RATING: PG

SUMMARY: Takes place about five months after Against All Odds. Shannon's past relationships have left her insecure, which may end up affecting her current relationship with Sayid. What will it take for her to realize that it might just be ok?

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.

Thanks for all of the great reviews. Mrstater, I thought it fit at the time and I couldn't think of anything else to make Shannon run off, very important to set up the rest of the story. Not sure how serious Sayid was, but it worked. Thanks so much, Shanters2005, I had some more ideas after that one finished so I thought I'd write it all out. I hope that you continue to enjoy it. PITAchic, thanks, I think she should have said yes too, who wouldn't if they were with Sayid? That's a good idea about having Sayid do it, we'll just have to see if it fits anywhere. SayidRocks, thank you! I like that line too, maybe eventually I'll actually write it happening instead of her just thinking about it. Thanks, JuliansGIrl, it may take a while, but it will be finished eventually. There are many more chapters to go, if I keep with the outline I have. Thanks again every one for reading.

Chapter Two – Haunted

Shannon ran further into the jungle, needing to get away from Sayid and his question. She knew she was overreacting, but still she needed to get away. Her heart was pounding and her breath was labored. Finally she stopped to support herself against a tree, breathing deeply the way Sayid would have made her if he had been standing there.

She slid down the tree and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms tightly around her legs. Why did she have to be so screwed up? She hated the fact that she had just left Sayid in a tree because she couldn't deal. It would be funny, if it weren't so pathetic. They had gotten far in their relationship, or she thought they had, but still doubts haunted her. At times like these she wished that she could erase those memories that made her. If she could just forget all those mistakes, all those destructive relationships, then maybe being with Sayid would be easier.

The worst part was the fact that Sayid still stayed by her, even when she freaked out like this. Of course this wasn't the first time it had happened. She smiled slightly as she thought of that time, about two weeks into their relationship when she had freaked out. Sayid had followed her asking what was wrong, which had ended up making her feel worse. After that, Sayid knew that she would find him when she was ready.

But this time she knew that it would take longer to work everything out in her messed up head. Sayid didn't understand everything that she had gone through. She had told him all about her childhood and every horrible detail, and he had held her while she had cried, but since he hadn't been there, he didn't realize the extent of the scars. She thought that maybe her problem was the fact that she had tried so desperately to ignore them, to ignore the nagging voices that told her she was worthless, useless, and unlovable. Maybe instead she should have fought back, but she knew that she couldn't, she didn't have the weapons. It's hard to fight against what feels like the truth.

Those words, worthless, useless, and unlovable echoed in her mind and she flashbacked to when she had first heard them. Other words were there too: dumb blonde, stupid, bitch, whore, and the list went on and on. She remembered every time someone said that to her, the words burned in her brain and on her heart. It was as if they were tattooed there and while Sayid was trying to remove them, he couldn't get every last trace.

But Sayid was still trying. Every day he would do something that would make her feel special and loved by him, but then those voices were back, telling her that she didn't deserve it, didn't deserve him. She remembered the night she had actually told Sayid that, when the words had slipped out unintentionally. The look of shock in his eyes startled her; she had thought he would have thought the same thing before. She didn't contribute as much as some of the other members of the island, she wasn't strong or brave, or anything and she was dating, if you could call it that, one of the leaders of the camp. It didn't make sense to her. What did he see in her?

She remembered how he had pulled her roughly to him as if he could squeeze those thoughts out of her if he held her close enough. He had said something in Arabic then, it had sounded so beautiful that she didn't ask him to translate; his tone told her that it was something special. She just wished that all these thoughts had left her at that time.

She closed her eyes as she leaned against the tree. She was so tired of feeling like this. She wanted to see herself as Sayid did, she wanted to let go of all her baggage, but she was scared. It had been a part of her for so long and she didn't even know who she was anymore underneath it all. Well, that wasn't completely true, there were moments when she was alone with Sayid where those thoughts disappeared and she felt alive again.

She sighed deeply, what a mess. A part of her told her to go to Sayid, tell him all of these jumbled thoughts, another part told her to keep going as it was, and a third part said break it off, go have sex with someone else on the island and prove to him that everything she had told him was true. She knew that she couldn't have sex with someone else on the island; she wouldn't break his heart like that. But the way things were going now, she couldn't keep up pretending that she wasn't confused, Sayid deserved better.

All her past relationships had ingrained in her that she wasn't worth staying with and it was so hard to shake that away. You live with something long enough and it becomes part of you.

She knew that she needed find Sayid; it wasn't fair that she was trying to decide their future without giving him a chance to understand what was going on. She knew that talking to him would be difficult but it was what she needed to do.

TBC…