Living With Maniacs
Ch. 2- Disadvantages of Gold Jewelry
Whoohoo! Chapter two! Hey, that rhymed...anyways, next chappie up. Thanks so much for reviewing! You reviewers from my previous try, you guys are great. It can't be as funny the second time around! You may notice some minor changes, but of course a story is rewritten more that it is written. So onward!
Sitting outside Gate 13 in an airport in London, was Ryou. He scanned the crowds, twiddling his fingers. Suddenly his eyes lit up, and he leaped to his feet. "Hey, there he is! I see Marik!" he shouted to no one in particular. He began jumping up and down, still shouting. "Oi! Marik! Over here!" Bakura suddenly came up beside Ryou and shoved him back down onto his seat.
"Shut up, you prick! You're embarrassing me!" he hissed. Ryou turned red and lowered his eyes.
"Sorry. Hey, where have you been? I've been waiting alone for over twenty minutes!"
"Uh…" Bakura muttered, slipping a permanent marker into his back pocket. "The bathroom. I've been in the bathroom."
"You haven't been drawing pictures of naked Egyptian concubines again, have you Yami?" Ryou demanded, glaring at his evil half.
O.O Bakura scratched the back of his head, then leaned over and whispered to a little girl holding a teddy, "I don't like thish guy. He readsh mindsh…" CLUNK The little girl hit Bakura on the head with her teddy bear -with considerable force, I might add- then ran away screeching, "Mommeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
o-O "Damn!" Bakura growled, hand on head. "What did that little snotball have in that bear, bricks?"
In the men's bathroom of the same airport, an old man came out of one of the stalls and stared. On the mirror was a very skillfully drawn picture of a naked Egyptian concubine. "What the!" the old man wheezed, clutching at his chest. His wheezing intensified, his heart stopped, and he fell to the floor.
Walking out of Gate 13, panting and dragging a suitcase, came the Egyptian wonder. "Hey guys!" Marik panted. "Whew! ..man, why do I have to carry my own suitcase?" -pant pant- "It's really not fair!"
o.o "You should have brought Odion along or something," Ryou said, watching Marik struggle with his suitcase. "Goodness, what have you got in there?" The suitcase squeaked violently; Marik gave a hearty jerk, and a wheel popped off..
"General bathroom supplies." -pant wheeze pant- "Deodorant, body lotion, face lotion, shampoo, conditioner, air freshener, scented toilet paper-"
"Alright, alright!" exclaimed Ryou, his hands up in protest. "I get the idea! But do you honestly think you'll need all that? I'm sure Misty will provide that sort of stuff. She's a girl after all; she must be more hygienic than, say, Bakura?"
Bakura stood off to the side, ignoring the other two and chewing on his fingernails. "Hmm…tastes rather like pesticide…"
"Well, I use very specific stuff, so I'm not taking any chances," Marik said. Bakura looked up suddenly, and realized someone's missing.
"Hey, where's Malik?" he whined. "I thought I would be joined by another non-loser life form like myself!"
"I had to leave him behind," Marik replied. "He got sick all of a sudden; Odion's taking care of him. He says it was something Malik ate."
"No!" Bakura wailed. "I'm stuck with losers! LOSERS!" He leaped on Marik's back, still yelling about losers.
"Gaaaah!" Marik cried, losing his balance and toppling over backwards on top of Bakura.
"Waaiaaiaai! Help, owie, owie, I'm dying!" Bakura shrieked, flailing on the ground with Marik sitting on him.
"Goodness Bakura, hush!" Ryou scolded, helping the two up. "It can't be that bad! Are you both alright?" Marik carefully checked his butt for injuries.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he assured him. "The non-loser cushioned my fall." D
"Owie, OWIEE!" Bakura cried out, doing a painful dance with one hand on his butt and one on his…uh, front. "Owie owie OW! He stabbed me in the nuts with his buttbone!"
O.o "And to think I was embarrassing him earlier," Ryou mumbled to himself.
"Owie owie OW!" continued Bakura. "And I sat on the marker!" He pulled the permanent marker from his back pocket. "I'm going to have the words Unscented Permanent imprinted on my ass now!"
An airport security guard walked up to Bakura. "Sir, I'm going to have o ask you to keep it down. There are little children around, and the things you say may be offensive," he advised.
"Screw the little children!" Bakura raged. "I'll rip off their heads and spit down their necks! I'll feed the little children to rabid wombats! I'll-" CLUNK Ryou whacked Bakura upside the head.
"Calm down, you'll get us all in trouble!" Ryou berated.
"Trouble? Trouble? You want TROUBLE?" Bakura roared. "I'll shove this marker up your troublesome-" CLUNK Marik whacks Bakura upside the head.
"Will you shutup?" he growled. "Now come on and let's find our next boarding site, or we won't make the flight to New York!"
"New York?" queried Bakura, having completely forgotten his rage. "I thought we were going to Oklahoma."
"We are," Marik assured him, "the airport there doesn't do overseas flights.
"Oh."
"Let's go," Marik sighed, picking up his one-wheeled squeaky suitcase, the missing axle of which cut into the tile floor as he moved along. Bakura and Ryou followed obligingly, the darker of the two growling at random children on the way.
--The three traveler's found their correct gate and managed to board the correct plane in time with only a few minor mishaps on the way- Bakura getting hit on the head by irate mothers- and one major traffic jam at the metal detector, where Ryou nearly strangled Bakura trying to get him to take his Millennium Ring off, and then Marik couldn't go through until he removed every single piece of gold jewelry -aka his earrings, the gold bands around his neck, arms, wrists, waist, and ankles- but other than that all went well.--
Marik sat in his seat on the plane with his feet braced up against the chair in front of his, putting on his golden ankle bands. "Stupid metal detector," he muttered irately.
"Yami, do you want my little baggie of peanuts?" Ryou asked, holding up the said bag and shaking it. "I'm not hungry."
"No!" Bakura said, snatching away Ryou's peanuts. He then redirected his attention to his previous past-time. He tossed a peanut at the flight attendant, hoping to land it down her shirt.
"Ow!" the flight attendant exclaimed. "Something hit me in the eye!" She rubbed her eye, then shrugged and turns around to attend to an elderly passenger inquiring about the on-board lavatory.
"Need to improve my aim," Bakura mumbled to himself. "Aha! Now there's a target I can't miss!" He picked another peanut out of the baggie, judged the distance carefully, and chucked the nut at the flight attendants butt. BOING The flight attendant didn't feel a thing. O-O "Wow. It's like a trampoline- but for peanuts!" Bakura observed, amazed.
Several hours later, the three trooped off the plane in New York, stretching and preparing to switch flights again.
"Well, I'm glad that flight went off without a hitch!" Ryou said cheerfully.
"Are you kidding me?" Bakura grumbled, rubbing his sore head. "I've been abused! I got hit on the head again…" He sniffled. "No one loves me…"
"Well, you deserved to get hit; you shouldn't have been throwing peanuts at the flight attendant!" Ryou berated.
"Fair enough," Bakura responds with a shrug. "But why did you have to hit me-"
"You were going to send her to the Shadow Realm!"
"-twice?"
Ryou shrugged. "It relieves stress."
Marik struggled along behind them, his suitcase still squeaking horrendously. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happeeeee when skies are gray-" he sang happily.
"…might I ask who you are singing to?" Ryou asked.
"My hair." D
