Hey everyone! I haven't been getting many reviews but I hope to get some soon! I recently wrote this fanfic about Remus after Sirius' death, I don't usually write angst but I thought I would take my hand at it, when I'm depressed I like to write depressing fics. Well I hope you like it!

~*~Mystical Dreams

One reason to live

A very scruffy looking middle aged man with sandy brown hair flopping over his sweaty forehead sat in the corner of his bedroom, slumped against the wall in the deepest misery anyone could imagine. His face and arms were covered in scratches and there was blood staining his already ripped robes.

Remus Lupin held an indescribable sadness in his deep blue eyes that was far beyond tears. They held the pain and knowledge of one who has gone through so much in such little time.

His face was weary, his features pain stricken and lost with sadness.

He wish he could cry, wish he could feel the hot tears burning down his cheeks, but they would not come, the empty hole in his stomach was so painful he could not control anything but his focused mind of misery.

He twiddled his wand in his fingers.

If he did it, he would be with his friends, his saviors, his reason he had ever lived this long. If he did it, he would be put out of his pain and sadness.

He hated himself; he hated himself with all of his remaining emotions. He hated himself for letting him die, it was his fault. His remaining best friend was dead because of him, because of his carelessness and monstrosity.

Sirius and James were dead, both of them, and Peter was a betrayer. He was the only one left, the only true marauder. The hatred inside of him burned so furiously he thought he was going to burst into flame any moment.

He gripped his wand tightly and held it towards his heart, he was going to utter those deadly words, the killing curse, and he knew his hatred was so strong that he could, he wanted to kill himself.

Then, suddenly, a vision appeared in his minds eye. A boy with untidy black hair and sparkling green eyes, wet with tears was sitting in a corner of a room, slumped up against a wall, just as he was, his head hung between his knees and he was shaking violently.

Remus' heart skipped a beat as he looked at the spitting image of his best friend. A wash of shame and guilt fell over him. James wouldn't want him to give his life, he wouldn't want him to wallow in self pity and he knew it.

He looked on at the boy and his hate and pain swept away and was replaced with sympathy as he realized that he was not the only one who had gone through all hell in their lives.

He slowly lowered his wand, and in an instance threw it across the room with disgust, hearing it land with a clatter on the floor boards.

His friends were the only ones that had kept him alive all these years, the only thing that willed him to wake up every morning and he wouldn't throw that away.

He knew that he had one more person to live for, one more duty to fore fill, and he knew that he would protect Harry with every ounce of his being, he would do it for James and for Sirius, and for Lily, who had sacrificed her own life for the life of her sons, and he knew that he would not let that go to waste.

~*~

If you liked this fic then please check out my other songfic 'My Immortal' about Harry after Sirius' death. Well PLEASE review! Thanx!

~*~Mystical Dreams