Title: "Gifts - Chap. 3: Drowning"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU and it's BASED ON THE MANGA... it contains not too descriptive rape, some OOC, some use of Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), a bit of sappiness, some spoilers...
Notes: This work is based on the manga. It makes perfect sense if you haven't read it but you will find things going differently from the anime... oh well since this is an AU and things will go differently from the manga too it shouldn't be a problem.
About the characters... Tsuzuki's character is based on the first volume of the YnM Manga and that's why he's more serious. If you get the 1st volume of the manga you'll see a more adult looking Tsuzuki than in the rest of the series. As for Hisoka... He's purposely partially different from the original.
Inspiration came from the YnM manga and a lovely pic from Akane available at her 'Cursed Moons' Web (The pic is the one called 'TsuHi-raburabu')
Warning over notes: This fic is filled with notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. Many of them explain references to other series, to YnM manga only or YnM anime only facts for who didn't get to read the manga or see the anime, explain apparently illogical things or warn you there's an explanation for illogical facts but that you'll get it later. However I suggest you to read the notes AFTER you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more or search for spoilers.
Disclaimer:
"Yami no Matsuei" belong to Matsushita Yoko. I'm merely using her characters because I love them... especially Touda, Tsuzuki and Hisoka...
Ehy, do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks: To Lothlorien for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
Summary: Alternate version of the 'Nagasaki Arc' Manga version. What if Muraki managed to break Hisoka and Enma planned Tsuzuki & Hisoka's partnership?
"Everything is so complex
Everyday is like a test full of obstacles
That almost seem impossible
And I'm thinking just another breath not a minute left.
How long have I been drinking?

Pass the glass pint hit the flash light now break it.
People say I'm a star but I still think ill never make it.
And I'm thinking just another prayer not a second left.
I feel there's something missing

Sometimes I hate that chaos surrounds me when all the answers I see go around me.
Am I drowning?
Am I fading away?
Or am I living up to all your dreams that made me this way?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?"
(Crazy Town - "Drowning")

Hisoka seemed to wake up from his shock some time later, just when they were about to enter the restaurant. He was mortified and demanded to be put down. Tsuzuki complied, commenting that he was really cute when he blushed like that. This earned him a very frightened glance from the boy. He blinked, confused, than merely smiled down at him, said it was only a joke and gently pushed him inside. Somehow this boy was even more of a puzzle then he thought.

They sat at a table apart from other people. Tsuzuki-san's choice could seem casual to an external observer but Hisoka sensed the man chose that table taking into account his empathy, and felt strangely touched by that. He sat silently in his seat, while GuShoShin and Tsuzuki-san argued over the food, refusing to look at both of them. He didn't eat much - to be exact he barely touched his food at all, as usual - and would have continued pretending to eat probably till the other two hadn't finished their dinner, hadn't Tsuzuki-san noticed all he was doing with his chopsticks was to rearrange what was in his plate.

He sensed, more than saw, the man looking at him with those purple eyes in an unusually sharp and attentive manner and, in order to stop all the unwanted attention, glanced up from his plate and asked what the hell the man wanted. It turned out a bit more rude than he'd planned, more... defensive and somehow dangerously close to hysteria. He feared to know what the man could want from him. Yet Tsuzuki-san managed to surprise him, asking if he could have his food since it seemed Hisoka wasn't going to eat it. He muttered an 'idiot' so low Tsuzuki-san couldn't possibly hear it and passed him the plate. Tsuzuki took it happily and suggested that Hisoka should order something more to his liking.

"I'm not particularly hungry." Hisoka replied. As GuShoShin started fussing over him he clenched his fists in frustration. All those emotions pouring over him were starting to make him feel nauseous.

"Stop it, GuShoShin. It's not his fault if bouya doesn't like Chinese Cuisine(1)," Tsuzuki-san commented while stuffing himself. GuShoShin accused Tsuzuki-san of being insensitive and uncaring towards his new partner, but somehow Hisoka was ready to bet that the man had understood his distress and focused the attention on himself to free him from it. GuShoShin and Tsuzuki-san went on arguing for a bit longer before Tsuzuki-san sent GuShoShin to get them something to drink.

"No one will notice he's... not human?" Hisoka asked, starting a conversation for the first time. To him it was amazing to watch GuShoShin moving in between people and none of them realizing he wasn't like them.(2)

"No one. It's weird, I know." Tsuzuki-san assured him. He felt the man's eyes staring at him again and he turned to face him, frowning, faking annoyance in order to hide his nervousness. It was the first time he and Tsuzuki-san were face to face without someone else from the office around.

"What?" He asked.

"You don't know how to shield from others' feelings, do you?" It was more of a statement of fact than a question. "Didn't they think to teach you how to handle your empathy in that office you came from?" The man inquired. Hisoka tried to decipher Tsuzuki-san's feelings at that but his emotions were somehow... 'distant'... as if he couldn't reach them and it confused him.

"All they taught me was how to organize reports," he informed him in a neutral tone. He didn't think his empathy could be 'handled'. He was so used to others' feelings filling him that he couldn't even dream to be free of them. The pain they carried was part of him, of his everyday life. It had been present for so long he couldn't conceive of the fact that he could be freed of it.

"From organizing reports to field work. Quite a change, isn't it?" Hisoka shrugged, not really knowing what the other expected him to say. It wasn't like he had a real choice. It wasn't like he'd ever had a real choice. Enma wanted him in the Shokan-ka and Hisoka had known that he would have ended stuck there sooner or later. He'd accepted only because he'd seen no other possible choice in the long run. Oh, and because a tiny, childish side of him hoped Enma would allow him to leave once he had satisfied him in solving this case. Not that he really believed it would really happen. His hopes had been crushed too many times in the past. Yet...

GuShoShin returned with the drinks. Hisoka eyed his drink suspiciously. He had ordered it to prove to Tsuzuki-san he wasn't a kid but he had never tried alcohol before. He didn't really know why he was doing it. He'd stopped trying to prove anything to anyone after his parents started calling him a bakemono. So why did he want to impress this man? Why did he talk to him? It wouldn't change a thing anyway.

"Kacho said you're 16. What was it, a motor accident?" Tsuzuki-san asked casually, interrupting his line of thought. GuShoShin glared at him murmuring it was rude to ask that, but Hisoka didn't mind.

"Illness," he replied. "An incurable disease. NU... SENSEI gave up on it." Yet HE still found it fascinating to study him as if he was a bug under a microscope... HE had been almost enthusiastic to observe how his disease progressed... ecstatic as the disease was his own little pet project, his child... and not scared at all that it could be contagious... In fact HE had continued to... HE had continued to... till the end HE had continued to... As memories became too painful to bear, he ignored Tsuzuki-san's apologies and his wondering look as if he couldn't believe he had been killed by a disease, and picked up his glass, empting it all in one single gulp. His throat burned, his eyes watered, his vision blurred and he tried to stand before passing out in front of his partner and GuShoShin. And since when he considered the man 'his partner'?...


... Since HE was on him, ripping his clothes with a satisfied expression, mocking with HIS words his pitiful attempts to escape. He struggled, trying to free himself and was immediately slapped, hard. There was no freedom for him, there never would be. He stilled, sobbing, as THE MAN took delight in binding him and then... then HE took him harder than usual. He cried, cried hard and screamed but he knew he was trapped, he knew there was no hope nor help and... and...


... And he woke up screaming as Tsuzuki-san was shaking him. He felt his stomach roil as waves of nausea hit him and somehow he managed to push the man away and to find his way to the bathroom rapidly where he retched painfully, coughing and still sobbing. He felt Tsuzuki-san kneeling near him after ordering GuShoShin to do something - he didn't understand what - sustaining him and comforting him as he retched again and felt himself so weak that he felt he could slide on the floor and never get up. But Tsuzuki-san didn't allow him to fall. Instead, he held him and helped him when the nausea returned a few seconds later, so even though he had nothing more in his stomach, it insisted in trying to empty itself further.

Slowly the nausea regressed and he found himself being picked up by Tsuzuki-san again. He didn't complain. He had no strength for it or for stopping his tears from falling. His stomach hurt and he had just embarrassed himself more than he thought was possible. His partner sat on an armchair, holding him close to his chest. The man was warm, his emotions strong but at the same time not overly invasive as if he could... control them if he chose to. He felt him placing a warm drink against his lips. Hisoka turned his face - after what happened he didn't think he would want to ever drink or eat something again, but the man insisted stubbornly and in the end he drank a few sips of the warm tea. It helped somehow.

He tried to stand but Tsuzuki-san kept him sitting on his lap, forcing him to finish his tea, and then wrapping him into a blanket. He blinked, than realized the man planned to make him sleep there, in his arms. He weakly tried to get up again, protesting he wasn't a child. He probably wouldn't have managed to rise even if Tsuzuki-san hadn't kept him down.

"I know you're not but you're sick and it's my duty to take care of my partner."

Hisoka frowned. He refused to be babied and he said so quite clearly. He didn't want to be helpless in someone else's hands ever again. He managed to escape the man's grasp and to stand on his own for ten seconds flat before feeling sick again and, hadn't been for Tsuzuki-san who carried him back to the bathroom, he probably would have retched on the floor this time.

He refused to look at the man at first, panting and coughing on the bathroom floor, but apparently his unfriendly behaviour wouldn't free him from Tsuzuki-san, he realized as he trembled from the cold. Thank Kami-sama at least GuShoShin had the good sense to not come to the bathroom to enjoy the show he was giving.

"Better now?" His partner asked gently. Hisoka felt tears coming to his eyes again but stubbornly refused to shed them. The man was caring for him. No one ever had before. He didn't know how to deal with it - he only knew it made his heart melt and made him wish he could forget himself and cling to Tsuzuki-san forever, hiding against him from the world like a child would do. But he was a Kurosaki and he would never be allowed to do that.

"I'm fine. I'm used to it," he managed to mutter dismissively, doing his best to keep his voice steady, not realizing he was revealing more about himself than he really wanted to. Tsuzuki pretended he didn't hear the last sentence.

"It's ok, Hisoka. Alcohol can do this," he said gently, rubbing his shivering back comfortingly. Only, the kind gesture didn't comfort Hisoka. The affection in his partner's emotions was so painfully obvious and increased by the contact that he couldn't handle it. He wanted it, he yearned for it and yet he knew he wasn't supposed to accept it, and it hurt so bad he didn't think he could deal with it.

"Stop that! I don't want your pity or your help! I don't need anyone's help!" he screamed in frustration as he found himself unable to stop his tears from falling. He didn't want to cry, he refused to cry - so why he was bawling like a baby? Tsuzuki-san didn't abandon him even after his rude words; on the contrary, his partner... his partner wrapped him back in the blanket and then tried again to pick him up. He struggled at first, scared even if he didn't know exactly what he feared, trying to push him away - then gave up and let him, clinging to Tsuzuki-san and hiding his face against his shirt. He just couldn't take it anymore. His partner didn't push him away at that but merely held him, murmuring soothing words, his kind emotions wrapping all around Hisoka like a protective shield, lulling him slowly back to sleep again.


"Has Hisoka-san calmed down?" GuShoShin asked long after the sobs stopped.

"It seems so. He's sleeping now," Tsuzuki informed him, gently brushing Hisoka's hair. "GuShoShin?"

"Yes, Tsuzuki-san?"

"If someone asks you, nothing happened this night, ok?" GuShoShin nodded. Tsuzuki gave him a quick smile before he returned smoothing Hisoka's hair as if it was the only thing which mattered to him at the moment. GuShoShin stared at him. At first he had thought this, as the many partnerships Tsuzuki-san had had previously, would never work. It wasn't as if he disliked Tsuzuki-san, it was just... Tsuzuki-san knew how to drive anyone to insanity very quickly, and he had seemed to completely lack any tact around Hisoka-san, as if he wanted the boy to dislike him. Yet he had seen how Tsuzuki-san reacted when they found out how Hisoka-san had been killed by a Juso that took 3 years to finish him out. The poor boy had been kidnapped at thirteen and abused several times, probably by the same man who used the Juso against him, but the worst part was that Hisoka-san's family never bothered to search for him because they saw Hisoka-san's empathy as a cursed power and were repulsed by it. GuShoShin's work was to arrange Enma-Cho's library files and often read unpleasant stories, but this one... hit him hard and it seemed it hit Tsuzuki-san hard as well if how he was mothering the boy right then was a hint.

"Tsuzuki-san... Hisoka-san's reaction may be due to the Juso that killed him?" He asked, wishing he could be of some use but not knowing what to do. Tsuzuki-san was a lazy worker but he was also the one with the best Jujutsu knowledge. If there was anyone in JuOhCho who could answer the question it was him.

"No idea, GuShoShin." He muttered tiredly. "No idea." The boy had way too many issues. Probably the Juso had a part in Hisoka's distress but even without it, he doubted the boy wouldn't have nightmares after what had happened to him. He closed his eyes tiredly. He didn't want to think of that. There was nothing he could do to undo it. "How's the research I asked you to do going?" he asked, changing topic.

"Slowly. The network is having trouble tonight. I hope it isn't Watari-san messing with it again."

"Great, just great." Tsuzuki murmured, hiding his face in his hand. He'd just discovered his partner had not simply been mistreated by his family as Enma had told him, but had also been kidnapped, abused and killed with a curse that took 3 years and a lot of pain before finishing its work. It was no wonder the boy was an emotional rollercoaster, first as emotionless and cold as the north pole, than scared and on the brink of panic and finally sobbing and clingy. To complicate matters even further, Enma sent him on fieldwork without training in Jujutsu or at least the basic knowledge of how to deal with his empathy.

Tsuzuki wondered if the Juso still connected Hisoka to his murderer and if that was what Enma had meant when he'd said he didn't know where the boy's loyalty lay. He sighed. He should send his partner back to ShinKou-Cho and forget about him. Yet, as Hisoka snuggled closer to him in his sleep, moaning, he knew he couldn't do it. He'd never be able to push the youth away so he'd better solve this case soon and carry him back to Meifu. After a case like this Hisoka would probably be eager to return to his old office and the problem would be solved on its own. He looked down at the child fondly. He wasn't so anxious to have this particular 'problem' solved... in fact he would have liked to be allowed to...

To be continued...

JJ's Notes:

1. Yes, I know the guys are in Japan but what they ate was Chinese cuisine.

2. I never, never got how GuShoShin can sometimes move around in ChiJou without people noticing he's a chicken-like creature. I was going to make a wild guess and hypothesize he had a spell on him that made him invisible or something to human eyes but then I remembered that on the Queen Camellia, people saw him when he pretended to be a doll and stopped noticing him when he carried Hisoka's drink so... I guess I'll leave it a mystery as it is in the manga/anime.

JJ's Extra Notes:
No, I never got drunk, only saw people feeling sick after being drunk so my description of Hisoka's sickness can be inaccurate but please take in consideration Hisoka isn't feeling sick just due to the alcohol but also due to his nightmares...
As for the armchair... well the manga didn't show every corner of the hotel room they're in so there could be an armchair somewhere in the room.
The 'Nagasaki Arc' manga version is quite different from the anime one. Since Viz printed the first YnM volume recently I guess now there are much more people knowing about this. Anyway... for who wants the basic differences...
In the manga Tsuzuki started arguing with GuShoShin after he told Hisoka Tsuzuki isn't an elite. Somehow Hisoka got involved in the arguing (the two weren't paying him attention) and ended up drunk. Tsuzuki carried Hisoka to bed and since he found him cute, wondered if he should kiss him. GuShoShin insisted he had to try to get along with Hisoka, Tsuzuki replied he'd try but he doubted he'd manage. While Tsuzuki was reading the case report he saw GuShoShin working on his computer. He looked at what he was doing and read one of the new cases GuShoShin was inserting. It turned out to be Hisoka's case so he discovered how Hisoka died. He chose not to tell Hisoka the truth because he didn't think Hisoka could handle it right then. GuShoShin suggested Tsuzuki should return back to work but Tsuzuki turned on the tv instead, saw Maria Won, recognized her and asked GuShoShin to investigate something for him. That's it in short. So no, in the manga there's no fight between Tsuzuki and Hisoka over food and Tsuzuki discovered sooner how Hisoka died.

Dictionary:
-sama: "Lord" or "Lady"
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Bakemono: Monster
Bouya: Boy
ChiJou: Land of the Living
Enma: "Demon of Darkness". Ruler of the Land of Dead
Enma-Cho: "Office Enma". In the 5th district of JuOhCho. It's ruled by Enma himself and controls only Tokyo's territory. It hosts the Shokan-ka
GuShoShin: "Twin Living Gods" or "Twin Gods of Life". Enma-Cho's chicken-like librarians
JuOhCho: "Ten Kings Office". Meifu's bureaucratic organization ruled by Enma. It's in charge of judging the deceased in Japan
Juso: Curse
Kacho: "Section Chief". Konoe's title
Kami: God
Meifu: Land of the Dead
Nushi: "Master" or "Owner" or "Lover"
Sensei: Doctor
ShinKou-Cho: "Office ShinKou". In 1st district of JuOhCho. It controls Okinawa's territory
Shokan-Ka: "Summoning Division". Division in Enma-Cho that deals with summoning the dead to appear at court. It enters in action only when the souls of the dead don't go spontaneously to Meifu


Replies to reviews:

To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To EmmaB: Thanks for the info! It was really aprecciated!

To Tenshiamanda: Sorry, no, it's not Hijiri. The timeline this time is almost exactly the same of the manga (if you skip what Muraki did to Hisoka and the differences it caused in the Nagasaki arc). Hint: the resemblance Tsuzuki is talking about isn't physical. As for Hisoka... well Tsuzuki will try to protect him the best he could...

To DarkSapphireDragon: I hope your pc will stop to act weird soon! I'm happy to hear you like this chap! As for who did Hisoka remind Tsuzuki of it will be revealed only in chap 9/10 unless someone guess it first...

To Wakaba-sama: Sorry but no, not everyone in JuOhCho is a Shinigami. The manga repeats it many times:
'In the land of the dead Meifu, there is a bureaucratic organization that is in charge of judging the dead of their past deeds. That is JuOhCho. In that, Enma-Cho which is controlled by the God of Hell Enma DaiOh is the top bureau. Those who work in Enma-Cho Shokan-ka are otherwise known as Shinigami.'
(Vol. 1 - Mukougishi no Futari)
Plus, as explained in the 'JuOhCho Basics Lecture' there are only 18 Shinigami while JuOhCho residents are much more. It's not sure if Konoe and Tatsumi can be considered Shinigami either since in 'Yami no Matsuei Character Book' they're not listed as Shinigami but respectively as Kacho (chief) and Kacho Hisho (chief's secretary). In this fic however I'll consider them as Shinigami.


In the Next Chapter:
Tsuzuki will have to deal with Hisoka's reactions to the past night and the start of the investigation... Will it be one of his best morning or one of his worst?
Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your comments!