with the good Captain Short to pilot it. And port clearance. It is crucial to the mission."
Root opened his mouth to argue, but shut it. Clearly the message on the phone was replaying in his mind very unpleasantly. "Very well," he managed through gritted teeth. "You'll have your shuttle. And that, I hope, will be all."
"Of course, Commander," replied Lara pleasantly.
Holly followed Lara through the crowd of armed officers, back into the huddle of League members. "What do I do now?"
"I think you should start getting ready," came the reply. "Preferably in full combat gear and armed. Oh yes. You had better get something warm. We're going to China."
"China?"
"Yes, China. This is a mission of strange destinations. First Stonehenge, now China. I wonder what'll be after that."
"The Moon, I believe," muttered Anck-su-namun sarcastically.
"We'd better hurry," pointed outMcGonagall. "We're already behind schedule."
Holly set about getting geared up. China? This was beginning to sound fun.
End of Chapter
Next chapter coming…Trouble in the Teahouse
In which it begins to snow, the League enters the world of the Jianghu, and our heroines get sadly involved in a teahouse brawl.
