Living With Maniacs
Chapter 9- Enemy Infiltration
"Here I am! Yes, it's me Froggy. Firstly, I want to apologize, sincerely and truly and on my knees, for this chapter coming so late. Yeah. No excuses but life in general. And secondly, if anyone is wondering about the disclaimer...it's been hanging up since the second chaper." He points. The sign says THE OTHR DUZ NUT OWUN YU-GI-OH OR INNYTHEENG ELS IN THEES FICSHUN. "I dunno who wrote it, the spelling is horrendous...but it's there. On to the chappie!"
----8:14 pm, in the Kitchen Fixing Bakura's Owies----
Misty applied the last bit of bandaging tape to Bakura's ankle. "There you go! All better!" She stepped back to admire her handiwork.
Bakura sat sulkily on the spinning stool. "I feel stupid with all this gauze and tape around my neck," he muttered.
Misty looked at him. "Yeah, you look pretty stupid, too."
Bakura growled and glared at her.
"But look," Misty said cheerfully. "As a reward for being such a good patient-," she opened the top of the refrigerator "-you get …" She pulled a cup out of the fridge. "…tadaa! A mocha!"
Bakura looked slightly cheered. "Well…ok." He took the cup, then frowned and held it up. "Hey, what happened to the cup? It looks…demented."
Misty scratched her head uncomfortably. "Erm, well…it kinda melted when I poured the hot coffee in…"
Ryou stared at the mocha, his eyes huge and shiny. "But…don't I get a mocha?"
"Don't worry!" Misty said. "Mocha's all around!" She pulled three more mochas out of the top of the refrigerator.
"Whee!" Ryou said. He snatched a mocha away and started dancing. "I got a mocha, I got a mocha, I got a mocha hey, hey, hey, hey!" He did a little twirl, a pirouette, and started dancing and singing again.
Bakura grinned evilly and stuck out his undamaged foot.
Ryou danced. "I got a mocha, I got a- whaa!" He tripped over Bakura's foot, and the mocha went flying and splattered across the floor. "Augh! No!" He covered his face and started crying, banging his fists on the floor.
"Ow, Ryou you clumsy ass! You stepped on my only functional foot!"
"MY MOCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"Ryou, you ought to be more careful!" Misty reprimanded. "It's your fault, you know!"
Ryou looked up from the floor, tears streaming down his face and bottom trembling. "M- my fault?"
Marik watched the whole thing calmly, sitting on the floor next to Misty with his head cocked to one side and his tongue hanging out.
"Well…" Ryou sniffled. "Can I have another one?"
"Only if Marik doesn't want his!"
If looks could kill, Marik would be dead ten times over. "Fine," Ryou growled.
Misty kneeled down by Marik and held the mocha under his nose. "Hey, does the good boy want a yummy mocha? Hmmm, does he?" Marik looked suspiciously at the mocha. He sniffed it cautiously, then stuck his tongue out oh-so-carefully and…….
"Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!" -ZOOM-
Bakura watched Marik run. "Wow. I've set fire to dogs that couldn't run that fast!"
Ryou snatched the mocha from Misty and plopped down on the floor. "Oheeee!" he squealed happily. He hugged he mocha. "Hello friend!" He started slurping madly.
Misty watched him disapprovingly. "You're supposed to savor it," she scolded. Ryou ignored her.
-SLUUUUUURRP-
"Hey Misty," Bakura said. "You promised me weapons, remember? Malik could be here in a few hours, so I suggest you get a move on!"
Misty slurped her mocha slowly and thoughtfully. "Well, let me think. The only weapons we have in his house are… BB guns…a buncha pocket knives… a big ol' hunting knife or two…and a pistol with no ammo. Howzat?"
Bakura looked at Misty like she was stupid. "I'll take a pocket knife and a hunting knife. Now tell me; how do you get to this 'Fort Sill' of yours?"
Misty gaped at him. "Wh- you can't steal weapons from a federal base!"
Bakura folded his arms and cocked his head. "Fine. Malik and I will enjoy blowing up the federal base instead!"
Misty threw her empty mocha cup at him. "Augh! Fine! Sheesh. Let's hop in the car; it's only twenty minutes away. Ryou, I need you to stay here and keep an eye on Marik, ok?" She looked down at Ryou, rolling on the floor, head in hands, with an empty mocha cup on the floor next to him.
"Brain freeze….brain freeeeeeze…" -twitchy eye-
"Ok, 'Kura, I'm drivin."
"Don't you dare call me that. And no, you're not driving. I'm not in the mood for fresh hamburger. Hand me the keys, get in the car, and tell me where to go."
Misty stuck her tongue out at him. "Fine; have it your way, Mr. Macho Bueno." As they walked out the door, Ryou stopped rolling around and watched them go.
-----17 minutes later-----
"There," Misty said, pointing. "The gate's just up ahead. Across the highway and over the hill."
"Good," Bakura replied. He pulled a comb and hairspray out of his pocket and parked on the side of the road. "Now just give me a minute to fix my hair."
Misty stared as Bakura pulled out a hat and began stuffing all his hair underneath it. "Um, dude? I don't think this is the time to fix your hair…it's getting dark and we wanna get through the gate before it closes and- oh crap, wait a sec! How're you gonna get through the gate without an ID?" She stopped and thought for a moment. "Wait, you're sorta a spirit; do spirits even have IDs? Well, even if you did it'd be no good since you're a foreigner and all-"
Bakura stopped stuffing his hair long enough to hand Misty an ID card. Then he finished stuffing the hair, pulled out a single lock, and started combing it.
Misty stared at the card. "Hey! When did you steal my brother's ID? Hey wait; this is a good idea, considering this ID was issued at Fort Sill…"
"I know," Bakura said. He stopped combing that particular lock- which was looking quite fuzzy- and sprayed it with hair spray. -PSSSSSHHT-
Misty made a face and waved her hand frantically in front of her face, trying not to choke. "Blech!…" -coff coff- "So did you take his license too?"
"Yup," said Bakura as he rolled down the car window and waved away the fumes. "So what do you think?" He turned to Misty and smiled innocently.
Misty held up the ID card, comparing the photograph on it to Bakura's smiling face. "Hey, not bad! The fact that it's dark really helps; your hair almost looks blonde. Aw, you look so cute! 'Specially with that smile!"
Bakura stopped smiling and took back the ID card. "You think your brother is cute?"
Misty rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant. But he's related to me, so how could he not be?"
Bakura pulled the car back onto the road. "I choose not to answer that.
"Fine," Misty said, sticking out her tongue.
Bakura crossed the highway, drove up the hill, to the gate, and rolled his window down the rest of the way.
The gate GI leaned in the window in a friendly but intrusive way. "Hey, how you folks doin' tonight?"
"Just fine, thanks," Bakura replied amiably as he handed over his and Misty's ID cards.
The GI took the IDs and studied them carefully. "Hey, would you mind taking off your hat?"
Crap, we're screwed! Misty thought to herself.
"Yessir, I would, but you see I've got a bad ear infection," Bakura said without missing a beat, "and the doctor said I need to keep them covered for at least another week."
The GI leaned even further in the window. "Ah, yeah, I know how that is. Why, just a few months ago my son got an ear infection and had to go to the doctor. Can't remember what it was from though…maybe it was from swimming...is that what your infection is from? We had to get him some ear drops; he hated putting them in. He said it tickled too much and would always get up before he was supposed to and the ear drops would leak out-"
"Yessir, I can truly empathize," Bakura growled through gritted teeth. "Now can we have our IDs back? We're in a bit of a hurry."
The GI crossed propped his head up on his hands. "Oh really? Where exactly are you and your sister hurrying off to this evening?"
"My sis- o.o -ter and I are, uh, trying to hold a surprise party for our parents tonight-"
"Hey, a party!" the GI exclaimed. "I did that for my parents before, but the party was ruined 'cause it started raining, and we were holding it outside. The cake got rained on, and everyone refused to eat a soggy cake and-"
Bakura's fingers were itching to strangle. "- and at this rate we aren't going to make it in time! So if you'll please give us back our ID cards we'll just-"
The GI stood up and waved the cards in Bakura's face. "All right, all right, don't be so testy! It's like my Great-aunt Martha used to say; 'Life's like a bucket of wood shavings.'"
Bakura stared at the man. O-o "Yyyyeeaaaahh, well, can we PLEASE have our IDs! Just hand over the fu-"
Misty jabbed Bakura in the ribs with her elbow, then leaned over him. "Sorry about him sir, but may we have our ID cards back please, we really have got to go."
The GI smiled. "Sure thing miss, here you go." He handed the cards- to Misty, not Bakura- winking at her as Bakura pulled away.
"Bloody mother of Ra!" Bakura exploded as they drove off. "What the bloody hell was up with that? The guy was like a bloody salesman, wouldn't shut up!"
Misty giggled at him. "Hee hee, you forget you were my brother."
"And give me that," Bakura hissed, snatching his stolen ID from Misty. He took a few deep breaths, then slowed down as he entered the residential area. He looked out the window. "Now, what we need is a victim…………..aHA! There's one!"
Misty looked out the window in the direction Bakura was pointing and saw a lone GI jogging slowly along in the streetlights. "Him? What're you gonna do to 'im?"
"Watch and learn, my naïve friend, watch and learn…" He stopped the car, leaned out the window, and called out. "Excuse me? Could you help me out; I'm a little lost!"
Wow Misty thought to herself. He's way better at that fake nice-person voice than Marik is…I guess he got plenty of practice from all the times he took over Ryou…
"Sure thing, pal!" the guy said, jogging over to the car and leaning in the open window. "Where you trying to get to?"
"Um yes, I was wondering if you could direct me to the base weapons supplies?"
Oh, like this guy is really that-
"Oh yeah, just drive straight six blocks, make a left and go four and a half blocks, into the parking lot; it's the second building to the right. Labeled, so ya can't miss it!"
-stupid. -blink blink-
Bakura began slowly rolling up the car window the guy was leaning in. "Thanks!"
"No prob!" the guy replied, totally oblivious to the window.
"Oh, and one more thing…" The window rolled further up.
"Yeah?" Oblivious.
Quick as lighting, Bakura reached out and grabbed the guys by the collar and held him in place as the window continued getting closer to his neck. "Yes, I'm going to need your clothes…"
The guy started struggling uncomfortably. "M- my clothes?"
Bakura grinned evilly. "Yes, your clothes." The window reached the man's neck and continued up. The guy started choking. "Hope you don't mind," Bakura hissed.
"Hey, stop! You're gonna kill him!" Misty said angrily as the guy gasped desperately for air.
"Uh huh." Bakura's finger stayed firmly on the up button. "What's your point?" The guys eyes started bugging out and his face was blue.
Misty slapped Bakura's finger off the up button and pushed the down button. "My point is, don't! You can take his clothes with out him being dead!"
Bakura slapped her finger away and pushed the up button. "Well it's more fun this way!"
Misty undid her seatbelt, leaned over Bakura, held his finger with one hand, and pushed the down button with the other. "Well I don't care!"
Bakura let go of the unconscious guy, shoved Misty's face against the windshield with one hand, and pushed the up button with the other. "Well I do!"
Misty bit the hand on her face, kicked the hand on the button, and pushed the down button. "The window should be down!"
By some amazing feat of agility, Bakura got his foot up and pinned misty against the windshield with it; he pushed the up button. "No, up!"
Misty shoved Bakura's foot away and sat on the steering wheel, honking the horn and pushing the down button. "Down!"
Bakura bit Misty's arm. "Up!"
Misty elbowed Bakura in the face. "Down!"
Across the street, an oldster was taking a walk. He glanced up, and with his failing eyes saw a car parked on the side of the street shaking, horn honking, and two people moving in the front seat yelling UP! DOWN! UP! DOWN! "Young people these days!" He shook his head. "Our country has really gone to the dogs…"
Misty and Bakura sat in the front seat glaring silently at each other, each holding down the preferred button. The window was halfway up and not moving.
Misty glared, blinked, then glanced out the window. "Hey, the dude fell out of the window- and he's out cold."
"Oh." Bakura let go of the button.
Misty rolled the window the rest of the way down, stuck out her tongue, and began crawling across Bakura's lap and out the window. "Urg…now you can take his clothes like you wanted to…"
Bakura rolled his eyes and opened the door with Misty hanging halfway out of the window. "I realize that." He shut the door again- rather violently.
Misty hit her head on the top of the window. "Thppt!" She blew a raspberry, then started drumming on the side of the car door- still hanging out the window. "So what exactly do you need his clothes for anyways?"
Bakura started stripping the guy of everything but his boxers, socks, and undershirt. "He's wearing a military uniform."
Misty continued drumming. "Yes, I see that. So?"
Bakura set the GI's uniform on top of the car and began taking off his own clothes. "So, we're going to need a military uniform in order to get into a military weapon's supplies building without arousing any suspicion!"
Misty just stared. "Yeah, uh-huh…" Aaaaaaand there goes his shirt…whoo!
"I've done this a million times; it's general knowledge that when infiltrating enemy lines one must blend so as not to…"
"Yup…" Misty didn't hear a word he said. Second sneaker gone…..next goes….pants! Whoa! Sorry Ryou, looks like Bakura's outdone you again! I guess five thousand years of imprisonment does wonders for one's body!
Bakura replaced his hat with the military cap and pulled on the camouflage pants. "…helps not only to dress like them, but talk like them too. I can throw in a few 'yall's' and 'ain'ts' and fit in well enough, I'm sure…" He laced up the combat boots and reached for the shirt and jacket.
"WAIT!" Misty pulled a camera out of nowhere. "Flex and pose!"
Now for all you ladies out there who appreciate Bakura's ultimate beauty, picture this! Bakura, wearing camouflage military pants and a hat, plus combat boots. So far, so good, eh? Ok, now add to the picture: the Millennium Ring, dangling on his bare chest, just above his perfect abs, all glistening in the moonlight…and check out those biceps! Hmm…I'll stop there, no more drooling. Just wanting you all to know what Misty was about to snap a photo of…
Bakura raised a single eyebrow. "Flex and pose?"
"Yup!" Misty nodded. "Ooh, and smile too! A nice smile!"
Bakura shrugged, then he flexed, posed, and smiled.
"…or an evil smile, whichever you prefer…" -FLASH- Misty snapped a picture. "Beautiful! Alright now, proceed." The camera disappeared.
Bakura finished dressing, got back in the car, and tossed his clothes in the backseat. "Okay ya'll, let's git goin' now!"
Misty gave Bakura a Look. "How about…no. And what about him?" She pointed to the unconscious guy on the ground next to the car- in his underwear. "Hey, he's getting up!"
O.O Bakura stared as the guy crawled to his feet, grumbling. "Ugh…hey, my clothes!"
Bakura got out of the car, picked the guy up by the back of the neck, and looked pleadingly at Misty. "Can I?"
Misty frowned. "Sorry dude, looks like Ryou will always be number one when it comes to puppy dog eyes!"
Bakura growled. "I'm guessing that's a no?"
"Yup."
Bakura brightened. "Yes?"
"No!"
"Well, which is it woman! Make up your mind!"
"Ah! No! Just…knock 'im out or something!"
"Fine." -WHAM- Bakura smacked the guy's head against the side of the car. "Happy?"
"Nope," Misty said. "You didn't have to hit him that hard."
Bakura snarled. "Help me get him into the trunk."
"You don't need any help with that, you're a big strong boy," Misty cooed. "Why ya gotta put him in the trunk? Can'tcha just leave 'im here?"
"Fine, just pop the trunk for me then." he dragged the guy to the back of the car. "WE can't leave im here because we can't risk him walking up and alerting the fort to our presence."
"Bah." Misty popped the trunk. "Fine, what're we gonna do with him after we get all the weapons and stuff?"
Bakura picked up the guy and shoved him in the trunk. "Well, we could dump him in a river or creek." He shut the trunk. "you seem to have plenty of those around here."
"But he's unconscious, he'd drown! I told you, we're not killing anyone!" Misty ordered.
Bakura dusted off his hands and climbed back into the driver's seat. "If he's not dead, he'll talk. But alright, what do you suggest we do with him?"
Misty rolled her eyes up thoughtfully. "Umm…we could tie him up and leave him in the woods somewhere?"
"How dull," Bakura mumbled. Misty glared at him. "But fine! That'll do. Now…" he started the car. "Six blocks down, four and a half blocks over?" He started driving.
"Yup," Misty agreed. She sat quietly while Bakura counted the blocks.
"Four……………fiiiiiiiiive…………siiiiiiiiiiiiiiix………..aaaaand, turn…"
Misty sneezed and scratched her knee. Then she frowned. "Hey, why are we slowing down, we're not there yet…"
"I don't know," Bakura growled, "I'm not doing it…grr…block threeeeeee…"
"…aaand…we've stopped." Misty sighed. "A block away, and we've stopped."
"Aw, shit. We're outta gas!" Bakura glared at Misty. "Why didn't you check before we left!"
Misty glared back. "You're the driver, that your job!"
Bakura growled again. "Grr. Fine. Get out. We're walking the rest of the way."
"But we can't leave the car here! My parents'll kill me when they get back!"
"We'll get it back somehow. Now come on." He got out of the car, locked, and stuffed the keys in his pocket. "We'll walk the last block and a half."
Misty got out of the car muttering. "Whatever…"
-----A block and a half later-----
"Okay, in the parking lot, second building to the right…labeled. Ah. It's beautiful." Bakura stared at the building. It said on the front door, Fort Sill Weapons Supply. Pretty sad.
"Umm…" Misty looked around uncomfortably. "…mebbe I'll just wait outside…and keep watch and all…"
"Fine by me. Whee!" Bakura ran up to the building happily, and smack against a wall. "Ouch. It's locked. Aha!" He pulled out his pocket knife and picked the lock. "There! And no alarm? Ha! I love this place!" He disappeared into the building.
Misty sighed. "I hope he doesn't take too long…"
-----Five minutes later-----
"I'm ba-ack!" Bakura sauntered out of the building with a huge bulging bag in one hand and a STEN SMG in the other. "And look what I found! Er…my hands are kinda full… here, hold this." He handed Misty the SMG, then pulled a funky key out of his pocket. "See? Not too shabby, eh?"
Misty held the SMG at arm's length. "Um, I guess so…what's it a key to?"
"Follow me, I'll show you!" Bakura said proudly. He walked around the building to a dark, fenced in area surrounding something…big. "Now, just climb over the fence."
"Hey, you wanna take this thing back?" Misty asked, holding the SMG up cautiously.
"No, keep it," Bakura said, already halfway up the fence. "I figured you might need a weapon in case we're caught. Oh, and mind the barbed wire at the top…" He catapulted nimble over the top of the fence and landed in a crouched position on the other side. "Your turn."
"Meep! What are you, part cat?" She slung the SMG over her shoulder -it had a strap- and proceeded climbing the fence. "Hey, what's that sign?…DANGER 10,000 VOLTS?" O.o
"Don't worry," Bakura said. "I found the control room while I was in there and turned everything off."
"In five minutes?" She began climbing the fence again- although not as nimbly as Bakura had.
Bakura shrugged. "What can I say? I'm an expert at breaking and entering."
Misty reached the top of the fence. "Okay, just grab the wire between the barbs…" She grabbed the wire carefully and hiked one leg over. "Almost there, now the other leg…Woaah!" She slipped and fell, catching her pant leg in the barbed wire. "Ow! Ow! Ow! Bakura, help!"
Bakura looked at her, hands on hips, smirking. "I've half a mind to just leave you there…"
"Half a mind's all you got!" Misty hissed. "Now get me down!"
"Okaaay…but first, hand me your camera."
"What?" Misty cried. "No way you're takin a picture of this!"
"Fine," Bakura said. "I'll just leave you here and run you over wit the tank." He turned to leave.
"Wait! …tank? That's what that key was for? I mean ok! Ok, fine…" She pulled the camera out of nowhere again. "Make it quick." She folded her arms angrily.
Bakura pulled the camera up to his face. "Ah, beautiful. Is flash on?"
"Yes!" Misty hissed impatiently. "Now hurry up!"
A pause to imagine this scene. Not as pretty as the last, to be sure, but funnier. Misty (a blonde, leave it at that) hanging by her leg from a ten-foot fence, arms folded, and an SMG dangling off her arm. All upside-down. Lovely image, eh?
"All right now, smile!" Bakura said cheerfully.
Misty growled at him.
"…or scowl, whichever you prefer…" -FLASH- "Lovely!" He set the bag of weapons and the camera on the ground. "All right now, pardon me, but…" He grabbed Misty around the waist and yanked. -RIIIIIP-
"Ow!" Misty shrieked. "Well, this is better than the fence I suppose…" She was now hanging upside-down, her face an inch from the ground, Bakura's arms around her waist, and her legs kicking in Bakura's face. "But did you have to pull so hard? You shredded my pants and my leg!"
"Ha! I save your dangling butt and you complain?" Bakura scoffed. "Perhaps I should just drop you on your face…"
"Ah! No!" Misty grabbed Bakura's leg. "Thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou! Better?"
"Much." Bakura turned Misty over and set her on her feet. "Now come on. Into the tank!" He ran up to the tank and leaped on top of it.
"Bleh." Misty limped over to the tank and looked up pitifully. "Help me up?"
"You big baby…" He grabbed Misty's arms and lifted her up. "Now be quiet." He opened the hatch and climbed down into the tank.
Misty peeked down the hatch after Bakura. "Wow…it's kinda dark in- AUGH!" -WHUMP- "Ouch."
Bakura turned on the controls and lights and started the ignition. "This is going to be fun! I'm just disappointed that no one's showed up yet."
Misty sat back, rubbing her head. "What, you want to get caught? And I never knew tanks had keys…you know, for ignition and stuff…"
Bakura scratched the gauze on the back of his neck. "Me neither. Let's just pretend. And yes I want to get caught. There hasn't been nearly enough violence or gore yet."
"Well there'll be plenty of violence and gore when Malik shows up, so get going! For all we know he could already be here!"
"And Marik could be dead! Wow, isn't this fun?"
-.-u "Shutup and drive."
"Fine. Off we go!" The tank rumbled along, straight over the fence, through the military weapons supply building, and onto the road. "Whoo! This is awesome! Hey, there's the car!"
"Quick, stop the tank!" Misty ordered. She climbed up out of the tank, jumped off - "ouch!"- popped the trunk of the Cadillac, and pulled out some cable.
Bakura peeked is head out of the hatch. "Aw, you mean I have to tow that thing around? But then I can't run stuff over!"
Misty attached the cable. "Yeah, I know…just a sec…..ok, done!" The turned around, tripped over the cable - "Ow!" - then climbed back into the tank. "Ok, continue driving- and carefully!"
Bakura started the tank moving again. "Back through the gate? Won' they stop us?"
"Nah; the gate closes at nine. There shouldn't be anyone there."
"Okay then…hey, how fast can this thing go?"
"I think 60 mph is its max speed, but there's not a thing can stop it 'cept explosives," Misty said.
"Oooh….gooodie…"
-----Eight and a half minutes later-----
Bakura stopped the tank. "I can't see. We're out of the residential area, and there are no more streetlights. I can't drive like this!"
"Well we can't just wait till morning! Malik will have come, Marik and Ryou will be dead, and he'll have moved on to the larger cities!" Misty said, panicked.
"Good, I'm glad we agree. Here." Bakura handed Misty a heavy-duty flashlight. "now climb up on the top and sit on the end of the- uh, the gun thingy-doodle."
Misty raised an eyebrow. "Gun thingy doodle?"
"Yes, well…erg, eh you know what I mean!" Bakura sputtered.
"Sure I do," Misty said. "But doesn't it have a name?"
"Probably. Now get up there, sit on it, and shine the flashlight on the road ahead. You get to be my headlights."
"Oh joy," Misty grumbled. "She climbed up the ladder, out the hatch, and sat on the end of the gun thingy-doodle. "Light- on!"
"Perfect!" Bakura called up. "Now just don't move till we get back to Apache!"
O.O "This is gonna be a long drive…"
