Telling Secrets
Disclaimer: Owning nothing but my con tickets.
Summary: Tara tells Willow.
Reviews: Yes, please. Love reviews, adore reviewers. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Tara saw fireworks behind her closed eyes. She knew it was Spike but her heart was screaming William's name. The taste was worlds different from her William's kisses. But she was surprised at the familiarity of Spike's kiss. Spike tasted of cigarettes, alcohol and mint whereas William had tasted of chocolate and mint. His lips were cool, dry and infinitely soft. He broke away, panting softly.
Resting his forehead on hers, he smiled. "Wow. You pack quite a punch." He murmured before dipping down for another taste.
She opened her eyes and started slightly at the sight of his bleached blond hair and smiling blue eyes. "You're not so bad yourself."
He noted her start with a slight frown. "Are you okay, Glenda?"
"I'm fine. Was just a bit startled. I thought…" She trailed off, wondering how to explain it without sounding crazy.
"You thought I was this William you called me the other night, eh?" Spike ran his hands down her arms as he took a slight step back.
She nodded and bit her lip. "But you don't understand. You…"
He interrupted. "It's okay, I'm used to being the substitute. Glad I could help." His face closed in and he began to turn away. Tara caught his hands in hers and refused to let him go.
"No, you don't understand." She repeated firmly. "You are William."
Spike tilted his head with a frown. Shaking his head, he once more tried to move toward the door. "I should go."
Tara pulled him back to her and forced him to look into her eyes. "Your soul, William's soul was reincarnated. It was reborn into another William. One I knew and loved. He died five years ago. He was the only male I ever loved. I truly believe that it was your soul in my William and that fate has brought us here, brought you to me." The intensity in her smoky blue eyes mesmerized the vampire.
"But what about Red? I thought you and she… Don't you love her?" Spike's confusion was clear in his sapphire gaze.
"I love Willow very much." Tara assured him.
"Then what…? I don't get it." Spike stuttered.
She laughed softly. "Neither do I. I'm just as surprised by this as you." Threading her fingers through his surprisingly silky hair, she pulled his head down for another kiss. "But I'm not letting this chance pass me by. I'm going to figure this out and I want…" She faltered.
"I won't be a secret lover. I won't do that to Red." Spike pulled back to look into her eyes resolutely.
Tara shook her head determinedly. "I'm telling her tonight. I'd never hurt her and I won't hurt you. I just found you. I'm not about to lose either of you."
"I don't know how you're going to do this without someone getting hurt and it won't be Red. I won't let it. You didn't see what she went through when wolf-boy left. He almost destroyed her and she cast this really bad spell. Everything went wonky for a day and it was bad. I'd rather you stake me than put me through anything like that again. I'm not in this deep enough yet to get seriously hurt but I'm used to it, used to the pain. I always survive." Spike closed his eyes at remembered heartbreak, unwilling to revisit the feeling but refusing to allow Willow another bout of the same kind of pain Oz had given her.
Tara reached up and cupped his face in her hands. "No. I won't hurt you. I promise. And I won't hurt Willow. I love her too much."
Spike covered her warm hands with his cool ones. He pressed a kiss in each palm before pulling them away from his face. He rested his forehead on hers with his eyes closed. "I'm confused. I need to think. I've gotta go." He finally whispered.
"You'll come back won't you?" The witch asked shakily.
The vampire heaved a deep unneeded breath. "Yeah, don't think I have much choice." He chuckled, his voice as shaky as hers.
He finally made it to the door and paused. Without turning back to her, he bowed his head. "Tara?"
"Yes?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Spike. I'm positive."
Another deep breath and a nod acknowledged her answer before he pulled the door open. Willow stood in the hall preparing to enter the dorm room. "Hey, Spike." She took a closer look, wondering why he looked as if he were about to…cry? "Are you okay?"
Spike nodded and cleared his throat but refused to meet her eyes. "Hey, Red. Yeah, I'm…um… fine." He told her. Surprising the redhead completely, he put his hands on her shoulders and kissed her forehead. He was gone before she recovered and entered the room.
"Baby? What's going on?" Willow put her computer case on the bed and moved over to her love for a kiss. Tara kissed her lovingly and took her hand. She led Willow over to the side of the bed.
"I have to tell you something." She began as they sat down.
Willow laughed nervously. "That statement never precedes good news." She said.
Tara smiled. "Well it's not bad news. Willow, do you believe in reincarnation?"
The redhead nodded, puzzled. "Sure."
"There's something I didn't tell you about my past. I kinda left it all behind me and didn't really plan on telling ever anyone about William." Tara paused and looked down at their joined hands.
"Who's William?" Willow asked gently.
"William was the only boy I ever loved." Tara whispered.
"But I thought…You told me you'd never… Aren't you…?" Willow stammered.
"I've never made love with a boy. I didn't lie. We met when we were little. It was instant love. We were inseparable from that day. When he was ten and I was nine he asked me to marry him. We grew up knowing that someday we would get married and be together forever. I loved him so much. But we were waiting until we were married before we…" Tara paused.
Willow sighed. "What happened?"
Tara stood up and began to pace. A tear tracked down her face as the memories that she'd worked so hard to suppress surfaced. Willow began to fear for her love.
"Tara? Baby? What happened?" The redhead repeated.
"He died." A sob escaped with the two words.
"Oh my God." Willow gasped, raising a hand to her mouth.
"We were in high school. I was fifteen and he was sixteen, we were waiting another two years to announce our engagement. He was working a part time job to buy a ring. We were so happy." She gulped in a pained breath. "There wasn't much for teenagers to do back home. We had to make our own entertainment. William was not a really aggressive type guy. He was a bit shy. He wasn't athletic. He had a hard time with some of the more narrow-minded guys in the school. He got picked on a bit. But he usually blew it off. He didn't care what other people thought. But that day…" She bent her head, her hair falling down to hide the anger and pain on her features.
"For some reason, he felt he had to prove he was brave. He was the bravest man I've ever known. But they made him think he had to prove it." Her tears were flowing more freely as she delved deeper into the memories. She inhaled to steady her voice.
"The test of bravery in our little paradise was to see how long you could stand on a railroad track with the train coming before you chickened out and jumped out of the way. All the jocks thought it was a hoot. Their shallow little girlfriends all squealed and cheered when those idiots proved their bravery." Tara's voice was venomous and amazingly stutter-free as she related her story. Willow was stunned silent with horror.
"In front of almost the entire student body, William stood on the track waiting. He waited until the last possible minute, longer than anyone else had ever dared to. When he went to jump off, his shoe was caught. He couldn't get out of the way. The train… Oh God. Will, it…it…" She dissolved into tears as she got to the cause of William's death.
"The train hit him." Willow finished in a horrified rush. Tara nodded, sobbing in her sorrow for her lost love. The redhead moved over and enfolded the weeping blonde into her loving arms. Empathic tears sliding down her face as she rocked Tara gently. They slid to the floor in a soggy heap as they cried in each other's arms. After a few minutes, Tara pulled away, wiping the moisture from her face.
"I have to tell you the rest of it." She hiccupped.
Willow kissed her softly. "No, it can wait."
Tara shook her head. "It can't. You have to understand. William, my William, was a reincarnated soul. He was so handsome. He had dark blue eyes, cheekbones like I'd never seen before, honey colored hair that was all curly and soft. He wore glasses. God, Willow, he was so handsome. And he loved me. I loved him so much. As much as I love you, my Willow. He stood about five feet, ten and he was muscular in a lean way, you know?"
Willow nodded, the description sounding vaguely familiar until she remembered that Spike had been leaving when she'd gotten home. Spike, who'd looked upset as he exited the room. Spike with his lean muscled body, his dark blue eyes and sharp cheekbones.
"Spike. You think that Spike is…" Willow couldn't finish the thought.
"I think…no…I know that my William was reincarnated with Spike's soul. The soul he lost when he became a vampire. I…I didn't notice it until the other night. The light hit him just right and I saw it. Th…the resemblance." Tara began to stutter just a little as she tried to make Willow understand what was going on.
"Are you saying that you love Spike?" Willow's voice became tense.
"I loved the man his soul occupied and I could love the man Spike is becoming. I love you so much Willow. Please understand. I need this chance. I lost so much when William died and now…" She broke off as Willow wrenched herself from Tara's arms.
"You're breaking up with me to… what? Make up for lost time with a vampire?" Willow's voice was harsh in her pain. She felt as if her heart were shattering. Pain worse than when Oz had left knifed through her.
"No, Baby, no. I never want to lose you. I don't want to lose either of you." Tara followed her girlfriend and clasping her face between her hands, peppered kisses on Willow's face.
Willow pulled away and sat in the chair Spike had occupied. "Where were you when you saw the resemblance? At the Magic Box?"
Tara sat on the end of the bed close to the chair. She shook her head. "Remember the other day when Xander had his sneezing fits? I left early." She waited for Willow's nod before continuing. "I was walking home and there were some guys following me."
Willow tensed. She looked her lover over for injuries although she already knew that the blonde was unharmed. Tara ducked her head.
"I'm okay. But only because Spike stopped them." She said.
"They weren't guys then, they were demons, vampires?" Willow wanted to know.
Tara shook her head. "They were human, Will."
"Spike risked a migraine to help you?" Willow began to have a sinking feeling about what her love wasn't saying.
Tara was shaking her head before the sentence was finished. "No, Willow. He didn't get a headache. He didn't kill anyone. He didn't bite anyone. He's changed. He promised not to kill humans."
Willow began to panic. "But we have to tell Buffy. He's dangerous. He'll kill her."
"Willow, think about it. Riley was antagonizing him and he didn't do anything. He acts just the same as he did before. He just has more… confidence I guess you could say. It's like he knows he can but he doesn't and it's his choice. He got his right to chose back and Buffy doesn't have the right to kill him because of it." She broke off as a knock sounded on the door.
Tara went over and leaned on it. "Who is it?" She asked.
"Spike." The soft answer filtered through the panel. She opened the door and the blond vampire hesitantly came in.
"I just wanted to ask you not to… tell…" He broke off as he saw Willow slip a stake out of her pocket and back away from him. "Oh, I guess you already told her about the chip then, yeah?" He ran his hand through his hair distractedly.
"Ah, Red. I'm sorry. Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you. Glenda, tell her." Distress darkened his sapphire eyes and he studied the floor. His head came up sharply as he scented the tears they had shed. "You've been crying. You both have. Glenda, I told you I wouldn't let you hurt Red. I won't let her go through what she went through before, not because of me."
The stake slipped slowly from the redhead's hand as Spike made his impassioned plea. "You said that?" Willow whispered.
"Well, yeah. Can't have you hurt. Not on account of me." Spike moved into the room to brush his fingers down Willow's cheek, wiping away a stray tear. She closed her eyes at the gentleness of his touch.
"But why?" The question came out almost too soft to hear.
"You've been hurt enough. I won't add to it." Spike whispered. He tucked her hair back as she looked up at him. Seeing for the first time the tenderness in his blue eyes. She leaned into his touch before remembering who it was caressing her face.
She backed up abruptly. "Stop."
Spike dropped his hand back to his side, his face reflecting his hurt at her rejection. "Sorry. I'll go. I just wanted to ask you not to tell the slayer about the chip. I promise I didn't do it so I could kill again. I just wanted to be able to protect both of you and the Niblet." He turned toward the door.
Tara stepped over and took Willow's hand. "Baby, I would have been raped and killed the other night if Spike hadn't been there. He heard me scream and came to the rescue. He beat them up and left them in a heap in the alley. He didn't have to do that. When Riley was picking on him, he could have hurt him but he didn't he turned his back and sat down. Are those the actions of someone who wants to kill humans?" She reached out and snagged Spike's hand with her free one so she had Willow on one side of her and Spike on the other. She backed them all up so they could sit on the bed. They sat there holding hands for long moments. The three of them began sneaking glances at each other until Tara giggled.
"Um…guys? Wanna neck?" Tara snickered wickedly. She lifted Willow's hand and kissed it then did the same to Spike's.
"I don't know what to say." Willow mumbled, stunned by the implications of the suggestion.
"That makes two of us, Red." Spike sounded as shell-shocked as she did.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
It was much later when Spike woke up and stretched or tried to. He froze when he realized female forms weighed him down, one on each side of him. His eyes popped open in shock as he remembered where he was and what he'd been doing. After Tara's surprising suggestion that they 'neck', he'd gotten treated to a round of snogging the likes of which he didn't think he'd ever had. It had been shockingly easy to kiss and snuggle with the two witches. After a while they had settled back on the pillows with him in the middle while the girls nuzzled his neck. They had begun talking quietly about everything and nothing. Between kisses, of course. They'd told him what had happened to Tara's William and he'd comforted them as they'd cried once more over it. He'd kissed and petted them until they settled down to the occasional sniffle. The subject matter had turned to less tragic topics and he'd regaled them with a few of his more humorous misadventures.
Spike risked a peek down his torso, scarcely daring to believe that they had actually cuddled up to him and gone to sleep. Yup, there they were, Willow and Tara. Clinging to him like limpets. He had his arms around their shoulders and they were firmly tucked onto his chest. They each had a hand inserted under his t-shirt, spread out on his muscled abs possessively. Distractedly, he wondered just when it was he'd forgotten his 'infatuation' with the slayer and begun to seriously care for the two beautiful women in his arms. They accepted him as he was whether it was the demon in him or the William that Tara insisted existed in there with the vampire, they accepted him. All of him. He didn't know how or why but the feeling it gave him was indescribable.
A thought niggled the back of his mind as he yawned and seriously considered going back to sleep. With a mental shrug he dismissed it, figuring if it were important he'd remember later and allowed himself to drift into a contented snooze.
