A/N: Well here it is! I'm soooo sorry for all of the delays. I just sat down and wrote this chapter because I felt terrible about not updating sooner. I'm sorry for any grammatical and spelling errors you may find. I'll fix them later. As always, please review, and PLEASE READ THE LYRICS THAT I INCLUDED AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS CHAPTER. THEY ARE EXTREMELY FITTING AND I AM RATHER PROUD OF MYSELF FOR INCLUDING THEM.
Dangerous Game
From Jekyll and Hyde
"No one speaks, not one word
But what words are in our eyes
Silence speaks, loud and clear
All the words we both want to hear
At the touch of your hand
At the sound of your voice
At the moment your eyes meet mine
I am losing my mind, I am losing control
Fighting feelings I can't define
It's a sin with no name
No remorse and no shame
Fire, fury, and flame
Cause the devil's to blame
And the angels proclaim
It's a dangerous game..."
Christine
As a lady of society, the thought of sweating is almost as horrible as the thought of going into public without a corset. Although I have not, and will never officially become one of the upper class ladies that Raoul expects me to be, I have learned enough in the past few years of living in English aristocracy to know that sweating is definitely NOT acceptable. Tonight, however, was an unspoken acceptation to the rule. Raoul and I had danced 6 complete dances, and by the end I was flushed a fairly deep shade of pink. It's not that I'm unable to participate in such physical activity, but when you are in a crowed ballroom surrounded by hundreds of guests, it gets rather warm. Additionally, my face was covered in a mask and my dress, although skimpy, still added on additional layers of material which held in the heat. After the final strains of the orchestra died down, Raoul and I wandered back to the edge of the room in order to grab a drink. It didn't take him long to notice how my complexion had significantly brightened from the exercise, so naturally he inquired about my wellbeing.
"Christine darling, you look flushed. Are you alright?"
"Of course Raoul. I'm fine. It's just that with all these people dancing with such graceful fervor, I got rather warm. I'm fine now. Do you think we might step outside for a moment?"
"Of course Christine."
We left the elegant swirl of gowns and pressed pants and walked onto the marble balcony which overlooked acres of rolling hills. Directly beneath us was a lovely rose garden, and I saw a few other couples wandering aimlessly among the paths, no doubt trying to achieve some privacy and cool down after the waltzes. I rested my hand upon the balcony railing, allowing the chill marble to gradually cool my body. Raoul put his arms around my waist and whispered in my ear.
"My dear Christine. My lovely Christine. I love you so much."
I smiled. It was not unlike Raoul to say such things, and I typically found myself enjoying them, even taking them for granted at times. Tonight, however, those words seemed like annoying drones in my ear. This feeling was so sudden and unfounded that it shocked me. However, the more and more Raoul told me of his undying love, the more I felt a tightening feeling in my heart, and a deeper annoyance towards him. Suddenly, this unexplainable yet undeniable emotion became too much for me.
"Raoul dear," I said, turning around and flashing him the most sincere smile I could manage, "Why don't you go and get another drink. I am terribly parched after that dance, and would much prefer to stand out here where it is cooler."
Raoul looked at me with a confused look on his face, yet quickly flashed me his most dashing smile and responded with a quick, "Of course dear", before retreating back into the open French doors and into the ballroom. Sighing, I turned around and continued to stare out into the open expanse of garden and land. It was an absolutely beautiful night, and the fresh breeze was doing wonders for cooling, no just my body temperature, but my sudden and unexpected annoyance towards Raoul. What had evoked such a feeling? I did not know. As I continued to stare into the vast expanse of night sky, I began to have an unnerving feeling that I was being watched. Oh my God….Erik. How could I have forgotten! How daft could one person be! The heat of the ballroom was truly doing horrors to my sanity. Spinning around on my heel, I looked behind me. Of course no one was to be found, but yet I knew he was there. Cautiously, once I could trust my voice to speak, I croaked out his name.
"Erik?"
I was answered only by a faint gust of wind which carried the far away sounds of laughing couples and the melodic vibrating of orchestra strings. Suddenly, very softly, almost inaudibly, I heard my name being carried by the very breeze which I had just felt mere seconds ago.
"Christine…."
Oh my name was spoken quietly indeed, not louder then the rustle of a flower petal in the wind, yet I heard it all the same. I knew he was here. Erik. My omnipotent angel.
"Angel oh speak! What gentlest longings, echo in this whisper?"
This time, however, I was only greeted with silence as at that moment Raoul appeared with two glasses of champagne. Smiling my most sincere smile, I took the stemmed glass from his hand and brought it to my mouth as steadily as I could. Internally, however, I was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane.
"Raoul, I am feeling much better now and would hate for us to miss the rest of the ball. Why don't we go in and dance the last remaining dances?"
"It would be my pleasure Christine."
Why did it seem as though everything he said was coming from a script? As if someone had painstakingly written out the perfect responses for each and every mundane question ever asked?
When we entered the ballroom, Raoul was immediately tapped on the shoulder by an older looking gentleman. With his mask in place, it took me a few seconds to realize that it was Count DeVangel, one of Raoul's close companions. The Count graciously asked for me to join him in the next dance, and of course, Raoul agreed. Soon, I began to dance with the Count DeVangel, and was interweaving among couples with a grace that I had developed from all my years as a ballerina at the Opera house. Before long, another gentlemen cut in, and I resumed the dance the arms of another. Shortly after, another man cut in, followed by another, and another, and another. All these men danced with the same pace, the same stride, and held me in the same manner at the same arm length. All these men were perfect cardboard cutouts of what society claimed were the standards of the ideal man. Closing my eyes and allowing myself to be swept up in the rhythm of the melodic waltz, I failed to notice we had switched partners yet again. Once I took a further step, however, I automatically opened my eyes. The arms which held me were not the arms of another brainless aristocratic suitor, nor the arms of an elderly gentleman. They were the arms of someone so powerful that electric pulses seemed to radiate from them. The way this new partner danced was not like my other partners. His stride was not one which had been taught to him at a young age by private tutors looking at improving their pupil's dancing ability, but one of natural grace and confidence. He moved with such a natural grace that I could have sworn we were waltzing on water. Slowly, I allowed my eyes to travel up his arms to his face. Even though a mask covered his face, there was no denying the piercing golden orbs which peered from beneath it.
The Phantom
My Angel of Music
My Savior personified all in this one body which was Erik
Erik
Erik
"Erik!"
He didn't respond, but merely stared at me, his eyes carrying with them an unreadable expression. Somehow, for some reason which only the gods know, his silence communicated to me all the unspoken feelings neither of us wished to acknowledge.
We continued the dance in complete silence, and I was only vaguely aware that we were dancing to the rear exit of the ballroom. We didn't speak, and yet my mind was nothing short of a battleground of conflicting and unanswered emotions. I was a married woman! How dare I take pleasure from being in this man's arms! But did I even derive pleasure from such an act? Maybe it was fear. No…it certainly wasn't fear. It was the feeling of….of….of being….alive. That was it. I was alive. I love Raoul, God knows I do. But the love I feel for him is a comforting kind of love. The love you feel when you read a favorite book on the windowsill of a warm, sunny day. The love you feel while drinking your favorite tea after coming in from the cold outdoors. What I felt now while being in Erik's arms was…different. It was like something I had read once a long time ago in Plato's "Allegory of a Cave." Those who saw shadows all their lives believed that the shadows were real, although the shadows were merely shades of reality. When one of the persons emerged from the cave and had his eyes opened, that person immediately realized what he had been missing his entire life. Although he had been perfectly at ease being hoodwinked into settling for the comforts of deceit and misconception, once he realized what the world actually had to offer, he never wanted to return to a life lived in shades. That was the way I felt now. Never again did I wish to deny myself of something which I know knew was vitally important to my wellbeing. I needed this man! God help me, I needed Erik more than I had ever needed anything in my entire life. I looked into his eyes and silently began pleading for something; any sign which would allow me to escape form this infinitesimal silence.
Finally, we stopped dancing and stood in silence. Our dancing had carried us outside, and we allowed ourselves to bask in the moonlight. The night was still gorgeous, yet all the couples who had been wandering the gardens a mere hour before had left. It was if the gods had been planning this reunion, and any soul other than ours would be killed should they stumble upon and interrupt this crucial moment. After what proved to be the most agonizing minutes of my life, he spoke.
"Christine. I didn't think you would actually come."
I had to laugh. Of all the absurd things to say! Of all the things that deserved to be said…that NEEDED to be said…this is how he had begun the conversation. Biting back any witty comments I felt like saying, I responded with a polite, "But of course I came. You couldn't have expected me to miss the most talked about gala in over a week."
Erik smirked. Thankfully my bash on English society had not been missed. "Pray tell. How has the gala been so far?"
Curse this man and his eternal patience! He had me right where he wanted. He knew that I was dying to talk about what had occurred between us earlier today, and he was taking pleasure in watching me squirm and writhe beneath his seeming calm and placid exterior. He could wait for hours before bringing up what needed to be discussed most. Perhaps he was waiting for me to make the first move. Perhaps he was waiting to see if I had enough courage to inquire about his earlier visit. Well, I wouldn't do it! Not because I was a coward, but because I was determined to turn the tables. I was no longer the helpless little teenager he had fallen in love with so many years ago. I had grown wiser and stronger with the passing years, and I was determined that he would see this new side of me before the evening came to an end. "You see Erik", I thought to myself, "I can play these games too. After all, I learned from the expert." My thoughts of flooring him with my womanly wisdom quickly crumbled when I caught him gazing at me quizzically from beneath his mask. "Oh great" I thought to myself. I hadn't answered his question as to how the ball was! Raising my head high, and resolutely looking him in the eye, I responded with a very decisive, "Oh the Masque? It's wonderful. Thank you for inquiring!"
Ha! That did it. I'm sure he was so convinced that my taking an eternity to answer his question showed that I was still under his spell. He probably thought I had forgotten the question because I was so wrapped up in my own childish nerves. Oh but he was wrong. I needed Erik. I knew that now. But for all my pride I would not let him know it. Kill me if it must, Erik would never know of my rediscovered dependence on him. Too long I had needed my angel. As an adult now, it is time that my dreams of angels came to an end. There was only the here and now, and a future which promised a life without Heavenly beings.
"How have you been Erik? What have you been doing all these years?"
Erik threw me a disbelieving glance. "I've been fine of course. Completely happy. I wake up every morning with the sun shining on my face and the birds singing in the trees. I have so many companions, I can't even keep their names straight! Oh we have such wonderful times together, sipping tea and discussing the latest English fashion. Gah! Christine, how do you think I've been doing? I'm in turmoil. I never thought I'd say this, and I never thought I would come back to you. But I can't help it! I need you Christine. I've come to ask you to just come back to me. I thought that maybe…"
"And just what did you think? That I would come crawling back to you? That after I saw you today in my bedroom I would rush into your arms tonight and beg you to take me away? You are no angel Erik, and I am no child! We needed each other all those years ago, yes. You needed me to bring your songs to the stage, and I needed you as a supplemental father figure. But you know what Erik? My use for men masquerading around as angels is gone. I don't need you anymore! And God so help me, I never loved you! I think you of all people could understand that!" It was a lie…all of it was a lie. I did love him and I needed him more than I could possibly say. But he pushed me away that night! I tried to give him my heart but all of his lofty protestations drove me away!
The look on his eyes made me wish for nothing more than to craw up in a ball and bury myself alive under all the lies and hurtful words I had said to him. I crushed this man. I crushed him once, and I did it again. Why? What had driven me to do this!
"Very well Christine. I'm sorry I ever came back. Forgive me of any inconvenience I may have caused you and your fairy tale marriage to the Vicomte. I was wrong of course…wrong to have ever seen anything in you. I believed you to be an angel Christine, but it was a lie. You hid behind a façade of innocence and beauty, but you are nothing but one of them. You are just like the rest of mankind. You are cruel Christine. Ignorant, cruel, and unfeeling." Erik laughed a cruel disbelieving laugh. "Come to think of it, I don't know what I ever saw in you! Wait, I do. You were the beacon of light in my dark world Christine. I thought that such a light could only come from heaven. But was I ever wrong! I forgot that such a light could be emitted from the very fires of hell too! Goodbye Christine, and God help you if our paths ever cross again."
With that he left. He just turned around and vanished. My heart was breaking. I had tried to be strong. Strong and unyielding as he. I had tried to show him that I didn't need him. I suppose I was a far better actress than I had given myself credit for. He was gone now. Forever gone from my life, and I had done nothing that would have warranted otherwise. This is what I had wanted wasn't it? A life forever free of my dark angel. I saw Raoul walk through the doors and gaze around the garden for a few moments before his eyes settled on me. He came up behind me and put his arm around my shoulder.
"There you are little lottie. I was wondering where you had gone off to! Come! Let's visit the Lady Elizabeth before we go home for the evening! And the Count McBechn with his lovely Countess! Oh silly me, we couldn't forget the Duchess Mary and….."
Oh God in heaven…save me from the error in my ways!
FIN
A/N: Just kidding. I could end it there, but I don't know if I should. Let me know! I took some creative liberties with Plato's "Allegory of a Cave." I know that what I the comparison I made hadn't been completely accurate to Plato's true meaning. HOWEVER, I am the author and therefore feel as though I have a right to bend a tweak the story at will, even if that means tweaking a fundamental piece of literature which has been impacting lives for the past two millennia. Tell me what you think! I can't improve without your input. As always, grammatical errors will be fixed later.
