Living With Maniacs
Chapter 11 - Bakura's Worst Fear
Misty stood numbly and stared. First at Bakura, looking strangely innocent, then at Ryou, standing shocked and wide-eyed, and finally at Marik, lying on the floor like a dead man.
"He won't wake up," Bakura repeated, nudging at Marik with his foot. "I dumped water over his head…"
Misty kept staring. "But…how? I mean why?" She blinked. "But he was just fine when we left earlier. And I'm sure Ryou took good care of him…" She looked up. "Ryou?"
He gulped. "Um, yes Mistaya?"
"Was Marik like this before you went to sleep?"
Ryou laughed nervously. "Well, it's funny you should mention that. You see, I uh… well we were…you know…well, here's what happened…"
Flashback
Ryou looked out the window and watched as Bakura and Misty drove away to prepare for Malik's arrival. "I bet they're going to have sex without me and such," He grumbled. He walked back to the kitchen and kicked the empty cup on the floor. "Baka yami," he muttered. Suddenly a tan and blonde flash went by and caught the cup he had kicked before it hit the ground. Marik sat, shaking his butt and looking up at Ryou with the cup in his mouth.
"Arf?"
Ryou glared at doggy Marik. "What're you so happy about, mutt?"
Marik sat up and begged, pawing at Ryou and urging him to throw the cup.
Ryou folded his arms. "No way, I refuse to play fetch with you Marik. Now go eat poop or something." He turned around, walked to the living room, and sat on the couch. Out of nowhere, Marik was sitting beside him. Like a dog. Wagging his "tail." Ryou glared. Marik puppy-dog-eyed. Back and forth. Forth and back.
Ryou threw up his hands in exasperation. "Fine! I'll throw the stupid cup!" He grabbed the cup and yanked, but Marik refused to let go. "Give it! Give it!" Ryou whined. Marik started growling and shaking his head, keeping a firm grip on the cup. Ryou gave one final almighty yank, and his hands slipped off the cup because all the slobber. Ryou looked at his drool-covered hands with disgust. "You know, Marik, I was just beginning to think there was no earthly way for me to like you less…"
Marik dropped the drool-ridden cup in Ryou's lap and whined.
"Ew, great! Oh, so now you're going to let me throw the stupid cup? Fine!" Ryou picked up the cup and hurled straight out the open window. Marik leaped off the couch in hot pursuit. And in mid-bound, he stopped. He froze for a moment, then fell to the motionless to the ground. Ryou rolled his eyes. "What, you playing dead or something?" He got up and kicked Marik. "Stupid dog boy."
Marik didn't move.
Ryou frowned, hands on hips. "Oh come on. Like I'm supposed to believe that." He reached down and pulled Marik's precious hair.
Marik didn't move.
Ryou began to sweat. "Um, ok Marik, joke's over…" He poked Marik's stomach. "Marik? Wake up. Wake up!" He stood and started kicking Marik repeatedly. "Wake up wake up wake up wake up!" he screamed desperately.
Marik didn't move.
"Whoa-kay, time for bed Marik-chan!" Ryou grabbed Marik's arms and dragged him down the hall. He kicked open the door to Marik's room, dragged the unconscious form to the bed, and tossed him up. As a final touch, he tucked a pillow under Marik's head and pulled the sheets up around his neck.
"There," Ryou said, dusting off his hands. "Like a baby. G'night!"
End Flashback
Misty and Bakura stared. "Wha-at?" Ryou asked nervously. "I thought perhaps…he was sleep deprived and a good nap would…uh, refresh him?" He blinked. "Heh."
Misty slapped her forehead and dragged her hand down her face. Bakura fell over laughing.
"What's so funny?" Ryou demanded indignantly.
Bakura rolled on the floor, pointing at Ryou and gasping, "You were jealous of a dog!"
"You thought we were going to have sex?" Misty asked incredulously. "Sheesh. "What happened to No Sex Please, We're British ?"
Ryou's head snapped up. "Who on earth told you a thing like that? The idea s preposterous! Ludicrous! Inconceivable! Completely--"
"It's the name of a play," Misty interrupted him.
"Oh."
Bakura finally stopped laughing and got up off the floor. "Whoo! That's great. Jealous…hee hee…crazy hikari…ha…of a dog…man. Ahem." He dusted off his pants. "So any idea what's wrong with Marik? You think perhaps he had a doggy seizure?"
"No," Misty mused, "it sounds too sudden for that." She glared at Ryou. "You're supposed to be the smart one! What do you think happened?"
Ryou glared at the unconscious Marik and thought, This is all your fault! Then, out loud, "Well, isn't this the next stage of the illness caused by Ishizu's vegetables?"
Misty's mouth dropped open. "Ooh, I see…wait, that can't be right. When Odion left yesterday afternoon he said the unconsciousness wouldn't start for another day or two. If it's the disease, then…uh oh. I think Marik's going through the stages faster than Malik did! That's why it happened sooner than Odion expected. O-o But…but…Odion said the unconscious stage only lasts a brief time, so chances are we'll have both Marik AND Malik running blood-thirsty! At the same time! -Expletive deleted- ! We're all gonna die!" With that, Misty fell over face first on the couch.
"Brilliant deduction, Holmes," Bakura said, clapping.
Misty gave no response. There was an awkward silence. Ryou sneezed. Bakura kicked Marik. And Misty fell asleep in a grand record of 13 seconds.
Ryou poked her. "Psst! Mistaya, are you awake?" he whispered. Misty started snoring.
"Hooray!" Bakura said. "Now we can have some fun with Marik!"
Ryou looked uncertainly at Bakura. "What?"
Bakura rolled his eyes. "No, not like that you sex-obsessed, British albino dog-hating hikari of mine! Play jokes on him and stuff. Shave off his eyebrows, draw on a mustache, pierce his bellybutton…stuff like that!" Bakura chuckled evilly. "As long as Misty stays asleep. So let's go!" Bakura grabbed Marik's arms, Ryou grabbed Marik's legs, and they carried him to their room.
"Alright then," Ryou said, eager to inflict bodily harm on Marik, "What shall we do first?"
"Well, I guess we can start with the things I already said," Bakura suggested. "Do you know where any razors are?"
Ryou scratched his head. "Nooo…oh, but you still have that permanent marker, don't you?"
Bakura's eyes brightened. "Yes!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out the marker labeled Unscented Permanent.
Ryou jumped up and down. "Ooh, ooh, pick ;me! I wanna do it, gimme the marker, gimme gimme!" He snatched the marker from Bakura's hand. "He needs some facial hair anyway…" He leaned over Marik's prostrate form and started carefully drawing on his face. Bakura stood back, arms crossed, listening to the marker squeak. "Viola!" Ryou said, holding the marker up high and stepping away. Bakura took a good look and cracked up.
"He looks like a bloody French artist or something!" Bakura gasped between spasms of laughter. "I knew you had it in you, hikari."
Ryou bowed slightly. "Little Mariku had it coming," he said simply. "Now perhaps I should give him a goatee and darken his eyebrows to match?"
Bakura snorted. "I don't know what you've got against this guy, but I'm up for some entertainment!"
Ryou looked at Marik with a glint of jealousy and malevolence in his eyes. "Let's see how much Misty likes you with a mustache and goatee, little Marik," he thought to himself. He stuck his tongue out in concentration, but just as he leaned over Marik with the marker, -SMACK- something green and fuzzy came flying through the air and latched onto Ryou's head - like when robot monkey Tristan jumped on Nezbit Tristan. "Aiiieee!" Ryou shrieked. He threw the marker in the air, grabbed the green thing on his face, and attempted to disentangle himself. "Bakura! Help, help! God, it's suffocating me!"
Bakura took a hesitant step towards his hikari, and "AUGH!" The marker Ryou had thrown stabbed Bakura in his left eye. "Augh! Ow ow! Dear Ra, it burns!"
The two danced around screaming until Ryou ripped the green thing off his head and threw it with all his might - right at Bakura. -WHAM- Bakura was knocked flat on his back, and the green thing went rolling.
"Bakura, are you all right?" Ryou asked, running up to his dark half and helping him off the floor. Bakura stood shakily, black inky tears steaming from his rapidly swelling left eye.
"What does it look like?" he hissed.
Ryou flinched. "Did - did I do that?" he asked worriedly. Bakura glared at him. Without saying a word, he picked up the guilty marker, grabbed Ryou firmly by the chin, and ran the permanent marker down Ryou's cheek and across his mouth.
"Ai!" Ryou shoved Bakura away and spit. "Ugh, that tastes awful! You probably poisoned me, you rotten-"
"HEY!"
Bakura and Ryou mumped, then turned toward the voice. The fuzzy green thing that had attacked Ryou was getting slowly to its feet. The opposite halves stared. It was a stuffed frog. A fuzzy stuffed frog, standing almost two feet tall on its hind legs. Glaring at them.
"Will you two put a sock in it!" the frog said angrily. Ryou and Bakura exchanged fearful glances. Great Britain had obviously not seen its share of talking stuffed animals. "That's much better," the frog said, dusting off its furry knees. "Now you two airheads listen to what I have to say, you hear me?" Bakura squeaked and backed slowly behind his Light. "Ok then. So what exactly do you guys think you are doing?" The frog tried to cross its stubby arms.
Ryou shrugged. "Well…I….I-"
"I thought so," the frog growled. "You've totally lost track of what you're doing here!" You are all involved in a plot! You've run this whole thing into the ground, and somebody has been working really hard on this!"
Ryou frowned. "Wait, working on -"
"Don't speak! What I'm trying to say is get your act together! Ryou, leave Marik alone! Just because you're jealous doesn't mean you have to harass him like that! Now you guys focus cuz Malik'll be showin' up soon!" With that said, the frog turned on its heel and marched out of the room. Ryou stared after him. He looked at Marik's black, curling mustache and cringed.
"Mistaya's going to know I did that," he told himself. "And she'll be angry with me. Man!" he turned and kicked the bed.
"Ouch!"
Ryou jumped back. "Hey, who's there? Wait -" he glanced around and realized Bakura was nowhere to be seen. "Bakura? I say, is that you?"
Bakura poked his head out from under the bed, his hair standing on end. His eyes darted around the room furtively. "Is it gone?" he whispered.
"Um…yes?"
"Thank Ra," Bakura sighed. He looked up at Ryou and waved him closer. "Come here. I have a secret to tell you." Ryou frowned and knelt by Bakura. "I…" Bakura took a deep breath and leaned a little closer to Ryou. "I'm terrified of frogs!"
Ryou fell over backwards and started giggling madly. "Of frogs? Haha! Oh, that's a good one 'Kura!" Bakura glare at him. Ryou sat up and started. "You're serious?"
Bakura blushed and nodded.
Ryou snorted. "That's just sad, yami."
Bakura crawled out form under the bed and grabbed Ryou by his shirt collar. "See here, Ryou! If you EVER say a word about this to anyone, I swear I will KILL you!" He tightened his grip on Ryou's collar and lifted him off the floor. "Understand?"
Before Ryou could answer, footsteps were heard in the hallway. "Eep! It's coming back!" Bakura dropped Ryou and dove back under the bed. Ryou got up and stared uncertainly at the door.
"Hello?" Misty peeked into the room. "Oh, hey, Ryou! I must have dozed off. What -" Bakura backed out from underneath the bed and stood up, dusting off his knees. "What happened to you guys?" Ryou and Bakura looked at each other; Ryou had a black streak down his left cheek going down to his mouth, and Bakura had a red eye with black all around it and a watery black streak running down his face. "And what were you doing under the bed?"
Ryou chuckled. "He was -"
"- looking for my marker!" Bakura interrupted. "Yes, my marker. We were playing with it and it, uh, rolled under the bed. Yeah." He glared at Ryou, who only smiled back.
"Uh, ooooookay…well, I figured since Malik'll be here in…" she looked at her stopwatch. "Two hours, thirty six minutes, aaand eleven seconds, we really ought to start preparing and whatnot. And Bakura? You do realize that the Cadillac is still tied to the tank and that guy is still in the trunk, right? Could you do something about that?"
Bakura silently nodded his head. "I'll do that now." He left the room in a hurry.
Ryou gleefully watched him go. He now had the upper hand, and Bakura knew it. He looked at Misty, and his smile faded. She was glaring at him and pointing at Marik.
"Is that what Bakura meant when he said you guys were playing with the marker?" she demanded.
Ryou lowered his head and looked at Marik's mustache. "Well, I…um…" He stopped. If I wanted to, I could blame it on Bakura…and there's no way he'd deny it and let Mistaya know what he's afraid of…No don't, Ryou. It wouldn't be right! …but you don't want Mistaya to be mad at you…
"Well? I'm waiting! Explain!"
Ryou looked straight into her eyes. "Well, after you fell asleep…"
----Outside the house----
Bakura stomped out to the Cadillac in a huff. "That bloody hikari-" he yanked and the cable, trying to undo the knot "- better not tell anyone -" he couldn't get the knot undone and growled a little under his breath "- about that thing -" he pinched his hand in the cable and cursed "- if he does I'll kill -" he kicked the cable, and the knot came undone and the cable fell to the ground "- him." He sighed, picked up the cable, shuffled to the trunk, and popped it open.
-WHAM- Something hit Bakura solidly in the stomach. He droppe the cable and fell over, completely doubled up. The dude whose clothes he had stolen leaped out of the trunk, his fists up.
"You're the one who stuffed me in here, eh bud?" the man said challengingly.
Bakura stood slowly, supporting himself on the car. "I'm not in the mood for this," he said through gritted teeth.
"Yeah, yeah? Bring it on, pally!"he said, hopping about like a boxer.
Bakura inhaled deeply, rolled his neck from side to side, then ran right past the guy. "Yeah, that's right, run away you limp noodle!" he yelled as Bakura faded into the darkness. He chuckled to himself, dusted his hands, and turned to the Cadillac. "Now then. I'll find my clothes and then report this lunatic on a federal offense. Ha!" He didn't give Bakura a second thought. And that was a mistake.
Bakura came running up from behind the guy. He raced by him, leaped into the air, launched himself off the car, and kicked the guy right in the face. The dude didn't see it coming till the foot hit his face.
"You asked for it," Bakura muttered. He glared down at the unconscious man. "Misty isn't here to tell me not to kill him or anything…" He glanced around cautiously. "Eh, I'll just dump him in the river and let him drown. Serves him right for hitting me like that." he rubbed his stomach. "I'll probably get a bruise from that." He retrieved the cable from where he'd dropped it and securely tied his assailant. Then he stuffed him - none too gently - into the trunk of the car. "Now, to the river!" he started the car and was off.
