Spinning the Wheel 14 - First Date
"Buffy has a date." Dawn sing-songed while she sat on the bed, watched her older sister applying her make-up.
"God, would you just shut up? It's NOT a date. What part of the not having a date doesn't get in your thick annoying skull?" Buffy grunted, anger making her flush a little bit.
Her sister had been over her the whole week, asking her where they were going and when. She just wanted to know everything. Buffy almost thought that Dawn was more interested in this date than she was.
Wow... wait, date? Now she'd thought it herself. She hadn't considered that thought when she had asked him out the other day. It was just a little gesture to make up for the birthday gift. It was a thank-you, nothing more.
Really, isn't there anything more? Her inner voice poking her in the mental side. Aren't you asking him out to dinner because you like him? Because you feel for him after you read the newspaper articles and the poem? Well… maybe. But what was so bad about it?
A date didn't have to be all about the relationships and smooching. She had told her sister about that thought but she just kept annoying her.
When she finished applying the eye make-up, the phone rang.
Dawn leapt into action before she did and picked up the receiver.
"Hello?" she chirped, her voice dripping with 'I love to annoy my older sister until she hits me'-happiness.
Buffy couldn't make out the voice on the other end but she could bet that it was Spike.
"Yes, she is, but she's still in her robe so that might take another hour."
At that, Buffy rose and yanked the receiver out of her sister's hand. The brunette flopped back on the bed with a satisfied grin.
"Hi." Buffy said and shot Dawn a killer look.
"Buffy? It's me." Spike replied, obviously a little confused.
"Yeah... hi... that was my sister. I'll be there in a minute, okay?"
"Suit yourself. I'll be down here, sit and spin." Without waiting for the answer, he hung up on her.
"Dawn, I'm so... Dawn?" Buffy looked down at the empty bed, her sister was gone. Oh no… she wasn't... she just couldn't…
Buffy grabbed her purse, tossed all the oh so important items in it and rushed down the stairs.
The front door was open and she heard Dawn's voice from outside.
"... really liked it. Got an A for it."
"That's good then. Now I know my advice does work, actually."
"Dawn." Buffy towered over her sister who had sat down on the front steps in front of Spike who looked up at her in surprise. "Would you mind and go inside and wait there until I come back and punish you?" Her tone was dead serious.
"Alright, alright. Not that I did anything wrong." Dawn stood and met Buffy's eyes with the typical 'annoying teenage sister'-look. She knew that Buffy wouldn't hurt her. Her mom would intervene before she could get started. "It was nice meeting you, Spike." she beamed at him, then vanished into the house.
Buffy watched her go, then turned to face Spike again who was still staring at her. She looked... gorgeous. Dark pants, black high heeled boots and silvery top that revealed an interesting sight of her back. And she wore the necklace he had given her.
"Spill, what did she do?" Buffy sighed when she heard the door click shut behind her.
"What?" he asked a little confused. "Oh, no... nothing. She just told me that she got an A on one of her poems. She's a nice girl."
"Wanna have her? I can so share. She's a pain in my ass." she rolled her eyes and came down the front steps.
"No, it's okay. We just talked, that's all. She didn't do anything that she needs to be punished for."
"She never does or she's too damn smart to get caught. Anyway, I'm sorry about that."
"No need to be. You ready then?"
"Sure."
Buffy waited for him to turn around and they headed towards the center of the town.
They made their way in silence, though it wasn't uncomfortable. Buffy's eyes dropped on him occasionally. It seemed as if he was looking better and better with every passing day. Like a flower that was blossoming more and more. God, what a chessy thought, Buffy scolded herself.
But it was true. Although he was still all in black - black pants, shirt and shoes and that old worn thing of a leather jacket that only a mother could love - he seemed to brighten up a little the more time they spent with each other.
That thought startled the blonde a little. Was she doing that to him? Was she... making him happy?
"Where are we going by the way?" he suddenly asked, making her jump a little and she covered it with re-settling her purse on her shoulder.
"Ehm... there's a little french restaurant downtown. You gotta love that place." Thank god it was dark, he shouldn't see her startled and confused.
"They don't serve frogs, do they? Cause I think I'd have a problem with that." And here comes the most lame joke of the century. Neat, Spike, really neat.
"Only when you ask them for it. That place is just great, you'll see."
The restaurant was located in one of the rather dark alleys in downtown Sunnydale. All alone she wouldn't have gone here, you never knew who was bumping the night.
When Buffy held out the door for him, Spike gave her an uneasy look. He didn't want her to do that, he wanted to keep what little of his dignity was left.
"Thanks." he mumbled quietly when she followed him in and the waiter showed them to their table.
There was a minute of confusion when the guy in the tux had to take away chair from the table and didn't know where to put it instead. But after he had decided to carry it away and not to put it at another table he brought them the menus with a cheerful smile.
Buffy couldn't even pronounce what she ordered along with a bottle of white wine for them but seemed to be something in the chicken family and that was always a good sign.
Spike didn't have much of a problem with the order but when the waiter was gone again he fell back into an uneasy silence.
"You don't feel comfortable, do you?" Buffy asked after a while, sipping from her wine.
"What?" Spike hadn't listened to carefully. His thoughts had drifted off a little but now he was snapping back into attention.
"You look like you'd rather be anywhere but here." she explained and he knew she was right. It must be too obvious.
"No, it's..." he tried to come up with something reasonable but she cut him off.
"No, tell me the truth. We can go. I can ask them to make the dinner 'to go' and we are out of here in no time." a flash of disappointment hit her as she said it. What if he said that they should go? The night would be ruined.
"Yes." he said, his voice and expression grim. "I am uncomfortable but we don't need to go. I can handle it." Yeah, right. Like when you couldn't stand being at the mall for two hours.
"What is it?" She put down the glass and propped her elbows on the table, looking him right in the face with concern dominating her features.
"It's nothing, really." he didn't want to tell her, he didn't want her to know about his insecurities.
"I won't talk to you the whole evening if you don't tell me."
Spike sighed deeply, fumbling the whiter than white napkin a little too nervously. "It's... it's just the way that guy looks at me."
"Who? The waiter?"
He nodded. He felt embarrassed to tell her that. It was like as if he had to admit that he was still sleeping with the lights on. Not that he did.
"When you held out the door for me, when he had to take away that chair… It's always the same. People either look at me as if I'm an alien, they stare at me and they don't even know that they do. Or they totally avoid me, like I'm not there at all." his voice was wavering a little. He really felt like a little child. A kid who woke up from a nightmare and who came crawling into the mother's bed.
"And what would be worse?" Buffy asked frankly, placing her chin in her hand. She studied him while he was staring ahead on the table cloth. She could almost see him shifting gears in his head until he answered.
"I don't know. I never really thought about it that way." he said, his voice calm with a little sad note to it. "Thing is... I know that I'm different. I know every single second of the day that I'm not like them. And wouldn't be that bad if... if the people wouldn't remind me all the time. When they stare at me... or when they don't, when they avoid me I feel even more different. And that's what hurts the most."
If somebody had told him an hour ago that he would open up to her that way he would have laughed out loud. He didn't know why he was doing it, it just came out as if they were talking about the weather. But he couldn't deny the tiny feeling of relieve that cursed through him as soon as the words were out.
Buffy stared at him for moment, comprehending his words as best as she could. Then she lowered her gaze. This was all her fault. She hadn't thought this threw when she had asked him out and now he was here, feeling uncomfortable, because of her. "This was a real bad idea, wasn't it? I'm sorry I'm putting you through this." she replied quietly.
Instinct drove him as he reached out with his hand, placing it over hers gently. He didn't know why nor could he stop himself before it was to late. "No, luv. It's okay. It's not your fault. I should have told you before." His eyes dropped on their hands and he pulled back immediately. Exactly what was he doing there? What was going on with him? It had to be the fancy restaurant, not doubt. "Actually…" he continued and felt a slow blush crawl on his face. "Actually it's… better when you are around."
Buffy looked down at her hand and then up in his face in surprise. She tried hard to follow the turn of this whole situation. This was something she hadn't expected. She hadn't expected him to reveal to much about what he felt and now with the touching? Okay, it was a brief connection that was hardly a touch but anyway. She didn't know what to make of it so she just stared him for a couple of seconds.
"I mean…" he sensed her uncertainty as much as she must have sensed his. This was something he hadn't planned and even if he had he would have slapped himself for it. "You're... you are with me... despite... this." he gestured down at the wheelchair. "That's something that doesn't happen very often. It... it helps." he smiled shyly, looking down at the table again.
If the world would just open up and swallow him whole. That would help even more. He didn't know what he was doing. Okay... he knew what he was doing but he didn't understand it.
For three years he had never opened up to someone like that and now she came along. The girl that had crashed into him with her car and he was telling her things he had told nobody. This was getting way out of control.
An awkward and highly uncomfortable silence settled between them, both trying to understand what was happening here.
Finally the waiter approached their table, serving the dinner.
They are in silence for a while until Buffy had collected all her courage and spoke again.
"So... do you like it?" she asked.
Spike nodded first since he was still chewing on a piece of meat but then answered. "Yeah, it's really good." a thin smile lightened his features a little. "Never knew about this place before," he added after a second.
"Me, neither. Riley showed this place to me about a year ago. He knew some of the secret places around town." the chicken tasted a little bitter with the memory of her ex but Buffy covered it as best as she could.
"That former boyfriend Riley? The one that left to go MIA?" Spike asked, unsure if he was pushing it a little too far.
"One and the same." Buffy nodded shortly and swallowed on the piece of brandy-pear.
"May I ask you something?" he didn't dare to look at her, fearing to be rejected. He didn't know where that sudden interest came from, he just wanted to know.
"What?" the blonde looked up at him.
"Why? I mean... why did he leave you?"
"I told you. He finally decided that I didn't love him the way he wanted me to."
"And I'm sensing that there is a little more to it than that. No guy just stands up and leaves like that. Not if he's a real man." Spike, don't you think you're going too far here? His inner voice poked him in the ribs but he pushed it away.
"Yeah, there is a little more." Buffy hesitated. Although she tried to convince herself that she was over Riley, whenever she thought about him a flash of pain stung her heart. More pain than she wanted to admit.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Spike said when he saw her hesitation.
"No, it's okay." she paused again, collecting her thoughts about what to tell him and what not. But he had been honest with her, too. "We met in my first year at college. He was a tutor for my psy-class and we got along really great. I mean, there were some difficulties in the beginning but then… It was about half a year ago when I…I found a phone number in his pants. And... I called it. I was curious." She took another bite of her meal before she continued. "It was... a hooker."
Spike gasped silently. That was something that surprised him a little.
"Her name was Denise. I asked her... if she knew Riley. I was curious. And I found out that... he was seeing her... frequently. So I asked him about it and he said... that I didn't love him. I didn't give him enough. As if that ho could give him more. So he... he said that if I didn't try to work on our relationship he would break up with me. What he didn't tell me in the first place is that he had already planned breaking up with me and that he was heading off to some sort of boot camp that night. I tried to stop him... but I was too late. He was already gone."
With a deep sigh she ended her story. A tear stung her eyes but she didn't want him to catch her crying by whipping it away. So she tried to busy herself with cleaning the brandy sauce off of her plate.
"He is even a more stupid wanker than I thought in the first place." Spike almost burst out. That story had fuelled some furious feelings in him that he hadn't been aware of before. "How could he ever do that to you? A coward git, that's what he is."
Buffy was a little surprised by his sudden rush of anger. Why was he acting all defending all of a sudden. That wasn't his business, so why did he care like that?
"You have a really colourful way to put things. But thanks for the concern." she tried to cover her uncertainty about the situation with one of her snappy comebacks.
He smiled at that, if only a little. Yes, he was angry. Even though he wouldn't admit more than that in a million years. The story about that Riley had pissed him off. If he could, he would rip his head off for being such an asshole.
He mentally shook his head about that. Why was he even caring so much? It wasn't his business, not at all. He wasn't supposed to bother that much but he did. He couldn't deny it. It was there, deep down inside him and it was fighting its way to come up.
"Oh... before I forget." Buffy blurted, interrupting the awkward silence. "Our drama teacher send out a memo today. They scheduled the play in ten weeks."
"Ten weeks?" Spike raised his eyebrows at that. "That's not much."
"Guess what I thought." She was glad how easily he hooked up on the change of the subject. She really didn't want to talk about Riley anymore. It would only spoil the moment. "I mean, it's not that drama is my only schedule. I don't know how to get the lines in that time."
"I can still help you." he shrugged a little, as if stating something totally normal.
"You sure I'm really not bothering you? I mean I'm such a horrible student when it comes to acting. I must be annoying as hell."
"As I said… I like having you around. Plus... you're not that bad actually. We will get this done." his smile spread a little more as did the light blush on his cheeks. Oh, he was getting in trouble with all those little compliments. He should really watch his tongue or she would jump to some wrong conclusions
."Well... if you say so. I nail you there then." she beamed back at him, her eyes sparkling a little brighter than before.
"So... if you want, you can swing by any time you want." They had been at this point before but again, but again he was a little afraid. He couldn't push that away. It was like a psychic tattoo he couldn't get rid of. The fear of being rejected stayed with him no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that she wouldn't say 'no'.
"Mind if we start tomorrow then? I'm really afraid that I might blow up that whole thing."
"No problem. Just give me a call before you show up. I tend to sleep a little longer on Saturdays. Some of the old rock 'n' roll days are still stuck somewhere I guess." he covered that pang of sorrow in his heart with a smile, but his eyes gave away what was going on in his mind.
"I'd really like to hear you play." Buffy said, not knowing where that sudden wish came from.
"I kinda…" Spike hesitated. Typical. One little statement you don't think through before you say it and you're at the point of no return again. But he really didn't want to talk about that right now. Never, actually. "I kinda don't play anymore."
"But you still got the guitar."
"It's not something you give away so easily. Plus that thing was expensive as hell. But... ever since… the accident... I can't bring myself to play anymore. It just doesn't feel right, you know?"
Buffy nodded but she didn't know. She didn't understand. But she knew that it had to have something to do with the girl that died that night, his girlfriend.
But she also knew that she couldn't ask him about it although she was dying to know.
They finished that dinner in silence. That was a little awkward feel to it but it was still bearable, so both of them didn't do anything about it.
Spike felt a whole lot uncomfortable having Buffy to pay for the dinner. There was too much chivalry in him to pay for the meal when he was out on a date. Wow... .date? No, no no, no date here.
When they reached Buffy's home they stood in front of the porch, not knowing what to say. Here they were, at the end of a really nice evening and now they didn't know how to end it properly.
It had been a long time since Buffy had been on a date, especially with someone she wouldn't take inside afterwards. The last date she could remember was with Riley and that ended up in her bedroom.
But this was different. This was a story with an open ending.
"I..." Spike broke the silence after a while. "I... wanted to thank you… for this evening I mean. It was… really nice." he lowered his gaze, his heart was pounding in his chest a little too furiously.
"Pleasure's mine." she beamed at him, glad that he had finally said something. "I'll... see you tomorrow then?"
"Sure enough." he nodded briskly.
"Well then… I'll... go inside and kill my sister."
A smirk crept in his face that made his eyes sparkle in the streetlight. "Say hi from me, will you?"
"Sure." There it was again. The uncomfortable silence. Somehow something was stopping them to just part and call it a night. As if something was still missing. Buffy wanted to turn around and go inside but something was keeping her outside.
Another second passed until she knew what that something was. Spike had taken hold of her left hand and breathed a short kiss on her skin, his lips nothing more than butterfly wings against her flesh.
While he did that he looked up at her, locking his eyes with hers. There was no fear this time, but there was something else she couldn't fathom. And that - the uncertainty about that look - scared her this time. She didn't know what to make of it but before she could try to fathom it Spike pulled back from her and a slow smile spread on his lips.
"Goodnight." he simply said, turned around and started down the street towards his home.
Buffy stood outside her house for a couple of minutes, the feeling of the kiss still lingering on the back of her hand.
So that wasn't a date, huh?
