The nightmare is almost always the same. The nightmare is always there. Drinking seemed like a good idea at first. Anything to numb the pain.

The memories of her when she first came back stuck in his brain and would not go away. The first time she confronted him struck him so deep inside his soul that he could still remember what she said to him, word for word.

"No I just waned to…make sure that you – "

"You didn't come here to see how I am – you came here to see how you are because you know in your heart, what you did, you want to make sure you are OK."

"I buried you, consider that for one – "

"Don't use rational thought as a defense with me, not after all you and I have seen Vaughn. You and I live and breathe madness everyday on the job, there is no rational thought. I can't even pretend to have a conversation about anything else with you. What it comes down to is faith.

"I was hoping you would say is 'Sydney, I gave up, I gave up on us, I lost faith' but what you came here for was closure and there is not a chance you are getting that from me!"

"I'm not gonna say I understand, I'm not gonna sympathize with you and tell you how hard it must be for you – but you wanna know how I am? I am horrible Vaughn, I am ripped apart and not because I lost you…but because if it had been me, I would have waited. I would have found the truth. I wouldn't have given up on you and now I realize what an absolute waste that would have been."

It was true. He had given up. The guilt that kept him up every night would always remind him of what he had done, or hadn't done depending how you wanted to look at it. He tried to hide it, tried to make Sydney feel guilty hoping that it would transfer from him to her. None of it seemed to work.

He had always loved her, even when she was supposed to be dead. He should have known enough from past experiences that he should have dug deeper. He should have looked for the truth. There had been too many questions that were never answered.

So many things had changed during the time of …he couldn't bring himself to say it. He had been told that Sydney was dead and he blindly accepted it. At least when he thought that she was dead it was easy for him to pretend he was getting on with his life. When she came back things changed.

How did I get home? Looking at the keys in his hand, he's horrified to think that he just drove. Stumbling into the living room and tripping over the coffee table is a nasty reminder of how drunk he is.

Now he was on leave from the CIA, at their suggestion and trying to come to terms with…with what? What am I trying to come to terms with?

Sydney. Lauren?

Vaughn had let himself be used and he didn't care. Jack had warned him about this, taking things into his own hands to achieve the result he wanted, but he wasn't like Jack and their situations had some acute differences. Thank goodness there were no children.

In his mind, with all that he had to drink, he was confusing Sydney with Lauren. Their images kept blurring, overlapping with each other, he couldn't keep them straight.

You betrayed me. My wife betrayed me. But when he looked up he could only see Sydney's face. No. He tried to shake the images from his mind but his body was too tired for him. With help from the alcohol, Vaughn passed out on the couch where he had fallen and didn't move until waking up the next morning.