When Lighting Strikes Twice
Rating: PG-13 to be safe
Couples: J/D
Category: Angst, Drama, Romance
Summary: This wasn't suppose to happen. You didn't bury people who were young enough to be your child. That wasn't how life was supposed to work. However, fate seemed to be out to get them all.
Disclaimers: These characters aren't mine (god knows I wish that they were) they belong to Aaron Sorkin etc.
Author's Notes: This is my first fanfic so tell me if you like it. This takes place in the second term of the administration, but since it is an AU Sam is still at the White House, and will is not. Major Major Angst Alert! You may want lots of tissues. I even had a hard time writing it. Please read and review. Your comments will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you to all those who have reviewed this so far
Sorry that it has taken so long to post, but school and all that so… sorry.
Chapter 11
You and Me plus a Baby should Make Three, not Two
November 16
7:30 PM
Donna sat on her bed with her diary on her lap. She looked at it and knew what she had to do.
Josh,
Two days. You've been dead two days, and my world still seems to have stopped spinning. We made arrangements for the funeral today. Everyone was surprised that I knew what you had wanted. I guess they didn't expect you to plan ahead. I really don't know I just need to say something to get away from the topic of planning ahead. Anyway, I also found something out that is wonderful, and yet awful. I'm pregnant. Now, don't get me wrong I want kids as badly as you did, but it makes me so miserable that you won't ever be able to see your child, or act as a dad. I know that you really wanted kids, and I'm sorry that we didn't have any earlier. I don't know what I'm going to do now. CJ said she'll set up a doctor's appointment to double check, but I'm certain. I don't need the doctor's appointment to tell me the home pregnancy was right. Well, I don't know what's going to happen, but I don't think that I will have to worry. I have a feeling that everyone will help. Josh a new addition to the family should make the family equal three not two still. Why did this all have to happen at the same time? Well, I'm going back to sleep. CJ has probably made sure that everyone already knows. I miss you. I'll love you always.
Donna
She put the diary once again on the corner table and found herself falling back into the blackness and dream world that had become so familiar in the past few days.
Donna woke up and went into the living room. Toby was sitting on the couch watching CNN.
"I was wondering if you were going to get up at all."
"Yeah, well I was hungry."
"There is stew in a pot on the strove. You'll just have to warm it up."
"Thanks."
Donna made her way to the kitchen. She put some of the stew in a bowl.
"Do you want any?"
"No, I already had some."
Donna put it in the microwave, and when it was done went back into the living room and sat on the couch too. She ate in silence, and put the bowl back in the kitchen, and then came back.
"I have something for you."
"Really what?"
"Well, it isn't really for you, but here."
Toby handed Donna a bag. She looked into it to find a stuffed bear.
"What if it doesn't like bears?"
"Donna I have two kids, and I know that they don't care what kind of animal it is, as long as they can chew on it they're set."
Donna smiled. She enjoyed the banter. It gave her something to think about other than Josh, and that was good. She needed to think about other things. She didn't want to be focused on just Josh.
"So, how are you holding out?"
"If I say fine will you believe me?"
"No."
"Fine. You have to have everything your way don't you."
She looked at him with a mock hurt expression.
"I'm okay. I'm still can't fully believe that he's dead, and I don't really want to, and now I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do. My world has been… been turned upside down in a matter of days, and there are people who act like nothing happened, or like they can forget it."
She was starting to shout now. The dam had been threatening to break when she had been at the White House, but she had been holding on then. Now there was no reason to keep it quiet.
"But something did happen, and there might be those who can just move on, but I can't. Everything I do keeps me from getting away from it. There is always a little action or some item around the apartment that brings a thousands memories in an instant, and I can't push it away… I can't get away from it all. Now, there are even times when I don't want to. The times when I want to stay the way I am… and I think that if I just try hard enough I'll see him again, or that he'll be able to come back. I don't know what I want anymore because in the span of a few short days I have lost who I am. Do you understand? I lost me. I don't know who Donna is anymore, and I don't know how to find her or get her to come back!"
She stopped. Toby just looked at her.
"I think that you are already on your way to finding her again."
She still looked at him with tears in her eyes and said in a timid voice;
"But how can you be certain? How can I be positive that she will come back the same?"
"You can't be sure that it will be a carbon copy of the first. In fact if it was I'd be shocked. You've been through too much to ever be the same, but that doesn't mean that you'll never know yourself again. You'll still be Donna, just it will be the Donna that been through the death of Josh. You'll no longer the Donna who almost saw the death of Josh. You'll still be you, just with more experience and insight to life than you did before."
He came up to her and wrapped his arms around her as he pulled her into a hug.
"What Leo said about being strong for each other is true. No one can be the one pillar that holds the rest together. That's what you are trying to do, and you can't do it anymore. You are human to Donna. Stop trying to be the one who holds it together. You've had too much happen to you, and now the load has grown too big. Let it go so that next person can carry it for a little while. You need a rest from it. It's time to pass it on."
Donna continued to cry as he walked her to the bedroom. He sat with her on the bed until the tears started to subside. Then he left knowing that she needed rest, and went into the guest bedroom.
