Spinning the Wheel 04 - A Walk In The Park

Buffy sat down on her bed, turning her purse upside down to shake out it's contents.
Somewhere in her glorious collection of lollipop wrappings, bills and whatnots she'd lost her spanking new lip-gloss she would desperately need when she went to college the next day.

She roamed through the pile until she found it. With a triumphant "Aha." she twisted it open and applied some of the glossy substance to her lips. The faint scent of peaches drifted to her nose and she inhaled deeply.

Suddenly, Buffy frowned.

Keys? She'd left her keys in the hall down by the door. What the heck.? Oh no.

The blond woman grabbed the keys that lay within the pile on her bedspread. "Great."
She'd forgotten to put Spike's keys back in their place in the hall of his apartment. She must have stuffed them into her purse when she'd juggled with the grocery bag and the door and now she'd completely forgotten them.

Not that he'd leave house, she assumed, but he must think that she had stolen them or something.

Buffy bit her lower lip as she let the keys slide through her fingers.
She hadn't given them a second look, just a couple of keys. But now she gave them a closer look.

Besides the key for the main door and the one for the apartment, there was a car key, indicating the fitting lock as the one of a Ford Mustang. And there was a tiny brass Union Jack dangling from it. The colors were embedded into the metal and the slight golden shimmer gleamed in the light of the lamp.
And there was a little silver guitar dangling from the key-chain. It was a miniature duplicate of the one at Spike's place, including the engraving.

Buffy looked down at the small guitar, a sad expression flickered over her face. She remembered his hesitation and his snappy comeback as she'd asked if he was still playing. It must've been hard, being in a band and all and suddenly he couldn't perform anymore. Of course, he still could but like he said, he wouldn't fit on stage.
The accident kicked him out of the team.

Buffy sighed deeply.

God, why did she even care? It wasn't her job. She just had to go there a couple of days more and that would be it. She didn't need to go back there anymore, didn't have to see him anymore, didn't have to worry what too say and what not.
Being with him was too exhausting and it depressed her.

"Hello?" Buffy called into the apartment and pushed the door open. She didn't want to trespass, you never knew what people were doing without a watchful eye.

As she stepped into the apartment, she heard the rattle of metal from down the hall.

Buffy frowned and made a cautious step forward. What the hell was he doing in there?

"Spike?" she asked carefully as she went down the hall, heading towards the door that led into his training-room.

"What?" came the strained answer and Buffy rounded the corner and stepped into the room.

Her mouth fell open for a second before she caught herself as Spike looked up at her.
He was sitting under one of those crossbars you pull down behind your head, beads of sweat glistened on his bare chest, muscles rippling under his too pale skin. His legs were strapped to the bench to keep them from slipping away.

When he saw her he let go of the bar and the weights slammed down behind him, the metallic clatter hollowing in the room. As the weights came down Buffy jumped slightly at the sudden clatter.

"You're early. Didn't expect you." he said, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

For a moment, Buffy could just stare at him. She was completely paralysed by his unexpectedly toned body. He told her that he was working out the other day, but she hadn't expected that.
But another thing that caught her attention, were the massive scars on both of his legs. They were all too visible beneath the short sweatpants. One was running down from his left thigh over the knee and faded at his shin. The other one started at his right shin a disappeared at his calf.
Those scars looked nasty, Buffy had never seen anything like that before.

"You still in there?" Spike asked, looking at her more intently, a cocky smile playing around his lips.

"Huh?" Buffy snapped back into reality and shook her head to get some clear thought back into the mix. "Yeah, I'm. I came here right after my classes. Is that okay? I can go and come back later." She pointed her thumb at the door, almost turning around to leave.

"No, it okay." he answered and unfastened the straps around his legs. "I was done anyway."

He pulled the wheelchair that stood about a foot away a little closer, thumbed down the brakes to keep it from rolling away and rested his hands on the armrests.

"How did you get in here? I didn't hear you ring." With that, he lifted himself up, spun around and sat down in the wheelchair.

Buffy watched him for a second. This movement looked so well trained that it almost hurt to see how much he'd got used to sit in that chair.

"I didn't." she said with a little hesitation. "I forgot to put the keys back yesterday. I let myself in. Sorry about that." Buffy felt the heat creep up in her cheeks although she didn't know why. It wasn't as if she's walked into some kind of. inappropriate situation or anything like that. Why did she even care?

"No need to be. I don't need the keys anyway. I don't go out much." Spike adjusted his legs into a more comfortable position, as much as it was possible to do so since he didn't feel his legs.

"But you should." Buffy blurted. Where did that thought come from? Was she going completely around the bend? What was she doing here? She really should stop caring. There was no need to all this was just temporary because she'd made a mistake, nothing more.

"Pardon?" Spike looked at her as surprised as she was about that statement. This girl was even more weird than he'd thought.

"I mean. " she hesitated again, blushing a little more. "You should go out a little more." Well, duh, Buffy. You're the queen of pointless and totally stupid conversations. "I mean."

"And I mean that it is none of your business where and when I go. If you don't mind, I'll go and have a shower." He moved past her, shooting her an angry look.

Buffy stood there for several seconds, she didn't move, she didn't even dare to breath.
She couldn't understand what happened just then.
First of all, there was the half-naked-glory that was burned into the back of her mind from now until forever.
And second, there was this oh-so-stupid statement she'd made out of the blue. It just came out. Actually, it wasn't that bad but he seemed to take it for more than it was. And now he was all angry again. Why not? This couldn't get any worse, really. She thought they were starting to get along better after he didn't seem to care that she'd taken his keys and now they were all the way back into the hate.

The blonde shook her head, snapped out of her reverie and walked over into the living-room.

Water was pouring down his back as Spike leaned forwards, his hands resting on his knees, his head bowed down.
He has a special construction built in his shower that made it possible for him to almost sit in it. He had just turned on the hot water and hadn't moved since then. The sharp needles of the spray prickled on his skin as he tried to get the aches and knots out of his muscles.
He knew he should be having massages but he just didn't feel like it. That - again - would mean other people who cared. He really had enough of those. And he had bigger problems than some kinks in his back. The first priority was to get that Buffy out of his life as soon as possible. He knew she couldn't help being here, it was her probation task, but he had to keep her at bay.
Maybe he should just give into some of the things she said, feeding her with what she wanted to know. Maybe that was the best way to keep her from poking into his business.

Half an hour later, Spike appeared in the living-room, wash and dressed again. Buffy thanked the Lord for making him not show up without a shirt again. That was a major distraction she didn't need.

"So?" he announced his presence in the room and Buffy looked up.

She'd been sitting on the sofa, fumbling with the hem of her shirt, thinking about how to make up for the thing she said. As he appeared, she stood.

"Look, I'm. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean that back there. It just came out. I know that. it it's none of my business what you do and what you don't do. I just." she knew she started to ramble but she wanted this thing to be over and done with.

"Buffy." he interrupted. "It's okay. You're right." A too thin smile spread on his lips and Buffy looked startled.

"I'm what?"

"You're right. I should go out more often. You wanna drink a coffee with me at the Espresso Pump?" Sounds good, he added in his thoughts. It seemed like the nice, right tactic to keep her on the leash. If he gave her that she'd be satisfied.

Buffy didn't know what to say for the first moment. She'd expected that he'd shout at her to stop sticking her nose into his life but that. That was weird.

"Ehm, sure. Sounds good to me. I need something from that gift shop anyway." She smiled at him, trying to cover her confusion.

"Great." Spike nodded briefly, twisted around and moved into the hall to grab his jacket from a hook beneath the small cupboard where Buffy had dropped the keys earlier. "Mind if I take the keys now?"

"I already apologised for that, ok? No need to bug me." Buffy snapped and stopped in her tracks when she saw Spike's grin as he held the door open for her.

"Ease up, Buffy. I'm kidding."

Buffy frowned and passed by him, waiting outside in the hall. Was she in the wrong movie? Did she miss something? Suddenly Spike's behaviours bordered were friendly. Since he'd left the shower, he really talked to her and smiled. They knew each other for about a week and he never really smiled. A tiny flicker in the corners of his lips but this time it almost touched his eyes, too.

Why was he suddenly talking to her like they were some kind of friends? Like he actually liked her? Should she give into that? Better not. It was better to play it safe and wait to see what this was all about. This way she could manoeuvre around his next mood swing.

"You should take the stairs. The elevator is too small for the two of us." Spike pushed the button and the elevator rattled it's way upstairs, the door buzzing open with a quiet bing

"Okay, I'll wait downstairs then." Buffy turned around, heading down the stairs.

She didn't see how Spike entered the cabin and pushed the button for the first floor. And how he was twisting around easily. The cabin wasn't actually too small. It wasn't big but he simply didn't want her to be too close.

The Espresso Pump was crowded this afternoon and they had to wait a few minutes to get a table they both could sit at.

Buffy headed for the counter to order their drinks. A cappuccino with a shot of vanilla for her, and a simple mug of black coffee for Spike.
As she carried the cups back to their table the strong smell of the coffee drifted to her nose.

"How can you drink that stuff without half a cow of milk and tons of sugar?" she asked, carefully setting the cups down.

"You get used to everything. Coffee's my drug of choice." Spike shrugged, pulling the cups towards him and staring into the pitch black brew.

He knew people were looking at him. They had all the way from his place into town and they did now, eyeing him from the corners of their eyes, asking themselves how he got into the chair and how a young girl like Buffy could hang out with him. He knew they were pitying him and he hated it.

Buffy stirred her drink to mix the cappuccino with the vanilla syrup. The sweet smell was definitely better than the coffee.
The way he'd said that he got used to it, gave her a sting in the heart. It sounded sad and resigned.

"So." she started after a while of awkward silence. She wanted to say something without knowing what it was.

"Yeah?" Spike looked up and took a sip from his drink, preparing for her questions to him in the gut.

"You're. ehm. working out a lot, huh?" Hurrah for the stupid question, Buff. You're so smart.

Spike nodded briefly. That was an easy one. "Yeah, I have to. I wouldn't be able to move with this thing, and in and out of it without some muscles." He nodded down towards the chair and shrugged again.
He tried to make it sound as casual as possible to keep her from asking any further about it.

"Aha." And here goes the intelligence. Buffy could slap herself. She wanted him to talk to her to ease up the uncomfortable silence but she didn't know what to say. Instead she was making a complete fool out of herself.

"You're in college?" he asked after a while. Not that he cared, he just wanted her to say something.

"Yeah, I'm in my second year." she nodded, burying her nose in the milk-foam and wiping it away with a napkin.

"What do you study?" Come on. say something consisting more than two and a half syllables, keep the conversation going.

"Well, I did psych last year, but the professor went missing, the hell knows where she went. I tried pop culture but got kicked out in the first lesson cause I talked to my neighbour and now I'm trying sociology and I'm taking a theatre class for fun. But I'm not too much of a school gal. My best friend Willow got the book smarts." Buffy rambled. She was glad she could talk about something she didn't have to worry that it hurt him.

"Willow's the redhead, I guess. The one who called the ER team?"

"Yeah. There you see the smarts. I was totally paralysed." Buffy looked up and saw Spike's jaw clench over that word. "No. pun. intended. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"You don't need to apologize every time. I'm aware of my situation, no need to remind me." he snapped, sipping intently his coffee, his eyes fixed on the rim of the mug.

Buffy sat back for a second. There it was again. The kind of friendly atmosphere had popped like a bubble and there was the tension and the hate again. She had to do something about it or they both would die from it in the long run.

"Look, I'm just trying to get along, ok? I haven't been in such a situation before, this is new for me. I don't know what to say to you so I won't piss you off. Whatever I say you get all grumpy on me and when I try to apologize I'm only fueling the fire. Either we find a way to make this work for the next two weeks or I'll go to the judge and ask her to arrest me for a day to make up for my probation."

Spike looked at her, trying to hide his surprise about her sudden outburst. And what he saw surprised him even more than her words. She almost looked helpless to him, confused. To see that look in her eyes made him understand. Just a little but he realized that she really cared. She wanted this to work, one way or the other.

After several seconds passed, he tore his eyes away, looking down into his coffee again.

"I'm sorry." he mumbled, inaudibly to the blonde in front of him.

"What?" Buffy asked, snapping out of her own reverie. The way Spike had looked at her was a surprise for her, too. She'd expected him to jump up and run away. or to sit and spin for that matter. But instead he's just looked at her with these all to blue eyes.

"I'm sorry." he repeated, looking up again and meeting her eyes. "I'm. I'm not good at this. I don't. have such a good way with people. I don't have much contact with them." he felt embarrassed to say that, revealing so much, more than he ever thought he would. It wasn't much but admitting that wasn't his usual amount of sharing.

"Why?" Buffy asked, the words slipping out of her mouth before she could think about it.

Spike sank back into his chair, fumbling with the saucer. Then, slowly, he lifted his gaze to meet hers again and for the first time since they'd met they really looked at each other. Her eyes held even more concern then before although she tried to cover it as best as possible. She was really interested, something he hadn't seen in people for a long time.

And his eyes bore more than Buffy wanted to know. It made her shiver despite the warmth and the hot cappuccino. She saw so much pain, loss and hurt that it made her sick to her stomach. How could he just look at her and reveal thousand times as much as he could have said? He was hiding things behind a thick wall of trained self-control, things he was struggling with and that she didn't want to dip into, things that were bad, things that hurt more than anyone could bear without going around the bend. Secret she didn't want to reveal, memories she didn't want to stir.

"I. withdrew from them, pretty much." he said in a calm voice, nothing reminding her of the possible rage that was close to the surface. "And those who still tried to connect to me, I chased away shortly after." This, too, sounded so resigned that Buffy felt a sting in her heart.

"Don't you have any family around?" she asked. She had noticed his British accent, counting alone the curses she'd heard from him since they'd met.

"No, they are either back in England or dead. Mostly both." he shrugged, twisting the mug around on the saucer, before picking it up and lifting it up to his lips.

"Oh." Buffy wasn't able to come up with something better than that. She was wondering if he had a girlfriend. She hadn't seen any girl stuff at his place so far, no lipsticks or perfume in the bathroom, no left clothing in the living-room. But she couldn't ask. Although it seemed like they were connecting on some level now, she couldn't go that far. "But. ehm. how do you. I mean how do you manage. everything without any help?"

"As I said, you can get used to everything." He quirked his eyebrows and twisted his mouth in a pseudo-shrug. "I. developed kind of a system, like putting my stuff into the bottom drawers, replacing glass with plastic and so on. I try to be as independent as possible."

Is that right, Buffy thought but bit back the words. These were possibly the most words in a row she'd heard from him so far. She didn't want to ruin the moment.

"But you. you should try." she said instead, biting her lip. Suddenly, she felt the urge to cheer him up a little. She couldn't stand people around her being sad or depressed.

"Try what, luv. Be a little more specific on that one, will you?"

"I mean. you should try to. meet people. I don't know, maybe you should go out more often."

"Like hell I well."

Suddenly the moment was gone. The open hearts were closing their gates again. There he was again, snappy and grumpy as always.

"I didn't mean to offend you. I just think about you should give it a try. And maybe you'll see that not everyone is all about pity. Maybe you'll find somebody who really cares." Buffy continued despite the ruined atmosphere. She wanted to bring forth her point before everything got spoiled.

"I know." he admitted. "But I just can't, ok? Leave it how it is, I'm fine with it."

"Okay, your choice. Do whatever you like, for all I care." Buffy shrugged. She was disappointed that he didn' t give in to the thought. Not that she wanted to go out with him or anything, it was just when she had to spend her social hours with him she wanted them to be as social as possible.

Silence sank between them. But it wasn't as awkward as it had been before. The first tension was gone now. They had made clear their position.
She knew that it was just his way with people that he couldn't pretty much be in company. And he knew that she just tried to make it work, that she wasn't extra-curious, she just wanted to deal with it as smooth as possible.

"We should. go back. Your hour's almost over." Spike moved back from the table, waiting for Buffy to nod and rise, too.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I need to go to the gift shop. I need some decoration. You wanna join or.?"

"No, there are. stairs" he felt a little embarrassed to admit this and snorted in disgust.

"Yeah, I forgot. Well. see you tomorrow then." She nodded and smiled.

"Sure. So long, then." With that he turned around, moving down the main road towards his apartment.

Buffy watched the young man for some time. He didn't turn around to catch her staring at his back.
Today, he'd surprised her. She didn't know how much pain he had bottled up inside. She didn't want to know exactly what it all was about because she imagined it to be horrible but now she knew what she was dealing with. She knew how to treat him best without pouring salt into the wounds too much.

They would get along better now. She was sure of it.

part 5 Feeback
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