A/N – Last week I saw the episode in which Frank had the heart attack and his wife and daughter with Down's Syndrome showed up at the ER. I know that many people wondered why Frank acts the way he does, especially if he actually likes everyone he works with, which is what I deduced from something his wife had said. I wrote this to satisfy myself on the regard. None of this has ever been said on the show, it's just something I thought could be the reason.
Disclaimer - Not mine so please don't sue!
People wonder why I act the way I do… Why do I love having people hate me, why do I love hating people? Well sorry to bust their bubbles but I don't hate anybody. After my years on the police force I have become hardened. I know that best friends can get killed in front of your eyes because somebody you thought were your friend turned on you. Bad guys can turn on bad guys and become good guys, and good guys can turn on good guys to become bad guys.
Yes I know that life isn't fair. That doesn't mean I hate anybody. Coming to work in the ER everyday for the past couple of years has felt fulfilling. Sure I don't save anybody, I'm not a hero anymore, but I love just being there, knowing that all around me heroes are trying to save peoples lives. But I won't ever tell that to them, to my co-workers. I don't want them to know that I consider them my friends. Friends hurt each other, and those who don't, get killed.
Even though I may not tell them what I think, I do tell my family about them. They pretty much know everything that goes on in the ER. My family… Now there's another aspect of my life that I've kept secret. Most people would probably think that it's out of shame, that I don't want people to know about my 'special' child. They couldn't be more wrong. I love my daughter, everyday I wish I could just shout of the top of the roof that Sheila is my baby and she's perfect but I can't. No matter how much we wish that the world has changed and that everybody has equal rights that's not true.
Everyday I see the looks my daughter receives. The first time somebody called her "mongol" I went berserk. I could have killed the guy and had it not been that both my wife and Sheila were there with me I very well may have. I hated it, the fact that somebody who wasn't perfect could say that to my perfect girl.
As the time went on I realised that inequality would always be a part of my daughters life. She would be stared at, would be ridiculed, and laughed at. People usually don't mean to be bigots its just something that society in general teaches you. You favor those like you, whether it be race, sex, faith or in my daughter's case intellectuality.
I realised that the only way to harden myself against bigots would be to become one. I really don't hate anybody I just hate it when they hate somebody I love. Therefore I would rather have them hate me, let them keep away from me and by submission, away from my daughter, that way I keep her from being hurt.
Yes I don't hate people. I'm actually a lovable guy I just want people to stay away from my daughter. To keep her safe. This week I almost couldn't do that, had it not been for Pratt and Neela I wouldn't have been here to keep her safe anymore.
Isn't it funny how fate let that one happen. The two people I've distanced myself from the most, the two people I pushed away the furthest were the people who saved my life. I guess that they are really confused why I act the way I do. They must think that I'm the biggest hipcocritical bigot, if there is such a thing, in the world.
What they don't understand is that I pushed them furthest of all because I knew that they were the most likely people that I could be friends with. And I fear that with all my being, I don't want to be hurt, and I don't want my family to be hurt, but most of all I never want to see a friend hurt again. The easiest way for me to accomplish that would be to keep that person from being my friend. I've had a lot of experience with bigots in my life and therefore I could easily become one. Yes people don't choose to become bigots but I did, and I regret that decision everyday.
People think that I hate anybody that isn't like me, they couldn't be more wrong...
