Disclaimer: Obviously I have no claim to the plot or characters of YuGiOh.
Without
Chapter 4
Fear. It was the first word that came to her mind when she looked into the pale blue eyes of the woman before her. Young, plain, and…empty. Slender fingers traced foreign features in hopes that memory might spark at the touch, but her eyes seemed to know more about the woman in the mirror than her fingers ever would. There was something appealing about her, something pleasant and warm, but the doe-like eyes stared back at her with livid terror.
"Who are you?" she asked the reflection. Finding no answer, she turned away, no longer wanting to stare at the unfamiliar face. It disturbed her to not know the woman with the frightened pale eyes. The nurses called her Ari, but the name didn't quite feel right. Her tongue stumbled over it, unable to make sense of sound or meaning.
I'm Ari. Ari Nieche. Who is Ari Nieche? The questions were always the same, always without answers. Each day since waking was saturated with the same empty terror, the feeling that something or someone was hunting her, but she could not fight the unknown when she was a part of it. She could put only one word to it. Fear.
In her sleep, when she woke, day in and day out, always the same. It was worse when the doctor came to see her. It wasn't something she could explain, but she felt the overwhelming need to escape, for her bed to swallow her before he could take something vitally important to her existence…except she didn't know what it was.
It was there on the tip of her mind, at the forefront of her fear, but there were no words for it. Her panic became so irrepressible that the doctor could not longer attend to her personally. The duty was left to the female nurses and this she was able to sustain. They did not aggravate the fear with their gentle, non-threatening presence. And she decided she could survive this as long as none of them entered her room.
There was one just outside the door. She could see him whenever the door opened, always sitting there in a chair just outside her door. He seemed to be waiting for something, always waiting. Only once did he try to talk to her, but her hysterics quickly sent him away and he never tried to enter her sanctum again. She wished he would go away. His mere presence shook her, the bright green eyes that stared into her knowing so much more than she did. What is he waiting for? Three days and he is still there! Like her, he had a name. Sojo. It seemed that everyone and everything had a name, except her fear.
There was a bright brave world outside her third-story window. She longed to be out there, but lacked the courage necessary to even set foot outside her room. As long as I stay here, I'm safe. The logic was simple, but even she with a mind absent of memories knew life did not thrive on logic. And her room was no longer safe, not once he came.
Hysterics would not send this one away, she knew that by instinct and resorted to putting as much silence and distance between him and her as possible. The handsome face engraved in granite with glacial ice could compel a woman to her knees. It made her want to run, but the frost in that stare chilled her blood until she could not move so much as a finger.
He was furious. How she knew this when his face was so expressionless was just one more thing she could not explain. The others seemed afraid of him too, intimidated by that virile energy she could sense emanating like violent electricity. If the others feared him, she should all the more so.
Those icy eyes bore through her and she felt as though he were tearing apart the layers that made up the woman she was suppose to be, the woman she couldn't seem to remember no matter how hard or long she stared at her reflection. She wanted to know why he stared at her so, as though he knew her intimately. If he did, then why the anger? What did I do wrong?
When she rubbed her arms uncomfortably, his gaze followed the action. Finding herself free of his spellbinding stare, she looked away and heard rather than saw him leave. Not one word was spoken, but somehow she knew it was not the last time she would see him. There had been something eerie about the way his eyes had searched her face, his body tense despite his seemingly indifferent demeanor. It was as if it took all the powers that be to prevent him from crossing the room to reach her. She silently thanked the invisible barrier that kept him at bay. There was no telling what a man like him was capable of.
She was soon to find out. The nurse, not the doctor because she still had panic attacks in his presence, had informed her that she was to be released to the custody and care of someone by the name of Seto Kaiba. The name alone sent shivers down her spine. It must have been the way the nurse said it, with reverential awe that usually preceded anything of formidable power. She had been afraid to inquire, but somewhere in her injured brain the philosophy of "knowledge is power" voiced itself and as she had nothing more to rely on, she asked.
They didn't understand her fear, they were merely tolerant of it and obliged her that she might not terrorize herself into a more detrimental condition. When she learned that Seto Kaiba was none other than the blue eyed glacier, they had to give her a sedative.
Knowledge breeds confidence. Knowing who one is, what one is capable of, one's strengths and weakness, values and flaws. She knew none of these.
"Knock, knock," a permanently cheerful voice spoke as the door opened to let one of the nurses inside. Before she closed the door, Ari, I am Ari, glimpsed the man still sitting outside as usual.
"All ready, are we?" the nurse asked as she crossed the room to stare down at Ari sitting on the edge of her bed, feet dangling.
"I guess," she spoke softly. The clothes she wore, jeans and a form fitting dark green sweater, fit too perfectly to not have been meant specifically for her. Her coat, she assumed it was hers as it fit like everything else, was draped over the edge of the bed. Those simple things failed to trigger anything within her absent memory.
"Don't fret child," the nurse patted her hand. "You will be in good hands."
The frightened expression that flashed across Ari's face proved her disagreement.
"The doctor ordered this," she smiled as she filled a cup with water and handed Ari two pills. "It will ease your nerves."
Ari stared at the sedatives, knowing what they would do to her and wondering if she should choose not to dull her senses. Her fate was inevitable; her future belonging to the man she feared, for reasons unknown, above all others. A part of her wanted to believe what she had been told, that he would take good care of her having been her employer as the word was. But a woman without a past, with no memories of experience to advise her, was not inclined to believe just anything.
When she reached inside for that essence of fortitude all people were meant to have to compose herself for what she was about to face, she found nothing. There was no strength, no determination, there was nothing. She was empty. So she swallowed the pills.
"Psychogenic amnesia?"
"She doesn't know where she is or even who she is. Mr. Kaiba, she doesn't even know her own name."
Silence.
"Will her memory ever return?"
"We have hopes that as the swelling within her brain subsides, pieces of her memory will be restored. However, we must be reconciled to the possibility that some of it may never come back. The trauma was severe, Mr. Kaiba. She's lucky to be alive."
"So she will regain her memory."
"It will take time, Mr. Kaiba, but I believe in her fortitude. She is a strong woman."
"Good."
"There's more."
"You mean it gets worse?"
"I'm afraid so. Although her memory evades her, her subconscious seems to cling to an irrational fear which is augmented by her amnesia. It has left her prone to panic attacks and hysteria."
"What kind of fear?"
Pause.
"Ari is terrified of men."
"Seto?"
"Hmm?" He looked up from his desk at his little brother hovering in the doorway.
Mokuba hesitated for a moment before stepping into the home office. "She's here."
Seto nodded and turned back to the files spread out on the desk. An extended silence followed and he forgot that Mokuba had not left.
"She doesn't look well," the boy murmured.
"She was probably sedated," Seto replied absently. "Has the nurse seen her settled?"
"Yes."
"Then it would be best if we let her rest for the time being. She isn't the same person she was before."
Mokuba stared at his brother's preoccupied face. Neither are you.
Eventually the boy did leave and Kaiba was left undisturbed except by the conversation that kept running through his mind.
Ari is terrified of men.
That explained the intense fear he had seen in her eyes. At first it enraged him, even as did the moment when she looked upon him without recognition. She was with him, in his home, his custody… but she was no longer his Ari. He didn't know the woman who looked upon him with profound terror. He didn't know her, but he loved her. Would she ever remember that she loved him? It didn't seem possible for a woman who didn't know her own name.
The doctor had recommended a psychologist, the best of the best. Dr. Kim Saruka, amnesiac specialist, would arrive in two days, two very long days. Whatever it took to get Ari back, he would do it.
I've lost you too many times before. Not again.
The first feeling of familiarity came the moment she opened her eyes. Dark green silk draped across her vision too high for her fingers to reach.
I've been here before, she realized but had nothing more substantial to back up the suspicion other than a gut feeling. The bed was large and luxurious with silver silk sheets and an emerald coverlet detailed in silver embroidery. She felt comfortable and safe, even though she knew nothing of where she was. Not the hospital, that was certain. The nurse had taken her away and that man who was always waiting, the one called Sojo, followed.
They put her into a limo and drove for a long time. From there her memories were murky as the sedatives kicked in full force. There was always a hand clenched in hers, an assurance that her nurse, El Jiura, was still with her.
Stirred by curiosity, Ari pushed the covers away and stood. When her weakened legs remained firm beneath her, she strode across the darkened room to the large window seat. The moon was full and bright and she smiled to be seeing it so close. It lit the world outside and her eyes took in the view of her new location. She was on the second or third floor of a building, a massive building. There were verandas and gardens stretching for a distance. At the end of that distance was a wall she could guess to be at least twenty feet in height.
Wherever I am, I'm trapped, she realized as she stared at that wall. So where am I?
She blinked slowly as her focus blurred. The sedatives were not going to release her so soon, so she pushed away from the window and shuffled back to the bed. Crawling back under the covers, she burrowed her face in the fluffy pillows and allowed herself to be taken back into the obscurity where drugs had more power than fear.
