AN: Sorry, I won't be able to post this weekend, so here's a double post.

Chapter 5…

Monica was numb. All she knew was that she had to get away – if they had gotten John they most likely knew that the two of them were together and were waiting around to catch her. She just couldn't believe it. She had been so happy – maybe it wasn't perfect but at least they were together. Now she had nothing but a rapidly expanding belly. She desperately wanted to look for John, but really she had no idea where to begin. And something inside told her that John would have just wanted her to get away safely, that he would make it out alive by himself. Right now, though, she just hated those stupid feelings she always had – they had misled her, misled her into feeling safe, while ignorantly going along with her life – all the while a oblivious sitting duck.

Her first instinct was to drive towards the ocean, and maybe keep going into it, but she knew how wrong that would be. If she ever had any hopes of reuniting with John, she had to be alive for that to happen. She just felt so helpless. Even with her training, she could find no clues as to where they had taken John – the shadow government apparently had thousands of hideouts all across the world – what could she possibly to do stop them? Nothing. All she could think about now was her safety. So, she drove east, not really sure where she was going, but just trying to get away. She didn't really think of it as closing that brief chapter of her life – it was more like opening new possibilities, hopefully all of which would contain John. She stepped on the gas as she entered the freeway, full of a resolve to find him, no matter how long it took her.

Approximately nine months later, she was still no closer to finding John, but had more pressing matters on her hands – taking care of their daughter, who was now just a newborn. Monica named her Amy, which means beloved, hoping that she would be able to love her enough to make up for her father's absence. They had now settled into a small apartment in Toronto, and although Monica was just glad they didn't catch her when they caught John, she longed constantly for them to be together. As time passed and Amy grew, Monica feared the day when she would ask why she didn't have a daddy like other girls. When she finally did, Monica panicked and said that her daddy was just gone for a little while and he was coming back soon. She kicked herself for saying only what she hoped, and not telling her daughter the truth she didn't want to face.

Monica was racked with guilt daily for not doing much in the search for John, but she really just didn't know how to start or where to look. Plus, with a tenacious toddler, just like her father, in tow, she rarely had a spare moment. What was she supposed to do? She traced her mind for clues constantly, but it just didn't seem like there was anything up there that could help. As the years past, she grew more and more desolate, and warded off guilt trips from her anxious daughter by simply being vague with her answers. The truth was; it hurt her more to see her daughter in such longing than it hurt when she thought about John.

By the time her daughter was 15, Monica had all but given up hope – there was only a small part of her mind that constantly thought that some day they would just magically reunite somehow. She both loved that part for keeping her alive and hated it for never fulfilling what it promised. Little did she know, the answer was practically right under her nose. So she learned that Billy Ryan was actually William Mulder, she saw it as an opportunity to reopen the door she had all but closed, and finally give her daughter her father.