Yep…your eyes aren't deceiving you, this is The Evincar with a new fanfic…even though I have three good fanfics that already need updating…Why burden myself with another, you ask? Because I'm crazy, dammit…And don't worry, I'll update FoD, Madness, and Darkness soon…they're almost done…I just felt like having a bit of fun, who knows how long this will be…meh…whatever…

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, real people, lyrics, whatever in this story, I really don't own anything, I don't even know why people put these disclaimers in, this is a bloody fanfic for godsakes. :)


Tokyo 3, Japan

The Streets of Tokyo 3

Shinji Ikari sighed, his head hung low, as he strolled through the streets of Tokyo 3. Hundreds of people bumped past him, nudging against him from time to time as his SDAT earbuds hung loosely out of his pocket. Their steps almost formed tangible rhyme that Shinji could feel, like some African beat.

If anyone could see his hung low countenance, it would seem low in feeling though, the dark shading under his eyes, which seemed dull and lifeless, the slowly maturing wrinkles in his forehead, representative of a child who had seen far too much for his age.

Shinji Ikari had not slept for a week. It seemed impossible; he usually had an average amount of sleep, although the nightmares would interrupt his peace every other day or so. They were horrific, the pain did not dull in time, it simply became comfortable. So when he began to stop having them, peace dawning on him, a period without angels, a month ago, he seemed quite uncomfortable, and almost felt like he was missing the pain, he had grown to know it, it had become a part of him.

It was Toji who had brought the pain back to him, to a more extreme degree, overwhelming him; it was strange after the period of peace. He was not cynical enough to welcome it, but he did expect it. Whenever he seemed to enjoying himself, he could always feel something looming in the horizon.

I...will never forgive you father…I can never forgive myself for what happened to Toji…I…I just can't.

At first he had felt pure rage at his father, almost the point of having to be forcefully removed from his Evangelion. And now he simply felt nothing but apathy with a tinge of depression. He was nothing but a monster himself, he remembered what Kaji had said before he had returned to fight the angel, before he had been absorbed, as Toji's fresh fate tormented him..

"Now Shinji, to the heart of the story! I haven't told you're the reason why I'm spying on NERV."

Shinji stared at Kaji in the small cramped bunker and then turned his face away.

"Well, I don't really care you know."

"Now, don't say that….otherwise, what are we going to talk about?"

Kaji grinned sheepishly and then began.

"The…Second Impact was the beginning to everything. The aftermath was pure hell. Try to imagine it…Cities under tidal waves…disease…starvation, and of course, war. For a year, every horseman rode, until three billion people were gone. My mom and dad were two of them. My brother and I lived. He was four years younger".

Shinji's eyes hardened as Kaji mentioned his parent's fate, his eyes falling on Kaji in attention as the man calmly continued his story.

"Orphaned kids like us were everywhere back then. The government rounded up as many of the children as they could. But what were they supposed to do with us? We were dumped into mass shelters. That didn't solve a thing. There were hundreds of thousands of us. The facilities were soon bursting at the seams. There wasn't enough food or clothes. We kicked and punched each other over who got to sleep in the beds, or who just got the floor. There weren't enough adults to watch over us so they tried to make up for it with harsh rules and…"

Shinji's looked down as he began to remember his own childhood, he felt uncomfortable and…

"So, when does the spy thing start?"

Kaji groaned.

"Fine, a long intro, so sue me…There was only so much we could take. So we escaped...me, my brother, and five others. We did what we had to do."

"Huh?"

"You know. So we had to scrounge for food…steal, loot…anything to get by."

Shinji looked away again, raising his eyebrow.

"First a thief, then a spy."

Kaji groaned again and talking loudly.

"We didn't have a choice, all right!"

"Yeah..."

"But everywhere we scavenged was being picked over by other refugees, too…then, one day…we scouted out a military warehouse, kind of like the bunker we're in right now. There wasn't much in the way of high-tech security right after the disaster, so even kids like us managed to sneak in. So that's what we'd do, whenever we'd get hungry. Taking a little at a time, and going one by one to avoid attention."

Kaji paused, looking down, his suave face becoming hollow cheeked and grim.

"And…then, one day, it was my turn. The patrol soldiers saw me, I tried to run, they grabbed me and hit me, I was just a child. They'd known all along what we'd been doing. He asked me where my friends were, where he could find them, I denied everything but they beat me and threatened me. I still remember what the sergeant among the soldiers said…'Let me appeal to your intellect, okay? Regulations state….that deadly force is authorized…towards trespassers on military facilities…that means that no one gives a damn if we kill you right here and now.' He held his handgun to my head, pulling my body up and kept on speaking in that…low…damned voice. 'Tell us where the others are and we spare you. For your information, the manual states the trigger pull on this is about two and-a-half kilos. One. Two.'"

Shinji's eyes widened in horror as Kaji pulled out a handgun as he counted to three, pointing it at his head and then throwing it against the wall at 'three'.

Kaji grinned grimly and spoke again.

"You know what, Shinji? I found out I was afraid of dying. There's never been a moment when I was more afraid, not in all my life."

Shinji stared at Kaji, stricken with terror.

"Did…Did you tell them?"

Kaji looked down, the shadows absorbing his handsome face, his eyes drooping as if to answer in affirmative.

"What…What happened?"

"They left after they found out…they were going to kill me anyway, but I managed to get past the guard and sprinted towards where my friends were, to warn them…When…When I got back to our building...I saw soldiers burning rubber, looking like they were making a getaway. All of them…All of them…"

Kaji looked Shinji in the face as Shinji's eyes widened even more.

"I lived to tell this story…by taking the lives of my friends…and my brother. So yeah, it was simple. I had traded them for me. It's not that I didn't feel guilty. I thought about killing myself…"

Kaji's hands shook imperceptively as he continued.

"But…I started to think about it this way…What in the hell were we all doing in that situation, anyway? It was because of the Second Impact. It was…something to go on, something to go on for. It was around that time that the U.N. published the official explanation for that event. A meteor had hit Antarctica they said. I didn't buy it. If there were people behind this, then they should be punished, or they would only make more victims…I thought I could atone for my brother…by uncovering the truth of what happened."

Kaji pulled out a cigarette and calmly lighted it.

"I was lucky, I eventually found relatives who took me back in. Got back in school, and they sent me to college. Learned a lot there…"

"To become a spy?"

"Hah…You could say that…It was then that I met Katsuragi…We fell in love right away. We were so happy. But…we were consumed by our happiness. That suddenly, one day, some fear stuck me down. I wondered…if I deserved this, when I killed my own brother."

"What!" Is that why you broke up?"

"I just couldn't spend my time being in love anymore…"

"I feel sorry for Misato…I think…she still loves you. She…She said that there are something you can't help, even if you're in love."

Kaji took a puff of his cigarette and looked intently at the floor.

"It's the same…with her, Shinji."

"What do you mean?"

"She's the sole survivor of the Katsuragi Expedition that was there when Second Impact happened. There was never any meteor. She's the only living soul who actually saw it up close. Her father was heading the investigation of the object called "Adam" that they had discovered…buried in Antarctica. And then, it happened. They were both wounded, with only one escape vessel. He put her in. She survived…he died."

Shinji's eyes widened once more as he heard Misato's past.

"It runs down her body you know…The scar, it runs deep inside. I know it's why she joined NERV, just like it's why I'm spying on it. Neither of us…deserve to be happy. And...Shinji…Neither do you."

Kaji stared Shinji intently in the eyes, Kaji's eyes now gaining a harder less casual look to them.

"What do you mean...I'm not the same as you…Are…you…You're talking about Toji! That wasn't my fault. Dad did it!"

Shinji roared with all his weak voice.

"Toji died because of dad!"

Kaji slowly held the cigarette in his fingers, the smoke billowing around.

"And you, Shinji. You just watched…You could've stopped it if you tried. If you had fought before they switched over to the dummy system you might have been able to defeat the angel, and save Suzuhara's life. But…you didn't. Suzuhara died…and you survived. Just like how I survived by trading my brother's life. And how Katsuragi survived by trading her father. You have it now. You have Suzuhara's life. You've still got flesh and blood, because you took his."

Shinji stared at Kaji, tears welling up in his eyes as his right fist clenched and unclenched

"So how are you going to live that life…as if nothing happened?"

"What…am I supposed to do!"

Kaji lifted his hand and pointed towards the exit of the bunker

"You can get to the Geofront on the Linear-Rail Route 18, through the door on the end. It's your choice whether you get on it or not. But it's like I've told you before…You musn't look away from the truth."

The tears slowly trickled down Shinji's face as Kaji looked even more dark and serious.

"They say…that there will be a Third Impact…if an angel makes contact with Adam, which is sleeping underneath NERV. This time, everyone could die. The only one that can stop it…the only thing, is the Evangelion. It has power…as an angel."

So Shinji Ikari had gone towards that exit, he had defeated the angel, he had continued on. But he still could not sleep. His SDAT no longer worked. "Ode to Joy" used to have the ability to save his soul if only for a few minutes, "Pachelbel's Canon" seemed to cleanse his body, and Wagner gave him the energy he needed for the day.

A few more people in the crowd bumped against Shinji as he awakened from his self-mental torture, he heard an odd metal clang and looked left, an old homeless man had dropped his spoon. Shinji clenched and unclenched his fists and continued walking, as his inner monologue began torturing him again.

The SDAT no longer had any effect, nothing did. Shinji stopped in his tracks as something pounded in his mind, almost rhythmically, it was his pain, his agony, he choked, his throat caught, he was finding it hard to…

"Breathe , but I keep the glocks in the stashes 'cause the cops wanna lock and harass us and make it hard to breathe! They has to react like having a asthma attack when they see the plasma in back. You dudes are wheezing behind me, my flow is like a coup, breezing at 90, that's the reason they signed me. It's quick metaphors and hard punches on the cuts feels something like hard punches to the gut, how I address the haters, and underestimaters and ride up on them like they escalators. They shook up, and hooked up to respirators on they last breath talking to investigators. I'm a breathe of fresh air and a fresh pair. Face it boo, and do it till your face get blue, and then breathe!"

Shinji's eyes widened perceptively as the odd rhythmic song continued bouncing in his head, he felt his fist stop clenching and unclenching and felt his foot unconsciously tapping to the beat.

He heard a joyous and animated voice to his right and at once saw the source of the music.

And old African American man was slumped with his back against an alley wall, a antiquated boombox on his wall pumping out the music.

Shinji could sort of understand what the man in the song was saying, it seemed mindless but energetic, and he was surprised when the man spoke in almost perfect Japanese.

"Hey kid, you like what you're hearin'? That's pretty surprising…Didn't think you Japanese were that into rap..."

Shinji spoke uncomfortably and quietly to the odd stranger.

"Huh? Rap?"

"Awww shiiit, don't tell me you've never heard of rap, boy? Daaaamn, that's pretty sad, you've missed a whole world a' music, ya feelin' me?"

Shinji paused, confused by the last comment, slightly perturbed and afraid.

"Damn boy, calm down, I ain't gonna hurt you, come over here for a minute…"

Shinji didn't know why he got closer to the man, possibly out of apathy, boredom, or simple self-disregard for his safety.

"You like this shit, don't ya? Don't blame you", spoke the large wizened man over the hushed volume of the song which seemed to be saying, "…you catch a 'f' to the AB, it's in the maybe, rolling with my baby, gripping on a toy that you won't find in KB. I rhyme slick on you I'ma have to put the Heimlich on ya…"

"Well, I'm pretty surprised son, but I don't blame ya, boy…This is old school shit, Fabolous, back in the day…was it 05, I think…the cars were all pumpin' that shit…"

Shinji stared at the man nervously, trying to slowly edge away from him but the man drew him in with a genial hand around the shoulder.

"Hey check this, I got some tapes you could borrow if ya want, my name's Andre Young, but you can call me Doctor, if you want, that's what they called me back in the old days…"

Andre's eyes grew grim, a contrast from the energetic look a minute ago, as if he was reliving 'the old days'.

Shinji stopped trying to escape when he saw that and took the SDAT tapes from Young's hand, looking at him questioningly.

"Don't worry son, I'm around here everyday, bring 'em back at yo leisure, ya feel me? Talk ta me later if ya want, maybe I could hook you up, this city need some life, ya feel me?"

Shinji paused, and then nodded, not actually having the guts to repeat the odd antiquated slang.

Andre smiled.

"Hell yeah…well, I'm out. You look pretty chill kid, you were lookin' pretty down before…Maybe I can work out something with you later, we can hang…there's some serious shit in this city man…"

Young spouted off a few more cryptic lines and then disappeared down the dark alley, the sound of the boombox wafting farther and farther away, and then all was silent, leaving Shinji still standing there and staring at the tapes.

"NWA? DMX? What do those stand for? It reminds me too much of NERV…"

Shinji shook his head and tossed the tapes into the trash, not willing to find a path of healing or new friends, instead sprinting home in the dimming sunlight.


Well, that's the end of Chapter One, as you can see…this will be a very interesting if not slightly insane fanfic…Will Shinji continue to flee from human contact? Will he overcome his agony? And what about Asuka and Rei?

Just bear with me kids; I bet you some of you will love it, perhaps…

Seeya until Chapter One, or when I get the nads to post Chapter 11 of Madness, Chapter Four of Darkness, or Chapter Five or something of FoD. :P