Little Shop of Mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Sucks to be you".

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ACT 14 - An explosive end

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We see Kurt bamf into the shop, where Mystique is waiting.

"Every household in America", growls Kurt, "Thousands of you, eating! That's vhat you had in mind all along, isn't eet?".

"No shit, Sherlock", says Mystique.

"Again vith ze language!", says Kurt, "Ve're not talking about one hungry plant here. Ve're talking about vorld conquest!".

"And I want to thaaaaank you!", grins Mystique.

"You're not going to get avay vith this!", says Kurt, "You're kind never does! I don't care vhat eet takes. Only one of us gets out of here alive!".

"Tough talk, little man!", says Mystique as she begins to sing.

Better wait a minute

Ya better hold the phone


Better mind your manners

Better change your tone


Don't you threaten me, son

"You called me son", sighs Kurt happily.

"SONG LYRICS!", shouts Warren as Mystique continues to sing.

Ya gotta lot of gall


We gonna do things my way

Or we won't do things at all

She starts to burst out of her plant pot, covering Kurt with dirt

"You're in trouble now!", she laughs evily.

Ya don't know what you're messin' with


You got no idea


You don't know what you're lookin' at


When you're lookin' here


Ya don't know what you're up against


No, no way, no how


You don't know what you're messin' with


But I'm gonna tell you now!

Kurt gets the gun from the drawer and aims it at Mystique. He blinks when he sees some Jamie clones, dressed as plant pods, singing with Mystique

"This is worse than the tea-cup", say the Jamies in unison, before singing.

Ahhhhhhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

Mystique growls as she sings.

Get this straight!


I'm just a mean blue mother from outer space and I'm bad

Mean, blue, bad, sing the Jamies

"Outer space?", asks Kurt as Mystique continues to sing.

I'm just a mean blue mother from outer space


And it looks like you been had


I'm just a mean blue mother from outer space

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

So get off my back 'n get out my face

'Cause I'm mean and blue and I am bad

Kurt shuts his eyes and points his gun at Mystique. Mystique laughs and whips it out of his hands with a vine, twirling it around like a cow...errr..plant. She starts to take pot-shots at him, making him duck behind the counter as she sings.

Wanna save your skin, boy?


You wanna save your hide?


You wanna see tomorrow?


You better step aside


Better take a tip, boy


Want some good advice?


You better take it easy


'Cause you're walkin' on thin ice

As Kurt bamfs into the office, Mystique tosses the cash register after him

Ya don't know what you're dealin' with


No, you never did


Ya don't know what you're lookin' at


But that's tough titty, kid!


The lion don't sleep tonight


And if you pull his tail, he roars

Kurt bamfs from the office, weilding Forge's axe-arm, and starts to try to chop Mystique's vines, missing every time

"I thought my genes would make you a better shot", Mystique shakes her head, "..you'll never be a good assasin that way".

Ya say, "That ain't fair?" Ya say, "That ain't nice?"


Ya know what I say?


"Up yours!"

The Jamies bop as they sing.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhhhhh

As Kurt raises the axe-arm as Mystique pulls his trousers down, revealing his poka-dotted underwear

"Moooooooommmmm!", wines Kurt.

He takes refuge behind the counter again, only to have the Jamie pods turn up at either end

Watch me now!


I'm just a mean blue mother from outer space and I'm bad

Mean, blue, bad

I'm just a mean blue mother, a real disgrace


And you've got me fightin' mad


I'm just a mean blue mother from outer space


Gonna trash your ass


Gonna rock this place

"HEY!", shouts Lance, "that's MY line"

'Cause I'm mean and blue and I am bad

Mystique smashes up the counter while Kurt watches in terror

"This...isn't going as vell as I hoped", he admits as Mystique sings.

You know I don't come from no black lagoon

Hah!

I'm from past the stars and beyond the moon

Yeah

You can keep The Thing

Hey!

Keep The It

Whoah

Keep The Creature, they don't mean shit

Kurt weilds and empty can of weed-killer, then drops it

"Yeah...that'll vork", he mutters, "Alright that does eet! Screw ze vorld, I'm saving me!".

He runs to the door, only to be pinned to the wall by Mystique's vines

I've got a killer voice

A power stem

Nasty thorns and i'm using them

You better move it out

Nature calls


You got the point?

I'm gonna bust your balls

One vine very very narrowly misses a rather...sensitive part of Kurt anatomy

"Be more carefull vill you?", he squeaks, "Or no grandchildren!".

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Kurt makes a run for Forge's axe-arm again, while Mystique tears the place apart

I'm mean and blue

Mean blue mother from outer space

I'm mean and blue

Mean blue mother from outer space

I'm mean and blue

And I. Am. Bad!

She gives a manical laugh as pulls down one of the ceiling support beams

"Bye bye Kurty!", she laughs.

The ceiling collapses on the elf boy, leaving the whole place a pile of rubble. A live wire falls from the ceiling on top of the pile. While Mystique has a physcotic laughing fit that would put Pyro to shame, Kurt hand reaches out and grabs the wire, hitting one of her vines with it. She and the Jamie's burst with electicity

"Oh, shit!", says Mystique.

Mystique and the Jamie's, by a wonderfull illusion thrown by Jason at the last minute, explode, making the rest of the shop fall down.

"Messy, messy, messy", mutters Jason

After the dust settles, Amanda goes to try to find Kurt, finding nothing for a long time, until Kurt stumbles out from behind a pillar.They run into each others arms and spin around, and we see the scene change to Amanda's dream house, they both in their wedding costumes. They run off into their house as Wanda, Rogue and Tabby walk past with bouquet's in bridesmaid dresses. We drop to the bottom of the garden where a single Jamie-Pod is sitting, he grins evily.

"Whoahahahhahahahahhahahhahaha!", laughs Jamie.

END

"It's done! The torture is over! I have served my time as a director!", says Warren, "Free, free as a bird! Hhaahahahhaahahahaha!"

"Actually, Varren, ve have some extra footage...", says Kurt

"No, not that!", squeaks Warren, "NOT THAT!".

Kurt shows footage of Warren giving Pyro mouth-to-mouth at the end of the death of a dentist scene

"BREATHE DAMN YOU! BREATHE!", he screams.

Pyro suddenly sits up and stares at Warren, backpeaddling away from him

"ASSULT!", shouts Pyro, "Help!".

"I just saved your worthless existance so Todd Fan wouldn't clip my wings", says Warren.

"Yeah, right", growls Pyro, "...I'll remember this day!".

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There we go! I'm not sure which parody I'll do next, but I'm having a brak from re-writing them for a while, as I'll have exams next month, and probably a good few assignments on the weeks coming up to them. Do review. Thanks for reading