Author's Note: Special thanks to Duchess67 for all her pointers so far and help with this next part. It was much appreciated:)
Methos waited until he was out of range of the buzz before he left to follow Buffy and Richie back to his place. He didn't know what he would do if Klossen were to attack, but things were too unknown at the moment for Buffy to fight him. If what Joe had told them was true, than fighting this guy might have been the worst idea Methos had ever had. He believed in the slayer more than he ever thought possible, but it didn't change the fact that if that belief was misplaced or blinded by emotion, they could potentially create something much worse than what they were currently facing…and Methos couldn't beat Klossen.
It was the immortal in him that told him it was foolish to allow this fight to go forward. The realist in him that told him it was too dangerous to allow the possibility of the slayer becoming their enemy and losing her soul. It was the man in him that desperately did not want to see any harm come to the girl, and yet the watcher in him told him it was her choice. He did not know who to listen to.
One thing was certain, if she did decide to go through with the fight, precautions of some kind had to be taken to ensure that even if the quickening did corrupt her, she couldn't have the chance to hurt anybody. He didn't know how he would do that exactly, but somehow he would have to incapacitate her just enough to be able to take her head if that were possible. And it would be he that did it, for he would not leave such a task to anyone else.
She wouldn't want him to. She would know that it had to be him. Just like Celine, only if it came to it, this time he wouldn't hesitate. He wasn't sure if that was now a strength or a weakness within him, but it couldn't be altered.
He needed to talk to her, but he worried that she would only drift further from him if he went to her immediately. He waited for a few days giving her time to calm down and consider what they had learned, but he couldn't stay away forever. He knew she would need to talk to him, however angry she was. And he knew that once this was over, if she survived something had to change. She could not continue to hide in Seacouver, hanging out at Joe's bar with the guys. There was too much she had left to do, too much she had left unfinished.
He had a feeling their meeting wasn't coincidental, but he wasn't exactly sure how he was supposed to help her until now. She had managed to free him from a burden that had been weighing on his shoulders for so long. And he knew that despite her affection for him and the others, she desperately missed her home. She was needed there, and she was a slayer. Somehow, he had to get her to see that. After this thing with Klossen was finished, he had to convince her to go home. It was his turn to absolve her and he wouldn't settle for anything less.
Buffy knew that Methos wouldn't stay away for too long. She was angry at him, but she still knew him well enough to know that he was probably worried for her safety at Richie's place and would want to try to convince her to return to his apartment as soon as possible. She wasn't sure how ready she was to speak with him as the sharp pang of betrayal still burned hot underneath the surface.
Richie didn't know the full extent of what had happened in Joe's bar, but to his credit he hadn't pressed for details from her either. He seemed to understand her need to distance herself from not only the older immortal, but from her rigorous training schedule as well. She couldn't stay away forever, she knew that much, but for now facing Duncan and Methos after knowing that both of them had kept such information from her was too much.
Richie had been the perfect picture of understanding. He had allowed her to sleep in his room, as unlike Methos he did not have a two bedroom apartment and had done his best not to pry, but to maintain a comfortable level of conversation about anything and everything that did not relate to immortals or to Klossen. It was almost like sanctuary for the slayer, a world away from responsibility and guilt, but it was also completely unrealistic. The fourth afternoon she stayed there, the uneasiness had almost become too much. Richie started to sense it too, but was unsure of what to do about it.
She was in the middle of fixing herself a sandwich for lunch when the phone rang. She watched suspiciously as Richie answered it, glanced over at her, and then said something in another language to whoever it was on the other end. She had a feeling though and glared at him as he stepped tentatively toward her.
"He's coming over here, isn't he?"
"He doesn't have much choice." Richie replied apologetically. "He said that Mac told him that if he doesn't come talk to you, he will. I figured the old man was the better option since you guys get along better."
"We did get along better." She corrected. "I made the mistake of thinking I could trust him."
"Aww, he's not so bad." Richie told her with a shrug. "He may be five thousand, but he's still a man. We're idiots and we do stupid things."
She wasn't sure how to respond to a statement like that, so she didn't, preferring instead to watch as Richie headed towards the door and put on a jacket and his shoes. She had a sinking feeling she knew what he was doing.
"You're giving us time alone aren't you?"
"Yea, well, I figured it might be a good idea." Richie's explanation sounded lame, even to himself.
"He threatened you didn't he?"
"Said he'd take my head," Richie confirmed wryly. "I don't really think he will, but there are other things the old man can do to me. Sometimes it's better to just back off."
She wanted to argue with Richie, to ask him to stay so that she wouldn't have to deal with Methos on a deeper level than the simple 'nice seeing you, now get out' response, but she knew that wasn't going to happen.
She briefly considered just locking the door after Richie left, but when she voiced that idea, Richie informed her that Methos had a key to both his and Mac's apartments.
"Do all you immortals have keys to each other's places?" She exclaimed to Richie as he opened the door to leave. Richie shrugged and blushed slightly.
"We live dangerous lives. Sometimes being able to get into each other's places means life and death." With that, he left, leaving the door open. She grudgingly accepted that as she waited and was soon alerted of the old man's presence via the immortal buzz Within seconds of the feeling, she could hear Methos' footsteps in the hallway, as well as the soft clearing of his throat as he entered the apartment.
. She braced herself, trying to restrain the emotions that she was feeling in favour of appearing calm and unconcerned. As angry and hurt as she was, she couldn't forget what it was she had learned by overhearing their conversation and knew that the truth of what she was facing would also come out in full if she were to talk to him. It was a daunting prospect.
He wasn't sure what to say. He found it hard, to even look in her direction. The truth was, he felt terrible for not telling her the possibilities, even as remote as they were in the first place and knew that she had every right to be furious with him.Methos finally brought himself to stare at the slayer who stood in front of him, arms folded across her chest with her eyes defying him to defend what he had done and at the same time, desperately begging him to tell him that what she heard wasn't true. She had no idea how much he wanted to. Sighing heavily, he gave, what he hoped could be considered a smile, however weak and stepped toward her.
"I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now." He said with a quietness that surprised her. "I can't begin to explain myself. I wasn't even going to come here, but Duncan told me I needed to get you to the dojo. He thinks you still have a job to do."
"A job?" She echoed softly, but with a weariness about it that made him ache to comfort her, to beg for forgiveness. "Right, the slaying…Klossen. My job."
"He won't stop Buffy," Methos continued heavily. "No matter what the consequences, he will come after you."
"Are you saying that I should fight him? Even after finding out what could happen?" She wasn't sure what she wanted him to say. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do.
"I don't know what you should do." Methos admitted. Truth to tell, he wanted to beg her not to fight. He wanted to tell her the risks were too great, that it wasn't that important, but he knew he couldn't do that. This had to be her decision. If she were ever to develop the strength to suppress the quickening, it had to start here and now.
"You'll just step aside and watch will you?" She asked, desperately needing to keep the tears from her eyes. "You'll watch me die if you have to?"
"Buffy, I…"
"It's your job isn't it?" She interrupted, feeling the anger flair within her once more. "It was Giles' job too. He didn't tell me I was going to die either. He found out and….well, lets just say I have a bad habit of free associating."
"I'm not your watcher," Methos reminded her softly. He desperately needed her to understand. "But I do care about you, whatever you may believe of me and I don't want to see you get hurt."
"But I could get hurt." She reminded him coldly. "You knew before I did, remember? I could die. Or, I could become an even worse threat than Klossen. And you were just going to sit there! You were just going to let me. You can do that."
"I can," he admitted. "But I don't want to. I think you have the strength to beat this Buffy. And I would have told you, I swear to you. But you need to believe this of yourself. Nothing I say or do can make your decision for you."
"When I saw you three standing there, talking about what could happen…" she trailed off and wrapped her arms around her waist in a gesture of helplessness. "I died once before Methos and I…"
"Don't want to do it again, I know."
"No, you don't!" She stepped back, and looked away, hating the concern, the caring she could see in his normally secretive eyes. "You don't get it at all. When I heard I could die, I…I felt relieved. I felt…like it was my way out. I'm not a suicidal person Methos, but that was…it was like a get out of jail free card and I wanted to take it. And then when I heard the other option, I was…well, I was terrified. Either I'm strong enough to beat him, or I die. Those options I can handle, but the idea that I could become like that…that I could be that evil, that soulless…" She thought of Angelus taunting her, his cold, empty eyes staring at her in place of Angel's caring ones. She hated the idea that it might be her like that, that she could be that walking shell….that she might go home and hurt her friends for the pleasure of it.
"It terrifies you." He murmured gently. She looked up at him, surprised he could read her so easily. "You don't want to become like him. You don't want to lose who you are. I understand."
"I could hurt you." She gritted her teeth in frustration and fear. He seemed completely unconcerned by it and she couldn't understand why. This was dangerous stuff and she knew he didn't like to put himself in situations that could threaten his life, or the lives of his friends. So why didn't he seem to care? "I could hurt your friends! I could kill you, Duncan, Joe, Richie…I could go home and kill my mom. And nobody could stop me. Could you? You're not that strong."
"I wouldn't let it come to that," he said simply. "I would stop you somehow."
"Then why can't you just stop him instead?" She demanded. She threw her arms in the air wishing she could make all her problems disappear with a simple wave. "It's not completely impossible, you know. And don't give me the prophecy excuse because I can tell you first hand, that they never work out the way you think. Why does it have to be me? Why?"
"Because it's your job." Methos stated calmly. "It's what you were born to do, not me. I'll stop you if I have to Buffy, make no mistake about that. But I can't fight your battles for you."
"This is rich Adam! This coming from someone who goes out of his way to avoid his." She spat angrily. "You go on about me doing my duty, what about yours? What about all those challenges you run away from?"
"Immortality isn't a duty, it's madness." He answered stiffly. "And those challenges are not for any common good or higher calling, they're to rape your opponent of their soul, their power, their life. I won't pretend nobility or an abhorrence of killing as the reason I don't fight, but that doesn't make it logical, or right. I'm not Duncan, or Angel. I don't do the right thing for the sake of it, or try to save the world. I'm just a guy. You're the slayer. Like it or not, this is what you were born to do."
"It used to be so easy," she whispered, wanting to shrink up and disappear. "I was Cinderella before I became the slayer. But even that wasn't perfect y'know? It just seems that way compared to now. Most kids' parents get divorced, not all of them have to save the world on top if it. And I'm not complaining that I'm the slayer Methos, I'm really not. It's the only thing I'm any good at. But I don't know if I have the power to do this…and I'm so afraid to fail. And part of me, a small part of me, still wants to lose. I'm scared that it's that part of me, that weakness that could change me into a demon."
"You're not weak." Methos assured her. "You're afraid you could be a threat if you fight, I understand that. And I understand the relief. I saw that relief in Celine's eyes when I finally agreed to let her go. It frightens me, but I understand it. What you see as weakness, I see as strength. That compassion, that desperate need not to become something you hate could save you."
Buffy shook her head and sat down on the couch, finding it difficult to remember the last time she had felt so lost.
"I wish…" she trailed off, afraid to voice what she was feeling in front of the one man, who despite all rhyme and reason did not think she was weak. She watched as he sat down beside her and gently took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand in an attempt to soothe her where words couldn't.
"You wish what?"
"Angel always knew what to do." She finished, lamely. "I mean, I'm the slayer. I did the job, but Angel…he knew…I wish I could say it better than that. He was always there, when I needed someone."
"You're wiser than you know." Methos smiled at her, knowing that one day she would have the courage to trust her own judgment explicitly, but that that courage would not come without a price. "You were wise enough to do what you had to, even though it cost you someone you loved. You can do this too."
"Do I have to decide now?" She asked. "Can I take a day? Does Duncan really need me in the dojo?"
"No," Methos admitted. He sighed, knowing that lying to her would only increase the rift between them. "I came here on my own. I…I missed you. I hated to think you were mad at me."
"I'm not mad," she sighed, her shoulders deflating and a slightly warm feeling settling in the pit of her stomach upon hearing Methos say that he missed her. "I saw you, Duncan and Joe talking, I heard what could happen and I wigged that's all. I had this flashback to when I heard Giles and Angel and I just didn't want to be here. I didn't want to think of you being anything like Giles. And it's not because I don't like him. I miss him so much. I miss them all. I don't want you reminding me of them because it hurts too much. Does that make any sense?"
"If there's anything I understand the most, it's a flashback-inspired…wig? Is that the word?" Methos shook his head and winked. "What does that mean anyway?"
"You really are old aren't you?" She said with a slight twinge of wonder in her voice. He smiled. "Can you just tell me one thing? If…if it were up to you. As a watcher…would you ask me to fight him?"
"As a watcher, yes." Methos admitted. "As a friend…"
He trailed off, wondering just how to voice it without alarming her in any significant way, or influencing her decision. She asked for his honesty, but he wasn't sure she could handle the full extent of it. He chose to smile softly instead and looked away as he spoke.
"As a friend I would get down on my knees and beg you not to."
