Little Shop of Mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "This is the part of the film we like to call, 'he had to ask'"

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ACT 11 - The body-count rises

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Kurt walks down after his time with Amanda into his small room, where he sits on the bed and stares at the ceiling happily, suddenly, from out of the shadows comes Todd.

"Ya love her madly", he says darkly, "dont'cha, Schmuck?".

"Aghhh! Geeez you vant to give a guy a heart attack?", squeaks Kurt, clutching his chest, "...Mr Tolensky, you scared me".

"I scared him? After what I've seen, I scared him!", says Todd, talking to no one again, "Oooohh. Do you think I didn't know, huh?. OH I knew".

Kurt blinks a bit confusedly.

"Toad...vhat are you talking about?", he asks, "have you been eating butterflies again?"

"I knew ya lay down here on ya pathetic little cot and dreamed about her", says Todd, "But I didn't know the lengths to which you'd go, the depths to which you'd sink!".

"Someone's vorking for an oscar", mutters Kurt, "Vhat depths? Vhat sink? Vhat are you talking about?".

"Little red dots all over the linoleum", says Todd, "...little red spots of the concrete outside".

Suddenly, we can hear a piano playing

"Where's that music coming from?", asks Todd, looking around.

"I don't know", shrugs Kurt, "eet appears from time to time...".

"I'm talking BLOOD, Wager", shouts Todd, "I'm talking under my own roof! An axe murderer!".

He holds up Forge's axe-arm for emphasis. We hear Mystique singing from upstairs

He's got your number now

"I saw everything!", says Todd as Mystique continues to sing.

He knows just what you've done

"Everythin' ya did ta her boyfriend".

You've got no place to hide

"I saw ya chopin' him", whimpers Todd, making choping motions.

You've got nowhere to run

"Eets true. I chopped him up", says Kurt, "but I didn't kill him!".

He knows your life of crime

Suddenly, Todd pulls out a gun

"Can I say I don't know how ta work this thing?", asks Todd, "Tell it to the police".

I think it's suppertime!

We see Todd pushing Kurt up the stairs slowly, heading back towards the shop as Mystique sings.

Come on, come on


Think about all those offers


Come on, come on


Your future with Amanda


Come on, come on


Ain't no time to turn squeamish


C-c-c-c-come on

I swear on all my spores


When he's gone the world will be yours, yours

As Kurt and Todd enter the shop, Mystique quickly rights herself, so she looks like a harmless plant, we can hear the girls singing in the background, they eventually come out of a dark alley across the street, wearing glitterly, dark purple outfits

"Ah am sooo keeping this!", says Rogue.

"Ditto", says Wanda.

"We'll sneak them out after shooting", says Tabby.

The trio sings the same lyrics over and over as Todd and Kurt talk...which is rather rude.

Come on, come on

Come on, come on


Come on, come on

It's suppertime

It's suppertime

As Kurt reaches to open the door, Todd stops him

"You know, Wagner, it kills me doing this. But, considerin' ya almost a son ta me", Todd grimaces, "...eww..that's wrong. I'm thinkin', maybe we don't have ta go ta the police".

"Ve don't?", asks Kurt.

"Nope. I'm thinkin', what if I kept my mouth shut, an' gave ya a one-way ticket outta town?", grins Todd.

"You'd do that, sir?", asks Kurt wide eyed.

"Yeah, ya could law low fer a while. say, thirty, fourty years", Todd smirks, "Meanwhile, I would keep the plant".

"Ze plant?".

"Of course ya'd have ta teach me how ta take care'a it while ya away", says Todd, "Give me, ya secret gardening tips. ..But then, is ya'd rather hang...oh please say you'd rather do that..".

We see the shadows of the girls against the window, then see Mystique lower her head and start to open her mouth

"What do I have ta do?", asks Todd

"..Just feed it", says Kurt honestly.

"Just feed it what?", asks Todd.

"...This is the point at which we look at the disclaimer wuote and have a giggle", says Warren.

The girls appear in the shop, still singing the same verse over and over again, amost egging Kurt and Mystique on, as Kurt slowly backs Todd up to Mystique.

"Oh..minerals", says Kurt.

"Yeah, what else?".

"Thursdays, you should give it vater", Kurt adds

"Oh yes", says Todd with a nod.

"But vhatever you do...", says Kurt.

"Yeah?"

"Vhatever you do..."

"Yeah?", asks Todd, "quit repeatin' lines!"

He pauses, feeling something on his back, he turns to see Mystique's open mouth.

"What the hell is...", starts Todd.

"Sir...", starts Kurt.

Mystique suddenly snaps her jaw shut on Todd and gulps him down

Suppertime, sing the trio.

The girls fade back into the alle

"Okay and cut!", shouts Warren.

Mystique spits out a gunked up Todd and morphs into herself, running into the bathroom and brushing her tounge with a toothbrush

"Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck!", she shouts.

"Well, we Toads are supposed ta taste bad", points out Todd, brushing slime off his shoulders, "so things DON'T eat us".

"I'm going to have a bad taste in my mouth for months!", whines Mystique.

"You weren't the one that was just half-eaten!", snaps Todd.

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