Little Shop of Mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "It's high quality H2O."

ACT 10 - Dirty deeds and a duet

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We go to Skid Row much later on at night. We hear a steady thunk thunk thunk as Kurt pulls a suspiciously Pyro-shaped bag down a set of stairs. He pauses to look for anyone and the bag slides down with a thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk. The head of the bag hits the pavement below and a piece of dental equipment pops out.

"Oooops, sorry", whispers Kurt.

He drags the Pyro-shaped bag along, thunking it's head on the sidewalk

"Owww!", says the Pyro-Shaped-Bag.

"Shut up", snaps Warren, "you're supposed to be DEAD!".

Kurt drags the Pyro-shaped bag into the shop and Mystique smiles at it

"Mmmmmm", she says, "Chop it up!".

"Vas!", squeaks Kurt.

"FEED ME!", screams Mystique.

"Okay, okay", mutters Kurt, "...you bloodthirsty thing you".

Kurt drags the Pyro-shaped bag into the next alley, not realising that Todd is making his way to the shop. We see a shiloette of Kurt holding up Forge's hand, now some sort of axe, and aim for Pyro's leg.

"You SURE you're gonna miss it?", asks Pyro, mre than slightly worried.

"My timing is never off!", boasts Kurt.

"He'd better miss", says Forge, "I don't want Pyro guts on my arm!".

Kurt chops down, unseen to the camera that Pyro has rolled away and a Mastermind created illusion is in his place. Todd pauses, hearing the chopping and goes off down the alley to investigate.

"When will people learn NOT ta go inta the dark, scary alley where the strange noise is coming from?", he mutters to no one in particular.

He sees the shiloette of Kurt chopping 'Pyro' up and looks into the alley, his eyes go wide and he runs off

"Run away, run away!", he screams.

Inside the shop, we see a rather nasty looking brown stain that leads to a bin. We see 'Pyro's' leg sticking out on top. Kurt closes his eyes and starts shoving bits of 'Pyro' into Mystique's mouth, as she laughs evily. We cut to a little later, where Kurt is curled up next to his bed, having not slept a wink.

"I hacked up Pyro and fed him to my mother", says Kurt, "...YOU try sleeping!".

He suddenly gets up and glances out of his window to see Lucid and Caliban talking to Amanda. He gets over there in time to see them drive off, Amanda watching them go.

"Amanda, vhat'd they say to you?", he asks, then gives a nervous laugh, "...acting natural, like I don't know anything...tra la la".

"Who?", asks Amanda a little dazed.

"Ze police", points out Kurt, "...ze two guys zat vere just here...".

"Oh, nothing", says Amanda.

"Ja..right", says Kurt, then sighs, "of course I know better. I'm a sick, sick, sicko!".

"Kurt, you're getting emotionally involved...", points out Warren.

"I hacked up one of my co stars so my MOTHER could eat him!", screams Kurt, "I think that I am allowed to be 'emotionally involved'!".

"Please...just read the script", sighs Warren.

"Amanda, talk to me", says Kurt gently, "Tell me vhat zey said".

"It's St. John", says Amanda, "they say he's disappeared!".

"La la la", sings Kurt, "The police, they told you that?"

"They suspect foul play", says Amanda.

"...They do?", gulps Kurt.

"His receptionist, this morning, she found the place a shambles. Gas masks everywhere. Things all over the floor. They think", Amanda gives a squeak, "...I can't even think about what they think".

She gives a whimper and runs down the alley, going into an open bit of a wrecked building. Kurt bamfs after her

"Amanda? Don't cry, Amanda", he says, "Vould eet be so terrible if something had happened to him?".

Amanda looks at Kurt as if he has grown horns and walks away

"Kurt, what a thing to say!".

"Vell, vould eet?", he asks.

Amanda stares at the wall for a second, before sighing

"It wouldn't be terrible at all. It'd be a miracle", she says, "Not to mention all the money I'd save on Epsom salts and ACE bandages...now I'm a sick, sick, sicko!".

"Please, Todd Fan has already told me I'm skating on thin ice", says Warren, "I don't want her to feed me to that growling, snarling thing she calls her 'rage'".

"You see?", smiles Kurt.

"But I still feel guilty", sighs Amanda, "I mean, if he met with foul play or some terrible acident of some kind...then it'd be partly my fault just because...secretly I wished it".

"You ARE a sick, sick sicko!", says Kurt, backing away.

"Oh look", shouts Warren, holding up an ahndfull of feathers, "you're MAKING ME MOULT!".

"Amanda, don't you vaste another minute thinking about that creep!", says Kurt, "There's alot of guys that'd give anything to go out vith you. Nice guys".

"I don't deserve a nice guy, Kurt", sniffs Amanda, walking away.

"That's not true!", protests Kurt.

"You don't know the half of it! I've led a terrible life", says Amanda, "I deserve a creep like St John Allerdyce, D.D.S"

"Hey!", says Pyro, then sniffles, "I bought you chocolates"

"You know where I met him?", asks Amanda, "In the Gutter!".

"Okay", says Kurt, blinking, "...the gutter?".

"The Gutter", says Amanda, "it's a nightspot".

"Bet they do good buisness, vith a name like that", says Kurt dryly.

"Look, look at all the feathers that are coming off me", shouts Warren, tossing them into the air, "from the stress of you two!".

"I worked there my nights off when we weren't making much money", says Amanda, "I'd put on..cheap and tastless outfits, not nice ones like this".

"Have you SEEN that outfit!", shouts Pietro from backstage, "somebodys call the FASHION POLICE!"

"...And you wonder why people think you're gay", retorts Wanda.

"Low and nasty apparel", says Amanda, ignoring the siblings.

"...Mmmmmmm...", says Kurt dreamily, then coughs, "...oh...sorry. Amanda, that's all behind you now. You got nothing to be ashamed of. You're a very nice person, I alvays knew you vere.Underneath ze bruises and ze handcuffs, you know vhat I saw? A girl I respected. I still do".

Lift up your head


Vash off your mascara


Here, take my Kleenex


Vipe that lipstick avay

He smiles, handing her a kleenex.

Show me your face


Clean as the morning


I know things were bad


But now they're okay

Suddenly Kurty


Is standing beside you


You don't need no makeup


Don't have to pretend


Suddenly Kurty


Is here to provide you


Sveet understanding


Kurty's your friend

"Oh goodie, more singing", says Amanda.

Nobody ever


Treated me kindly


Daddy left early


Mama was poor


I'd meet a man and


I'd follow him blindly


He'd snap his fingers


Me, I'd say "sure"

Suddenly, Kurt bamfs behind her as Amanda continues to sing.

Suddenly Kurty


Is standin' beside me


He don't give me orders


He don't condescend


Suddenly Kurty


Is here to provide me


Sweet understanding


Kurty's my friend

They turn to face each other and start to walk towards each other.

"See, this is nice, this is good, solid acting", sighs Warren as he tries to glue his feathers back on. Kurt rolls his eyes, then goes back to singing.

Tell me this feeling lasts till forever


Tell me the bad times are clean vashed avay

He goes to reach out for her, but she backs away, going up some stairs

Please understand that it's still


Strange and frightnin'


For losers like I've been


It's so hard to say

They end up with Kurt still on the ground and Amanda on the top of the stairs in a very Romeo-and-Juliet-esque way.

Suddenly Kurty

Suddenly Kurty, sings Kurt.

He purified me

He purified you

We suddenly see Wanda, Tabby and Rogue on a balcony at the very far back, singing 'suddenly Kurty'.

Suddenly Kurty showed me I can

Yes, you can

He Bamfs up to the top os the balcony with her as they sing in unison.

Learn how to be more


The girl that's inside me/you

Vith sveet understanding, sings Kurt

With sweet understanding

Vith sveet understanding

With sweet understanding

"Oh God, they're stuck in a loop", moans Warren.

The two ignore in singing in unison again.

With sweet understanding

Kurty's your/my man

They fall into each other's arms and kiss in front of a lovely sunset background. We cut to where Amanda goes into her home, leaving Kurt to happily walk home, we see Mystique open up the door with a vine to let him in

"Awwwwww my little boy is all grown up", sniffs Mystique, then frowns, "I want to meet her parents".

"And we're done", says Warren, then looks at his wings, "I look like I've been dragged through a lawnmower"

"I'm still alive!", sings Pyro happily.

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Yes, Pyro is still alive, though his time on the fic is done Okay, do review. Until next time...