Lttle Shop of Mutants
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Ooops, somebody left the water running"
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Right, this act always confused me, when I got the lyrics, AND the sountrack, there were extra words that didn't appear in my DVD movie, so yeah, I'm not cutting corners if the DVD cut the movie, so I appologise, I'll just work from my movie...yup...
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ACT 12 - The steps to sucess
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We see Kurt in a small office, in which Caliban enters, dressed in a buisness suit
"I would like to sssay I feel sstupid in thisss sssuit", mutters Caliban.
"Just sing, ya great big phantom of the opera loving freak!", snaps Warren.
"Fiiiiine", hisses Caliban, then begins to sing.
Kurt Wagner
Sssso finally we meet you
This
is an occasssion
Let'sss toasssst it, up yoursss
Relax
We see that Bobby and Ray are also in the room...also dressed in suits
Canape?, asks Bobby
Cigarette?, asks Ray
Caliban grins shoving a pile of papers Kurt way as he sings.
Let'ssss talk turkey
Sssssign here
And we'll book you on lecturing tourssss.
Kurt suddenly finds himself in a resteruant with Roberto and Kitty. Kitty pats his shoulders as she sings.
Yes darling.
We're sending photographers Thursday
So get the plant ready
And wear a clean shirt
Just sign this release
Need a pen?, asks Roberto, handing him a pen with an odd smile on his face.
"...Do I know vhere that's been?", asks Kurt with a grimace.
Kitty ignores him, continuing with her song.
Aren't you thrilled it's the cover of life magazine!
Desert?, asks Roberto, handing Kurt some icecream.
"Seriously", says Kurt, "vhere is it comming from?"
Kurt once again find himself somewhere else, this time in a room with Sam, Evan and Nick
"Getting...dizzy", whimpers Kurt.
I'm telling you son, it's a cinch to get ratings, sings Evan
Sam and Nick point to a picture stating a show for 'Kurt Wagner's Gardening Tips'
The title is Evan's, sings Sam
The concept is mine, sings Nick proudly.
The first weekly gardening show on a network, sings Evan
Sam grins in the creepy way everyone in this act seem to do.
And you're gonna host it
You lucky kid
Sign!, they sing in unison.
They bustle him out of the office, where secretaries are typing away, Tabby, Wanda and Rogue being three of them, complete with outfits
They say the meek shall inherit
You know the book doesn't lie
It's
not a question of merit
It's not demand and supply
As the girls keep singing, we see Kurt trapped in a limo while Kitty, Roberto and Evan chatter to him
They say the meek gonna get it
We see the classic 'spinning newspapers' all showing stories of Kurt and Amanda II
"What can I say?", grins Warren, "I'm nostaligic".
All of the buisness people with their creepy smiles sing again.
You know the meek are gonna get
What's comin' to 'em
You know the meek are gonna get
What's comin' to 'em
You know the meek are gonna get
What's comin' to 'em
By and by
Kurt bamfs out of a crowd of people into the flower shop, where Lance is waiting with a bunch of journalists
"At least you get to see my face this time", mutters Lance.
Kurt looks at Amanda II, who is so big, it reaches the ceiling
"Oh, my God", gasps Kurt.
"And here he is himself, Mr Kurt Wagner!", says Lance.
Kurt winces as a load of lights are shone on him and Amanda claps happily
"Mr Wagner, there are so many questions that the people in our televison audience have for you", says Lance, "Come over here and tell our viewers at home and elsewhere about this particularly amazing agricultural phnomenon...God's that was a mouthfull. A phenomenon I might add that's made you one of the most talked about plant scientists in the country".
Suddenly, Amanda II drops to the ground with a thud
"Cut!", shouts Lance.
"Hey! That's my jo", starst Warren, then pauses, "...oh wait..that's your line..err..sorry...carry on".
"What the hell's going on?", snaps Lance, "What happened to the Goddamned greenery?".
"Eet just needs to be fed", says Kurt sadly.
"So feed it!", says Lance, gesturing to Amanda II
"I can't feed eet", mutters Kurt, "Not now".
"Then I'll feed it", says Lance, ramaging around the shop, "Where do you keep the plant food?".
"Eet doesn't eat plant food. And I can't feed eet now. Vhy don't you leave me alone? All of you. Just go avay! Leave me alone! Get out of here!", snpas Kurt, then goes into mad-scary-Kurt-mode, "Go avay! Leave me alone! Everbody go avay!".
Amanda walks over to him and gently taps him on the face
"She slapped me!", squeaked Kurt.
"Kurt, you're hysterical", points out Amanda, then grins, "I always wanted to do that"
"I know, I'm sorry", says Kurt.
He suddenly bamfs out of the shop and into an alley on his own
"Vas am Ii gonna do? I never should've started, but I did", he talks to himself, "Now, if I don't feed eet, eet'll die. I'll lose her, I'll lose everything!".
"Kurt?", asks Amanda as she walks into the alley, "Who're you talking to?".
"Nobody", sighs Kurt.
"First sign of madness...", mumbles Amanda
"Watch it", says Warren, "Todd Fan talks to herself on a regular basis".
"That's perfectly healthy and fun", says Amanda quickly, "I love you Todd Fan..heh heh..still your main actress".
"Brown noser", mutters Warren.
"You're acting funny", says Amanda, "It wasn't nice throwing those people out. Those men said that Kurt Wagner's Gardening Tips is sure to be a very big TV show".
"I know. I'm sorry", says Kurt, "I feel terrible".
"Well, you shouldn't", says Amanda, "They're coming back tomorrow and they'll bring you a great big cheque".
"They are?", asks Kurt sadly.
"I wish you were enjoying your sucess", sighs Amanda.
"You said they're coming back vith money?", asks Kurt.
"Tomorrow", nods Amanda
"Ve could afford to get out of here, couldn't ve?", asks Kurt, perking up.
"...getting worried.", says Amanda, "What do you mean?".
"That's eet", smiles Kurt, "After tomorrow, ve could leave here together!".
"Together?", asks Amanda.
"If you'll have me", says Kurt, "Amanda, vill you have me?".
"Kurt...what do you mean?".
"Marry me, Amanda".
There is a sudden crash from backstage and Mr Sefton comes marching through.
"OH NO YOU DON'T!", he screams.
"Daddy!", snaps Amanda, "You are runining a magical moment!".
"My daughter is NOT marrying that blue fuzzball!", snaps Mr Sefton.
"But it's in the script", protests Warren.
"Shut up, cherub", says Mr Sefton.
"Ooooohhh, you did NOT just call me that!", growls Warren.
Warren clicks his fingers and Forge zaps a machine at Mr Sefton, freezing him in place
"...Daddy?", squeaks Amanda, tapping her father.
"Dont' worry, it'll wear off soon", smiles Forge.
"Carry on!", shouts Warren.
"Oh, Kurt, this is so sudden", says Amanda.
"Vill you?", asks Kurt.
"Sure", says Amanda with a shy smile.
Backstage, we hear Remy start to cry...again
"What IS it with that man and love stories?", says Warren, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Remy can't help it dat he is in touch with his own feelings!", sobs Remy.
"Ahem!", says Kurt, "That that's eet! Ve'll go get married, right now!".
"Kurt!", squeaks Amanda.
"And tomorrow i'll be on TV, get ze money, and then ve'll live happily ever after", says Kurt with a smile, "Oh, Amanda, I'll give you a vonderfull life, vith no plants, I promise. No plants at all!".
"...You're talking peculiar again, Kurt", says Amanda, blinking.
"Ve'll start tonight", says Kurt, "Ve'll go to City Hall, get married and spend ze night somevhere safe. Some nice hotel".
"Oh, I've got to get ready!", giggles Amanda, running off.
"Hurry, hurry!", says Kurt, watching ehr go with a sigh.
"And we are done!", says Warren, then frowns, "oh God, will someone shut up at Cajun before I hit him?".
"Err...you guys better run", says Forge, "...Mr Seftons thawing out...".
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Well, that was fun, wasn't it? Next up, we learn exactly WHAT Amanda II had in mind. Do review, until next time...
