Chapter 9

I close the door and lean against it to catch my breath. What had I done? I see a tray of food on the bed. He must have set it there earlier then gone to look for me. I sit on the bed and draw my knees to myself miserably. Go to Raoul he had said. Did he really mean it? If I could only find my way out of here… I can hear him playing the organ. The song is harsh and loud. Why had he done that?

I should have never said those things about his mask. Why does it matter if he wears a mask? I think back to his face. I was beginning to understand him. It was me. I hadn't rejected him when I was a child. Of course he would want me to stay with him forever. I was the only one who had ever… loved him? Did I love him? Not like I loved Raoul, right? Did I even love Raoul? They were so different. Raoul was so unsure of what he was doing when he touched me. Erik's touch was measured and firm, not like Raoul's fumbling hands at all.

It was darker with Erik. It was more sexual. With Raoul it was… not like that. It was lighter. Looking back it almost seemed like a game. We were both so young; how could we know what to do? But Raoul never had hit me, never had scared me or raised his voice… I close my eyes. I couldn't think about it anymore. I pick at the food he had brought. I couldn't eat either. Maybe he was hungry. Did I dare bring him food? His playing was softer now. The songs were no longer angry, they sounded almost sad.

I take a deep breath and leave the room. I tiptoe back to where he was. I stand by the entryway watching him. His mask still lay beside him; he hadn't put it back on. He doesn't appear to notice me or if he heard me he's ignoring me. Why I do care so much that he's mad at me anyway? The music is soft now. He begins to sing to it. I recognize it as the song he had sang to me earlier.

I sit down and lean against the wall, listening. His voice was mesmerizing. When I was younger I would sit and listen to him sing for hours. I could listen to him all day still. He hadn't sang for me in a long time, and I missed it. I allow myself to relax and forget everything, all that had happened. His playing and singing stop abruptly. I freeze and open my eyes. He's looking at me. I stand up quickly, "I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I just-" He turns from me with out a word. I see him pick up the mask and bring it to his face.

He turns around again and walks slowly towards me. "What are you still doing here?" I stand my ground, "Did you really think I would leave?" He says quietly, "You should go." I shake my head, "Why do you say that?" He stops before me and puts a hand on my hip, "You're not happy here. Why should I make you stay… if you're not happy?" I look around trying to avoid his gaze, "But… I'm … I was happy here." He drops his hand from my side and says, defeated, "But you're not anymore." He turns away. I sigh, "I don't know if I'm happy here still."

"Go to Raoul. He'll be expecting you shortly anyway." I look at my hands and think to the bruise on my cheek, "I can't. He'll see I'm hurt. He won't let it go… He'll want to do something about it." Erik faces me swiftly, "That would be very foolish of him. Go see your love, my dear. Do not return unless you mean to stay…" He leans in and whispers, "…forever."

I look down, "What about you?" He looks away, "Do not think of me, child. You go. Come I'll show you the way to your room. You will need to change into something more appropriate." I realize then that I'm still wearing my dressing gown. I follow him silently. He doesn't make a move to help me, doesn't touch me.

I try to memorize the way back, but quickly lose track. He probably didn't want me down there anyway. He stops, "Your room is just down the hall." I make no move to go to it. He hesitates too. Finally he leans down and kisses my cheek, "Good bye, Christine." He leaves quickly not giving me a chance to say or do anything. I sigh. There was nothing to do now but dress and meet Raoul.

I dress hastily, struggling with the ties. I do the best I can manage. I take one last look around the room. Erik had cleaned everything; nothing remained of my attempted escape. Was I really free to leave? Would he really let me go? I sigh wistfully and close the door. I walk slowly to the gardens. Was I really leaving? Could I leave him? What would he do without me? Could I really live without him? But how could I continue to live with him?

I enter the gardens. By the rose bush and swan fountain he had said. I rest against the fountain to wait. My heart was pounding. What if he didn't come? I push the thought out of my mind. He had to come. "Surprise!" I spin around. There Raoul stands holding flowers. I try to smile, "Raoul!" The brightness leaves his face. "Christine." He walks to me, concerned, "What happened to you?" He touches my cheek gently.

I turn my face away; "It's nothing… I was clumsy and I tripped. He drops the flowers and takes my hands, "Falling did this to you?" I cannot look him in the eyes, he'll see right through me. "I had an accident. It's nothing, Raoul. Please let's not speak of it. It was silly, really, and quite embarrassing…" I look at him then. He's not buying it.

He says worried, "All right… We'll discuss it later." He smiles, "And now, happy birthday." He picks up the flowers, "These are for you." I gasp, "They're beautiful, Raoul, thank you." He grins, "That's not all. Come let's sit. That uptight uncle of yours is not around is he?" I wince at the lie I had told him, "No, I'm not expecting him until this evening." He leads me to a bench, "Good."

We sit down and he reaches into a pocket in his vest, "This is your real present." I shake my head; "The flowers were enough, Raoul. You really didn't have to." He takes my hand in his, "Of course I did. You deserve the best, Christine." He puts something wrapped in a handkerchief in my hand. "Open it, go on." I carefully unfold the fabric. I gasp at the gift. "Oh Raoul!" It was a silver chain, with a pearl pendent hanging on it." He grins broadly, "You like it?" I finger the metal, "I love it…" I say softly.

"Here let me put it on." He takes it from me. I lean away, "I can't Raoul." Hurt flickers across his face, "But why? Oh your uncle? Don't worry about him. You can take it off before he returns. He'll never know." I shake my head; "It's… not that, Raoul." He frowns, "Then what is it, Christine? Tell me." I look down; "This is a very nice gift, Raoul… I… What does it mean? I don't-" He says, "It means I love you, Christine."

I want to cry. Why did he have to be so nice? He brushes my cheek with his fingers, "It means I care for you." I stand up, crying now; "I have to go, Raoul." He stands up and grabs my hand, "Christine, wait. What's wrong?" I pull away from him, "Let me go, please. Let me go." He pulls me to him gently, "Not until you tell me what's upset you. Did I say something? Do something?" He's being so gentle. Why? Why him? I can't bear to look at him. Don't break his heart. He puts a hand on my arm; "You don't have to take the gift if you don't want… I didn't know it would upset you."

I shake my head; "It's not you… It's… I can't…" He pulls me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me, "Shhh… don't cry. What's wrong? You can tell me. Let me help you." I sob into his chest, letting him hold me. Tell him. Tell him everything. Let him take you away from all of this. What was holding me back? It was Erik. I couldn't get him out of my head. How could I leave him? He was all I had known for so long.

Raoul's arms tighten around me, holding me closer. I look over Raoul's shoulder to the house. I see someone move away from the window. Erik. He was watching. It makes me cry harder. I pull away from Raoul. "I have to… I have to go." He shakes his head, sad and confused, "No… don't. What's wrong, Christine? Tell me." He takes my hands in his. "Don't Raoul. Please…"

I tear out of his grasp and run to the house crying. Raoul follows me. "Christine wait!" I pull open the door. Raoul catches it and follows me in, "Stop and talk to me." I turn to him, "No, you can't come in here. You have to leave!" He shakes his head, "Not until you explain all of this. What's gotten into you?" I look around the foyer. Where was Erik? Raoul advances towards me, "I just want to make you happy, Christine. I love you. You're worrying me." I shake my head, "No, no you don't… You can't." I have to save him. I can't let Erik hurt him. You will never be safe. Raoul will never be safe.

I take a deep breath, "You don't understand. Eri- My uncle, he… he won't let me." He frowns, "This is about your uncle?" I look down, "He's… he's not my uncle, Raoul. He's… I don't know what he is, but you don't understand… He can't find you, he can't see you. He'll be angry. He'll… He'll kill you." Raoul backs away, "What are you saying? You lied to me, Christine? Why?" I shake my head; "I was trying to… protect you. He couldn't know." Raoul says softly, "He doesn't have to."

I sigh, "He already does know." Raoul interrupts, "Your face, your hands. He did that?" I look away, "It doesn't matter now. You have to go before he comes." Raoul shakes his head; "I'm not leaving you, Christine. Not with that monster." He holds out his hand, "Come… come with me. I'll keep you safe from him. He'll never find us." I stare at his hand. Take it. Leave this place. Just give him your hand and it will all be over. "Christine, I won't let him hurt you. I'll fight him myself. He won't hurt you anymore."

No more running from him in fear. But how could I leave him? How could I leave the man who had taken me in after Father died? But he didn't just take you in. He took you away from your life. "Your speak bravely, my boy. Do you know what you speak of when you say you will fight me?" I gasp and turn to the stairs. Erik stands there, his hand on the balcony, his cloak billowing around him, his ever-present mask firmly in place. I look past his towering presence to the sword strapped to his waist.