Chapter 5
"AAAAUUUUUGH! DON'T HURT ME!" Dib screamed pathetically, staring down at the little robot who had a death grip on his leg.
"ARE YOU GONNA MAKE BISCUITS?" GIR screamed, still clutching Dib's boot. He was starting to bruise the green skin, but he didn't really care.
"Yes! Yes fine! I will do anything you want just LEGGO MY LEG!"
"Okydokie!"
GIR dropped off and landed on his face on the ground. Dib inched slowly away toward the cupboard where the food was.
GIR didn't move.
Dib silently slid the door open and reached inside, getting a big handful of the round items that filled it.
GIR didn't move.
Dib shoved the things into Zim's PAK and started inching toward the door again.
GIR didn't move.
Dib wondered if maybe he should check out the labs while Zim's house would let him. He changed course, and headed for the toilet.
GIR still didn't move.
Dib flushed himself down the toilet, spiraling slowly into a darkened lab.
Above him… GIR didn't move.
"Wow, it's weird down here," Dib said, looking around the gloomy room. Consoles and buttons covered everything. The ceiling was covered by numerous layers of wires and tubes, humming slightly as they carried out their respective tasks.
"I wonder if there's anything on switching bodies down here. Zim said that there might be something," he said, talking to himself.
"Um, are you okay, sir?" A voice asked. The voice sounded strangely familiar, but Dib couldn't really ever remember hearing it.
"Yeah, uh, who are you?"
"I'm your computer," the computer said slowly, as though he were speaking to a small retarded child.
"Oh… yeah, I forgot."
"Well, if you need a refresher course on what your name is, I'll be standing by, Sir."
"Ha ha ha you're so freaking funny."
Dib thought for a second, and decided to risk addressing the sarcastic machine again.
"Do you have any information on switching bodies?"
"Let me check." There was a slight pause, and then the computer spoke again. "Switching bodies means one person's psyche is transferred into another person."
"Anything else?"
"This usually results in major neurological damage, loss of memories, and, when the people are switched back, they get really heavy hemorrhaging in the brain as a result of the passages in their brain re-opening to let the accustomed 'mind' back in."
"Okay… any methods for reversing the process of switching bodies?"
"Well that's obvious."
"Tell me then."
"Just perform the spell again. Duh."
Dib stared blankly at nothing for a second trying to cope with his own stupidity.
"Will you be requiring any more information, sir?"
"No, that's good. Stupid machines. Always so much smarter than us…"
"You built us that way, sir. It wasn't very hard."
"Hard to what?"
"Make us smarter than you."
"Why? I think it's impossible to make a mind smarter than you."
"Well, that just proves my point, sir."
"What does?"
"You're pretty stupid, so it should be easy to make a mind smarter than you."
"Oh, I get it now…HEY!"
"Exactly, sir."
Dib frowned at nothing, then, clenching his zipper-like teeth, stalked back to the elevator. It took him back up to the house. He walked quietly out the door and back towards his house.
GIR didn't move.