Title: bittersweet
Rating: PG 13
Summary: just one of my musings (slightly cliché) turned into a drabble
Category: angsty right now, but if I were to continue, it would be way less angsty in future chapters…
1/1 (I think)
italics are flash backs
He seems engrossed in the kiss, I wish I could be, I wish I could bask in the warmth of his body, be aroused by the tickle of his beard, I wish I could feel less like a teenager who's weirded-out by her first kiss, and more like an adult who enjoys this… I wish he was Jack. Jack, the other end of the scale, the reason one second I like the kiss, the next I don't. In psychology they call what I'm doing transference, I don't get how Sawyer is a substitute for Jack when they are polar opposites.
I'm too deep in thought to whack his calloused hand away from my behind, how did I get here anyway? Something bothering you freckles? I don't respond, "Is it that time of month again?" He asks mock-curiously. He's daring to day. "Yeah, it's about 1 foot, to my left and a little to close for comfort", I said lightly, in no mood for banter. Silence for a few moments as he looked at me, "You know what I like about you," he asked, then paused, "your confidence" his tone sincere.
I shouldn't be surprised that things are twisted, that I'm kissing him, because he said I had confidence, but if I really did, then I'd be in Jack's arms. But Jack is a fantasy, and I have to stick to reality, me being with him, would ruin him, because I'm not good enough for him. "I have Sawyer, that will be enough," the mantra runs over in my head, as his arms snake around my back, his hands ravaging my hair, and his slimy tongue tangles with mine, "it will be enough."
To bad it's not.
To bad they are stuck on an island
To bad she doesn't realize that whatever makes Jack happy is good enough for him.
To bad she doesn't realize she makes Jack happy.
To bad she always manages to knowingly mess up a situation, good thing she always finds a way to make it right again.
