You have no idea how much I get the following question...
they ain't mine.
::tsumi::
"Hey, are you two twins?"
Ryou and Bakura glanced at each other, then back at the young woman looking them over.
/What do we tell her?/
::Why should we tell her anything?::
/Because it's not nice to not answer./
::It's not a nice question!::
/Yeah, you have a point./
"Are you? I see you two together everywhere," the girl added. "But my sister says you're an only child," she added.
::Now how the hell does her sister know that?::
/Shut up, yami./ "How does your sister know that?"
"She's in the same class as you," the woman said impatiently. "And she wants to know."
"He's not my twin," Ryou deadpanned. "He's a parasitic creature who lives in my mind and feeds off my soul."
Bakura and the woman both glared at him. "I am not!"
"Yes you are."
"Am not!"
"Are too."
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"I am not!"
"Shut – " Kiss, " – up!"
"Oh dear God," the woman said involuntarily.
Bakura and Ryou both raised one eyebrow in matched incredulous stares. "You asked."
"I...I didn't expect...I wanted a yes or no answer!"
"The answer is no, just like it was five minutes ago. And this shop probably serves all the crazies and fetishists within a hundred miles," Bakura pointed out. "That, and you're definitely smoking something hallucinogenic, woman. I'm seeing three of you, and that's just from the fumes."
/You're not, are you?/
::She's really going to have issues with what she saw today,:: Bakura said evilly. ::And she's never going to smoke menthols again.::
/Aww. You're such a humanitarian./
::Shut up, before I throw you out the window.::
/The window's open and we're on the first floor./
::...shut up.::
"IIIIIII think we'll be going now," Ryou said, dragging his recalcitrant yami out the door.
::I wasn't done!::
/You only have god knows how much merchandise stuffed down your pants!/
::Yeah, and? I could've fit more!::
/Do I even want to know what you did to the alarm system?/
::Sure you do!::
/Only if you do my calculus!/
::I can't even fucking read the problems and you want me to do them?::
/You act like my situation's any better!/
::They actually teach you stuff! They never taught me jack shit!::
/Yeah, well...they're supposed to teach, but it's not working./
::Sure it's not.::
/Says the man who sleeps through all of it./
::I never wake up that early.::
/That's true. Why are we still talking like this?/ Ryou inquired. It had to be a strange sight, two almost-identical boys striding side by side through a mall, grinning idiotically at each other, and both occasionally bursting out in inexplicable laughter.
::Because we scare people! I like scaring people,:: Bakura said smugly.
Ryou poked him. /Idiot./
::Am not.::
/Are too!/
::We've done this already.::
/Yeah, so?/
::IIIIII think...we'll be doing something different now,:: Bakura said mockingly.
/Like what?/
::Ooh, do you really want to know the answer to that one?::
/Oh God, we are not robbing a convenience store at gunpoint!/
::When'd you start calling me 'God'? I mean, I know the blonde psychopath was on this kick where he wanted to be God, and the whole pharaoh thing, then you become a god and all that, but – hey, no kicking me!::
Kick. /Why not? Ow! Your nails are sharp! Stop it!/
::Okay, okay,:: Bakura complained. ::How come whenever you're in pain and you tell me to stop, I stop, but you never do that?::
/You have a point./
::So you'll stop kicking me now?::
/Oh. Sorry./
::So how about that something different?:: Bakura inquired, leading Ryou out the door.
/Dare I ask what you mean?/
::That depends on what you want to hear!:: Bakura said cheerfully. ::We could...oh, I don't know, go back and pick up some more stuff, we could go home, we could...stop in this alley here...::
/That is so goddamn unsanitary! Hey, hey, stop biting me in the same freaking place! If you ever leave it alone long enough it's so going to scar!/
::Then I just don't leave it. Easy, yeah?::
/Yamiiiiii!/
::It's your own damn fault for wearing a shirt. If you didn't, I'd have more options, you pillock.::
/Yami!/ Ryou wailed, then dissolved into mental giggling. /Cut that out!/
::Ah ah ah...I so know when you're lying.::
/Am I lying now?/ Mocking grin.
::Damn, I love you evil...::
"You know, this is entirely your own fault." Soft laugh. "You wouldn't be here if you hadn't been so damnably curious. So eager for a good solid fight. So I suppose I should be blaming the other people you usually beat up on, and not you. All this time with Jounouchi and Honda has taught me a little about the way you'd think. I also haven't been knocked around for years or been host to someone who retaliates without picking up a few things. You just wanted a good, fair, hard fight, because you're the best of the best...but you won't stay that way without someone to keep you sharp. You don't want to fall from grace. You wanted a sparring partner...and anyone will do. You wanted to give me a test run. But you did pick the wrong person. You could've stayed with Masamo, you know. He didn't buckle because he's impossible. He got beaten because he touched me." Lazy smile. "And anyone who crosses me is more or less doomed to die. I'm sorry about the broken arms he got and the like, but, you know...it could be that by the time you wake up, he'd be healed. But that would be cruel. You'd lose your figure...you're going to have to work like hell to get back to where you were now anyway. So I guess this is your lesson." Sigh and start pacing. "It's nothing personal, you know. Yami...he's just possessive. And I...well, I just don't have time for these sorts of things. I mean, hell, I have to worry about saving the world and all that shit."
::Yadonushi, there's someone coming.::
/Oh. Right. I'm almost done. Thanks./
::This was supposed to only take two seconds!::
/Hush, I need to concentrate./
::Yadonu – :: Ryou blocked him out with the expert ease of practice, closed his eyes, and touched the comatose boy's forehead. "Here you are, then. I don't think you'll remember anything. Reform Mirror."
Kawahara came awake with a painful gasp.
/Time to go!/ Ryou announced, vaulting the bed and throwing himself out the window.
::I just scared the night nurse,:: Bakura chirped.
/We're leaving!/
::Fine, fine,:: Bakura muttered. ::Well, at least the man will never be the same.::
/What did you do?/ Ryou demanded, trying to refasten his grip.
::Nothing really important,:: Bakura said dismissively. ::Come on, get a move on before you fall off this wretched building.::
/Easy for you to say,/ Ryou complained as he tried to think his way through the summons. /You can do all the hands-off stuff. I'm no good at it./
::Want I should do it, then?::
/Would you?/
::Idiot, you're about to fall off.::
/Yami, you have to show me how to waugh!/ Ryou squeaked as he lost his grip and fell.
::Teleportation! Hey, thanks for warning me,:: Bakura snapped as they both dropped through the swirling bright hole. "Gotcha," he added in Ryou's ear as he neatly caught the falling boy. Their main room fizzled into view around them.
"Now how'd you learn how to do that?" Ryou inquired.
"One of the perks of working with partners in crime on occasion is learning how to catch but not drop items of great worth," Bakura replied with great dignity.
"I count as an item of great worth now?"
"Pfft," Bakura said teasingly. "I'm talking about that giant lump of gold you wear everywhere. That'll fetch a nice price."
"Sure you are. Like you'd sell the Ring, you daft imbecile. Be more creative," Ryou ordered. "And put me down."
Bakura completely ignored this last request and meditatively flopped onto the couch. "Well...I suppose I could get a decent price for you," he said after a moment. "I mean, there's got to be some underground ring who'll take you off my hands."
"You're waaaaay too narcissistic to sell me," Ryou pointed out.
"I can't say anything right!" Bakura complained.
"That's because you're lying through your teeth," Ryou retorted. "You still haven't put me down."
"And I have no intention of doing so," Bakura declared.
"What do you know about slave rings, anyway?" Ryou demanded.
"As for the local ones, I'm making it up as I go along," Bakura explained. "The real ones, now, that should be obvious."
Ryou rolled his eyes. "It is obvious. Was this before or after you carked it the first time?"
"Mmm...heard of them before. Dodged them like all hell. Nearly got caught quite a bit. Died. Nearly got sold off again by Micky's family."
"Oh, hey, you never told me that one," Ryou said, squirming around to stare at Bakura accusingly.
"Enh, it didn't take them long to get over their idea," Bakura said dismissively. "I think it helped that I killed every slave trader who came in to examine me."
"Aw, come on, detail." Ryou pleaded.
"It's boring," Bakura replied.
"Detail."
"There's a lot of other things to do."
"..." Ryou jumped up, darted out of the room, and returned with Bastet. "Accusingly cute kitty eyes of DOOM!"
"Mrr," added Bastet.
Bakura winced. "I feel my soul withering painfully. You're going to kill me and die a virgin." He then took the advantage of Ryou spluttering himself into silence to drag him back into his former position. "And no more using Bastet as a weapon!"
"Claws of DOOM!"
"Waugh! No claws! Bad claws!"
"He claims he's nineteen, that he's a...a tomb robber from over five hundred years ago, and that he has mystical powers," the woman said skeptically.
The slave trader looked vaguely interested. "Yes, well, dementia really doesn't matter in some cases. Ever seen any of these mystical powers?"
"He vanished once," the woman said after a pause.
Everyone in the room looked at me. I examined my nails. "I came back," I snapped. "And I'm tempted to vanish again."
"Please do," said the slave trader. "Not to chase off merchandise, but...OH MY — "
That was roughly as far as I heard before I landed hard in my soul room again. And became really tempted to not come back out. But well, what the hell, might as well show off for the people who seemed to be holding me captive.
I plopped back into existence next to Micky, stepped away from him nonchalantly, and held my arms out. "Well?"
"Do it again," the slave trader ordered.
I glared. "Hell no."
"This must be some kind of trickery," the slave trader complained.
One line ran through my mind. Shemuh. Fire grew from my fingers and guttered in the stuffy air. "Convinced now? Or do I summon monsters?"
"What the hell?" The slave trader backed up more and more as I advanced on him.
"Oh, screw it," I said, and killed him with an angry slash of the hand. "Now will you lot fucking listen?" I demanded, my fire swirling up around me as I turned angrily to Micky and his strange family. "I'm not fucking for sale. You sell me, and I'll just come poofing back."
"That could be advantageous," the woman said. "Would you agree to do this?"
I glared at her. "Just. Fucking. Try."
The woman drew back, looking insulted. "It's a lucrative offer – "
"Now when the hell did I become your slave?" I demanded. "That's all him," I added, pointing at Yioh. He promptly sent me a dirty look.
"Tomb robber," said another woman thoughtfully. I was pretty sure that she was Micky's mother. "You like to steal?"
I thought about it. "Can't say I really have any feelings of like or dislike," I finally said. "It's just...a thing I do. There's a lot of revenge involved, mostly. And it's not exactly nice work. But just thievery...I can do thievery. Just...no more tombs right now. I'll pass on those."
"You'll thieve for us?" the woman asked, her eyes glowing. "You swear."
I rolled my eyes. "Fine, fine, what do you want from the neighbors?"
The woman touched Yioh on the shoulder. "Dearest, take Micky and go on to bed."
"Yes'm," Yioh replied, and the two boys left. I promptly breathed a sigh of relief.
"You know, I just offed a man in front of those two. That's, what, the fifth one? They're going to need some serious counseling," I pointed out.
"They are young," said the first woman coolly. "They need to understand death anyway."
I raised one eyebrow. Maybe it was just me that'd been severely messed in the head after a holocaust. Or maybe this woman was just weird. "Fine then. I'll just be on my deranged way. Give me directions and a target."
The first woman smiled and stepped forward. "Very well, displaced tomb robber..."
"Stop screaming! It's okay! You're okay. Calm down, it's all right, I swear. Oh God, please stop screaming..." Ryou whispered.
Bakura inhaled sharply. "Fire...I'm on fire...fire..."
"There is no fire here," Ryou enunciated. "You're okay."
"But are you?" Bakura stared at him. "Are you alive?"
"...er, yes. Yes, I'm alive," Ryou stammered.
Bakura dissolved into semi-hysterical laughter. "You know, you were there. At home. And you were on fire. You were dead. It wasn't nice, you know. Not this time. Just fire, straight on in. Horrors, like. It wasn't a dream at any time...it was a complete nightmare."
"Please don't scream," Ryou said softly. "I...I can't...I can't stand it..."
Bakura's eyes had a strange and sudden flash of emptiness. "Am I hurting you?"
"...so much."
"I'm not touching you," Bakura pointed out.
"You of all people should know that means nothing."
"That's true." Bakura scrambled to sit up. "I didn't sleep three days this time, did I?"
"No, you stopped that a while ago," Ryou explained. "I think it's been closer to three hours."
"Felt like three days."
"Yami..."
"Uh oh."
"Shut up and listen to me. I, uh, I..." Ryou trailed off, made a face, then flopped facedown onto a pillow. "Damn. Never mind."
"Hey, yadonushi..." Bakura began. "Do you...what's wrong with me?"
"A very large number of things," Ryou said dryly.
"So tell me," Bakura said hopefully.
"Well...you have no remorse for killing or hurting people," Ryou began. "A lot of people have issues with that kind of stuff. People are stupid and think everyone should believe the same way."
"So I'm a murdering psychopath," Bakura summed up. "Anything else?"
"Well, a lot of people also don't understand the whole sadomasochism thing you're into," Ryou explained.
Bakura looked thoroughly put out. "Christ. Anything else?"
"You look really strange, you have a completely unidentifiable accent, you swear worse than anyone I've ever met, and you randomly pop in and out of my head at intervals," Ryou continued.
Bakura looked thoroughly ruffled. "I wake up screaming to this?"
"I'm saying this is why other people don't like you," Ryou pointed out. "I, however, am...well, I'm considered absolutely insane when people talk about me politely."
"Hn." Bakura looked unconvinced.
Ryou sighed, then leaned over and bit the other boy's shoulder. "Stop that."
"You just bit me."
"Yes, I did."
"...that's really kind of kinky."
"Says the man who keeps biting any exposed skin on me that he can reach."
"Yes, well, that's me. Immoral and all that."
Ryou determinedly lifted Bakura's chin with one finger so that the two could stare at each other. "And why am I supposed to be any different? I'm your other half, not your sodding conscience."
"I even have a conscience?"
"That's exactly my point."
"Now you're just confusing me," Bakura said severely.
"And doing an excellent job, apparently."
"Damn you! When did you become so evil?"
"You did say you liked me better that way."
Bakura burst out laughing. "So I did...of course, I don't know if I can ever 'like you better'. I mean, hell, we're already talking about readings off the charts."
"I think this is the bit where you shut up and kiss me."
"Hmm. Good-o."
"You're still talk – " /Ah. Much better./
Manda Podima: Un-sweet-and-innocent-ikkle!Yuugi rocks my world.
Liviania: I'm saving the Bailey's for later. ::grin::
QueenOfGames: But the imagination is so much fuuuuuun....
Kerei Kitsune: Thanks. ::grin::
YamiKatie: Awu...that's no good. Feel better?
Bakuras-Hell: Heh. There you go, use thy imagination of DOOM!
DreamingChild: This one really does feel different from Yadonushi. I mean...I knew how that one was going to end. It was pretty definite. This one...not so much. Hazy. Ner.
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