CHAPTER 4 – Be Still My Heart ************ Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment Georgetown Same Day 2218 EDT

Nestled deep into the couch, both Mac and Harm let out a contented sigh. Could life get much better than this? Mac was so close to getting what see wanted that she could nearly taste it. Close enough now to his intoxicating scent that every time she breathed she took in a little of him with her breath. She couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same? She wasn't concentrating on the movie. She lost the plot about a quarter of the way through when she realized that she and Harm seemed to be drifting closer and closer together on the couch. They were now cuddled up against one another. She doubted that Harm was paying attention either. He had this half-asleep, blank stare on his face. It seemed that he was lost somewhere in thought.

"Hey Mac?"

"Yeah Harm."

"Do you ever think about Paraguay?"

"In what sense?"

"How things might have been if you hadn't gone? Or if I hadn't gone to find you?"

With that she shivered perceptibly. Since her return she had longed to block that period of her life out. So much of that was better left in the past. She regretted many of the things she said to Harm, words that were intended only to hurt. Her actions spoke more loudly than any words she could ever utter. She had aggressively pursued Clay in front of Harm. Her intent had been to make him jealous enough to make a move, but that plan had gone awry, and ended with a completely unintended purpose. Though she did have to admit, Clay certainly seemed interested for awhile. Mac had grown tired however, of his incognito, globe-trotting lifestyle. She longed for stability and security. Things she decided that Clay could not provide for her emotionally nor physically.

"Harm..." Could she start this?

"Yes Sarah?"

She took a breath and tried to summon her courage. Can he hear her heart racing? My God, it's going to leap out of my chest! Here I am facing that catch-22 that I have so greatly feared since my return... the one where you never really know until you try, but in trying you may destroy what little you have going for you.

Then she realized he had called her Sarah. That caught her attention and she turned to face him.

The intensity of his look startled her. She looked into those eyes, those tired eyes searching for that tireless wall to greet her once again. When she looked though, all she was met with was a gentleness, and openness she had never known to look back at her before. She thought that perhaps this was the moment that she could take that step...no that leap into the unknown and take a hold of the fear that has held her feelings captive for so long.

Can I dare to hope that this might actually be the moment that we both let our guards down? Harm wondered to himself.

He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. Normally his gaze would have been greeted by the tough Marine exterior, never penetrating that protective wall she had built up around her. He looked but didn't see the wall. He saw a strong, yet vulnerable woman. One that was open and waiting for the unknown. It was just her...

"Sarah, I..." Harm was cut off by his cell phone simultaneously ringing and vibrating on his hip.

"Damn it!" He muttered under his breath. Of all the times to get a call, why did it have to be then?

"Rabb!" he barked into the phone, his tone softening when he realized who it was.

"No Bud, you're not interrupting anything... Oh no! Is everything okay?... Yeah sure, I'll be right over...Yes I'm sure. I'll be right there." He snapped his phone shut and turned back to Mac.

In concentrating on what Bud had been saying he hadn't noticed that she had moved from her spot on the couch and was standing near the open window staring off into the night sky.

"Is everything okay? She asked.

"I think so. Jimmy's got a fever and Harriet wants to take him up to Bethesda to get checked out. The only problem is that AJ is already asleep and they don't want to wake him. So I told them I would babysit."

He looked into her eyes hoping to find that vulnerability ready to talk, but was greeted once again by her protective wall.

Another time perhaps he hoped. Another time soon.