Chapter Two: A wise friend helps

After Carter and Abby had, had pie and he had made sure that she was safely back across the street at work, he walked slowly home. He knew that he had some decisions that he needed to make. Losing the baby had changed him in ways that he never thought that it would. There was right now emptiness in his heart that he knew would always be there. A part of him was no longer there and what he had been looking forward to for so long was not going to come to be.

Rather than going straight home he slowly walked along the river, a feeble attempt to clear his head. He thought about everything and nothing all at the same time. He continued walking until he came to what he thought was what they needed to do, more so what he needed to do.

Kem had already made the decision to return home, he knew that she had talked with him very briefly about it, not giving him any options in it. He knew that she was hurting as much as he was, if not somewhat more, she blamed herself for something that wasn't her fault and there wasn't enough time in the world to heal those wounds. As much as he had wanted a family he knew that with her, now after this it wasn't going to be possible.

He made his way back to the house, walking inside it was as if there was no one there. The lights were off and the house had a feeling of coldness to it. You would have never known that two people lived there. Hell you wouldn't think when you walked inside the front door that anyone lived there. They had rushed a relationship and now that things had gotten tough, they didn't have enough there to hold it together. Neither of them could be blamed for that. He didn't blame her and well he hoped that she didn't blame him, but with Kem lately you never could tell.

He finally found her packing her bags upstairs in the room that they once shared. Her face was tear stained, as much as he wanted too, there would be no talking her out of this. John had finally admitted to himself that this was best for everyone. They would keep in touch but that was about it. There would be no fixing the relationship and each would go their separate ways. He had volunteered to take her to the airport, but she declined saying it was better if she just left and they said whatever goodbyes there were left to say there.

As he watched her get into the cab that would take her away from his life in Chicago, he didn't feel the way that he thought that he would. He was in a way sad that she was leaving the way that she was, but in other ways it was a relief. What she needed right now, he couldn't give her and it was only fair that she go where she could get it. Carter as hard as he tried not to be was preoccupied with Abby. After their impromptu talk, she was in the front of his mind.

He kicked himself mentally for everything that he had put her through, yet somewhere inside him, he wouldn't have changed it either. They had both grown while they were apart and maybe, just maybe it was that growth that might be the salvation of their relationship. They had both had so much baggage, so much hurt, that when he left for Africa so many months ago it felt as if it was the only option that he had left. Now that he was back and his eyes were opened, he knew that he had more options. Chicago was his home and he had been crazy in a way for leaving, but at the same time it had been the best thing that had ever happened to him.

He locked up the house and headed back out now in the late hour of the day. He needed to do something, anything to get him out of that lonely empty house. John didn't have many friends left in Chicago after everything that had happened but he needed to find someone to talk to. He found himself at Susan's doorstep, surely after being stuck on bed rest for so long she might be happy to have some company and he knew that she was always more that willing to give advice. He brought his hand up knocking on the door, holding his breath while he waited for someone to answer it.

"Carter." Susan said when she pulled the door open, surprised to see him standing there.

"Hey Susan." He said seeing her face there, "busy?"

"Yeah busy waiting for this baby to come out." She said with a soft smile, "Come on in."

Carter carefully negotiated his way around his pregnant friend and into the house. "I thought that you might like some company since you are stuck at home."

"Have a seat, put your feet up." She said pointing to the couch, "Chuck's at work and won't be home for awhile and well talking to the TV has lost its appeal."

Carter couldn't help but laugh at that last comment, "going stir crazy then I take it."

"You could say that." Susan said as she sat down on the couch next to him, "what brings you over? There has to be a reason, things going okay?" She was never one to beat around the bush.

"Yeah things are going okay." He said looking over at him, "I just thought that you might like someone to talk to and well I really wanted someone to talk to."

"I see." Susan said patting his leg, "talking I can do, at least you will answer when I talk."

"Yeah I'm a little more interactive than the TV."

He watched as Susan leaned forward grabbing the remote and flicking the television off, "So tell me Carter, what's on your mind? I know that you didn't come over to discuss the weather, I know you well enough to know that look on your face."

"Abby's what's on my mind." Carter said answering her.

"Really?" Susan was a little surprised and taken aback by the declaration.

"Yeah, I took her for coffee and pie today after she got the news that she passed the boards, we sat and talked for a while and since then she's all I've been able to think about." He said looking down now rather than over at Susan.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you Carter." Susan said softly, "you kind of put a nail in that coffin when you came back from Africa." She knew she didn't need to go into details with that one.

"I know I screwed that up," he openly admitted, "do you think that it might be fixable? I mean do you think that maybe I might still have a chance?"

"Honestly?" Susan asked.

"No lie to me." Carter said giving her an odd look.

"Lying would be much better, and then I could say that you did stand a chance." Susan looked over at him now. "But in all honestly I would have to say that it all depends. You hurt her pretty bad Carter, but even a broken heart heals and you both have changed."

"I know," Carter replied, "it's all I've been thinking about. I took this long walk down along the river trying to sort things out in my head, not that it did any good because I am right back where I started, it all comes down to the simple fact that I ran away, I did everything that I told her sank the relationship."

"You two had problems, every relationship that I know of has problems." Susan said, "But if you want to try and fix it you should be talking to her not to me."

"I think I just wanted a third person to bounce this off." He said looking over at her, "make sure that I wasn't nuts."

"Oh, well Carter I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are nuts." Susan replied.

"Ah, well thanks for that boost of confidence there Susan." Carter bantered back.

"We all are nuts." Susan continued. "We are all human and we all make mistakes, in life and in love. Some of us just take longer to see that we have made that mistake."

"Yeah I know that." He said in a small voice, "I guess I'm just afraid that the mistake that I made has made things so that they can't be fixed."

"Everything can eventually be fixed." Susan told him. "The only thing that can't be fixed is the things that we don't try and fix. If we give up we will never know what we might have had."

"How did you get so wise?" Carter asked her. "Must be a pregnancy thing it messes with your head."

"I think it's all the hours of watching daytime TV with all those self help shows." She said with a smile, "that will mess with anyone's head."

Carter smiled over at her, "Susan you are the best friend a guy could ask for you know that right?"

"Save it for someone who cares Carter." She grinned at him.

They sat and talked for awhile longer, the hour growing later. But when Carter left Susan's house that night he knew what he wanted to do, what he thought that he should do. This wasn't going to be fixed overnight, or even in a few days, it would take a lot longer and patients. But he wanted to try and salvage his relationship with Abby and if they never ended up as anything more than friends then he would have to learn to deal with it and accept it. Having Abby as a friend was better than not having her in his life at all. That was the most important thing that he had learned from all of this. That she was too good of a person not to have in his life on some level.