Handsoff: Wow. Let's work on the mouth got it? And I don't mean the lip gloss ;)
LadyC: I wouldn't let her go back with such a jerk. Have faith in me
Madeline: To be explained here
Niteowl: I hope my e-mail explained it
Dyers: Aw, I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Sarah Jane had a pretty big part. If she hadn't been there then God knows what would have happened.
MICHAEL:
Then I laid out some flannel pajama pants and a long sleeve shirt out for her to wear to bed.
"Michael," I heard her call to me.
I rushed to the bathroom, "Yes?"
"Um, towel?"
I threw a towel into the room and then went back to my room. I had no idea what to say to her. Do I apologize? Do I just kiss her? No….she needed time.
She came into my room wrapped in the white towel. "I'll leave you alone-"
She quietly slid my pants on underneath the towel, not revealing anything to me. Then she put on the long sleeve shirt and let the towel fall off her body. "No need," she whispered when I went to help her.
She then got into my bed and closed her eyes.
Okay. No need to worry about what to say. She didn't want to talk. I wouldn't…couldn't force her to.
MIA:
I felt like a total idiot. I don't even remember saying anything to Schilling. All I remember is kissing him and then asking when we were going to Kevin's. The next thing I knew, we were outside and he was calling me every terrible name in the book. I just remember crying and not understanding where my caring boyfriend had gone. Why was he calling me a slut? I had not even once slept with Michael since we got together. Made out with, yes. Sex, no. And Ihadn't evendone anything with Michael since we got BACK together.
Plus he didn't know that—wait. I had told him earlier. After my second beer. I'm a two beer queer. I'm totally gone after drinking those. Plus, I hadn't eaten anything that day so it was easier to be drunk fast.
But somehow Michael had known to be there. He had come in just as Schilling was trying to make me have sex with him. I was so embarrassed; I was lying there naked and unable to move. Schilling had me pinned down under his weight. He hadn't doneanything just yet, but wasnudging my legs apart as Michael and Manny came to the door.
I just stared at Michael as he and Manny took care of me.
Manny took me out of the building as Michael stayed behind. Probably to get the story from Schilling.
"I hope Schilling doesn't kick the shit out of Michael," I heard Manny mumbled.
I shivered. Not only out of fear, but out of worry for Michael. What if Schilling re-injured his nose? What if he punched Michael so hard that Michael passed out? And Schilling would never help him. Not in a million years. Not after what I had admitted to him.
When I voiced my concerns to Manny he smiled. "Michael wouldn't let him. But if he doesn't come out in five minutes I'll leave you with Sarah Jane and go get him myself, okay?"
I nodded. Michael's girlfriend would be here. He'd still have to see Schilling all the time. I sure as hell would not. I never wanted to see the jerk again.
I saw Michael emerge from the building. He was staring at his right hand. I ran over to him and let him hold onto me. I didn't dare say anything. I was too emotional to dare to say a word.
I knew his shirt was being soaked by my tears, but he didn't seem to mind very much. He just kept using the voice his parents had used with patients. Calm. Collected. Not letting me know if he'd been scared at all.
I went back to his apartment that night without a question. I didn't call my mom, but I think she figured I'd go off with Lilly. I was simply with a different Moscovitz. The warm, cuddily, comforting one. The one with that I seemed to mesh with perfectly.
I noted that he was playing my Gratuity album. I knew he was only playing it to cheer me up. But I also noted that he didn't even ask me what happened. He did all that without even bothering to know what was wrong. He just did it because he heard I was in trouble. I just volunteered all the information to him for some reason.
He thought I was asleep as he started singing Tall Glass of Water. Somehow I always wondered if that song was about me. Probably not. He did, afterall, reject my advances before I took my bath. He was pretty sober so he must really not want to kiss me. Just does it when he's drunk.
Maybe it (Tall Glass of Water) was written about Serena before they broke up. But he liked the song too much to take it off our set lists. Plus, our band name was Glass of Water.
"MIA!" I heard Tina's voice scream the next morning. I hadn't realized I had fallen asleep.
Michael and I both jumped up. "Hey," I said, pretending to be tired. What the hell was she doing here? Oh God. Major hang over.
"What the hell are you doing here…with Michael?"
"I um…"
"I called her last night. I was struck with some late night genius and had to have her over. Then we just fell asleep," Michael explained.
"And you just happened to not be wearing a shirt?" she snapped. "And able to be holding her as you randomly fell asleep?"
He was at a loss for words. So she continued.
"How could you! You have the perfect life already!" she screamed. "You are a princess, you are skinny and pretty and have the perfect boyfriend! I am sooo telling him!"
I rolled my eyes. She still liked Michael. "I am far from perfect. Michael is my friend and I don't want to hear about Schilling. It's over. O V E R. Done. Finito."
"So you can now sleep with him with a clean conscience? I've got news for you Mia. You can't just do that. Ever think of me?"
"I am not sleeping with him," I said, "Not like that anyways. Not like you are assuming. We just fell asleep together. Literally slept together. I never thought I needed permission from my friends to hang out with other-"
"Choose. Me or Michael," she snapped. "You can't have both."
"You or Michael?" I said, trying not to laugh.
"Yes."
Lilly was standing behind her. "Stop being such a baby Tina."
"No. I'm not being a baby. Choose."
"Yes you are," Lilly snapped. "They've been best friends for a long time. This is normal," Lilly replied. "Chill out."
"No."
"Fine, I choose him then," I replied. What else was I supposed to do? Forget about the guy that basically saved me from being raped? "Now shut up and let me go back to sleep."
She glared at Lilly. Lilly rolled her eyes. "I'll meet you in the hall," she said to Tina.
Tina stormed out and left us alone with Lilly. I was glad he still had his arm around me. Protected me from whatever it was she was going to say to us.
"That should take care of Tina for now," she started, stabbing her foot into the floor. "Um, we just stopped by to see if you wanted brunch, Michael. But if you'd rather sleep I can understand."
Sadly Michael stood up and walked over to his sister. I think he was explaining the situation about last night. "Mia," she whispered, coming close to me.
I opened one eye, "Yeah?"
"I'll come by the loft later, okay? We can talk then."
I hated this. Tina hated me. Hated me. But hey, Lilly did defend us. Our friendship at least. I know she didn't like me sleeping in his bed, but was getting used to it.
"Are you okay?" Lilly asked that night in my room at the loft.
"I'm fine," I assured her. "I told my mom that I just wanted to be on my own for awhile."
"And you are going to be single for awhile?" she asked.
"Yeah. I think I need to be."
"Like, there is no one else-"
"Lilly, look. I almost was raped last night," I hissed. "By someone who's father is pretty popular with the conservative crew. I thought I could trust him. And even if other was someone else I would not pursue it. I need to be alone and figure stuff out for myself. I need to figure out which school I'm going to in five months," I said holding up the three acceptance letters I'd received already.
"Okay," she said softly. "If you want to talk about Schilling then we can. When you want to, that is….."
I sighed and sat at my desk. Life sucked. Boys sucked. The ones that seem good are nothing but trouble. I started stabbing my desk with the scepter Grandmere had given me. I used it to push back cuticles. But it also good to stab things with.
"So where have you heard from so far?" Lilly asked.
"Duke, Princeton, and NYU," I replied as she took my letters.
"Where are you waiting from?"
" Columbia, Richmond, and Wellesley."
"I can't believe you applied to Wellesley. It's sooo uppity."
"Untrue," I argued. "They have concerts there."
"Oh? Name one good band that has played there."
"Michelle Branch. Rooney. Tyler Hilton. Sarah Jane went to the show. I heard her telling Michael about it. She was trying to impress him with her 'rock' knowledge."
"And Tyler Hilton is the personification of rock," Lilly mused. "Where do you want?"
"I really want NYU."
"Then send your money in."
"Grandmere wants us to all sit down and discuss it," I said softly, staring at a picture from last summer. I was at the beach with Andrew and Alyssa. I should call him sometime. Maybe we can hang out, the three of us, this summer. I needed the break from all the drama New York had.
"Uh, no offense to her or anything, but it's your life. You decide."
I looked at her. She had it easy. A sort of boyfriend who totally adored her (even if it was in secret), she was smart, and was accepted early decision at Notre Dame. And she didn't have a wacky pseudo relationship with her best friend. "I should be able to do that, but I have a whole country relying on me."
"No, you only have yourself relying on you. Put yourself first. God, have you learned NOTHING from me?"
I laughed. I liked how we could spend weeks apart, but then just be in a room and act like we'd never been apart. "Think we'll be close still when we graduate?"
She rolled her eyes. "You did this the summer you went to Genovia as a princess for the first time. Of course we will. We're lifers. And one way or another, we're sisters."
Whoa. Mushy Lilly. "People say that all the time."
"Mia, you are stuck with the Moscovitz's no matter what. Get used to it. We don't give up good friends."
"What about Tina?" I asked meekly.
"She was your friend first," Lilly replied. "I mean, yeah, she's my friend. But she needs to get over herself a lot. She'll grow out of this when we graduate. You'll see."
After she left I got ready for bed. I stared out my window and then shut off my light. I sat on my bed and then looked at the pillow that Michael used on the rare occasion that he actually was over my house.I picked it up and pulledit up to my nose. He'd been over just a few nights ago when we were working on a song. It still smelled like him.
I tried tofall asleep on the pillow, sure that his scent would lullme into a deep sleep.But after about twenty minutesI jumped up, frustrated.
I put on my sneakers in the dark, and a hoodie. I ran to the subway and took the N line to the NYU stop. Michael lived four blocks up from there. I ran the entire way, praying not to run into Schilling or his friends. They'd think I was going to go see him.
I saw Michael's light on in his room. He was pacing in front of his window. I took a stone and tossed it. He looked outside and opened the window. "Who's there?" he asked.
"It's me," I called back.
He sighed and then closed the window. What the….
And a minute or two later he was at the front door to the building. "Get in here already."
I did so and he secured the door behind me. He didn't say anything as he held my hand and we went up to his place. We went into his room and snuggled in his bed. "Mia, that was dumb," he said in the darkened room.
"What was?" I asked innocently.
"Middle of the night around here. All alone? He could have seen you."
He was right. He had every right to be pissed at me. "Sorry. I won't come over ag-"
"God, no. That's not what I mean," he assured me. "I mean, call me. I'll come to you if you need to….you know…"
Actually no. I didn't know. Cuz I had no idea what the hell this snuggling was. "I just wanted to say…thanks."
He nuzzled into my neck, "No problem."
"What were you doing up?" I asked. "You were pacing."
"Oh. That. I had to explain to Sarah Jane. I didn't tell her the whole story. Just that you had been trying to break up with him and he wouldn't let you. She didn't believe me."
I turned so we were face to face. Nose to nose. "Thanks for not telling her. I know guys usually will tell their girlfriends everything-"
"Mia, she's just a girlfriend. You are my best friend. You come before she does, you know that, right? Girlfriends come and go. You are always there."
Good old Mia. That made me realize that he really just saw us as buddies. That's it. "Well, thanks. And thanks for letting me stay here."
"I'm going to have a key made for you. Can't rely on stones."
I giggled. "Think I'm worthy of one?"
He kissed the tip of my nose. "I think so. Just don't throw any parties without inviting me first."
This happened every weekend. I would go out with the girls, and then sleep in Michael's bed. We never did anything. We just talked about life. About the demo we were going to be making that summer.
