Hey guys…you can thank Amanda for getting me to update tonight lol. But I hope this chapter is alright…its not my best but hey its something…oh yea and the song in this chapter is "Autumn's Monologue" by From Autumn to Ashes…hope you enjoy…
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters…even though I do wish I owned Mike Lobel…lol j/k…
(Alex's Point of View)
Jay didn't really say anything to me during shop and I didn't try to talk to him. At lunch I just walked in the ravine by myself thinking. The only thing I have left is this baby…if anything happened to it I don't know what I'd do. I think that in two months I'll be able to find out the sex so we won't call it, 'it' any more, but instead an actual name. Now that I look at it I truly am in this alone. Emma and Jay are going through her pregnancy together, Ellie has Sean, and I have no one. As I was walking back to the school I saw Jay and Emma again.
"Well if it isn't Alex. What's the matter? You not eating because you don't want to get fatter?" She gave me this little smirk that I just wanted to smack off of her face.
"Like I told you earlier I'm pregnant. So take your stupid shit and shove it up your ass" I tried to walk around them but they stood in my way and wouldn't let me through.
"And let me guess you don't eve know who the father is then. Jay told me the truth. He told me all about how you just slept with some guy and then blamed the kid on Jay, How pathetic is that" I took a deep breath before I did something I would regret…
"No actually it was a guy that I really loved and cared about, and I thought it felt the same way. But it doesn't matter anymore he's dead to me and our baby." I stared right at Jay when I said it and he still looked at me, his face unchanging, the same emotionless eyes. I'm beginning to think that he never did care about me. "Now would you move your asses. I have to get to class" I pushed threw them and left, I turned around once and when I did I saw them making out. I started to walk faster trying to push the picture of them out of my head.
I missed the old days…back in grade 8 when me and Jay basically ruled the school. I had everything back then, friends, money, my mom wasn't married to an abusive jackass, but most of all I had Jay. All those nights together now seem like nothing but a long gone memory.
"Hello? Earth to Alex." I didn't even notice until then that Marco had his hand in front of my face trying to get my attention. "Okay now that I have your attention after school there's a meeting for student council. Can you be there?"
"yea I can make it." I watched as he walked off and I went into my class. Study Hall…the greatest class to sleep through. When I got in there I was a little early and no one else was in there so I took my usual seat and laid my head down. The teacher never really did care about what we did in there, as long as we didn't make that much noise she was happy.
Forty minutes later I was unfortunately awoken by the bell and I had to go to Applied Music, which is where I was suppose to teach myself how to play the piano and the teacher just watched us and made sure we were working. It wasn't to hard and I was actually really enjoying playing. As I started to play a song that I had been trying to learn I sang along with the tune…
Oh why can't I be what you need?
a new improved version of me
But I'm nothing so good, no I'm nothing
Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
Of violence of love and of sorrow
I beg for just one more tomorrow
Where you hold me down, fold me in
Deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sins
I break in two over you, oh,
I break in two, and each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't
I started to cry again. But I still sang.
Here I'm in between darkness and light
Bleached and blinded by these nights
Where I'm tossing and tortured till dawn
I view visions of you, then you're gone
The shock bleeds the red from my face
When I hear someone has taken my place
How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?
When all, all that I did was for you
I break in two over you, oh,
I break in two, and each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't
I was all out bawling by the end of it. I ran out of the room as fast as I could and into the bathroom. Once I was in a stall I brought my knees to my chest and just sat there. I heard the bell ring that signaled the day to be over so I walked back into the music room to get my stuff, I was about to head home when I remembered I had a meeting to attend to. Hopefully it wouldn't take long since I wanted to just get home and sleep. I got to the auditorium, where the meetings are usually held, and went to sit on the stage. It looked like Marco and a few others were here already.
"Alex are you okay? Have you been crying?" Marco was possibly one of the sweetest guys that I knew. He always cared about everyone else. "Look I can handle this meeting you go back home and have some rest. I'll fill you in tomorrow." I gave him a quick hug and did what he said, I went back to the house and as soon as I laid down on that couch I was out. When I woke up I realized that I was suppose to be at work ten minutes ago. I ran out and down to the bus station where I would catch the soonest bus and hopefully not be to late. Thank god I got there just in time and was able to get to the mall in about ten minutes.
"Alex you're late" I looked at Merri's eyes and silently pleaded that she wouldn't fire me. "it's alright just get to work" She was such an awesome boss. I had told her about what was going on in my life and she would let me slide with stuff like this. I put on my work shirt and started…I worked until 11:30…which meant I had 5 hours to go. Like usual once the 7 o'clock movie started we had about an hour before the next wave so I just sat at a table and rested. Being pregnant really tired me out. The rest of the night went pretty well…except at one point I saw Emma and Jay walk up to the counter but I let Paige get their orders.
(Two Months Later)
Emma claimed she had a miscarriage, None of my clothes fit, I feel fat, Jay was still with Emma, and I was lonelier than ever. Being five months pregnant sucks. But the good part about today was I was going to find out what my little baby was going to be. Whether it was a little boy or girl I was going to be happy. When I got to the doctors office I was a little late so he just took me right in.
"Where's your boyfriend, Jay was it?" I had gotten used to the fact that he no longer wanted to be with me so whenever people asked I didn't want to burst out in tears.
"Actually we…broke up. He's with some other girl now"
"Oh that's too bad. Anyway are we ready to take a look and see how the baby's doing?" I nodded my head anxiously. He quickly put the gel on my stomach and used the head thing to go over it and I looked at the screen to see my baby. "Now do you want to know the sex of the baby?" I nodded again. "Well Alex I'm happy to tell you that your having a little girl" Silently I had been hoping since the beginning that it was a girl but now that I know what it is I'm overjoyed. "It looks like she's doing good. Congratulations" Dr. Houston took the thing off and gave me a towel to wipe off the gel. When I was done she told me that, that was all and I could come back within one to two months.
"Thank you" I climbed down and walked out. On the way back to the house I stopped at a book store and picked up a book of baby names. I was flipping through it the whole way home and I found a few names that I liked but I think that the name I came up with from the beginning is still the best. When I walked into the house I saw two people I thought I'd never see in my house…ever…
And there it is…let me know what you think…
Taryn
