AN: Alright, this one is really off the wall. I'm sorry for my insanity but hey, it's fun writing crazy. Muhwawahahahaha. Okay, I'll get serious. I don't own nothing in this story. All rights reserved and all that hoo-hockey.
arrow maker- I never thought I could be influenced so easily. Maybe I'm just getting weak in my old age. LOL. (More Eminem lyrics in this on)
guan- I guess the entire hard drive (100gb) I have just for music is actually starting to pay off, huh. LOL. anyway thanks for the compliment. (P.S.- I'll finish writing something else soon.)
black sable- 1st, cool name even though it actually means dark color-dark color> LOL. Anywho, Aribeth is WAYYY OUT OF TUNE. That part was one of the first things I wrote, it so much fun messing with the henchmen, LOL.
Silver B- I'm more of a Progresso guy. LOL. Man but I've never written anything that I've laughed at as I wrote until I wrote this. (It's actually helping me edit my other stories, poor Light in the Darkness, I'll fix ya up)
Fomy- Sorry if I made people (your parents, mainly) think your going nuts. But my friend that came by will I was writing this chapter came over and heard me laugh from the front door. So, everyone thinks I'm going nuts. (smiley here)
Thanks for everyone's great reviews. I'm having so much fun writing this, as if you couldn't notice. Without any further adieu...
Act II Scene II
A half intoxicated Tomi stumbled into the Halls of Justice as his five group members looked at him with serious eyes.
Linu was the first to intervene, "Grin, I think you've got a prob…"
"I ain't gotz none problem," Tomi said pointing at one of the two Linu's he was trying to direct out of his way, "The only thing better than rocking the house is the AFTER PARTY, baby."
"There was no after party, half-breed," spat Sharwyn.
"I guess that you didn't stop by the Moonstone Mask, huh. Ophie does this thing with her…" Tomi slurred.
"TOMI!" screamed Linu, "If you don't stop this heavy drinking than we'll have to kick you out the band…"
Tomi grabbed a bottle and threw at Linu's head, who instinctively threw her elbow up and deflected off her forearm…
"Hey," said Cire as he stood up from his bedroll only to meet the butt end of the glass bottle and return to his slumber.
Grim said, "At least no one got hurt."
Daelen said, "Guys we have to get ready to find those things…ah Watermark creatures…"
Boddy shook his head, "No, Waterdooming creatures…"
"SHUT UP!" Screamed Tomi with his hands on his head, "I can't take this anymore. Halueth ghost man," than he noticed the bag of gold around Linu's waist.
"Don't even…" Linu said but it was too late, he'd grabbed the sack and was racing for the door…
Tomi sings
"Gotta keep
One jump ahead of the breadline
One swing ahead of the sword
I steal only what I can't afford
And THAT"S EVERYTHING"
Daelen took out his two-bladed sword and took a defensive stance in front of the doorway and said, "You're not getting out this way."
Tomi contihued to sing as he flipped into the air on a rafter that lead to a window quickly followed by Grim and Boddy…
"One jump ahead of the lawmen
That's all, and that's no joke
These guys don't appreciate I'm broke"
Grim and Boddy running on the scaffold sing, "Riffraff! Street rat! Soundrel! Take that!" And Boddy shoot a lightning bolt that hit him in the butt.
"Ouch," scream Tomi as he tried to open the window, "Crap, it's locked."
Boddy and Grim were closing in on him….
Tomi- Just have a little gold eyes
Sharwyn- Rip him open, take it back, guys
Tomi- I can take a hint, gotta face the facts
You're my only friend, Linu!
Linu- Ah, Who?
Oh that Tomi Grin's hit the bottom.
He's become a one-man rise in crime
I'd blame his God except he hasn't got one
Tomi- Gotta Love to live, gotta steal to Love
Tell you all about it when I got the time!
Tomi jumps from the plank as Grim and Boddy leap to grab him and lands on top of Sharwyn and knocks her unconscious. Tomi pushes himself up in a manner that Sharwyn would have killed him for and runs from the portal and sings…
"One jump ahead of the slowpokes
One skip ahead of my doom
Next time gonna use a nom de plume
One jump ahead of the hitmen
One hit ahead of the flock
I think I'll take a stroll around the block"
He goes to enter the portal but it doesn't activate…
"What the…" Tomi said as he noticed Linu cast some kind of containment spell. Tomi leaps into the air and flips three times and lands near the Chief Judge's room with his four capable band mates closing in and continues to sing…
Tomi- Let's not be too hasty
Grim- I think his skin could get more pasty
Tomi- Gotta Love to live, gotta steal to Love
Otherwise we'd get along
Daelen- Wrong!
Daelen dives for him and Tomi performs a ballerina twirl and the half-orc's head crashes through the door to reveal Ari and Fenthick on the desk of Olerff in a very compromised postion…
Tomi- One jump ahead of the hoofbeats
Tomi kicks the door open….
Linu- Vandal!
Tomi-One hop ahead of the hump
Linu- Street rat!
Tomi-One trick ahead of disaster
Linu-Scoundrel!
Tomi-They're quick, but I'm much faster
Linu throws an elf-cake at him as he leaps over the half nude bodies of Ari and Fenthick and opens the window-Take that!
Tomi-Here goes, better throw my hand in wish me happy landin' and all I gotta do is
Tomi leaps from the window on soars to the ground as he sings…JUMMMP!
XOXOXOAs he entered the door of the Moonstone Flask he flashed his new found wealth at the owner and gave her a quick, menacing wink…
Ophie says, "Mmmhh"
Tomi says to her, "Youready baby?"
And she responds, "Yeahh..."
"Yeah?"
With a half smile she says, "hahaha..Talk to me..."
"You want me to tell you somethin?"
"Uh huh..."
Tomi grabs her hands and looks into her eyes, "I know what you wanna hear...
'Cuz I know you want me baby I think I want you too..."
"I think I love you, Tomi..." Ophie says as she grabs for the gold.
Tomi snatches the bag away and starts to sing...
"I think I love you too...
I'm here to save you girl,
Come be in Tomi's world,
I wanna grow together,
Let's let our love unfurl.
You know you want me baby,
You know I want you too,
They call me Superman,
I'm here to rescue you,
I wanna save you girl,
come be in Tomi's world...
Ophie says, "Oh boy you drive me crazy..."
Tomi tosses her hands away, "Witch you make me curl..."
Tomi begins to rap as he walks around in circles…
"They call me Superman,
Leap tall girls in a single bound,
I'm single now,
Got no ring on this finger, never crowned,
I'll never let another chick bring me down,
In a relationship, save it witch, babysit? you make me sick,
Superman aint hearin it, girl you can jump on Tomi's stick
Straight from the hip, cut to the chase,
I'll tell a mo'friggin pro to her face,
Play no games, say no names, ever since I broke up with what's her face,
I'm a different man, kiss my arse, kiss my lips, witch why ask?
Kiss my , hit my cash, I'd rather have you whip my ass,
Don't put out? I'll put you out,
Won't get out? iIll push you out,
Wouldn't piss on fire to put you out,
Am I too nice to buy you ice,
Witch if you died, wouldn't buy you life,
What you tryin to be, my new wife?
What you Mariah fly through twice,
But I do know one thing though,
Witches they come, they go,
Saturday through Sunday, Monday,
Monday through Sunday yo,
Maybe I'll love you one day,
Maybe we'll someday grow,
Till then just sit your drunk ass on that friggin red chair, Oph..."
XOXOXO
"Aribeth," said Linu as the half dressed Paladin jumped off the Cleric, "Tomi stole all of our money. How are we going to save the city with no gold and no provisions…"
Aribeth quickly tossing on her armor as if she was well versed in the task, "Don't worry. Send out Grim and Boddy to find him. He's just at that whorehouse, I don't think he could spend all thatgold on women…"
"Are we talking about the same halfling," Linu said as she walked away to the two panting guys.
"What did (wheeze) Aribeth (wheeze) say," asked Boddy with his hands on his knees.
"She said that you two are supposed to find him…"
"Why (wheeze) us (wheeze) and not (wheeze) you?" asked Grim as he had his hands over his head.
"Cause I have to heal Shar and DTR. You guys let him get away anyway…"
"Na huhn" They said together.
"Yeah huh."
"Whatever…" said Grim.
"Well, a place like that Moonstone Mask is no place for a pretty elven lady like myself…"
"Not as a patron at least," laughed Grim, "Boddy let's roll. Get the horses, my brotha."
So the pair soon found themselves galloping across town…
"Man, I hungry," said Boddy
"I know man…" said Grim as he noticed a huge arch ahead of them.
"JAMAL IN THE BOX!" they exclaimed together.
Grim says, "B.K."
Boddy says, "Yeah?"
Grim says, "Let's go to the drive-thru."
They trot up to the speaker box that is speckling with magical energy and the Drive-thru guy mumbles…
Grim says, "Yeah, um...ah"
Drive-thru guy talks finally, "May I have your order?"
Grim looks at a shrugging Boddy and says, "Yeah, hold on a second, I'm lookin' at the menu"
Drive-thru guy says, "Okie dokie artichokie!"
Grim mumbles, "...ah l-"
Drive-thru guy says, "Would you like special curly fries?"
Grim screams, "Please, don't, don't offer me anything... I'll tell you what I want, alright. Um...ok...you know how you have the six-piece nuggets?"
Drive-thru guys says, " Yessir, six piece mcnuggets.
Grim speaks a bit lower, "Just, uh, can you give me just four nuggets? I'm, I'm tryin'to..."
Drive thru-guy says, "They come in six or twelve piece...do you want service?"
Grim screams, "Shut up and listen to my order. Take the six nuggets, and throw two of them away. I'm just wantin' a four-nugget thing. I'm tryin to watch my calorie intake to help my Ki.
Drive-thru guy says, "They come in six or twelve pieces sir..."
Grim screams as he hits the speaker box, "Put two of them up your ass, and give me four chicken mcnuggets. And then, uh, can I have a junior western bacon chee? A JUNIOR western bacon chee. I'm trying to watch my figure.
Drive-thru guy respons, "Western Bacon Cheeseburger..."
Grim says, "A JUNIOR Western Bacon Chee..."
Drive-thru guy says, "Would you like that with onions?"
Grim shouts, "No Onions!"
Drive-thru guy says, "Okay, Junior Bacon Chee...Total is sixteen gold…"
Grim continues, "Okay, and I'm gonna go with a fillet of fish sandwich, since that has less calories, 'cuz it's fish.
Drive-thru guy says, "Fillet of Fish..."
Grim rubs his throat, "Now if you could take a Cola, and just go half Cola, half Diet Cola...'cuz I'm tryin to watch my figure...Tryin to loose some of the weight.
Drive-thru guy says, "You want half Cola, half..."
Grim interrupts, "Um, and a SMALL, a SMALL Chocolate Shake. Because I'm tryin to watch my figure, not a large, a small.
Drive-thru guy says, "It come's in medium-small or medium-large."
Grim looks angrily at the box, "I'm sor..."
Drive-thru guy says, "Medium-Small Chocolate Shake."
Grim says, "Also a small seasoned-curlies"
Drive-thru guy says, "Seasoned-curlies..."
"Small, seasoned-curlies."
Drive-thru guy says, "Okay I got the small seasoned-curlies...western bacon cheeseburger..."
Grim hits the box three times as he says, "Okay, uh... what else? Give me, uh...alright. Cherries Jubilee and that's it."
"Cherries Jubilee?"
Grim looked over his shoulder, "Wait B.K., what do you want?
Boddy looks at the screen ineptly, "Ah...Jeez, let me have a...I think I want the regular, uh, western bacon-cheeseburger, Medium-large shake, um...
Grim screams, "Oh God! Come on with the order."
Boddy says, "I'm..."
Grim screams, again, "Taking forever."
"That's all I want. That's all I want..."
Grim shakes his head, "Good."
Drive-thru guy responds, "That'll be, uh, 42 gold pieces. At the window please, will you gallop up?"
Grim looks at Boddy, "Do you have any money?"
Boddy looks into his pack, "Oh shoot, um, oh god. Yeah, I got...do you have s...I got like..."
Grim grabbed for his gold bag, "Give it to me."
"Alright, here."
Grim shook his head, "Okay, we only have, uh...alright. I'm gonna need to cancel the last two things on the order. Okay, thank you, let's go."
