Little Shop of Mutants
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer"Oh, no. In Beverly Hills we just take whichever car is closest".
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Magcat - It's pretty tough finding transcripts for movies. In fact, the only parodies in which I used transcripts were 'All Greek to Me' and 'Kitty and the Rocktumbler'. The rest I wrote myself. In the cases of 'Mutants in Tights' and 'Mutants Make Good Cowboys', I had to just listen very carefully and pause every few seconds while I typed. Luckily for this parody and all the others, I have the DVD. I simply put it onto subtitles and each time a new subtitle pops up, press pause and type it up. Hope that helps.
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ACT 3 - Enter Amanda II
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Back in the flower shop, we see Todd, Kurt and Amanda going through the day, doing absoultely nothing
"Boooorrred", groans Kurt
"Six'a clock and we 'aint sold as much as a fern", Todd suddenly snaps"Alright, that's it! Forget it! Don't bother comin' in tomorrow".
Kurt and Amanda blink
"You don't mean...", starts Amanda
"You can't be...", says Kurt.
"I mean, I'm through", snaps Todd"kaput".
"Kaput", snickers Kurt.
"Shut up", snaps Warren backstage.
"You can't", protests Amanda.
"Kaput. Extinct", sobs Todd"I'm closing this God-and-customer-foresaken place".
"There's that 'Kaput' vord again", muses Kurt"... Mr Tolensky, forgive me for saying so, but has it ever occured to you that maybe vhat ze firm needs is to move in a new direction".
Todd gives Kurt a flat look
"There's another direction appart from rock bottom", he asks with a snort.
"What Kurt is trying to say is", Amanda pauses"...Kurt why don't you run downstairs and bring up that strange and interesting new plant you've been working on".
"A plant", Todd says, rolling his eyes"...oh goodie".
Kurt bamfs away
"You see, Mr Tolensky, some of those exotic plants Kurt's been tinkering around with are really unusual", says Amanda"And we thought that maybe some of those strange and interesting new plants prominently displayed and advertised would attract buisness".
"You ever consider a carrer in advertising, or perhaps on'a those girls who shows off the prizes on the gameshows", asks Todd with a smirk.
Kurt bamfs back in, carrying a tiny little plant, which is, by all accounts an oversized venus fly trap, but a damn cute one!
"I'm afriad eet isn't feeling very vell today", he says.
"There now isn't that bizare", asks Amanda.
"You're asking that to a guy with a prehensile tounge who's looking at a guy with blue fuz and a tail, nothin's 'bizare' anymore", says Todd, then blinks at the plant"At least".
The plant keeps looking still and cute, though it looks like it wants to sock Amanda and Todd in the teeth for those comments
"What kind'a a weirdo plant is that Kurt", he asks.
"I don't know. I think eets some kind of flytrap, but I haven't been able to identify eet in any of my books. I gave it my own name though", Kurt gives Amanda a smile "...Amanda II".
Amanda blinks
"Some boyfriends name a star after you...but noooo not mine", she mutters, then smiles in the stupid way her characters does"After me".
"I hope you don't mind", says Kurt shyly.
Kurt smiles happily at Amanda for a second, before going over to the window
"You see, sir, if you vere to put a strange and interesting plant like this here in ze vindow, then maybe...".
Todd rolls his eyes
"Maybe what?. Maybe what? Do ya have any idea how rediculous ya sound", he snaps"Just because ya put a strange and interesting plant in the window, people don't suddenly..."
There is a scuffle, and then Magneto is pushed into the shop
"I hate this role", grumbles Magneto.
"Get on with it, please", shouts Warren.
"Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice that strange and interesting plant", Magneto shudders"oh God, I sound like that guy on the home shopping network. What is it".
"It's an Amanda II", says Amanda
"I've never seen anything like it before", says Magneto"which is just as well"
"No one has", says Kurt.
"Where did you get it", asks Magneto with wide-eyes and a stupid grin.
"Vell.", starts Kurt"...You remember that total eclipse of ze sun about a veek ago".
We suddenly cut to a week ago, where Kurt is walking down the street, Tabby, Wanda and Rogue are now dressed in green dresses, singing.
Da doo
Kurts voice over sounds over the track as we see him happily walking along the street.
I vas valking in ze vholesale flower district zat day
Shoop da-doo, sing the three.
Kurt pauses at a flower shop, run by Remy, shaking his hand
And I passed by this place vhere this old Cajun man
Remy-da-doo
"From de star to a cameo in one fatal swoop", mutters Remy.
Kurt goes about browsing the plants.
He sometimes sells me veird and exotic cuttings
The girls have magically appeared in front of Remy's shop
Snip da-doo
'Cause he knows, you see, that strange plants are my hobby
Da da da da da da-doo.
Kurt looks up from the browsing, giving a shug.
He didn't have anything unusual there that day.
Nope, da-doo
Kurt goes and crosses the street
So I was just about to, ya know, valk on by
He crosses to where Sam, Bobby, Ray and Evan and standing on a street corner, who start to click their fingers to the beat, like a street corner quartet, singing.
Good for you
Ooooooooohhhhh
Shoo bob, a shoo bob,
Oooooooh ooooooohh
Kurt pauses, looking up at the sky
Vhen suddenly and vithout varning
Oooooooohohhhh, sing the boys.
There vas this, starts Kurt
Total eclipse of the sun, sing the three and the boys.
We see the eclipse and everything goes black
It got very dark, says Kurt.
"Sorry, lights blew a fuse", shouts Forge from backstage
A green blot of light zaps from the sky into the plants as Kurt watches.
And there was this strange hummming sound
Like something from another world
"Me again", says Forge"sorry, getting it fixed".
The girls blink before going back to singing.
Da-doo
And vhen ze light came back this veird plant vas just sitting there, says Kurt
Whoop-see-doo
Kurt teleports over back to the plants and looks among the plants
Just, you know, stuck in, among ze zinnias.
Amanda two, they sing as Kurt picks up the plant.
I coulda sworn it hadn't been zere before
But
ze old Cajun man sold it to me anyways
For
a dollar ninety-five
"I should have charged more dan dat, Remy have to eat, you know", snaps Remy, then pauses"and what do you mean 'old'"
Sha la la, la la la, la la la loo
We go back to the present date, where Nick and Cap are pressed up against the window of the shop. Inside, Magneto still has the stupid grin on his face
"Well, that's an unusual story, and a fascinating plant", says Magneto.
He turns to go, then stops
"Oh, while i'm here, i might as well take fifty dollars worth of roses", he groans"...what in Hells names am I going to DO with them?. I have no one".
"You can give them to me, daddy", grins Pietro.
"Fifty dollars", shouts Todd as the staff run to get the roses ready.
"Can you break a hundred", asks Magneto.
"Look around, vhat do YOU think", mutters Kurt.
"No", replies Todd, crossing his arms.
"Well, then I'll just have to take twice as many, won't I", says Magneto"ugh, THERE'S logic for you"
"Twice as many", asks Kurt
"Twice as many", asks Amanda.
"Twice as many", asks Kurt.
"...Can anyone else hear an echo", murmers Magneto
"Ok, that's a wrap, good job people", grins Warren"Cocktails at my place"
Amanda II suddenly morphs into Mystique
"Right, where's my agent", she snaps"we need some serious words"
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Heh heh. Da doo! Do review. Until next time...
