unknown; Humor/Satire; PG

Line- 'That's the only time I've ever pushed a woman out of a tree.'


a Most Deadly Opponent

Her long, glossy, midnight-black hair shimmered in the low light of the lamps as she walked towards the poor defenseless elf. Haldir of Lothlorien was now facing his greatest foe yet; a Mary Sue self-insert.

"Haldir, my one true love, will you not take me in your arms and sing to me all through this lovely night?" She asked him in a very soft voice. So soft, in fact, that he would have had trouble hearing her if he didn't have uncanny hearing.

"Nay, I dare not even touch you, foul creature that you are! Away with you, before I am forced to put an arrow through your heart." Haldir did not like to kill women, and though this thing was not truly real, it's countanace was so similar to a real woman that it stayed his hand. For now.

"But, my love, how can you say such a thing to me? You saved me from a whole bunch orcs, don't you remember? You promised to protect me and love me forever!" The creature insisted, it's strange way of speaking almost lost to Haldir. However, never let it be said that the marchwarden of Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel was not quick in thought and actions.

"You are right, beloved." He lied. "How could I forget, even for a moment, the love that I feel for you in my heart?" He proclaimed, almost shuddering when he forced himself to take the creature delicately by the arm and leading her to the edge of the tree top platform. And quickly pushing her over the edge and down to the ground.

"My brother! A fair woman just fell from here, yet her body disappeared before it touched the ground! What had happened here, ere I came?" Orophin asked his brother, rising effortlessly up onto the platform where Haldir was trying to catch his breath.

"Another of the lothesome and pitiful creatures, fair in countanace and fell in deeds and thoughts. That's the only time I've ever pushed a woman out of a tree. It troubles my heart." He replied, and Orophin held his brother while he wept in pity for the poor souls who could not be happy with reality.


I love Amanosai!