I did it! I actually beat Sean Michaels at the Royal Rumble. But then why aren't I happier? I know why. Its because the one person I want most to share this victory with isn't here. Because six months ago I left the man I love. So, here I am alone, feeling less than victorious even though all the boys are shaking my hands, patting me on the back, hugging me in a few cases (Jason, Mark). And where is Jeff? I think. At home, in North Carolina, likely watching the countdown to the Rumble and just waiting anxiously to see his lover, Shane. God, why does it hurt so much when I left him?

I have had two great loves in my life, and each backfired on me completely. The first was Chris Irving… back in the good old days when we all first came to the WWE. Me and Chris we were almost inseparable. Until he became more Jericho than Irving… and everything fell apart. And I thought I'd never love again. Till Jeff. My Jeffy, he was everything I wanted, someone I could love and who loved me back. But when Jeff started having problems in the WWE, so did we. And then I found out he was sleeping with Shane. And I have been alone ever since. There have been dates of course, but nothing serious. Its only been six months since Jeff and I split though… too soon to fall in love again?

I walk into the locker room and get ready for the Rumble itself. The room is filled with excited shouts and laughs and a few hostile sounding word from one wrestler to another. I do my best to join in the festivities and excitement the pay per views always brings. By the time its my time to go to the ring, I'm convinced that I am not upset, I am merely angry and ready to win! I channel all my energy to running to that ring and staying in it until the end. I make it for awhile… and then Chris Jericho comes in. We go along and beat on the others… we beat on each other a bit, smiling to each other behind out "fighting faces". We are lying on the edges of the ring, letting Kane fight it out, and Chris catches my eye, mouthing his own version of the way the narration should be going at the moment. And then Chris is out…. I go back to fighting with all my force, I realize I am in the final four men… the final three! And then I think of Chris's smile and I am out.

Backstage there are handshakes and hugs all around and we ready ourselves for the party to follow. Mark walks up to me. "Hey, good show tonight Adam! Ready to party!" I smile and laugh.

"Of course, when am I not ready to party?" Mark laughs and slaps me on the back.

"Great, lets go! Sara's driving!" He leads the way to his rental where his wife Sara is already behind the wheel, grinning at us. We drive through the streets fast, followed by other rentals containing every other WWE Superstar ready to party. We find a bar big enough to hold 40 over-excited wrestlers and their wives, girlfriends, not to mention the stage staff and the McMahon's. The place soon fills up and I head straight for the bar, wanting to forget how lonely pay per view after parties can be if you are single and nursing a broken heart.

I find a seat in a corner and drink away, watching the festivities. Mark, Sara and Jason arrive and I am stuck trying to carry on a conversation with them and avoid sounding like a wimp. And then Chris enters my line of vision, dancing with Stacy Keibler. His hair, looking so good with its not too short not too long cut, his jeans fitting perfectly to just show off his ass and thighs, and his laugh, all loud and strong and good. And I am drunk. Damn, drunk and alone and depressed… good combo. I am not even following the conversation now. I stand up and saunter (if a 6 foot 5 drunk man that's all leg can saunter) over to Chris.

"Hi." I say. "Oh, great start, Adam. He'll fall for you for sure."

"So, I am going to ignore the second line and snap up the first, k Adam? Hi." Chris says, setting his beer down and looking over to the table I was sitting at. I know he's counting the bottles of Bud Light, knowing they are all mine… Christian is drinking Coors, and Mark is drinking regular Bud. "Having fun are we?" Chris smiles at me and I smile back.

"Nope," I manage to say quite clearly, "But you looked like you are so I figures I'll come see and join in with yous." I flinch at how bad I sound… I need to go to bed. But not alone, I think, not tonight.

"I see. Well, you wanna dance? On second thought, lets sit and talk for a bit." Chris says, quickly reassessing just how fast I drank the 10 beer on the table. I shrug and sit down heavily where he had been sitting. RVD smiles and slips away, I never even knew he was there with Chris till he left. I guess that means I am really drunk… "You must be pretty happy about beating Sean Michaels?" Chris starts, I think wanting to feel me out. He can always tell when things are going wrong with me, no matter how hard I try to hide it.

"Yeah, Sean, he needed to be beat!" I announce, looking around to see if he was near. Maybe I'd go and beat his ass again, just to show him I could. Chris looks hard at me, up and down, not missing the gleam in my eyes.

"I think I should get you to bed. No more fighting for you tonight, k?" I groan.

"I don' wanna go to bed… its early and Michaels could be here, just waiting for another ass beating… you could help. Could be fun." I half-heartedly mumble. I shake my head, suddenly hearing what I was saying. I stand up quickly and turn to go in search of Michaels. Before I now what is happening, I've lost my balance in the motion and am toppling over. Unable to anticipate the direction I am falling in, Chris moves to jump up to grab me. Too slow, and I topple onto his lap, my legs folded beneath me, my arms around his waist. Looking down at me, his eyes wide with surprise and concern, Chris sighs.

"I gotta got to beds." I stutter out. Chris nods and moves to help me up. "Will you take me back t'the hotel, Chris? I thinks I needs some assis.. assis.. Some help." Shaking his head, Chris puts and arm around my waist and guides me through the throng of celebrating wrestlers, earning a few weird looks on the way by. We are in a taxi now, my head slumped on Chris's shoulder… it feels nice.

Stumbling out of the cab, I feel Chris come up beside me and guide me into the lobby and then into the elevator. Up five floors and then he's asking me for my room key. We move slowly down the hall, and I lean on the wall as he opens the door and comes back to get me. There's my bed. Hurray! I think, and then I catch Chris out of the corner of my eye, hovering like he's not sure if I'll be ok getting myself ready for bed or not. I fumble about, stripping down to my boxers and pulling back the blankets. I look over my shoulder at Chris and smile. His eyebrows raise as I pat the mattress and look invitingly at him.

"You're gonna lie down with me right?" I sit on the bed and try to look innocent. All I succeed in doing is appearing very lonely and very sad. Great, just what everyone wants to go to bed with!

"Well, uh, sure. I guess I could lie down with you for a minute. You, uh, take the inside so I can get out without disturbing you, k?" I shake my head as I slip beneath the covers, watching Chris hover by the bed.

"No! You need to stay with me all night. Like we used too. 'Member?" I squint up at Chris, moving to help him disrobe. He moves swiftly out of my clumsy reach and strips to his boxers too.

"Yeah, Adam, if you want me to, I can stay all night. But only as long as you say so." He looks around the room. "You are, uh, rooming alone right?" I hear how nervous he is and laugh.

"Yeah, Chris, all by miss'elf. All alone, just me. And now you too." Chris sits on the bed and swings his legs under the blankets. I wait until he is comfortable and then move towards him. He looks alarmed at first and then relaxes when I lay on his chest, my arm around his waist. I nuzzle in and sigh. "Comfortable." I say and Chris nods. "No, you don't know what I mean, Chris. Comfortable here." I squeeze Chris around his waist and move my head a bit to show what I mean. Happily, I feel Chris relax even more and his arm is moving around me, holding me to him.

"Yeah, Adam. Its comfortable here."

"Chris? We should always do this. 'Cause you and me, Chris, are going to be together. Right?"

"Uh, you mean tonight? Or…" Chris licks his lip, suddenly seeming to think this could lead to trouble. I've got a lot of big friends that wouldn't take kindly to Chris (or anyone) playing with my emotions again. His arm starts to loosen and I move closer, hooking my leg around his.

"No, not tonight. Forever, cause we belong together." I turn my face and give Chris a light peck on the side of his neck. I sigh and do it again, leaving my mouth against his skin. Chris doesn't seem to know quite what to do and its obvious to me that he is enjoying it, wanting more.

"Forever? Like, as in, you want us to get back together?" The words come out in a jumble, with a nervous twitch to them. I smile and press my mouth to his skin again, harder and longer this time.

"Yeah, Chris. Back together, just you and me forever. And we can even start tonight." I move to kiss his mouth, wanting to show him how I feel. I am perfectly serious about the stay together forever thing, but I have a need to show him, to make him understand just how much I missed him. And I am also wondering just what Chris I had gotten to go to bed with me tonight… Jericho or Irving. Chris stops me before I can kiss him, placing a finger over my mouth, pushing me back down to my place cuddled in his arm.

"Yes, I think we should be together, Adam. I've missed you and I've kicked myself everyday to driving you away and hurting you before. And to prove that we are both serious, I want us to wait until later to do anything except lie here and just be together." I look up at him, suddenly afraid he won't be there tomorrow, suddenly afraid I'd ruined it all. And then I see the look on his face, soft and kind and happy. His eyes lock with mine and he moves to brush a lock of hair from my cheek. "If you can tell me all this tomorrow morning… or ever some other time when you are yourself… then we will be together. I promise."

I settle back into his arm, and smile. "Ok, Chris, tomorrow morning I'm gonna tell you that we're together and you're gonna say yes and then we are gonna be together. Promise." My eyes close. Vaguely I am aware that Chris is still awake.

"I promise, as Chris Irving, I'll never hurt or leave you again." He kisses my forehead and I am vaguely aware that I am happy for the first time in a long time. And then Chris's warmth and nearness lulls me to sleep.