In the following weeks, Angel shadowed Buffy. He slept most nights in her room, just making it back to his own apartment as the sun was coming up. She bottled her emotions around everyone except him. She threw everything at him, she raged, she screamed, yelled, ranted and most importantly she broke down with him. Angel took it all, drawing it inside himself.
Buffy was distracted and tired. Keeping the secret of what had happened that night at the frat house was wearing on her.
"Buffy, you have got to keep up your training. I don't know what is wrong with you, but you have been slacking in your duties," Giles lectured.
Buffy bit back the tears that seemed on the surface at all times. She nodded. "I know, I'm sorry, Giles. I'll try harder."
Giles nodded. "See that you do. Now go home and get some rest so that we can start anew tomorrow."
"I'll make a sweep through the cemetery first," she whispered, grabbing up her bag and heading outside. Angel picked up his shadowing as she walked out of the school. She was half way to the cemetery when she stopped and sighed.
"I know you're there, at least you could come out and walk next to me."
He stepped from the shadows with a grin. "Sorry."
She smiled up at him, reaching for his hand. "Don't you know by now, I feel you when you're near."
Angel nodded. "Slayer senses, I'd forgotten."
Buffy shook her head. "Nope, I never did get the vamp sense. There could be a whole hoard of them waiting around the corner and I'd never know. I feel –you-," she paused and looked up at him. "And only you."
Angel smoothed the hair off her forehead and bent his head to kiss her. He hesitated. He hadn't done anything more then hold her hand or put his arms around her since she'd been raped. He raised his hand to her cheek, cupping her face.
"Is this okay?"
Buffy nodded. "I like being kissed by you, Angel. It's sweet and tender. It makes me feel… special. They didn't kiss me or hold me or make any attempt to make me feel special."
"I could spend the rest of eternity looking and I would never find anything more special than you, Buffy Summers." His lips brushed hers, whisper soft, just the lightest pressure asking for more. She tiptoed, wrapping her hands around his neck, granting permission. Angel held back, letting it stay sweet, innocent and hopeful. He didn't want to push, didn't want to scare her.
"Come on, let's go patrol." He took her hand, gently pulling her toward the cemetery. "How have things been?"
She smiled at him. "You're lurk guy. You tell me."
He chuckled. "I lurk, but I can't always tell how you're feeling, how you're coping with things."
She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "It depends on the time of day, my mood and what's on television." He gave her a confused look. She smiled. "Honestly, I'm up and down. I'm so tired lately and I feel like all I do is sleep. Giles is on me about the slaying… Things are getting better, I guess. A guy touched my arm in school today, just asking to borrow my history notes and I screamed, nearly hit him. I've stopped freaking out over people I know touching me though, Xander, Giles…you know. And the nightmares…" she trailed off.
Angel knew she still had the nightmares. She often woke from them thrashing in her bed and sobbing in her sleep. He'd hold her, whisper to her and rock her back to sleep before ducking out of her window just in time to beat the sun home. "I'll talk to Giles and pick up some of it until you feel more like yourself. It'll get better, Buffy."
She nodded and looked up at him. "Will I ever feel like me again?"
He folded her into his arms and let her rest her head on his chest. He kissed the top of her head. "If I can do anything about it, I swear I will." He took a deep breath. Her scent was off. It had been since that night at the frat house. He wasn't sure what was wrong about it though. He supposed it could be just the emotional pressure she was under.
"Let's finish up here and I'll take you home." He pulled her toward the cemetery.
She smiled. "You've been spending so much time in my room lately I could move you in. Put you a little fridge in the closet. I'll make you a spot for your clothes." She wrinkled her nose. "I guess it'd kind of get lonely and cramped in there during the day when I'm at school."
A smile touched Angel's lips. "Yeah and your mom might not appreciate having a vampire in the house."
"Yeah, there is that. Oh well, it's a nice fantasy to indulge in."
Angel had already gone when Buffy woke up and bolted for the bathroom. She emptied her stomach into the toilet and lay back against the cool tile, panting. She hadn't felt right since the frat party. That's to be expected though, right? She thought as she got up and brushed her teeth. She showered, dressed, grabbed a glass of OJ and rushed off to school still feeling sluggish.
"Earth to Buffmeister, ET phone home." Xander waved his hand in front of Buffy's face.
The blonde snapped to attention and blinked. "Oh…yeah…I'm okay, just tired and maybe coming down with something."
Willow wrinkled her nose. "You don't get sick, Buffy. I mean since I've known you not a sniffle or a cough."
Buffy shrugged. "Guess maybe the slayer immune system got overloaded. I'll be fine, guys."
Willow glanced at Xander. Earlier they'd had a conversation about Buffy and how she hadn't been the same since the frat party.
"Really, I'm fine, guys," Buffy smiled. She hoped it didn't look as plastic as it felt. She was worried and there was no one she could talk to about it.
He was stalking her in the shadows again. In spite of herself, she smiled. One of these days, he'd surprise her, step out and greet her like a real boyfriend…or whatever he was to her now.
"I thought we talked about this. I know you're here."
He was beside her seconds later, his hands tucked in his pockets. "You're worried about something."
Buffy nodded, completely unable to lie to Angel. "It's…I can't talk to anyone about it."
"You can talk to me."
Buffy chuckled bitterly. "No…I really can't. Not about this. It's sort of…"
"Your cycle is three weeks late."
Buffy looked up at him shocked. The color drained out of her and was quickly replaced with a bright, red blush. "I-ho-I'm not talking about this with you."
Angel shrugged. "Why? You don't think every vampire and demon in Sunnydale knows? We have noses like dogs, Buffy. You're as regular as clockwork. Every single month on the fifteenth your cycle starts. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, or that I know."
"What? God, you're starting to sound like my fifth grade health teacher! Next you're going to be telling me that it's a natural, wonderful, exciting thing, the blossoming of womanhood. Guess what? It's not blossoming-" she stopped abruptly, already having said more than she had wanted to.
Angel sighed deeply. "Have you been to see a doctor or a midwife?"
"They have these new fangled things now called pregnancy tests. You can buy them in any drug store." Buffy refused to meet his eyes or look his way.
"Have you gotten one of those?"
"No, Angel, I haven't. If I had I'd either not be worried or dead. I sure as hell wouldn't be in a cemetery not talking about this with you," Buffy snapped.
Angel took her hand in his. She started to pull away, but he held her fingers fast. She gave up after a moment. It wasn't worth the effort. "I'll go buy you one. We'll take it back to my apartment and you can use it."
"No! No! This is not something…I can't take a pregnancy test with my sorta boyfriend, whom I've never slept with right there."
"You don't want to tell Willow, Xander, Giles or your Mom. There's no one left, Buffy and I already know what's going on. I'm 242 years old. This isn't going to bother me or make me run. I'm not a boy at your high school…or a frat kid." Angel's voice broke on the word frat kid, his rage barely contained at the entire group of them. "Buffy, let me help you. We'll find out some answers and we'll figure out where to go from there."
