Living With Maniacs

Chapter 16- Meaningless Illusions

Additional disclaimer: Not only do I not own Yugioh, but I don't own Xiao Lin Showdown, any Terry Brooks publications, or Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness. All I own is a very odd dream.

Misty woke up with a start and looked around. She shivered. "Aw, I left the air conditioner on!" she muttered. She stumbled out of the armchair she'd been curled up in and turned it off. She stretched, yawned, then checked her watch. 4:11 am. Ugh. Everything was silent. Even the crickets were sleeping. Misty shivered again. "Well, I guess I'll go shower while it's still quiet." She trudged off to the bathroom, yawning all the way. Passing Ryou's room, she heard him whimper. Marik was just plain snoring. Bakura, she remembered, was still curled up on the couch.

"I wonder where Malik is," she asked herself after turning on the shower. "Marik said the hunting wouldn't resume till first light, and Malik wanted to take a shower…. Where on earth will he go to shower?" She started scrubbing shampoo into her hair and shrugged. "Oh well, I won't have to worry 'bout him till the sun comes up!" She dropped the subject completely and continued with her shower.

Fifteen minute later, Misty stepped out of the shower wrapped in a towel. She glanced out the window to make sure it was still dark. She froze; something was out there, moving slowly towards the back door. Her breath caught in her throat as she backed away from the window. Calm down she told herself. I'm sure someone locked the door before it got dark. The back door squeaked open. Dammit! If I die, I'll kill those guys! She bit her lip in a panic. Soft careful footsteps made their way to the bathroom door. The handle began sloooowly tuuuurning. She backed up against the wall, her heart beating fast. The door opened, and she opened her mouth to scream, but Malik leaped forward and put his hand over her mouth.

"Quiet!" he hissed. "You don't want to wake everybody up!"

Misty stared at him, and he moved his hand. "What do you care if they wake up?" she asked.

Malik made a small noise of impatience. "Well, we're not fighting right now, I want Marik well rested so he'll put up a decent fight, and also I was hoping I could use your shower." He glanced down at Misty, wrapped in the towel with water run down her neck from her hair, and he smirked. "Since you just finished using it, you shouldn't mind."

Misty glared at him, pulling the towel up a little higher. "Why should I let you use my shower if you're going to be trying to kill me after sunrise?"

"Well, if you let me use your shower, I promise I won't kill you," Malik said. He looked her up and down again and winked. "I'll treat you reeeal good."

Misty shuddered. "Ew, no! No thanks! You know what, just promise you'll shower quick and leave as soon as you're done, okay?"

Malik shrugged. "Fine." he turned around and started stripping.

"Wait till I leave!" Misty said exasperatedly, dashing out the door. Once outside the bathroom, she stopped. "Crap," she muttered to herself. "I left my clothes in there." She sighed. "Oh well." Off to her room she crept, being careful not to wake anyone- she didn't want to be caught in a towel by anyone else. Ryou, for sure, would have a field day.

Once dressed- in blue jean shorts and a gray SpongeBob t-shirt if you wanted to know- Misty went back into the living room. Bakura was still asnooze on the couch, sucking his thumb. There was nothing for Misty to do but wait. And wait. Just wait. Good God, but she was bored. Utterly and completely. Totally. Full-fledgedly. Sheesh. Her eyelids drooped. She had just dozed off, however, when Ryou stormed into the room, disturbing her incomplete sleep.

"Misty, I have something to tell you!" he said with the air of one awarding a six -foot tall solid gold trophy.

Misty sat up straight and eyed him suspiciously. "What is it?"

"I love you."

Misty goggled. "You…wait, what? I mean, you can't…don't be ridiculous…I…I…uh…huh?"

Bakura leaped out of the blankets on the couch, landing next to Misty with his hands on his hips. "He's insane, don't mind him. He once proclaimed is love for a hamster!"

Ryou glared and Bakura. "Mr. Winky was a very special hamster!"

Marik trudged into the room, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "What's all the yelling about? I have to get up ridiculously early to kill people. And you guys are disturbing my beauty sleep!"

Ryou turned on Marik with sparks shooting out of his eyes. No, seriously, there were sparks shooting from his eyes, and he was singeing the carpet. "Marik Ishtar, get out of here! You're too late! I've already proclaimed my love for Misty, and she has proclaimed hers! You'll never have her now! Muahahahahaha!"

"Wait, I never said anything! You guys are all insane!"

"Insane, am I?" Ryou seethed, foaming at the mouth. "We'll see who's insane after I KILL MARIK!" He stopped. "But I must kill him with something special…AHA!" He pulled out something shiny, put it on his hand, and screamed "GOLDEN TIGER CLAWS!" He sliced the air open with the claws, forming a swirling portal. "I'll be right back, my love," he said, winking at Misty. Then he leaped into the portal and was gone. The air sealed up behind him.

Everyone stared. "What is going on here?" Misty cried, utterly confused. "How on earth did Ryou get that? Where did he go? And did he just say he was going to kill Marik?" Bakura shrugged and Marik scoffed, but before either on of them could actually say anything, the air opened up and unceremoniously dumped Ryou out.

"Haha!" he laughed. He leaped to this feet, brandishing a beautiful shining sword.

"Awesome!" Bakura praised. "Where did you get that thing?"

Ryou looked at it and shrugged. "Well, I don't exactly know where it was but it was dark…like..oh, it was a dungeon. I took it form this little pitiful elf-looking guy…there was also some dude with a hook for a hand, and some big troll…a little yellow guy on the floor…and a big dark thing threatening the elf guy! Anyways, it's a pretty sword, and I'm gonna kill Marik with it!"

"Wait Ryou, don't you know what that sword is?" Misty said in a panic.

Too late. Ryou raised the sword high above his head, and the sword began to glow. Ryou froze. In his mind, pictures were flashing before his eyes and a voice began speaking. You're a horrible person, and you know it. You know Bakura's a better person than you. You're jealous. You're selfish. You killed Mr. Winky by tying him to the fan and turning it on high. You have no reason to be mean to Mark. You don't really love Misty, you just want to have s-

"AAAAAAUUGH!" Ryou screamed, throwing the sword to the ground.

Bakura and Marik jumped back, staring at Ryou like he was a madman. Misty, however, stood glaring at him with her hands on her hips. "You idiot! Ryou, you are such and IDIOT!"

Ryou looked at her, wide-eyed. "That sword…it…it knows!"

"Duh! Misty said, rolling her eyes. "Now Golden Tiger Claw yourself right back and give Shea his sword before the story comes undone!"

Rou blinked. "The…..story?"

Misty threw up her hands in disgust. "That is the Sword of Shannara! Like in the book? And if you don't bring it back Shea will die and the whole Shannara series will be screwed!"

"Oh." Ryou shuffled his feet. "Well, the claws kinda sorta fell off on the way back, so I think they fell out and are still in the…other…story." He smiled. "Heh. Izzat a problem?"

Misty took a deep breath. "Hopefully not."

Just as she said that, the air opened up to admit a tall, dark, hooded figure. The Golden Tiger Claws sparkled on his right hand. "You fools!" his deep voice boomed. "You got Shea Ohmsford killed! The entire Shannara series is now nonexistent! Terry Brook's popularity has plummeted, and now I'm out of a job! So now, I must wreak my vengeance upon the one who took the sword." Everyone immediately pointed at Ryou.

"May the darkness take you," hissed Allanon (if you hadn't already figured out who it was). He cupped his hands outward in front of him, and a ball of blue Druid fire sparked and grew. The eerie turquoise glow filled the room, and for a split second there was an ominous silence. Then Ryou let out a horrified squeak and bolted for the door. Allanon raced after him, throwing deadly blue fire.

Misty stared at the departing duo. "That did not just happen!" she said incredulously. "That could not have just happened!" She looked at Bakura and Marik for support. "It didn't, did it?'

Marik shrugged. "It sure as hell did! I thought it was pretty dang cool. I wish I could do Druid magic."

Misty shook her head. "I'm confused now."

Bakura put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. It's about to get more confusing."

Malik leaped through the window half a second after Bakura said that. "Ha! I found you!"

Marik glared at him. "It isn't light yet!"

"It is in New York!" Malik chuckled.

"That doesn't count, cheater!"

"There's no such thing as fair play," Malik taunted. "And you know what else? I saw Misty naked! Ha!"

"I was not naked!" Misty shrieked. "I had a towel on, you didn't see anything!"

Bakura glared jealously at Malik. "You saw her in a towel? You kept a distance of at least five feet from her, didn't you? If not, I'll kick your ass RIGHT now!"

Everybody but Malik suddenly got quiet; Lara Croft was stealthily climbing through the window behind Malik. "Kick my ass?" Malik was crowing. "I'd like to see you try! Ha! You couldn't…" He stopped talking. "What? What're you guys staring at me for?" -SNAP- Lara used her silent neck-breaker move, and Malik fell motionless to the floor.

"You killed my yami, you bitch!" Marik screamed. "You horrible, disgusting piece of tomb-robbing filth!"

"Hey, watch it," Bakura muttered. "I respect what she does."

Lara stood up straight. "What I do? What is that supposed to mean? You think I killed Werner? I didn't! I swear, you little-"

"No!" Bakura said, putting his hands up. "No, I mean tomb robbing! I think it's awesome! I made a living outta that a couple thousand years ago."

"You lie," Lara growled. "You think I killed him. I'll show you.." She stalked up to Bakura, flipping her braid over her shoulder. Bakura bolted. Misty was left in the room with Ryou mourning over his dead yami until Ryou scuttled into the room . Yes, scuttled. As a bright red lobster. Lobster Ryou scuttled up to kneeling Marik and pinched him right in the-

"Okay, I give up!" Misty said exasperatedly. "Ryou, you're a freak! Doing that to Mr. Winky! Marik, stop being a baby! And Bakura, I- oh hell, I'm going back to sleep." She plopped down on the recliner, and something poked her. Again. And again. And-

Misty opened her eyes. Ryou, Marik, and Bakura were standing over her. Ryou was bright red- not a lobster, just sunburnt. Bakura looked confused, and Marik looked insulted.

"How'd you know about Mr. Winky?" Ryou asked suspiciously. "Cuz I didn't mean to kill him, Bakura dared me and I thought it would be like a hamster roller coaster and-"

"I did not, you did it of your own free will!" Bakura protested angrily.

Marik pouted for a second. "I am not a baby…"

Misty goggled for a second, then slumped back. "Okay, that was one freaky dream."

Ryou squinted at her. "If it was a dream, how did you know about Mr. Winky?'

"Well, you had the Sword of Shannara, and I heard the truth about you, and you-" She stopped. She had been about to mention the part about him "loving" her…

"Anyways," Marik said impatiently. "It's almost dawn."

They all glanced out the window and watched the first ray of sunlight beam through the trees.