Here's a silly little story I've had on my mind for a while now. After seeing that Max could be hung from a tree and tortured, I realized that my idea was not so far-fetched. Thank you to kat and jenna for all your support!

Title: Poof

Author: Diamondkitten, (aka. shelaweena)

Disclaimer: No, Kyle and Michael aren't mine...damn it! Don't sue me!

Spoilers: Tess is not bad. She did sleep with Max, but didn't get preggers. She and Liz are friends now. There's no Special Unit, no nasty Nasado, no boring-ass Jesse, and sweet Alex is not, not, NOT dead! Oh, and you might notice that Maria is not even mentioned...let's just say that I couldn't care less about the character, and totally forgot to inclued her. So, for the sake of time, we'll just say she left for New York and never came back. This is my world after all!

Those of you who know me, know, I believe that Max is totally full of himself, and is definitely a little crazy, probably even has a running diatribe with himself in his head, and we all know that he's an egotistical ass! So…beware Max lovers…although I'm sure there can't be too many of them on PA.


It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Things were supposed to have been done that were not. I am almost wholly to blame. We're attending the memorial of one of our own today.

Some have regrets. Most have none. There were things that should have been said that never will be, but such is life. You're born, you die, and if you're lucky, you live a little in-between. I can't fault them for living. I would be a hypocrite, because that's what I was doing…living…while I was supposed to be keeping watch.

What am I talking about, you ask? Well, let me take you back about 72 hours ago. That day, everything shifted in our little miss-matched group. I am Tess Harding, and this is how our lives changed forever…

After a day of fruitless searching for his one and only true love, Liz Parker, our 'fearless leader' decided to give up for a time. The fact that he could not find his ladylove, had him somewhat concerned, but in no way, could he deflate his ego enough to think that she was avoiding his stalker-like tendencies. After all, she was his soul mate. Of course, he had every intention of retuning to his quest soon, however, this was not the time to think of such things – a 'king' must have sustenance after all, and there was a HungryMan in the freezer with his name on it.

Our dear Maxwell Evans, re-incarnated, King extraordinaire of Antar, was prepared to barge into the apartment he had previously commandeered from his, 'faithful Second in Command,' one devastatingly handsome Michael Guerin. As his fingers closed on the door-knob, the lilting sound of his beloved's laugh, followed by a low rumbling chuckle, that could only belong to Michael, reached his enormous floppy ears. Not understanding why his beautiful Liz would be laughing with Michael, who she didn't even like, Max's interests were piqued. Deciding to make use of his aforementioned, unusually large ears, he decided to let the nosy little old woman, he held deep inside himself, out, and pressed his monstrous appendage to the door.

"God Liz, that…was amazing!" Michael said, panting.

Breathlessly, Liz sighed, "You can say that again."

Wait a second…panting…breathlessly? Max wondered. Why would…?

"Honestly Parker, I feel like a new man," Michael responded in wonder.

Giggling, Liz countered, "Well, you just needed the right woman to release your…hidden potential."

There was a lull in the conversation and due to the super-sonic hearing abilities of our dear King Butt-munch, in addition to the sound of a butterfly beating its wings eight feet away; he could also detect the sound of cloth rustling inside the apartment. Deducing that it must be clothing, Max couldn't help but be curious, and a little disturbed.
Why would my beautiful Liz be changing clothes at Michaels'? Unless…has she finally decided to give herself to me…body and soul? Grinning madly he thought, I could delve into her innermost being, that… His attention was diverted again, as the conversation picked up inside.

"Now Michael, just because you performed so amazingly this time, don't expect me to go easy on you the next," Liz said, her voice dropping seductively.

Eyes widening comically, 'His Excellency' thought, Wait a second. Why is Michael still in the room if she's undressing for me? He pressed his enormous ear to the door again

"I've never been one to take the easy way out." Michael intoned.

Slyly Liz said, "Good, Guerin, because next time, we'll go longer and faster, then harder and deeper…much deeper. In fact, I think we've only just scratched the surface here Michael."

Michael's voice was gravely again. "You've got me hooked Parker."

Laughing now, "Well, let's just be thankful for your…alien constitution," Liz bubbled.

Max's mind was racing. Surely they're talking about pilates or yoga, maybe deep muscle relaxation therapy…yeah, Liz is into that kind of stuff. I think Michael just needed some…stress relief…yeah…to gain more control of his powers. There's no other reason for this conversation to be taking place. My beautiful, wonderful, sweet Liz, her heart beats only for me…because of me. We're soul mates…I love…

Let me jump in here. Dumbo…er…Max should never have gotten to the door. We were supposed to intercept him. At this point he had already heard way too much.

If I had been paying more attention, I would have seen the signs then. If I had been watching our fearless leader, standing outside with his elephantine ears pressed against the apartment door, I would have noticed our 'Great King,' our 'El Presidenté,' (as my pseudo brother likes to refer to him), shaking his head furiously. If I had been in a position to look closer, I would have seen that twitch causing his right eye to blink uncontrollably. Unfortunately, I was otherwise occupied. whispers Who would have thought Alex could do such amazing things with his tongue? hack But I digress.

We should get back to the story I suppose, where were we…oh yes…shaking of the head, twitching of the eye. Wonder what was being said inside to produce such a reaction…?