A/N: All "thoughts" aka 'conversations in the head' are in these things thoughts

CHAPTER 5 - Tender Moonlit Kisses

Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment

Georgetown

0025 EDT

Mac shut the door firmly behind Harm and latched the deadbolt. She wondered why he hadn't asked her to come help with the sleeping AJ, or better yet why she hadn't offered to keep him company. Rewinding the movie that they hadn't really watched, Mac cleaned her apartment. It wasn't that it was dirty, or necessarily in need of cleaning, but she felt like doing something. With the dishes loaded in the dishwasher, and it quietly humming, she turned her attention to the rest of the kitchen. Before long she had the kitchen finished, and sat at her meticulously kept desk and reorganized the organization. Her eyes fell on her favorite picture of her and Harm. Taken it seemed, so many years ago. Taken before Paraguay. Even that seemed like years ago. How they had aged in the time they had been away.

"This is ridiculous" she nearly shouts to her empty apartment.

"Why am I so completely hyped up? I feel like I've had two galleons of Tiner's industrial strength coffee! I should have gone with Harm. If he wanted help, he would have asked, but he didn't, and I didn't offer. So here I am, all alone, having a pity party for myself. Yeah. That's productive. I really should try and get some sleep. I have lots to do tomorrow. Oh this is great, now I'm even talking to myself. Out loud!" and as an afterthought, "Well at least no one is here to witness it."

Eventually Mac laid down and tried to sleep. Her mind was racing and attempting to process what had almost happened earlier this evening.

Why can't I think about these things when I'm awake and not when I'm trying to sleep?

Her last thoughts were of Harm and the life it seemed she could only ever dream about with him. Eventually she dropped off into a fitful sleep.

*****DREAM*****

"Hey Mac?"

"Yeah Harm."

"Do you ever think about Paraguay?"

"In what sense?"

"How things might have been if you hadn't gone? Or if I hadn't gone to find you?"

"Harm I think a lot about Paraguay and even more about us."

"Mac, I think about Paraguay too. I think about sharing a bed with you. I try not to think about you being with Clay, as his "wife". Most of all, I think of how beautiful you looked after I rescued you. I had forgotten what an incredible woman you are. I took for granted all the time we spent together... "

Mac looks on, nearly speechless.

"Harm I...." He silences her, with a finger on her lips and gently kisses her.

"I know, Sarah." The phone rings insistently next to her on the couch...

"Don't answer that."

"Why..."

"Because it will only be bad news for us, Sarah."

He places a gentle kiss on her temple as the dream slowly dissolves and she is left alone in her bedroom. She has been asleep less than a half an hour. In her sleepy stupor she realizes the phone is actually ringing. Her internal clock tells her that it is well after 2am.

She wonders who on earth could possibly be calling at this hour as she rises to answer the phone.

Harm's SUV

Enroute to the Roberts' from Mac's Apartment

0045 EDT

From Mac's Apartment in Georgetown it seemed to be a relatively short ride to the Roberts'. In the daytime it could take nearly an hour to get their house in Reston, Virginia, but at this time of night there was no traffic. Once on the Beltway, Harm set the cruise control and reflected on the evenings events.

Harm and Mac always seemed to do this dance around their feelings and around what they really thought. Sometimes, when they came close to revealing their feelings, it was a slow and seductive tango. Other times it could seem to be a fast waltz that barely allowed them to catch their breath, let alone talk. Others times it seemed they stood on the dance floor and stared at one another uncertain how to proceed. Mac attested in Paraguay that it would never work for a couple in which both wanted to lead the dance.

Tonight we came so close Harm thought sadly. If it weren't for that stupid phone call maybe we could have at least opened the subject for discussion and then tabled it for later. Immediately Harm felt shameful for blaming his friend. It's not Bud's fault. I really do hope that Jimmy's okay. I should have asked Mac to come. I didn't even think of it. I was so busy sorting out what had *almost* happened that I didn't think. How often has my "not thinking" caused us to take three steps back rather than one step forward? How many times have we started over again only to end up in the same place?

"Instead of sitting here thinking about it, I may as well call her. She's probably asleep, but I need to talk. I flew half way across the country to talk to her before and it didn't get me very far. Why I didn't ever think of picking up the phone to talk to her, well I....." Harm held this monologue as he pulled out his phone, dialing her speed dial and waiting for her to pick up as it rang.