Sunday, April 12: The Dorm

Exams are coming up and the teachers have started assigning homework by the broom load, which is why I haven't written for a while. It's finally here! Easter holiday! I can relax long enough to write.

Not that I call this actual relaxation. I still have homework! On Easter! I hate History of Magic. Why does this class exist? Why is Professor Bins teaching it?!?

Spent the morning chucking pinecones at passing students with Crabbe and Goyle. Then Pansy and I skipped dinner and played exploding snap. It was all too amusing.

Too bad these days will soon be past, as I will be crushed under the stifling weight of homework assigned by our overzealous educators.

Wednesday, May 2

Hufflepuff vs. Slytherin was today. The team must have been off today, because we actually lost to the idiots! You know, when I'm on the team, Hufflepuff will shake in fear at the mere mention of a match.

I think Marcus Flint is incompetent. And not just because he doesn't seem to like me, either. Why is it that I seem to make enemies wherever I go?

Tuesday, May 7: Common Room

This is horrible! It's catastrophic! It's the end of the world! Pansy says I'm being dramatic, but she doesn't understand. She does not yet know the magnitude of this horrific event!

WE'RE ALL GETTING SHOTS!!!

Apparently, someone came back from the Easter holidays with some muggle sickness I've never heard of. It's spread like wildfire through the Slytherin house, striking down many in its wake. Can you believe it took them this long to figure out what it was? I mean, for gods sakes.

But, because the administration is filled with imbeciles, we are being lined up and given "floo shots" over the next couple of weeks. Like we have rabies! This is so undignified.

Friday, May 8: Herbology

Well, this might just make the shot thing worth it. When I was on the way to class I noticed that the Potter Three all had their heads together and where whispering furiously. Well, curiosity overtook me and I decided to... overhear a bit of the conversation. This is what I caught.

Weasley: ...going to see a dragon hatching?"

Granger: We've got lessons, we'll get into trouble, and that's nothing to what Hagrid's going to be in when someone finds out what he's doing –

Potter: Shut up!

Then they stared at me for a moment and hurried off. I will be trailing them for the rest of the day. It's only natural.

Later Friday: Common Room

Oh, Potter's in for it now. I know what he's up to this time! As soon as I got to break, I saw them rushing of towards Hagrid's hut.

Following at a safe distance, I saw them hurry inside. I snuck over to the window and, standing on tiptoes, looked trough the gap in the curtain. On the table lay an egg, large cracks covering most of it. Then, suddenly, it broke in half and a tiny dragon pulled itself onto the table.

"Isn't he beautiful?" Hagrid whispered. The dragon bit at his fingers.

"Bless him, look, he knows his mommy!" He exclaimed.

"Hagrid," said Granger warily, "how fast do Norwegian Ridgebacks grow, exactly?"

He opened his mouth to answer but stopped short, staring right at me. I saw him get up to rush over and turned away. As I scrambled up the hill, I could still hear his voice carrying after me.

"Someone was lookin' through the gap in the curtains -- it's a kid --he's runnin' back up ter the school!"

Well, I know now. And they know I know. What could be better? I think a little blackmail might be in order.

Thursday, May 14

Weasley's in the Hospital Wing with a "dog bite". Of course, we all know what really bit him now don't we. I decided to go visit him. You know, comfort him in his time of need.

I am such a good person.

Though I'm afraid Weasley didn't really appreciate this sentiment.

"You ruddy liar! You didn't come to borrow a book," He said, once Madam Pomfrey had left. "You came to laugh at me!"

Well, that too.

"Of course, of course I did," I said, giving him my best smirk. "But, I wonder, Weasley. What would Madam Pomfrey do if she knew what really bit you?"

"You wouldn't dare," he hissed angrily.

"Oh, wouldn't I?"

Grinning to myself, I pulled up a seat.

"So, Weasley. I'm curious. What makes you think you'll get away with it?"

"Why haven't you told already, if you want to get us in trouble so badly?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?

"You're such a git."

Then he got this happy look on his face. He reached for his bedside table and shoved a book into my chest.

"Hullo, Madame Pomfrey! Got my medicine? No worries, Malfoy was just leaving."

On my way back to the dungeons, a slip of parchment fell out of the book.

Dear Ron,

How are you? Thanks for the letter -- I'd be glad to take the Norwegian Ridgeback, but it won't be easy getting him here. I think the best thing will be to send him over with some friends of mine who are coming to visit me next week. Trouble is, they mustn't be seen carrying an illegal dragon.

Could you get the Ridgeback up the tallest tower at midnight on Saturday? They can meet you there and take him away while it's still dark.

Send me an answer as soon as possible.

Love,

Charlie

Weasley, you idiot.

Saturday, May 16: The Dorm

Why? Why is this happening to me? I had completely forgotten my horrible fate. I only have a short time to write this. I can hear them coming up the stairs at I speak. My barricade will only hold for a moment. I must write this letter while I am still able.

To Whom It May Concern:

I, Draco Malfoy, a resident and citizen of Wiltshire, Great Britain, being of sound mind and disposing memory, do hereby make, publish and declare this instrument to be my last will and testament, hereby revoking any and all wills and codicils by me at any time heretofore made.

Item On-

Later Saturday: Hospital Wing

Blast! They've caught me. I am now trapped, waiting like a lamb for the inevitable syringe to pierce my tender flesh. Professor Snape, the same brute who burst open my door, invading my stronghold and dragging me pleading into the belly of the beast, watches over me now.

"Oh, suck it up, Malfoy," he says.

He is also reading over my shoulder.

I, for one, refuse to simply "suck it up"! I will not suffer in silence! This is unethical! We are in a magical school. Why has no one invent a magical, painless way of doing this? They have! They HAVE! This is really a sadistic torture session! Hogwarts is not safe! The world is evil! This whole epidemic is a conspiracy! Everything you've ever known is a LIE! Rise up, my people! RISE UP!

Oh no. I'm next. Save me, mummy! NOOOOOO!!!

I hate the Floo.

Still Saturday: Common Room

My arm hurts! They could have at least eased the pain. People can be such jerks sometimes.

But, on a lighter note, tonight is the night that Potter is going to try sneaking out the dragon. All I have to do is sneak out and catch them in the act. I may loose a few points, but he'll get expelled!

It's foolproof, I tell you.

Sunday, May 17: Snape's Apartments

Okay, so maybe it wasn't completely foolproof. I was so close, probably just ten feet away from the tower! Suddenly, a hand grabbed the back of my robes. Professor McGonagall was standing over me, wearing a hair net and a tartan bathrobe.

"Malfoy! What do you think you're doing!"

"Umm..."

She grabbed a hold of my ear, which really, really hurt by the way.

"Detention!" she shrieked. "And 20 points from Slytherin! Wandering around in the middle of the night, how dare you..."

"You don't understand, Professor," I tried to explain, struggling to get my ear free. "Harry Potter's coming- he's got a dragon!"

"What utter rubbish! How dare you tell such lies! Come on - I shall see Professor Snape about you, Malfoy!"

Then, still holding tight to my ear, she dragged me all the way back to the Slytherin dungeons, made me say the password, and then stomped right over to Snape's door and rapped angrily. Snape pulled open the door, looking very cross indeed and wearing a black bathrobe.

"Minerva, for Merlin's sake, do you know what time it is?"

She shoved me into the room. Snape looked down at me dully for a moment.

"Malfoy," he nodded by way of greeting.

"This one," McGonagall said. "Was in the upper astronomy tower. He says he was looking for Potter, who he claims has a dragon."

Snape took a moment to process this information. He looked from me to McGonagall, then back. For a moment he seemed to be lost in a thought or memory. Then he turned back to her, raising an eyebrow.

"Well," he said. "Does Potter have a dragon?"

McGonagall stared at him.

"I don't know."

"Then go back to the Gryffindor Tower and see if Potter's there. He won't be, I assure you. And if he isn't," his eyes glittered maliciously. "Then we'll just have to deal with him now won't we."

"Fine," said McGonagall briskly. "I'll do that. Wait up, will you?"

Snape grunted in annoyance. She grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me roughly into a chair.

"Don't you move, Malfoy."

And I haven't. I have been sitting here for nearly an hour now. Snape is sitting across from me, looking murderous because he has to watch me. Potter had better get caught; this cannot be for nothing.

Tuesday, May 26: Common Room

Got a note at breakfast this morning.

"Your detention will take place at eleven o'clock tonight. Meet Mr. Filch in the entrance hall."

I hate Professor McGonagall. I want to burn her in effigy. (Note: In effigy only. No messy homicides. The stars forbid it.) Is that wrong?

Muhhahahahaaa! Yeees. I will make a stick representation of her, and I will burn it and take the smoldering remains and put them in a box. Then I will send that box to Bolivia, where my loyal minions will toss it off the Alps and then another minion waiting will stomp it into effigial dust. And spit on that dust. Ptooey!

If I ever HAD rabies and was about to die a snarling, foaming animal, I would bite her first. Would you believe my arm STILL hurts?!

Wednesday, May 27: The Dorm

What a night I've had. You wouldn't believe the abuse that has been heaped upon my head. It all started when I showed up for my detention, punctual as usual. And of course Potter and the Gruesome Gryffs were late, forcing me to endure Filch, our very own more than slightly psychotic caretaker, and his rant about punishment in the "good ol' days".

"Follow me," said Filch, when they finally showed up, lighting a lamp and leading us outside. He continued his speech as he went. Something about how he still had the chains from when the would hang students from the ceiling and pain being the best teacher.

So we went marching off, with Longbottom sniffling and me worrying. I mean, I've never heard Filch sound so cheerful! I had to wonder what kind of vicious torture was in store.

"Is that you, Filch? Hurry up, I want ter get started."

'Hagrid?' I thought. 'Why Hagrid?'

Potter seemed immensely pleased with this prospect.

"I suppose you think you'll be enjoying yourself with that oaf?" Filch sneered. "Well, think again, boy -- it's into the forest you're going and I'm much mistaken if you'll all come out in one piece."

I stopped short on hearing this. Longbottom give a little moan of fright. We were going where?

"The forest?" I asked incredulously. "We can't go in there at night -- there's all sorts of things in there -- werewolves, I heard."

"That's your problem, isn't it? Should've thought of them werewolves before you got in trouble, shouldn't you?"

Just then Hagrid walked up with Fang, his boarhound, and a huge crossbow.

"Abou' time," he said. "I bin waitin' fer half an hour already. All right, Harry, Hermione?"

Oh great. Playing favorites. That's professional.

"I shouldn't be too friendly to them, Hagrid," said Filch in a nasty voice, "They're here to be punished, after all. I'll be back at dawn for what's left of them."

I then attempted to entreat Hagrid. And this exchange went… nowhere.

Me: I'm not going in that forest.

Hagrid: Yeh are if yeh want ter stay at Hogwarts. Yeh've done wrong an' now yehve got ter pay fer it.

Me: But this is servant stuff, it's not for students to do. I thought we'd be copying lines or something, if my father knew I was doing this, he'd…

Hagrid: …tell yer that's how it is at Hogwarts. Copyin' lines! What good's that ter anyone? Yeh'll do summat useful or Yeh'll get out. If yeh think yer father'd rather you were expelled, then get back off ter the castle an' pack. Go on.

I glared at him. He knows full well that my father would murder me if I got kicked out. Actually, he really might. So, I lost that round.

He brought us to the edge of the forest and pointed down a trail.

"Look there," he said, "see that stuff shinin' on the ground? Silvery stuff? That's unicorn blood. There's a unicorn in there bin hurt badly by summat."

"And what if whatever hurt the unicorn finds us first?" I asked, scared quite out of my wits by now.

"There's nothin' that lives in the forest that'll hurt yeh if yer with me or Fang," said Hagrid. "An' keep ter the path. Right, now, we're gonna split inter two parties an' follow the trail in diff'rent directions."

"I want Fang," I said quickly. That thing has teeth enough to protect me, I supposed.

"All right, but I warn yeh, he's a coward. 'So me, Harry, an' Hermione'll go one way an' Draco, Neville, an' Fang'll go the other. Now, if any of us finds the unicorn, we'll send up green sparks, an' if anyone gets in trouble, send up red sparks, an' we'll all come an' find yeh."

Longbottom, Fang, and I went to the right. We meandered around a bit, Longbottom shivering with terror the entire time. It got rather annoying after a while, especially since we hadn't found anything and I was bored.

So I decided to play a little… joke on Neville Longbottom. When he was looking warily in the opposite direction, I snuck up behind him.

"Haaah!" I screamed and grabbed him.

"AAAAHHH!!!!" He squealed, and the stupid dolt shot up red sparks.

"Longbottom, you colossal idiot! It's me!"

Fang was barking hysterically. I grabbed Longbottom by the shoulders and shook him a little. He just kept screaming.

"AAAAHHH!!!!"

"Longbottom! Snap out of it!"

"AAAAHHH!!!!"

"Longbottom! Longb- Uh, Neville?"

He blinked at me.

"Malfoy?"

I really worry about this boy's sanity. A walking bundle of nerves, that he is. One day, he's going to loose it completely. Just then Hagrid came crashing through the trees. Eventually, he got the story out of Longbottom, though it took some effort. He lectured me for a while and then dragged us off behind him. Potter and Granger were still on the path, waiting for us.

"We'll be lucky ter catch anythin' now, with the racket you two were makin'. Right, we're changin' groups -- Neville, you stay with me an' Hermione, Harry, you go with Fang an' this idiot."

For gods sakes! It was just a joke! Buy a sense of humor.

We walked along for what must have been half an hour, so deep in that I couldn't even see the sky anymore. The unicorn's blood was getting thicker. The whole path had turned silver with it. Just then, we came to a clearing; we could see it through the trees.

"Look --" Potter whispered, stopping me with his arm.

The unicorn was lying in the center. It had collapsed onto the ground in a pool of it's own blood, with its legs sticking out in all directions. It was a sparkling white, glowing in the dark, and it was very, very dead. I've never seen anything so horribly sad.

I don't really remember inching towards the clearing; I couldn't tear my eyes of the ashen body of the unicorn. I just moved when Potter moved, letting him lead me, completely entranced by the sight before me.

Suddenly, I heard a sound, like a snake uncoiling, from somewhere in the clearing. A dark figure crawled from behind the bushes. Its robes were black and hooded, and it moved like some horrible animal about to pounce.

Next to me, I felt Potter stiffen; he had seen it as well. The figure made it's way to the unicorn, dipped its head to the wound, and started to drink the blood.

"AAAAAAAAAARGH!"

I wasn't even aware that I was the one screaming for a moment, I just turned and ran. I ran and ran, slipping on unicorn blood as I went. I fell in a puddle of it and stumbled to my feet.

I kept running, barely aware of the pain in my knees or Fang's whining. I looked back to see if Potter was following or perhaps even that creature, but couldn't make out anything in the darkness.

'Got to get away. Got to get away.'

Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain behind my eyes. It was a searing white hot, so much pain that I crumpled to the ground, unable to force my legs to continue running. Never in my life have I felt anything quite like it. I was barely aware of the sound of hooves, of someone gently nudging me. A centaur stood over me.

"Are you hurt child?" He asked in a deep voice.

"No. Y-yes. I mean... My h-head. There's, there's s-something back there. A unicorn's dead and that, that thing… P-Potter's still back there and…"

"The Potter boy?" Bellowed another centaur, coming from my right.

"Bane! Ronan!" said my centaur. "Go! Find the Potter child! I will take this one."

They went galloping off and the one left lifted my from the ground by my arms, dangling me in midair for a moment.

"Can you walk human?"

By then the pounding in my head had dulled. Fang and I followed the centaur out of the woods, finally catching up with Hagrid, Granger, and Longbottom at the fork in the road.

"Magorian," Hagrid said in surprise. "Draco, 'smatter? Where's Harry?"

Everything is still a little fuzzy. I can't remember quite how Hagrid got Longbottom and I to Snape, or when Hagrid and Granger followed Magorian deeper into the forest. All I really remember is Snape carrying me up the stairs to my dorm and Forrest asking him desperately if I was all right.

I didn't even realize for the longest while that I was completely soaked in the unicorn's silvery blood.


A bit of a serious chapter. Of course, this isn't just a humor fic, no matter how funny I've heard it is. Hopefully, you've figured that out by now, but don't worry if you haven't. I'll start proving it. That said, "I hate- My arm STILL hurts!" is notes from Thaelia, slightly altered, of course.